Alone..Depressed..Sad..

Ggrand
Community Champion
Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..
5,832 Replies 5,832

monkey_magic
Valued Contributor
Hi Grandy, Db and all,

I'm doing what inspired me in one of your posts Grandy. I'm in my backyard, sitting in the sun, surrounded by nature and listening to the birds.

I'm so slowed down by these meds I just can't be my active self...talk about struggle street.

Taking in the healing vibes of the sun.

Hope your all doing ok
πŸ˜€

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello DeebiπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©, Magic πŸ’...and everyone...πŸ€—..

I have been having lots of outs lately, Thursday will take around 3 hours..I am being injected again with radiation..means I have to sit around in the super tiny waiting room for those 2 hours...I’m pleased WW will be with me..”S”..I think loves talking and it can get too much... I know she’s trying to keep my mind busy..

Awe Deebi...It’s okay..I understand you about getting stuck..it happens to me as well..Like a brick wall built high and it hides the words...Please don’t be hard on you and when your feeling up to posting is okay...I’ll be πŸ‘€πŸ€πŸ‘‚...and hoping your okay...love you dearest bbff..πŸ’œπŸ§ΈπŸ€—πŸ«πŸŒΉπŸ¦‹..pubaok..yadimh..sss..πŸ’­ 24/7.

Magic..I hope you enjoyed sitting in the sun..it’s very healing and relaxing watching and listening to the things around in the yard...

I mowed today..Not my idea of enjoying nature...It’s predicted to rain later this week, if I didn’t want a rain forest of high weeds...it was a must do mow today...

Headache is going, just a little on one side of my head.hurts in one spot when I cough....I have not been drinking enough water I don’t think...the colder weather I drink lots of tea and some coffee..which we know dehydrates us...been drinking water most of the day..

I hope you all had a good day today..

Sending you all my love, care and hugs..πŸ’œπŸŒΉπŸ¦‹πŸ€—.

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy...πŸŒœπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©πŸ†πŸ…πŸ©πŸ•πŸ‘¨β€βš–οΈπŸŒ› ⚑️⚑️⚑️

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Gorgeous Grandy πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© hi everyone ☺

That's quite a long time isn't it with the bone scan struth.

I wonder if you too, a book with you or word find can take up time too. Quite fun.

S she's ww isn't she. I think it was her that chats. Mmm bit hard when you're trying to zone out or go somewhere else eh.

Could you take some music and ear plug yourself maybe. Poor thing it's ages. On Friday you'll be looking back on that beautiful.

Darlin thanks for understanding. It does sometimes block.

Oh I hope those wretched weeds don't or didn't make you sick again when you mowed. So hope your heart didn't mind you mowing. You'd pace yourself huns?

πŸ˜‚ at the rain forest. So some more rain darlz just to boost it's growth again geez louise 😐 hard to keep on top isn't it. Sounds like such a big job.

Yip they say people suffer more dehydration in winter because they don't drink enough. Ouch in one spot when you cough. Do you think maybe check into that hun. Good it's easing off but...Glad you've drunk a fair bit of water. It's a big with headaches. Took me yrs to appreciate it.

I hope beastys staying away Grandz. So true [IT] does tend to visit in our quiet and vulnerable times.

I've had a few bad dreams lately but realised often I'm in pain like πŸ€• but removing pillow helps often. Oh isn't good telling yourself it was a dream. Takes a while to get out tho πŸ˜† but then it's phew.

Ok my lovely besty bbff who I love deep in my heart.

Please look after yourself beautiful. You're loved needed and very appreciated.

Sleep peacefully dear friend. Wake refreshed and breathe in the flowers out with the weeds. Think of our awesome times like on the veranda under the ✨and listening to our gorgeous πŸ•ŠπŸ£..you're awesome Grandy πŸ˜šπŸ€—

Always πŸ—―πŸ‘€πŸ’€πŸŒœπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œπŸ‘­πŸ€΅πŸ†πŸ…πŸ©πŸ•πŸŒ›

Paw Prints
Valued Contributor

Hello Grandy,

I'm sitting here eating lemonade scones with raspberry jam & cream. There is plenty for you, though if you want strawberry jam you will need to bring it along. I let Woofa lick the beaters after I whipped the cream & now he is eyeing off my plate of scones. He hasn't realised there is still a butchers dozen of them cooling on the bench. Though now I've said that I will need to keep an eye on them to make sure that certain people lurking here don't get in & eat them all before you can have some.

