Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Speak Your Truth]

Hi Grandy. How are you ? I hope you’re ok. I know it will be very cold, at night especially, where you live so I hope you are keeping warm and comfortable.

I’m not doing very well. My head is full of mush, I can’t think properly. I’m in such a mess with anxiety, my confidence, self esteem etc. I’m no good at being cut off from people and normal activities.

I posted on another thread something that I wish I hadn’t and I hope you didn’t see it and think I included you in what I said. I’m really sorry if you did read it and were upset.

We've had contact over the the last 2 or maybe 3 years (on and off a bit, because at times I haven’t always been on the forums at all) and I have always enjoyed hearing from you and replying to your posts when I can.

I hope you are well Grandy, keeping warm and having a good day with your fur buddies. 🤗😘💐

[Speak Your Truth]

Hi again Grandy

Here’s a poem for dog lovers like you and me (it was on Facebook)

A Mother’s Day Poem from the Dog (and for any one on any day)

You feed me when I’m hungry,
You keep water in my dish.
You let me sleep on anything,
Or in any place I wish. 🐶

You sometimes let me lick your hands,
Or even lick your face.
Despite the fact I’ve licked myself,
In every private place.

You taught me how to come when called,
You taught me how to sit.
You always let me go outside,
So I can take a s.....

You’ll always have my loyalty, 💕
Up to the bitter end.
Cause after all, it’s plain to see,
You are my best friend. ❤️

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...Cala and all..🤗..

I enjoy collecting the rain water when I can..I should buy a rain water tank but so costly, then delivery and installation on top of that...too many dollars for me...

It’s making it harder for me to go into town knowing that she sees me...Idk why...

I had some visitors todays..I was still asleep and wasn’t going to answer the knock until they called out my name..I got up and answered it..it was my very first mhn and another one... My Dr. and ww supporter (S) sent them out because I hadn’t answered my phone for a few days...I had it on silent intentionally...because I didn’t want to talk to anyone...apparently that right has been taken away from me.....I have to have it off silent from no on...so I can respond to their calls....They didn’t come inside, they were not allowed, they fired so many questions at me..made me feel like a criminal...

Yesterday, Mother’s Day was a bit hard..my children only msged me..no phone call..gee I haven’t spoke to them for a long time..just msgs...I have to be content with that I suppose..I mean it is better then not hearing from them at all...If I ring them, it goes to msg bank..but it’s okay..

Im thinking I might go the opposite direction into the bigger town..70 kilometres to do get a few things this weeks...Theirs a really big Woolworths about 3 kilometres before town..It’s Just Woolworths, Mc Donald’s, a chemist, and hot bread shop in the small complex..it’s very quiet..haven’t been their for years..I hope it’s still only small and quiet...

Love you Deebi..bbff..I hope your doing okay..💜🧸🤗..🕊🌱..

Cala 🌹...I’ll be back soon..to reply to your lovely posts and beautiful poem..

Sending my love,care,and hugs to everyone..💜🌹🤗🦋.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱🦋🦄👼..

[monkey_magic]

Hi Grand,

Happy mother's day for y'day. I'm disappointed in your children they should have at least called. It's slack on their behalf. And not answering your calls isn't cool....you are their mother and they should treat you better.

Way to go driving to the bigger town. Do U love long drives. I do...I think it's good for us to venture out.

Mental health should be gentle with you. It is your right not to answer their calls. Ha,ha I have to laugh bcas I know how reckless they can be. I used to and still do grunt in disobedience when I get their calls. They know I'm not scared of them now though...and now I call them too. Just to let them know what I think.

Hope I haven't crossed the line by putting my thoughts across...dismiss them if they're not valid..

I hope you are traveling ok Grandy and safe travels for your trip.

All the best,
MM

[Speak Your Truth]

A big thank you 🙏 and a big hug 🤗 from me to you Grandy 😍. You are so lovely. I do wish we could phone each other or Skype/FaceTime - I have no doubt we would all benefit from speaking with the people we get to know on these forums.

Im too tired to write more just now Grandy, but I wanted you to know I read your posts and am thinking of you 🤗😘

[demonblaster]

Beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

🤗 hi sweetyheart I know in past yrs it's been very hard on you so I wasn't sure wether to say Happy mothers day darling.

I'm glad you got texts but yes a call would have nice wouldn't it. That's not very nice going to msg bank what on earths that about geesh. But know honey you are very loved and appreciated and of course here too 🤗

Cool you enjoy getting the water good on you.

Wow that is impressive going for the bigger drive to get stuff beautiful look how far you've come Grandz. That's fair enough it annoys you and that's a way around it for now. Good thinking lovely.

I understand that sounded quite an ordeal and them hammering you with questions darl but tbh I can see why they want to be able to be in contact. I feel a lot better knowing someones keeping an 👁 on you precious

Grandy I did some drawing yesterday and aiming to today too 😲

I really love you Grandy we're so close it's so beautiful. I hope hun that you're ok. Always strong in my 🗯 gorgeous love.

