Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hey there good people ☺ Hiya Croixy man 😊

Dear Grandy I hope it was fine for you to spend quality time outside on the verandah amongst the beautiful birdy chirpies and nature in general it is great isn't it.
The cows said they'll go to the paddock when it's fine they miss you.

I know hun really do what you mean about not knowing what to do tho I love TV.
I questioned the other day why I don't do things that I actually want to which I'll discuss with myself again and again till I get an answer.
Think I got distracted but was glad to approach it that way. It'd be a lot easier to get through a hurdle more like mountain isn't it if we know why the Red light apart from in mania.
Same one day I/we'll work it out. Same no interest.
Are we sure we're not twins😄
It's frustrating at times.

I'm very happy you finally scored a good helper and not that anyone wouldn't but bonus her liking you. What a kind lady. Makes such a dif.
Very long time coming. You've had a run of on/off good or nots.

It's a big help because you've slowly been getting out more which before you were pretty much trapped inside.
Hun have you been going to meditation. I'm so excited you've been doing that too.

Fair enough darl not liking the growth. Reassuring knowing it'll be gone soon. Oh so hope it's the cause of pain.

As you do sweetyheart I too have a lot of trust and faith in them operating if need be. They're highly trained and there's so many there all knowing what to do if need be. I don't mind not knowing, less stress and emotional outlay that way.

I can't remember exactly what it is but there's a way now to avoid people waking through an op. Something like they're alerted.
My late love woke twice if not 3 times separate ops.
Keep the pluss's flowing honey, less room for negative space being filled 🤝 superglued absolutely 🤗

Grandy you Mr 😍 Deebi and I had a lovely smallish walk and beach time well in view of. Ttyl it was so lovely.

Same don't know how I'd be without our beautiful friendship.
Such deep love dearest friend.
Hope you're settling in well in your new role. You're an asset anywhere you go my lady 😚

Night sweet thanks for your lovely post 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🌞⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and all...🤗..

It was nice Deebi..Now 2 days of cold weather..stayed inside..

I wish I could turn my light to green...Same I’ve had the same conversation with me...Can’t find an answer though..at least climbing a mountain is something to do..I have to get myself moving...I always used to keep my home really clean..last couple of months, I can’t be bothered..yet if I know anyone is coming I will clean for hours before they arrive..

Betty has her car fixed..I’m not needed to help her now... feeling sad about that...

Sorry to let you down Deebi...no, no meditation..just feel to uncomfortable..I did get given a CD of it by the monks and I do listen sometimes...

My dogs love fish...so I cooked us all one each with chippies how funny we would have looked if I sat them at the table with me..putting little bibs on them...I should teach them to use a knife and fork..😂...then I will have company at the dinner table...

Very well done taking a walk along the beach with Mr.Deebi and me...There’s something about the beach that I feel safe walking along on my own...maybe the openness..been taking virtual walks along the beach on You Tube...it’s relaxing..and no 9 hour drive to get there😂..

I saw the most amazing double rainbow 🌈 today..It raced over the gum tree...the colours were very vibrant..it made my day a little special...

I hope everyone had a good weekend, with some light in your lives....

love to you my dearest bbff...🌹👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🧸🤗💭...one day 🙏..👭..wyip...

My love, kind thoughts, care and hugs everyone.🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱🌈

[demonblaster]

Hi everyone 😊

Hey there 👩‍❤️‍👩 😀 how you goin there my sweetyheart. I really feel it's so sad you're out there alone 🤗 some day some way 😢 (sdsw). Every days 1 less.

That sounds fantastic hearing the rain I forgot you have a tin roof.

Love the image I have of your place.

Grandy do you feel depressed. I'm wondering if that's holding you back from housework.

It's often a sign too. It might sound a silly question but that autopilot can twick us thinking this is normal and how it'll stay.

Sweets you're going through very heavy counselling that would I'd think be sucking your energy.

Thought the other day and liked you're not stressing over the house and just doing your own thing. As long as it's not pulling you down.