You were right about how easy to make they are & how yummy. Now I'm wondering if I could use this recipe as the base recipe for my cheese scones.

I was very good & sat in the kitchen using my pedal machine while they cooked. Umm I don't think that will be enough to work off the scones though. πŸ˜‚

Stay snug in this cold snap

Hugs

Paws

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Beautiful bbff πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© Paws and all 😊

Hey there Grandy how's it all going lovely.
I hope you're managing to stay on top and putting beasty brat in it's place.

It's a gorgeous day here. Hope it is at yours but maybe not cause you were in for rain I remember now.

Big day tomorrow lovey ☺ I'm popping in to offer my support and tell you I'll 🀝 be right there with you.

Plenty of warmth in the πŸ€— and softly reminding you you're never alone sweetyheart ever.

Grandies the name of my besty friend πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©
Her courage strength and stamina πŸ‹οΈβ€β™€οΈ
Is what will continue to help her mend

Much warmth love and kindness
She gives to so many
Helping their troubles feel so much less

Many friends with much love and care
For this beautiful soul
We'll always be here.

Love and thoughts always dear friend
πŸŒœπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œπŸ‘­πŸ€΅πŸ†πŸ…πŸ©πŸ•πŸŒ›

You'll be fine tomoz darlin πŸ’—πŸ•Š

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello Deebi,πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©..Paws, Magic and all...πŸ€—.

Thank you Deebi..I love that poem..so beautiful..

I am so silly..The bone scan was today..and tomorrow a respiratory lung test again..,so over all these appointments... I get mixed up so easily with my tests..there was so many..can’t wait until Friday, when I can be with myself...

I had a bit of a set back at work yesterday..we have to wear masks all day...I can’t breathe with them, which triggered an incident of when my late husband put his hand over my mouth and nose and couldn’t breathe...I forgot all about that until I put the mask on....As it is now..no mask no volunteer job....I have to try and find a way to wear that one or make a lighter one with easy breathing...pretend I’m a cowgirl or something.. πŸŽπŸ‘’...Maybe a scarf 🧣...idk..I feel really sad for those people who have to wear them...

I done the bone scan..it was okay..”S” stayed with me when I went into a tunnel thingy....That was scary...

I’m home now, and calming down outside..it is sunny here with icy winds...Rain tomorrow or Friday, then over the weekend..so they say...but not a cloud to be seen..

Paws I am pleased you like the scones..they are yummy just out of the oven...or microwaved a few seconds the next day....

I wish so much Deebi, that your back ran away...oops not your back πŸ˜‚..the pain I meant..Love you bestest bbff..πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©πŸ’œπŸ§ΈπŸ€—...

Sending My Care, love and hugs to you all..πŸ¦‹πŸ’œπŸ€—..

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy..πŸ•ŠπŸŒ±

monkey_magic
Valued Contributor
Hi Grand,

Some tests are out of the way- tick!

It's unimaginable what you endured in your marriage.
I think you are strong to talk about it and I'm glad you are no longer in it. But from your posts it feels like it's still raw sometimes. Step by step, bit by bit and I really hope you pull through- hang onto the rope so we can lift you out of all those memories....weeeeee....

And now you can create some more good memories.

I find my mind going back to the past. As long as I'm also moving forward that's all I can ask of myself. And you are moving forward creating new memories.

I hate those masks as well- yuk! I see ppl wearing them in uncrowded areas and think why? There is no one around lol...

Those scones....I might also bake one day πŸ˜€

Just finished making chicken and veg rissoles.

Hope you have a great night Grand! And supporters. X

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello Magic..and all..Waves DeebiπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©..

