Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Paws 🐾 and all 😊

Hiya beautiful Grandy 🤗💜
Good seeing you Paws lovey I hope you're doing well 🤗

You're so right it's so hard starting things. Again if thoughts were actions we'd be sweet.

Thanks for your lovely words about mil and very true she's a really beautiful soul, sounds like someone else I adore and love so deeply too 💜🤗

Good on you Paws yes I too want to get one someday. The pedals look like a great way of excercise. The calves being sore shows it's working the legs out I'd think

Such a serene loving picture you there and your little loves either side how gorgeous they are the treasures.
Glad you had nice weather to do it.
It is nice being outside. Refreshing.

Thought of you amongst other constant ones the other day in bed a cool fresh breeze on my face through the door made me feel good. Think was mania, just a quicky. Remember how you love fresh cool on your face. Same you feel revived I reckon, in the moment and fresh.

Good about your heart.
Oh the weights a burden isn't it.
So unfair it's just loving taste of the wrong thing. 🍫 at least that's sugar free but oh so good 💗

Cool so glad you had a laugh. I'm till a bith stuthy but it's gedding a bith betta. Lookth a bidth flunny 😳

Seriously darling friend same with you. The only way I want you to change is to continue your recovery and live in 🕊 beautiful soul 🤗

I hope your day was beautiful too gorgeous love.

PubAok lysvm awyis yadimh sss bbff gg wiwyip but hope says maybe one day
Love always dear Grandz. You're amazing 😚

Bbff's 4 evs sweetyheart 😊
👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍫🌱😳🤗

[demonblaster]

Gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and y/our lovely friends hi all 😊

Hello my beautiful 🤗 just came in a little faster than I planned ..😶..shame upon shame..haven't got used to the spankin job you did on the breaks yet. Didn't think I could do so many 360's in one go... well at all actually 🙄 Thank goodness for that beauty comfy lounge there and who'd have thought you'd open the door just at that right time. Geesh maybe you're sick of replacing it.

Darling if I have it right you have your VC councilling tomoz. Honey I'll be in the backseat 🤝 and right next to you when you're there. I asked if I could go and they said because I have chocolate I could. Borrowed it from Peppys place, seems a little mouse made a big hole in the far corner.

Grandz I know this'll be hard lovey but keep in mind you're getting way stronger and can handle anything that's thrown at you because you have and thank goods still standing and such a gem of a love.

So we'll have a lovely roast Beef umm what are the things made of flour are they dumplings, bit tired atm Crunchy Rst spuds Pumpkin Zucchinis beans and blaghh peas just a few maybe 3 😄 a mouthwatering gravy annnd Oh yeah Sarah lee Sticky date pudding. Mmmmmm yummmmmm.

Always with you besty of the best bbff. Love you Gazillions more daily.

Please ubok lysvm awyis yadimh sss bbff gg wyip 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜🕊🌱⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩... and everyone...🤗

You got it right Deebi..Yes VC is on Thursday...It’s going to be hard this week...I have to see her at 1pm -2pm..then we have to wait around until 3:15pm to get the halter monitor taken off...That’s over an hour!..after the VC session I’m emotionally exhausted and all I want to do is go home and be on my own...I am really not looking forward to it...and trying hard to curb my anxiety which has flared up this early...Tomorrow is my appointment with my cardiologist...I wish I could get out of all of it....

I found out yesterday that the bone scan needs me to have the radiation injection..that’s 2 hours off sitting in the small waiting room..That means I’ll be there for 3 hours...I am so thankful my WW supporter will be with me for the 3 days I have my appointments on...

Looking after ourselves is hard already..trying to get ourselves to live a life with a peaceful mind is much more then really hard...

Work was okay today..newbie not in for a month, I had another girl from another day help me today and for the next 3 weeks...I was okay with that and we talked quiet a bit..

Oh Deebi...I’m going to take my front screen door and put those plastic strip door on....that way no more broken screen door..😂..The roast sounds yummy...love roasted vegetables...Sticky date pudding..one of my favourites...I got given half a freshly picked pumpkin last week, from newbie not sure whether to make a soup or roast some...Its not really big enough for soup...

I hope everyones day was a good day...and had some happy memories to make..

Much love always bbff...gazzillion 💜🧸🤗.. 💭 24/7..🕊🌱.

My Care, love and hugs to all you beautiful people..🦋💜🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🕊🌱🌹💭🦋💜

[demonblaster]

😂😂😂 I knew that 😂😂😂....🙃

so Thursday it is me love 😁 cripes lol

Bbt gorgeous same at mine huns. We slept late but got up earlier 😙🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜

Love your evs friend/soul sista 🤗🌱🍫🕊

[demonblaster]

Mrs Beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all other lovelies ☺

Ok ... 🤔... yip got the date right now..

So my beautiful I hope you've been able to rest the anxiety. Oh Grandz it's so powerful but good knowing that we can with perseverance eventually have control over that too.

Keep in mind darling it really is ok to cry. Oh sweetyheart 🤗 what horrible rot to have to go into but remember sweet every time you do they're going to be teaching you how to be able to cope.

Every tear releases pain never to return!

Right there with you gorgeous friend.

Love you very much you're incredibly important in my life and so many others.

I too am so glad you'll have ww with you. Phooey busy lady alright tomoz.

Very best with halter monitor and the wait. Maybe look at all the beautiful nature and animal piccys in the magazines. Zone out honey.

Absolutely no hurry to talk just look after you beautiful.

Goodnight darling.

Oh oh ...I packed 2 extra hankies. One with a gentle wisp of lavender and pretty embroidered edgings in different shades of Purple Mauve etc, and the others an ocean breeze aroma. If you touch the corner with the 🤝 piccy it transports you here with us walking along the beach looking at driftwood laughing and having fish and chips afterwards including a non allergy coffee frappe and for laters a yum date and Banana slice with butter on it...drooling yet..I am..my late love used to bake them absolutely delishimo mmmmm.

