Alone..Depressed..Sad..

Ggrand
Community Champion
Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..
5,832 Replies 5,832

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Dear Grandy πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© hi everyone 😊

You're very welcome for the sunlight hun. Arghh another storm darl they do get pretty scary.

Wow so thank goodness your batch of tests is finished.
Doesn't at all sound very nice the breathing one. Good though you'll have the extra help with breathing.
Cool great you going to be fitter for stress test too.
Same I need to get daily walking but doubt my foot will love it.

You got around the mask dear Grandy. Well done huns πŸ€— how awful for you sheez.

Awesome and the more you practise not thinking more on bad thoughts and memories in time I hope it will become habit.
I guess it could be like strengthening a muscle.

So cute your little camp oven. Better make you an extra tea tonight sweetyheart 🍷 πŸ˜„

Bbff I mean what I say to you beautiful soul. Thank you and to you being such a fantastic bbff πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œ love you heaps gorgeous friend.
Always πŸ—― and security in our πŸ¦„ friendship.

Sleep well honeyheart and every one πŸ’—πŸ€—πŸ‹οΈβ€β™€οΈπŸ€πŸ«πŸ¦„

PubAok Grandz you're such a sweet πŸ˜šπŸ€—

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello DeebiπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©...and everyone....πŸ€—..

Thank you for your beautiful words..

Unfortunately..the tests are not over...They found out I have oesto arthritis..in my hips, back, shoulders, elbows, fingers and a slight curvature of my spine....I’m okay with that..starting physio soon..

The main problem they found is a large renal cyst on my kidney..which is more likely causing most of my pain...A mri appointment has been arranged to see exactly what it is.fluid or solid....solid is bad.fluid okay ish...Will find out if they can drain it or if I need an operation to get it off....If it’s solid it’s an operation....I’m scared about these two procedures...I won’t tell my sons until this is all over..they don’t need to be worried about me...They have enough going on in their lives..I am missing them so much...

WW....is picking me up tomorrow and taking me and inmate to the Japanese gardens at the caves to feed the ducks and walk around some...

Work was very quiet...I unpacked an sorted 3 bags from the bunnies donation blue bin...I finished the third bag..and found a material bag and receipts with Penrith on them....This is not a good thing with the COVID around that area...why did they drive all the way out into the central west to donate their cloths?...We are COVID free out this way....now maybe not...

Deebi..I hope your okay bbff..you’ve been very quiet..and it concerns me when you are..no pressure at all...but..?RUOK?...pubaok..Love you precious friend..πŸ’œπŸ¦‹πŸ§ΈπŸ€—πŸ•Šso much care for you..

I hope everyone reading this is okay..and taking good care of yourselves...hugs, love and care dear friends..πŸ€—πŸ’œπŸ¦‹.

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy..πŸŒΉπŸ•ŠπŸŒ±πŸ¦‹.

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Beautiful bbff πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© hi everyone πŸ‘‹

Crikey darl you've got some going on haven't you poor sweetyheart. A nice warm gentle hug πŸ€—

Wow that renal lump. Oh Grandy let's hope it's fluid. How good would it be to be free of pain. Fingers crossed precious soul 🀞

That sounds so lovely going to the
Japanese gardens caves feeding ducks. Love it. Good she followed through this time. Hope the walking went ok huns πŸƒβ€β™€οΈ

Sweetyheart if they're not going to do right by you dear people do you think having a break until they get their acts together would be an option. I don't like you being at risk of covid. They should bedoing the right thing by you the workers and community geez.

You're so caring thank you. So much comfort in your love and security. Yes I've just had a gut full of pain. One thing after another. Phooey the infections spread. I'll be ok beautiful thanks for your love which is returned in Spades. Always need care and love you dear friend πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œπŸ€—πŸ—―

🍫🍨🍰 all low calories.

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello DeebiπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©...and everyone...πŸ€—.

I had to go unexpectedly to my gp this morning...she wanted to talk to me about different options available to me..I am okay with all this..I have faith in the medical profession...Just scared of going under antithetic because I have never been put under before...

After the dr. My mh supporter picked me up and we went to the caves and walked around the golf course..then into the Japanese gardens..we bought some duck food..The first thing we read entering the gardens was...”Do not feed the ducks or fish”...I felt let down a bit...okay says β€œS”. We will feed the other bird life hanging around...magpies, swallows, cockatoos, and apostles birds..Inmate told me that they are called apostles birds because they are in groups of 13...wow first thing I thought was...how amazing that birds can count.πŸ˜‚.to 13...We then went to the kiosk and had a coffee...then home...We are going to do this each Friday from now on....My step counter counter said 5384 steps...