I suspect we're going to have to keep at asking ourselves why. It's like [IT] 💗🤗🗯 always is hiding the truth but we need to dig deep on that I reckon Grandy. It's what I love about mania it all happens...yes fair enough too much happens often 😄 but hey it's progress. Wonder woman wouldn't be able to keep up 😆 hey she's be asking us for tips. Darl when you micro clean and no one coming that might be mania?

Ahh darls I hope youse can get out for a cuppa on occasion.

That's ok hun I just want you to be around people in patches. Darlin so easy to say but do you think it might be worth persevering with I get not being comfy and feel bad for you but I think it'll be easier the more you go out. Being a small group could be easier to eventually meld with. I don't at all mean to sound as though it wouldn't be hard geesh I've so much sad about people suffering that way and you do get out more. Please I hope that doesn't upset you. You know it's coming from pure love beautiful. I wish I was there for you like staying and you here. I'd help you.

Cool a double 🌈 they really are special aren't they. I love the mystical pot of Gold. The colours are gentle. Nice memory huns

Grandz I've been thinking to do a big scrapbook of piccys and sayings memories etc. I love Rock formations, stars trees dead trees flowers etc so from magazines and calendars would be nice. Maybe we could work on them together and draw your tree say if we save 2 middle pages and take our time getting bits together and could put photos etc I'd put your Avitar and other awesomes here. Only happies. Doolsy often speaks of those she's done and you too have it's a fabulous idea.

Oops running out of characters again. Love and so much security 🤗😚

[demonblaster]

Hey my bbff I hope you're ok Mrs gorgeous

So I was vacuuming your 💼 bag today & came across some things I thought I'd drop off and we could have a nice cuppa 🍸 with you too.
Goodo I found that box of Nerada Black tea.

Ahh there she is... I forgot all about our life size huggly Hannah 🤗
Oh she's so cute and warm 🔥 What a loving soul she is...she wraps her arms so securely around us. Makes you feel so safe.
If you like she could sleep with you. M

You'll feel completely secure she tells you only truth through the night about what a worthy beautiful person you are 💜

You can tell her anything she never tells 😷
She's nearly 😁 your bbff 😆🤗

Oh cool there's that cinnamon cake I baked 3 yrs ago. Gee I don't remember icing that pretty Green colour yum
I'm thrilled it looks as fresh as us back then. We had such a spring in our steps 🐢

Neaties I forgot all about inviting Leo Rojas to our 💼. All good just grew several Grey hairs. Uh oh... looks like I'll have to go to the new music shop on the 657th floor to get him a new Pan flute. Looks like over the yrs it's worn down to the size of a whistle 🎺 Wow that's so calming reaching every part of your body. The sensations of peace. Doesn't it make you feel so relaxed

Wonder if he wants something healthy to eat 🍔🍟& a refreshing Lemonade 🍺

Awe look hun there's some more meaty bones 🍖🍦for our gorgeous furs. Dear little things they're so excited running around the house like Greyhounds 🦊🐺 They'll love their little treats from Aunty Deebi

O I nearly forgot your 3.5 squares of dark Rum and Raison 🍫. Don't eat them all at once

I'm not one to skite but I knitted you a nice hanky, it doubles as a nose warmer quite the trend these days. A gorgeous shade of White with huge Black Roses 🌵 if you look closely, a bit closer 🔭 can you feel that gentle tickle. It's our beautiful Destiny & Eternity 🐩🐶 running around the edges busting to come out and play with Ebony and Kya 🦊🐺 ahh so cute. Come on let me help you out for a little 26 hour cuddle...ah uh don't claw the hanky and pull threads...no no little cuties.

Hey is that something written on the edges...wow it is. I can just make it out 🕶... oh Grandy

It says you're an amazing bbff who your bbff loves beyond words. She couldn't possibly thank you enough for your beautiful care love & incredible friendship that makes her feel so incredibly good and secure. You've made a massive difference in her life.
Thank you beautiful Golden soul 🤗💜👀🤝

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone...🤗.

Thank you Deebi for your beautiful post..