I am making steps forward, and making some good new memories..

Simple things in everyday life does bring it out front..I am getting better at managing the triggers...Yay me..

I am safe now and he can’t hurt me anymore...I am slowly making a life for me..just sometimes I go down..Then I get up...doesn’t matter how many times we go down..but it does matter that we get up each time..Then I win...not him...

I am learning a lot about choices... I can make my own choices now...just not sure how to sometimes...My main choice is to keep getting up and moving forward...I’m doing that...in small bits..once all the small bits join together...I am hoping that my life will become better..

Care, love and hugs dear friends..πŸ¦‹πŸ’œπŸ€—.

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy.....bbff.....πŸŒœπŸ§ΈπŸ€—πŸ’œπŸŒ›..

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member

Hi bbff πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© and other dear people 😊

Oh darlin it's no wonder you got confused you've had so much on.

Good I'm glad you've had the long one done and dusted. I imagine there would be time needed for recoop honey.

Breathe in sweetyheart 🀝 nice and slowly then release that stress never to return.

Oh lovey how awful you poor darling going through that with your late then to have the terrible reminders all over. Grandy I'm so sorry you've had so much to deal with? Very true you're safe now and he can't hurt you anymore.

And look at you. How you are and what a survivor of the highest callibre. A heart of Gold great humour oozing compassion and kindness πŸ€— you're a beautiful caring person. So good knowing you.

It's incredible hearing you're starting to be able to manage triggers. Absolutely Yay you πŸ‘

Very true no matter how many times we go right down ... what matters is we get back up. Good words Grandz.

Friday will be here in the blink of an eye sweets then you can relax fully and with luck no rain although they said.

πŸ˜… thank you darl hoping my back would run away 😊 i know what you meant gorgeous.

Leaving you a glass full of sunlight for when it's rainy and dull. Just have a sip when needed and it goes straight to your soul and warms you as well.

Love you very much beautiful friend. PubAok. All very best wishes with the lung test.

Good days gorgeous ones β˜ΊπŸ€—

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œπŸ€πŸ€΅πŸ˜πŸ©πŸ•πŸ¦„

Ggrand
Community Champion

Hello DeebiπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©..and everyone..

Thank you for leaving me a glass full of sunlight..Tomorrow we are suppose to get wild storms..(they scare me)..with heavy rain and winds..I’ll probably finish the whole glass in one day...country storms...can do without them 😬..

The respiratory clinic is in the hospital..had to wear masks..I told β€œS” I will wait outside for her..The look on her face was priceless....I couldn’t wear the mask, but I was able to wear my warm scarf over my mouth/nose breathing was easier but still the thoughts...

I had the breathing test..Oh I hate them so much 😒....after the test the specialist has put me on a stronger and longer lasting breather..and is setting up another appointment for a sleep study..last appointment was cancelled because of COVID...Um...specialist said I need to start exercising to strengthen my lungs....”S” was with me the whole time.she told the specialist and me that we will go walking once a week.....hmmm I’ve heard that many times before from S.....but never eventuates....Specialist will contact me and let me know the date of the sleep test...

No more tests now...all done until November..A stress test with cardiologist...I want to be fitter then I am now for that..

No he can’t hurt me anymore...Now I’m trying to learn that my thoughts can’t hurt me....I can hurt me, through those thoughts by keeping them alive by thinking on them...The quicker I can stop them the better I can manage them...

Power outage tomorrow from 8.30am to 4 pm...I have a little gas camp oven for my cuppa tea in the morning...Need my morning cuppa...

I hope everyone here is feeling better then yesterday..

Thank you for your kind words to me bbff...You are a special person dear friend..lots of love and care πŸ’œπŸ§ΈπŸ€—..bbff..4 eva..

Sending my care, love and hugs to you all..πŸ¦‹πŸ’œπŸ€—..

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy..πŸŒœπŸ•ŠπŸŒ±πŸŒ›..one day..peace and new beginnings. for all of us..just believe in yourselves...