My co-ordinator rang early this morning and said..boss said to not unpack anymore donations until they have sat in the shop for 48 hours....Hooray at least he listened to her....

Im deeply sorry for your pain Deebi...I’m wondering if non gel would work if you put some around the core..not on the core, but on the red skin around it..might numb it a bit for you..maybe ring your Dr. first or your chemist...just in case... but I can’t see why not..I know it helps the gums on baby by numbing it...

Please you be okay bbff...Love and care about you 24/7..πŸ’œπŸ§ΈπŸ€—πŸ¦‹..

My care, hugs and love to everyone..πŸ¦‹πŸ’œπŸ€—..

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy..πŸŒœπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©πŸ†πŸ…πŸ©πŸ•πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈπŸ’œπŸŒ›....

Paw Prints
Valued Contributor

Hello Grandy,

Your walk sounded lovely. I had to google apostle birds as I hadn't heard of them, we don't get them in Victoria. Wow that was a lot of steps, I hope one day I can get fit enough to do that many. A few days ago you wrote

...in small bits..once all the small bits join together...I am hoping that my life will become better..

I've written this down & put it on my fridge to remind & encourage me to keep trying.

Lass I hope you can have the operation soon, it would be so good for you to no longer have the pain.

Huggliest hugs

Paws

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Dear Mrs Awesome πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© Pawsy 🐾 and all lovelies ☺

Hey bbff how're you doin there huns πŸ€—
πŸ—― constantly with deep love

So goid seeing someone that's had such horrors in their life (that parts not fantastic πŸ™„) to be making so much ground like you are.
I knew from when we first met you're one that would get through.
I know there's a way to go but such major break throughs with so much to sift through.
You're an incredible inspiration.
So glad to be your bbff πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© beautiful friend.

Yoe sudden call from Doccy.
I feel excited but not in a sicko way πŸ˜„ them finding that on your kidney. So hope it's fluid and frees your pain

Wow great no anaesthetic. It's very relaxin. You basically go quickly to sleep. They talk kindly explain then it seems like 3 secs later they gently wake you. Pains looked after immediately.

How's the anxiety with this?
Remember breathing hun and self talk.
Keep yourself in the now and positive beautiful 🀝 We don't know what's ahead so focusing on the nows pretty much our best road to travel.
You'll be well looked after I'm sure sweets either way

☺ you're gorgeous thinking about birds counting. Maybe they do have some idea of numbers if they're consistent with 13. Interesting. I'll squizz them as well.

Very good walk count. It's a lot of steps. I imagine you'd enjoy that time out cause of your love for nature.
It is beautiful for sure with so much variety in colour shape and fascinating how insects and animals survive and build their and our worlds quietly getting on with it.

Grandy the supervisor got onto them and they're doing right by you all. Good!
Must be a relief.

You're such a caring love aren't you ☺ thanks for your beautiful love & care. I'm not out of pain or the woods yet but getting there ☺

If there's not any sunlight there I'll send some over on the next πŸ•Š peace bird flight which should calmly glide past you in about 4.6 secs if you'd like to pop out and squiz because it works better and lasts longer if you're deep breathing comfy and thinking only positive thoughts.
It might be incognito so it'll probs be the first tweety you see.

Grandy you mean so much to me and I know you touch many lives. Someone that has the goods like that must have some mighty good stuff on the inside.
Really love you and always will appreciate you dear sweet loving friend πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œ

May peace fill your soul beautiful lady 😚

Good days everyone β˜ΊπŸ‘‹

πŸ€πŸ‘€πŸ—―πŸ•ŠπŸ’ƒπŸŽ€πŸ€— πŸŒœπŸ—―πŸŒ›

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello SeebiπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©..Paws and everyone...πŸ€—..

Thank you for your caring posts..

I also googled apostle birds after I got home..I have heaps around my home and I always called them chattering birds..because I don’t think I have ever seen one that is quiet....They don’t whistle as such more a chattering sound..

Awe..Thank you for putting that on your fridge..I hope it does help you even in a small way.....

I’m doing okay bbff and everyone....Some sads at times, but that’s nothing new for me...Not knowing what to do each day gets me down...Still can’t do for me...without thinking why aI am and what for...I am trying hard to do things..but not much interest..again not new to me...One day I will work it out...