I know bbff, that you spoke from your heart..no you didn’t upset me at all....I know I should try harder to get out in amongst people, and I’ll try harder..it’s just that I’ve had so many Drs. appointments, tests, etc..that I don’t want to be around people....I have Victims Service on Thursday...next Monday more tests..Today was work...Its too much for me..to much interacting with people....I am okay..just saying ..

The scrapbook sounds good....I remember Mrs Dools saying she does scrapbooking...I have a large book with all blank pages... A long time ago..I cut a piece of cardboard to the size of a frame I had..then I cut out all the dolls pictures and small pictures of furniture...lol I made a little dolls house out of magazine cut outs and put it in the frame...it looked really good..but it’s long gone now..I was a teenager when I did that,,,,

Um..yes Deebi...been depressed for a few weeks now...I just can’t see anything changing in the future for me...been like this now for 7 years...wake up and not knowing what to do with myself to get through to the night...I am so used to being told what to do...that my mind doesn’t trust itself...choices I have now...haha...how does one choose to do something when she never had a choice to make for over 50/years....

I can choose what I eat, what I wear, when to sleep, when to get up...Thats okay....but when it involves other people..I let them make the choice and just go along with it....I’ll get their one day...patients & baby steps... 👶👟..

Love your last post Deebi..I laughed as I read it thank you..I will read again after I post this...

and you too bbff..give me so much light each day..when I listen to your wisdom...much love dearest bbff eva....pubaok..🌜💭🧸😂🕊🌱👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌈🌛

My care, love and hugs to everyone..🌹💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💭👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩)...

[demonblaster]

Dear Mrs beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi lovelies ☺

Thanks Grandy Floss you're very welcome 🤗

I'm so glad you were ok with that.
Yes you sure have had an awful lot on and you seem to be coping although difficult and overwhelmings so hard isn't it. Seems to envelope us in a negative energy.
Breathe 💨sweet friend we know it's proven to help.

Yes now that I have the dates right 😆 I was going to pop in and we're staying tonight btw for a couple if that suits darling.
Mr Deebis 😍 going to walk Ebony and Kya if ok and then when you get home we could take a picnic I baked a lovely leg of lamb and the goods for tea & thought sanwiches would be delish to a nice nature/water spot and we can sit quietly or not 🥁🎺 and you can begin to unwind darling heart you have our shoulders care and love.

I'll run a bubbly bath for later then tuck you in after a nice hot cuppa ☕
Very creative doing the dolls piccys in the frame. Sounds cool.
Yes I've always liked that idea with the scrapbook just as per not found motivation but ideas have been flowing lately thanks to mania.
Hoping to be a boost when we're struggling huns

Something I noticed with the alphabet distraction is one thought on something can trigger several more.

I think that theory could work with the scrapbook.
Think I'll write all our fun fantasys in too. I've got quite a few of yours on a note app but have heaps more to round up and Wolfys stuff I've got too to put in.

I know one of your diagnosis's is depression but you've been coping so much better. I know still very hard but thought that's a sign.
You poor love feeling that way. It's just existing isn't it. Sweetyheart don't let beasty convince you this is how it'll always be. Truth because you've always given so much of yourself to get on top I honestly see if anyone you'll get through for the better. You make me so proud. You truly do impress me my girl 😚

It's just not fair Grandy I know us being in touch for real could make the world of dif.
Odsw (One Day Some Way) Geeps I hope honey or Some way one day (swod).

Loven the babe with the dummy 😆 yep absolutely darlin babysteps is the way.

It's really nice making people laugh. Good vibe isn't it.

Grandy really love you ya know. You're never ever alone dear friend.
I know you don't see it but you are so important not just to so many here but rl too dear friend. You do have a purpose but I do know that feeling and it's slack as.

Sleep well my gorgeous 🤗 and everyone ☺

🌜👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🐶🦊🤵😍🍫🌛

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

I hope you don't mind me coming by to say hello.. we are having such very cold weather I hope you are staying snug and warm... my poor little fur Sam is not young any more and is feeling the cold weather badly and our house is not very snug... but I wanted to send you a furry hug from him anyway and best wishes for these chilly days... take care xoxoxoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hanna and everyone.....🤗,

Hanna, It’s so lovely to see you here..anytime you want to call in your very much welcome..🌹.

