Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[monkey_magic]

Hi Grand,

You're a good friend being there for Betty.

Sending you some strength to get through this difficult time.

I hope you're ok

MMx

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful friend👩‍❤️‍👩 and all friends and good people out there ☺

No need for replies to mine hun just look after yourself darlin.

I know it's very heavy and full on atm.

We're staying at yours till you're ok honeyheart if that's ok with you.

We won't make much noise, well dear Mr Deebi won't ..can't speak for Deebi.

I'll put a slow cook on for tea tonight darlin. Your bath will be run with liads of playful mesmerizingcolourful bubbles every colour of the 🌈

Love you Grandy pubAok yAdimh lysvm 👀🤝💗💜👩‍❤️‍👩🍎🦄🗯🍫

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws, Magic...and all....🤗..

Thank you for your kindness and hugs..I really needed those hugs today...😌..

I am doing okay, thank you all...Its Betty, her son and her grandchildren I’m worried about...There is so much sadness in her family atm...I’m so happy that they have all stopped their squabbling and are there for each other now..That was so hard to watch a really loving family start to break apart from relatives and stepson..that hasn’t even been involved in Betty or her ex’s life in over 20 years....

Betty is a strong women and I know she will be okay...her son and dil is with her today, They have all been reminiscing about there yesterdays together, which seems to have brightened them all up...

Her son and dil is pushing Betty to move into the granny flat under their home, because she has no reason or family left in our village to stay here anymore..I don’t know what I’ll do if she decides to go... I’m not going to persuade her either way..it has to be her decision alone..

I’m really exhausted...and have been trying to sleep for hours..Drinking a cuppa tea right now at chatting to you, hoping it will make my eyes more heavier then the inside of my head.☺️..It’s really hard trying to help someone, when all I want to do is to be alone..with no people around me...I’ve had no alone time to process it all...

I hope your all feeling okay..I just wanted to pop 🎈📌..in and say hello..bbt..Take care everyone...

Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...love you my dearest friend...🕊🌱 🧸🤗..

My love, care and hugs..🕊💜🤗🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🦄👼

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

Keep on being the kind,good friend that you are

tess xx

[demonblaster]

Good hearing from you bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 👋

I'm so glad you're doing ok atm. Yes times needed to put it all into perspective and understand properly. Heavy going you sound like you're doing so well under very hard circumstances. Good on you Grandz 🤗

Oh Grandy you're such a good person. I too would be very sad hearing of Betty going.

Gorgeous lady it's unbelievable isn't it how exhausted we can be and still not sleep easily.

Maybe a nice hot bath hun and relax into the warmth of the soft water. I imagine you'd be pretty tense and may not even be aware how much. Then straight to a lovely warm bed. You need the rest and time poor sweetheart.

I'll be here honey as your lovely friends are always close by too.

I'll check in on you when you're sleeping to let the beautifuls out for a wee walky.

You'll feel better after a few good deep restful sleeps dear friend.

Heart goes out to you, your pains mine beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🗯👀🤝🍫

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Tess and everyone..

Thank you for your care..

Betty rang me this morning and said her son and dil has gone home, and feels better today with no one around her..She is coming to mine tomorrow for a pot of tea and some yummy chocolate cake that her dil bought for us...

I think something is wrong with me...I seem to feel death as peace for that person...especially when they have been really sick for years...I mean I hurt bad for them but the people left behind is what I think really upsets me more...to see the devastation it does to them..is heartbreaking and nothing can be done to fix that....except time..I don’t fear dying.. it’s more the how/what way part of it...

After the heavy rain we had here last night, I decided to dig out a garden bed right across the front of my front fence..I started out okay..then my leg/hips were ouch..I wanted to finish it, gosh I must have looked so funny, I was sitting on a milk crate digging up the earth with my long handled spade...😂😂..It took around 4 hours...I have to find ways to do things, that’s not so hard on my body...if I need/want things done...

Tomorrow I have a Tele health appointment with psychologist, re trying my brain to think better ways of coping with ptsd..I think it might be impossible to change over 50 years of thinking one one to another way...Then on Thursday I start dv councilling...A busy week a head..

I’m doing okay mentally, and feel better being away from the sadness..and keeping busy...At least I managed to unstick myself from super glue on the lounge this week...

Love you Deebi...I hope so much your doing okay..sss..lysvm..yadimh ☁️ always..🦋💜🧸🤗😘🎈..

Sending My Care, love and hugs to everyone..🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱..🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Dear sweetyheart 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all other lovelies hiyaz 😀

😆 Forgot to say how much I loved the 🎈📌 pop in. Geez I love mucking around with you 😆 Fun to be a bit Zany isn't it 😄 Helps us scare off Beasty ... It doesn't know how to laugh so 1 to us 0 to [IT]XX woot 😁

Gorgeous you girls having your cuppa again.
Grandy if she does move you'll still be able to see her for your cuppas I hope not too far.
Enjoy tomoz.