Hey we might even have a dunk and later before we all go nigh nighs here with all our furs how bout some 🍷Tia Maria and Kahlua mmmm🍹

Always love you soul sweet 🗯 👀👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍫🌱🌲🌳

[Ggrand]

Hello 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Deebi..and everyone...

Thank you for your caring post..🤗..

It was a long day..First DV therapy..not heavy this time...she talk to me about me being able to have choices and that I have a choice and am allowed to say no...when I don’t want to do things people ask/tell me to do....I’ve never really said no to anyone... because I feel guilty and bad when I do....She told what a air hostess says about putting on your own masks first when the plane goes through turbulence...I got the answer wrong...She explained why I was wrong..it took a while for me to understand the reasoning behind her explanation...I’m still processing it but I do know she is right...Just got to get it to sink in to my mind..and throw out the “out of date” part of my mind.☺️..

The halter monitor showed, many ectopic beats and throughout the 24 hrs..very fast heart beats..which settled after a minute or so...I didn’t even feel them...He said to do light exercise, walking is the best..hmmm...and eat healthy food..again hmmm....Another appointment in November for another stress test...treadmill...I’m going to try to build up my physical health by using my pedal machine daily..and not get lazy and put it away....

In between the appointments..we had a cup of tea and I bought a banana bread...oh never seen before...the banana bread was in the shape of a slice of bread.. The lady toasted it and put heaps of butter on it..😂..I thought one last special yummy treat before I start eating healthy won’t hurt me..

I did go on your virtual walk with you and Mr.Deebi..love so much the driftwood, looks amazing the different textures and shapes....and fish and chips..on the sand..wish this was a fish and chip shop close to me..Thank you for the walk bbff....Love you lots..💜..big bear hugs 🧸🤗..pubaok..yadimh..☺️.

I hope your day was a good day everyone..it’s starting to lighter for longer of an evening...

sending my kind thoughts, care and hugs everyone..🦋🌹🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩

I'm so pleased it was a tad easier yesterday lovey.

Your heart I'm so glad they're watching. So glad you're going to look after it. Sounds good the pedal machine.

Sounds yum the banana bread. Great you had a break in between appts. Big day lovey.

How gorgeous our virtual walk was. The drift woods neat isn't it. All different shapes and the history to it.

It's a pleasant sound hearing the sea each night sleeping.

It is starting to stay lighter isn't it. Oh please let us have cooler weather for longer. Not near as cold here to the sounds of yours brrr.

I hope your day was good to darlin.

PubAok lysvm awyis yadimh sss bbff gg awyip as you say one day let's hope 🤗

You're beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🗯👀🤗⚘

Thank you for your beautiful friendship darlin ⚘🕊

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

I went into the big town yesterday to the chemist & while waiting I popped into Woolies & bought some lemonade & cream so now I'm ready to give the scones a try. The recipes I've found on line do seem to be a lot of liquid to flour but I will let you know how I go.

Your Thursday was a very long day lass, I'm pleased to see your dr is keeping a watch on your heart though.

Is your appointment for your bone scan soon? It's good your ww lady will go with you as it will be another long day for you.

I liked the sound of your walk along the beach with Deebi & the fish & chips after was just the thing.

Hugest of hugs lass

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone...🤗

Paws is that the 4 cups of self raising flour..300 mil lemonade...300 mil thickened cream?....Theres no need to knead it..just stir all ingredients together then use a cutter or beak into size...I really hope you enjoy them as much as I do when I make them....Fresh whipped cream and strawberries or strawberry jam...Ummm..I might pop over to your when you make them....How are you feeling dear Paws? I hope your okay lovely friend..

Your right, Paws..bone scan is on Thursday... Don’t really want to go..I’m so over going out..especially for so long...I don’t know how it’s possible for people to go out daily..I did 7 days a week in the shop..about 4 or 5 years ago..How I managed that I’ll never know...

Deebi..we getting minus 2-3 degrees the next few nights, and the snows predicted to falling again at bigger town, also rain next week...Going to be a little bit cold..🥶 😂.

I Sometimes put on vids from you tube for soothing sounds and their is a few beach sounds I can select to listen to....Not the same as being their...still nice though..

My day today was okay..headachy a bit.not migraine, other then that and being tired, I’m doing okay.. How are you feeling bbff...pubaok..Love you dear special bbff..🧡🌱🕊🤗..

I really hope everyone is feeling okay and getting some light into your day..

Sending my care, kind thoughts, love and hugs..🦋💜🤗🕊.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱🧸🤝👀...🌈

[demonblaster]

Hiya Bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Pawsy 🐾 and all 👋

They're nice arent they. Can't remember my recipe. Darling late love used to do really good Pumpkin scones too. Might copy your recipe too lovey.

You sure have had some outings lately darl. Another of how far you've come you'd be so worked up poor love. Hope it doesn't take an age and the results are good huns.

Struth it gets cold there you poor things. We're back to 1 blanky and Doona. Yikes and snow not far you'll be in for the cool you like darl on the face ❄

There are soothing sounds around a lot we take for granted. I think living in quieter regions we appreciate sounds more.

Poor love headachy 🤕 sometimes hun through lack of enough water. When I feel or wake with I remove the pillow..a lot nightly saving my head heaps. Hope it settles. Have you tried your damp cool cloth lovey I know that helps you at times. Makes you feel pretty average doesnt it 🤗

See you lovelies tomoz hun. I get stuck at times on things,But going good hun. Nice day.

Lot's of love care always 🗯👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀😚⚘🦄🕊