Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hiya bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Pawsy 🐾 and everyone 😊

Beautiful friend I know how you feel huns.
I too was glad hearing others do same, starting things and not finishing 😀
The motivation just disappears doesn't it.

Wow what a deal you're going through with those icky yukko weeds the savage brutes.
Poor love you ok darlin.
You probs know lovey to keep hydrated with water when vomiting. Nurse Deebi 👩‍🎓 asked me to let you know lovely one.
Be good if you can score a mower ✂

Cows are good watching they just do their thing with minimal agro from my observation. Cruisy.
Cute how they hang around together.

Yip that'd be quite annoying I was hopeful she might ease off but apparently not the psych. Bummer
Difficult situation huns. I imagine it'd be hard listening to what she says cause of how she does.

Fantastic hearing you're ok mentally.
Definately if the minds got things to focus on it helps with mh doesn't it.

Dear Ruby she sounds so gorgeous and the darling furs liking her ohh aren't they loving little darlings

Best of with the tap huns you're so kind doing it.
Love that you're going to Beanie. Knittings quite good isn't it. Esp in winter to help stay warm.

Shame the hotties aren't easing that cursing pain darlz.
Huns when on your back could a pillow to elevate the legs help do you think. I know you've tried them I'm wondering under the thighs. Poor thing nothing worse than pain stopping good sleep.

Hope your day was a gooden lovely soul sista bbff.
Always deep love and 🗯

🕊🗯👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌱👩‍🎓🤗😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...ang everyone..🤗.

Tuesday I went to volunteer job...I was the only one out back as newbie not coming for 2 weeks...It was so busy..so many donations coming in...I have been told to sort the clothes as they come...We are suppose to wait 4 days just in case COVID is hiding in the clothes...No it’s to be done as they come in...

I had my second appointment with Victims Counciling today....Today was so hard with many tears falling as we are talking...I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, we touched on some very personal and hard times...and I couldn’t stop them...I’m feeling very drained and tired...mentally I’m doing okay, I think.......She opened a part of my secret vault that I had hidden and locked away for so long...There’s no going back or stopping now..Which I want to do so much....but I need to see this through now I’ve started....so so very hard...😢..

I have Betty’s fur baby again for 2 weeks...She has gone to her son’s home again...I’m going to miss her so much...It’s going to rain here for a few days from tomorrow onwards, it’s going to be hard having the three of them stuck in the house all day for 3 days, looking out for when her fur baby needs to go outside for toilet 🚽..she doesn’t ask to go out..my 2 do....They certainly will keep me busy and my mind busy and away from today’s therapy...which I need..

Next appointment with Victims Services (VS)...is in three weeks time..

I am a side sleeper, which unfortunately puts pressure on which ever hip I’m laying on..I have a hot water bottle my feet love to rest on..I’m going to buy 2 of those heated stick on back pain plasters and stick on my hips for a night/day to see if it helps...

Hey bbff...Love you SSS...yadimh...pubaok...💜🧸🤗🦋..

I hope everyone is feeling good and enjoying the days..

Sending my care, love and hugs to everyone..🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....

[demonblaster]

Always good to see you Mrs bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗 hi everyone ☺

Sweet it sounds so busy. I imagine it'd be more comforting waiting those 4 days.
I'd sure be happier knowing they're not putting you at risk.
How do you feel about that hun?

Geez I didn't realise it'd be VS yet. I would've thought another week or so.
You dear love 🤗 Darlin cryings exhausting I know and it's hard for sure but I do believe it's also an outlet of stress. We need to release those demons beautiful lady ☺
You really are a very courageous lady
Love you're persevering with this. You blow me away constantly.

Wishing you every chance of recovery darlin.
You're coming along so far. Doing Ok emotionally after what you're going through is absolutely incredible. Power to you Grandz.
It'd be so hard. I really hope it takes a chunk of weight off honeyheart esp opening that vault a little. Could be later you feel some freedom it's all full on atm by the sounds. I like you have some recooping time which would be needed.