It is going to be cold this weekend in our region...I could even get snow in my little village....I so hope I do...I have never seen snow falling...been thinking of going to the mount C...to see it....I think it would be unreal to stand in it..but they mostly close the roads off out their if it’s falling to much....I hope you can manage to stay warm...When I put my heater on my little girl furs sit so close, I get scared they will get heat stroke so I have to constantly wake them up and move them...😂Then they give me their cute little look as if to say..oh mummy leave us alone..it’s warm here...Do you have a heater and does Sam like to lie nearly inside of it?..

Deebi...Thank you for staying with me Wednesday night..I love lamb sandwiches with mint sauce...or wholegrain mustard...

Yesterday at Victims Services was hard and many tears fell..Lovely therapist stopped the session early because I was stressing out to much..So she changed the subject onto my little furs...which help stop the tears....until “S” came back to pick me up...”S” then stopped at the near by Mc Donald’s and bought me a Chia Latte for the drive home....first time I had one..I liked it, my new favourite drink now.. Got home and went to bed for a couple of hours..

Today I’m okay..memories are thrashing around inside my head..no tears now...Gosh it’s hard the few days after therapy..trying to process what we talked about..Learning so much about me, and what’s been taken away from me throughout my life...I am really so naive about living in general...a big learning curve for me...Unbelievable really!! just how much....My therapist has given me so much to think about..things I never knew about me...and why I feel so confused with life at times..

I hope everyone’s day is a good day..Please keep yourselves as warm as you can....

Much love to you bbff always 24/7...💜🧸🤗🌹..💭👀 superglued 🤝...

My love and care with hugs to all you beautiful people..💜🤗🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[monkey_magic]

Hi Grandy & everyone,

You go woman!!! It sounds like therapy has also been empowering. You are learning so much about yourself. Makes me happy and proud.

I had my psychology session y'day. It was like the blanks were being filled in and I was remembering a part of my life I totally forgot. Things in my past really were difficult.

Even though parts of our lives/ ourselves have been stolen/ taken we have the rest of our lives to do what we like now, and have no one to answer to. There's liberation and freedom in that.

I like my therapy sessions. Hope you're gaining a lot from yours. Well done

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 👋

It would be so nice standing in the snow Grandy 😊 I really hope you do get a chance or that it falls at yours. What a gorgeous memory.

I want you to have as many awesomes to build the army of goods to rack [IT] x⚘🕊 right off lovely 🤜💣🤛 there ya go beasty there's your brekky... eat up now ya horrible.
Ohh there there got a bit of a headache...here take this med for it 💣
I just don't know Grandy we feed it all the healthy nutrients and what gratitude do we get...shakes head 😄

You're very welcome darlin for our lunch.
The Roast spuds and trimmings were for tea with the lamb and yes mint sauce it's yum isn't it.
Struth lamb used to for yrs be a cheaper meat surprisingly with a flavour like that. Probs a big contributors the fat. They say it's a food flavour..mmm...not wrong.

It makes me SO happy you're being looked after.
This therapist sounds fantastic and dear S taking you for a chia...aren't they yum or what and 😲 healthy...oh such naughty words

You poor love it's bringing it all to the surface geesh how hard that'd be 🤗 never letting go sweety

Stirring up partially covered memories and emotions connected would be tremendously hard. Grandy you're handling it and to my knowledge haven't gone to the deepest darks.

Sweetyheart depressions understandable with what you're going through.
From what I'm hearing you're doing very well under extremely hard circumstances. Please be proud as I/we are of you darlin 🤗

Loved you saying about the girls (furs) I could just picture the looks on their faces and letting their beautiful loving Mum who they love unconditionly, trust completely to look after them which I know you do so well.
They really sound adorabubbles. So glad you have the precious little loves Floss 😊

Always honey & everyone keep believing you can and will get through to the other side.
It makes it a lot easier and I think opens doors upstairs to thoughts that can help create and access more strength.
We have it.. it's in us to unlock it.

Bbff4evs with eternal growing love amazing lady respect appreciation and admiration 💗😚

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗👀🤜💣🤛🕊