Boyo you do have a big wk coming up. It's to help you which I'm so pleased. Breathe honeyheart and believe in your abilities like we do gorgeous 🤗

It's been a ridiculoiusly long hard haul getting help but mores happening finally.
By goodness you deserve and I hope/believe you will benefit greatly from it.

Darling I certainly understand you saying after so many yrs it'd be hard to change your thinking but can I say huns go into this with as much of an open mind and positive belief as you can cause that'll make transitioning easier.
More than ever these are the times to back yourself we sure do, we've seen what you've come through and that's not the half of it.
Always dear friend by your side. 🤝💜

I hear what you're saying lovey.
I too see people free of pain when they leave this life as well.
It really is incredibly hard seeing peoples pain and we feel so helpless but often it's said being there means the world to them. Not forgotten.

Does Betty know that you're starting DV therapy Thurs lovey?

Hey nice going finding a way to deglue from the lounge gorgeous. Impressive I must say.
Ahh but the pain to follow darlin. At least hopefully the hard parts out the way.
Oh hows the baby watermelon and Pumpkin vines going? Wait up was it either of those for that matter think my marbles are still wobbling 🤹‍♀️

Best of tomoz beautiful. So happy you'll learn new things.
I thought about the PTSD thoughts, they're there in normals and mania that it feels stronger but both mind times it can be heard esp normals and no pain (?for you too in normals) while choofing it off. In that case they can be managed I feel. Bbl when I think of more and remember what else occurred.

Always deep care love 🗯 and affection dear friend. You da bomb huns.
Hope everyone finding some patches of light in their days ☺

Nigh nite lovelies ☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝💗👀⚘💼🗯😚🤗🤹‍♀️

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Lass I share your view that death is a release for the one who has died. Dying can be hard for some but death ends the pain & is just a natural part of life. It is the people left behind who struggle with their loss.

4 hours digging!!!.... I'm not surprised your body said ouch..... maybe it would be best to break things up into smaller chunks..... like 1 hour in the garden per day..... it doesn't matter if things take a few days/weeks to do... or maybe you could train your furs to do any digging for you.😁

I hope you had a nice hot bath to ease your aches tonight & you enjoy your cake with Betty tomorrow.

Huggliest of hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paw 🐾, and all.....🤗..

I am pleased I’m not the only one that feels that way about someone passing...

Yes I was and still am so sore..my back, hips, arms, ear..are all being naughty to me today...I think I’ll have to send them all to bed very early tonight....maybe when they wake up they will be better behaved..😁..

My appointment was different...Psych sent me a you tube video to watch first....”Trauma and the brain”...(only 8 minutes)...It explains how a section of our brain, the fear section...when constantly being in a trauma situation..and developing CPTSD...our brain gets stuck in the flight, fight, freeze mode...it needs to be retrained to get out of there, and into normal ...I have homework for 2 weeks..writing down the first emotion and/or physical symptom I feel when triggered..whether it’s on tv, radio, house work etc...and what it was that triggered me..Then before it takes hold of me..I either light candles and watch them or go to my furs and play or pat them...while being mindful of what I’m doing..to be in the now..

I told her that most times it downs me to quickly to feel any emotions or physical sensations...psych said yes that happens and that is CPTSD...but if I can when that happens, to write the first emotion I feel as well as my first thoughts...Thank you bbff..I’m going to give it 100% of me..

Afternoon tea was good today at mine with Betty..I’m pleased Betty is feeling better today and she even had a giggle with my furs...Umm..no I don’t think I told her about Victims Services..

Awe the pumpkins and small rockmelon vines are gone, they don’t like the frost and getting frozen...🥶..

I hope everyone’s day was a good day...

Love you Deebi..🦋💜🧸🤗..sss..yadimh...& 💭.

My care, love and hugs everyone..🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱..🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

It is comforting isn't it knowing you're not alone in certain thoughts for sure.
Nothing at all wrong with that thinking honey.

Darls I was wondering yesterday do you think you might be in mania?
You've been going through so much I'm wondering if your brain helping you cope.

Oh lovey nice hot relaxing bath and yes plenty of sleep.

Sounds good and that you're taking a lot in with the psych. Good girl and going into it 100% proud of you 🤗

The thoughts drop us like a lead balloon don't they. Wishing you every success Grandz.

Yip that rings a bell the frosts what a shame.
Not sure what but something else started growing I thought.

Grandy always right here with you dear friend 🤝

Love 🗯💜👩‍❤️‍👩🌈👀⚘ always beautiful soul 🤗😚