And what a way with the little beautifuls to fill your days 🐶🐩 oh you'll have your hands full huns. Cute it doesn't say I wanna go.
So sad that sounds like she's going to her sons lovey. Bettys a strong part of your life. What a shame. At least hopefully you'll be able to visit regularly.

Oh good on you. Worth a try those heat patches. I'll be interested in how they go you poor love. Be good hearing the Xray results too. Hoping something can be done with luck.
Trying to sleep with pains the pits. Pain anytimes hard enough poor thing it drags us down

I hope the weather doesn't drag you down too much beautiful.

Hope the rest of your healths holding up well beautiful. PubAok dear friend.

Sleep well precious and everyone.

Oh tonight lovey before sleepy I want you to think and visualise ✨...🌈...and 🌄 then same on waking beautiful 😚

Love you very much dear Grandy. Always in my 🗯 👀🤝👂🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🕊✨

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone....🤗..

I totally forgot about VS appointment, S msged me the day before to let me know time she would pick me up....

I am enjoying this weather...I feel very safe when it rains, or is freezing cold...no one about..The man a few doors down does mechanical work and has people come to his for work to be done...Not in the rain though...

I feel mentally okay..which is strange, after yesterday’s hard and emotional appointment...I’m not questioning it at all, it’s just that usually after I speak to a councillor I don’t feel so good...There’s something different about her...a genuine care of people...maybe because she works with people who have been the recipients of crime done against them...she understands people more then the clinical psychologist’s I’ve spoken to...

I hope Betty doesn’t move away...her son is going through a really hard time loosing his dad...and lots of issues with his adult children....He needs her..Betty’s son and dil asked me to come along as well for 2 weeks...I couldn’t do that it would be a different area, different people, I would be on edge constantly....besides someone needs to look after the furs and feathers....😁..

The heat patches my husband used to use for his back..he often pinched a nerve in his back and they worked for him...I have them on now...and every time I move it warms up my hips nicely..they last 8 hours...fingers crossed it gives me some relief when I sleep..

I hope everyone enjoys tonight the best you can..Winter is really is a beautiful time of year..warm cuddly doonas, fresh clean air..white frosty lawns..comforting warmth from the sun....

Love you dearest bbff..💜🤗..yadimh 4 eva.. 💭..

My Care, hugs and love everyone..🦋💜🤗..Sleep well beautiful people..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌈🌹..

[demonblaster]

Heya sweetyheart 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

I know it snuck up so quickly the VS.
Grandy that's so so good you're ok mentally wow you really have come so far and yes a major difference someone having the care factor and not just a job. So glad hun.

Same here darlin I love the blankets and rugging up. It's beautiful the crispness in the air tho it hasnt been too bad here yet just occasionally tho a couple of blankies and Doona keep us cosy.

How beautiful the fam asking you for a couple of wks. See people love you wherever you are.
I understand hun why you didn't.
This needs to be in your own time. So nice though eh.

Really interesting hearing about these heat pads. Amazing what they can do isn't it.
Hears hoping it works sweetyheart.
I really want you to have peaceful sleeps. Fingers crossed here too.
Good knowing about them and hearing from being used. I remember you mentioning them, might have a go sometime.
Luck lovely.

Love you too as it so happens beautiful heart 💜👩‍❤️‍👩 love you darlin friend.
I too hope she doesnt go honey.

Love to the gorgeous furs. Oh Destiny and Eternity send their gorgeous love and affection to you all as well

You're beautiful Grandy 🤗

Nigh nite everyone ☺ sleep well.

🕊🌈🌱👀🗯🐻🤗😍❄✨

[monkey_magic]

Hi Grandy, DB and all,

Glad the councilling sessions aren't sending you backwards and you finally have a councillor with a better approach.

I'm due to see a horrible psychiatrist soon and I have this urge to be so blunt with her and knock the power off of her. I keep going over things I want to say in my head lol.... it's really not good at all when you have one that isn't good for your mental health. I understand that one.