Thank you Deebi, Being here with my friends has helped me so much, also my WW supporter has been so patient with me...I felt so bad the other day about letting her know about the mri in the bigger town and how I feel like I am using her..and that I will try to go on my own...She wouldn’t hear of it..and said that she likes me and enjoys my company...even if I needed her on a weekend she will not think twice to come to mine and help me....I’m very lucky to have such a caring supporter...

Trying not to worry about kidney diagnosis, I just want it out, it doesn’t belong their..that’s bugging me more then anything else is...Knowing something that shouldn’t be growing inside me is...My dad, mum, died of kidney failure..I know my eldest brother has tumour on his kidney..that’s why he rang me a couple of years ago, and asked me to forgive him...Not sure on my younger brother...Kidneys not good in my family.. After this is over, I will tell my sons to have their kidneys and their children’s checked..

Its been raining here today..I like the rain....listening to it, as it falls on my roof and visualising Mother Nature sitting up in the clouds with a big smile and with a huge watering can...washing all her beautiful creations...🌱🌴🌷🌹🌻..is relaxing...I will check outside tomorrow for your sunlight peace bird..I think it decided to play in the rain today and have some fun...

Thank you for your beautiful words Deebi, you also touch so many lives here and r/l...Love you and our bbff friendship..πŸ§ΈπŸ€—πŸ’œπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©πŸŒΉπŸ•ŠπŸŒ±..I really mean that bbff...without you in my life..Idk how I will be..you are a huge part of me..super glued 🀝..

Sending my love, care and hugs to everyone..not just words..sent from my heart..πŸ€—πŸŒΉπŸ¦‹πŸ’œ..you all matter to me..

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy..

Croix
Community Champion

Dear Grandy~

Having that cyst out or drained is a worry, however I would expect you have caught it well in time, in your parent's era things might have been left too long.

A general anesthetic is not hard, in fact it is the day after when it has gone you may feel discomfort.

Every one I've had has been no worse than any other needle, I don't know if they still make you count backwards from 100 until you are asleep, I normally only managed down to 97 -then right out of it.

Every time I remember feeling deliciously sleepy in the recovery room as I awoke, comfortable relaxed, snug and calm.

I had been no use to my relatives, could not remember waht they said and spoke more nonsense than I usually do.

The next day I was alert, though have been in some discomfort, which makes me sing out to nurses, fixed quickly.

When my wife had her hip done she asked should she take her phone. Best thing she ever did, from day two on-wards never off it, had a wonderful time filling her freinds in and generally gossiping (mainly about the royal family) -sigh.

No apostle birds down here, too cold. Instead we have wattle birds who sound like rusty tin cans and superb wrens, a gorgeous sight, the male all decked out in shades of blue and his harem of drab brown females all hopping along in the lower bushes and grounds, picking up insects.

Sometimes the male will see himself in the mirror I keep outside and then it is on, picking a fight and displaying to his reflection. Dunno who wins.

If ducks is plural, can you feed one duck?

Croix

.

Croix
Community Champion

Forgot to say Hi to DB ~ getting old and late nights are not kind on hte brain.

I hpe your infection had gone and the back not too bad. I know waht it is like in spasm with nothing to do to ease the excruciating pain. My Doctor gave me the same selection of medications they use in A&E when I've had to go there in the unbelievably bumpy state ambulances. πŸš‘

A much better solution, exactly the same meds, plus supervision at home. It took some persuasion to be given scripts for the meds but fortunately my GP was understanding and I'm pretty careful to take exactly the right doses at exactly the right times, and do not give in to the temptation to take them early (walrus willpower:).

Croix (there I found an emoji!)

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello Croix, Waves DeebiπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©..and everyone...

Thank you so very much for your reassuring words about an anaesthetic sleep Croix....Your words have calmed my thoughts down some...If I need anaesthetic I will remember number 97 and see if I get any lower..

I have read and seen stories about people waking up through surgery...I think that is my big fear..as well as my heart problem...Once asleep then I don’t know what’s happening to me or what’s going on...If I don’t wake up at the end I will never know nothing...I don’t have health anxiety...maybe I have anaesthetic anxiety instead...if that’s something that someone can get...I will find out soon enough then try hard to prepare my mind to accept what needs to be done...Definitely I will take my phone...All my friends here are on it..

I looked up wattle birds..they are so cute and have an unusual sound...one thing that I really enjoy is watching and listening to birds...haha..they both win I suppose because it’s the same bird..

Kind thoughts dear Mr. Croix..(the friendly walrus)..

Grandy..