You're sounding pretty good Grands and it makes me relieved for you that you found those heat patches.

I'm doing ok I guess. No furs or feathers to look after. Really wish I had some animals around actually.

Hope you have a good night's sleep.

Take care,
Love MMx

[demonblaster]

Hi Gorgeous friend

Just popping in to let you know you're always in my 🗯

Hope you went well with the heat packs.

And that the gorgeous little furs 🐶🐩🐅 are filling your life with love 💜 affection and plenty great company.

The moos said they'll mozey over tomoz or the next day.

Loving your unscramble my word thread it's fun.

If it's ok sweetyheart we might stay for a few days. Gorgeous bought his 🎩 & scarf to wear 😆 he loves them.

Ok so might pop the kettle on and some lavender candles oh oh must show gorgeous the choccy candle 😂 he just cracked up 🤣

Love you heaps darlin. Seriously pubAok yadimh awyis bbff lysvm

Sleep well sweetyheart 🤗😚

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗🗯👀🤝🌈🌄😴🐩🎩

[demonblaster]

Oops soz Monks Hi lovey ☺👋🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Magic and everyone...🤗..

No..it’s not good when anyone gets psychologists that don’t understand..

My thoughts here.... how can a psychologist “understand” depression and anxiety if they haven’t personally struggled with their own mh...and with being physically/sexually/emotionally abused.....how can can they understand enough of how we (the patients )...feel wth the shame, the self hate, low self esteem...and then after comes C- PTSD..after many years of abuse...I mean they learn from books, practise on patients in hospital...The biggest problem they have I think is because everyone reacts differently to each other with their mh struggles..No 2 brains think the same, so 1 way of councilling might work for one but not all....and psychologists are all taught one way to council.....These are just my thoughts...I hope my new one..who is more a social worker then councillor will be good for me....

Magic..How about a couple of fish in your room..at night with the fish tank light on..in a place where you can ee them...would be so relaxing to fall asleep while your watching them playing in the water.....I had a big fish tank I loved watching the fish....until hubby decided it took my attention away from him and got rid of it all.😢..I also had a bird until he chucked the cage outside with the bird still in it..The bird escaped

I’m okay mentally...but for goodness sake it just isn’t fair..how one person can have such a hold on another person...and totally destroy their life..even after they have been gone for a while..His hold on me remains strong...I know he is not here anymore and he can’t hurt me anymore...Trying to tell and make my brain understand that..😁..can be very difficult at times...

I hope your okay Magic...I’ll pop over to yours and chat with you maybe tonight or tomorrow...

Didn’t much reply to your posts..I’m sorry I got carried away with memories of my fish and bird I used to have..geez Beasty strikes quick...

I’m okay and my thoughts are behaving..😁..

Been raining...well drizzling all day today..inside with 3 furs and a bird can get pretty noisey..the furs playing n growling must have upset Ruby bird..because she began squawking.. It was noisey 😂..Might have sounded better if they were growling and squawking in the same key 🎼..😁..

Love to you Deebi...💜🧸🤗🕊🌱..your in my 💭..

Good night everyone,..care, love and hugs to all..🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱.bbl bbff..💜.

[monkey_magic]

Hi Grandy,

Perhaps the horror and violence U went through was too much for the brain to cope with which is why U live with the remnants/ aftershock of it all. It makes me mad to think a human being can treat another so horribly wrong.

But they're sadly out there. My psychiatrist is one of them, but in a different way.

Bad things happen to good ppl unfortunately. You can only do your best moving forward now. Your taking action with the councilling which is amazing.

Ppl can be so cruel.

The fish tank sounds like a good idea. I'm too lazy though to be honest buying one and setting it all up, cleaning it, looking after it...uld b able to tell by the state my room's in.

All I want is a good life too...

First hand experience with trauma def helps to understand another that's been through similar better. I think the best support is someone that has been through the same.

Sorry it's so hard Grand...

Love MM