PubAok lysvm awyis yadimh sss bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍫👭🏠😍🤝🦄🗯😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Cala 🌹..Magic 🐒, Waves Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and all..🤗..

Cala🌹.....I loved that poem..it’s funny, quirky and true..Thank you..it put a smile on my face...

I thinks it’s been nearly 3 years since I first talked to you...I enjoy listening to you Cala...it would be so nice if we could have a community lunch all together...Cala...I’ve replied to you more on your thread...Please take your time ..never no rush here..if you tired..please take time out and relax, sit in the sun, have a sleep/nap.. do something for you...That makes you feel better...being kind and gentle to our mh needs is a step forward...

Magic..🐒...Its okay about the boys msging...it wasn’t that long again I had no contact with them...I am grateful to have them back in my life again..,,I know my kids leave their phones on silent a lot...when there at work.....and especially when my grandchildren are asleep....they don’t carry them 24/7..Its okay..

I haven’t been yet to the bigger town...maybe tomorrow or Wednesday..not sure yet..it depends how I feel at the time I need to go out...

No Magic ..you not crossed the line..I used to get weekly visits..if they came out on that week..Now I get a msg from them every so often..or an occasions a phone call..Now this morning this visit...It’s not in any regularity and that’s confusing to me..They msg, ring or come out at anytime...

Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..It’s nice to hear you done some more drawing..I know how you enjoy doing it..once you start..Well done bbff....

I done some colouring in yesterday..I think or the day before..my minds not good at remembering ..It’s a pretty picture of a Wishing water well..with flowers, heaps and heaps of leaves and pebbles..oh and a tiny ladybird.🐞..

I get confused with too many questions..and start stammering..plus I was still in my pyjamas..made me feel very vulnerable...It has unsettled me for the day..

Deep SSS Love to you Deebi..bbff..💜🦋🧸🤗..pubaok..yadimh..and my 💭 heaps of times daily..

My love, care, and hugs to Cala, Magic and everyone..🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🦄👼🐞.

[demonblaster]

Hiya gorgeous bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 👋

You sound like you're holding quite well beautiful Grandy. Glad you know their phones are often on silent cause of kids sleeping etc. Yes I remember the pain so deep in previous yrs not having contact. A lot's improved since then sweetyheart 🤗

Love hearing you did some colouring in darl. It has a nice calm to it doesn't it. The picture makes a huge dif it sounds so lovely hun. Good girl. Yes I'm frustrated with the one for mil there's parts I like and others stuck on but it'll happen eventually. Glad to be doing it on occasion.

Completely understandable you feeling vulnerable in your PJ's hun a d yes I find rapid fire questions high pressure.

Darlin I really hope your overall physical healths going holding up for you and that you're doing well mentally beautiful friend.

Ok my dear friend you take good care get well rested up sweet lovely and I'll see you a bit later at mine we're just watching the chase and will play a few games probs another sleep.

Love you heaps beautiful lady, always loads of 🤗🗯and 💜

👩‍❤️‍👩🦄🎁👀🍫🍎🤝😍😚

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (& a wave to all),

Lovely one, my greatest wish for you is a little community in your village with people that you can talk to daily or regularly and who can give you real hugs. I don’t mean now during the pandemic, but further down the track when it is safe...

To have good, reliable people around you regularly (post pandemic)...people who do what they say they will do. I know how much it hurts you when people say they will do something then don’t do it.

I’m the same in that respect, so I understand where you’re coming from...I value reliability & have little patience for flakey behaviour...

I think you deserve so much more in life, lovely one. I really do. I wish there was so much more offline support for you.

I know you have us, & we love you to bits & we are always here for you...but I wish you had more offline support as well...

Speaking of which, how is Betty doing?

Have you heard from your dear friend?

Sending blueberry muffins, some brand new colouring books, glitter pens and much love and hugs,

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Peppy and everyone...🤗..

Awe thank you Peppy for you wish for me...I really hope that after all this isolation is over..people get a little more friendly towards each other...

My WW supporter has msg to me go to a meditation session at the Buddha Temple in the big town..the close one to me that I work in...I have always wanted to try to do meditation being guided my professionals.....I hope they use the singing bowls..they are so peaceful to listen to...

Here is where I feel safe, loved, unjudged and cared for by all the beautiful people here...Here keeps me safe..and easier for me to talk people by text...instead of face to face...

I haven’t seen Betty for a while...I miss her..but respecting her wishes to stay away until she feels safe...Betty has many physical problems...and in the high risk category..she turns 79 this August....I love her a lot..

Deebi...Yes I’m holding up well...I am happy with contact by msg...No contact was so hard to get through, I would never give up on my sons...I have visited them a few times and that meant the world to me..even though at times I went down..That is me and my silly brain..not them at all..not intentionally..

I’m okay physically... still not heard the results of what is growing on my thyroid..I think that no news is good news..if it was something sinister I’m sure I would have been told by now..My hips/groins are giving me grief at night..and waking me up..wow so much pain..

Thats okay about your drawing Deebi...I know you will work out the different patterns that go together,..You will finish the card..I believe in you...love you, care for you so very much bbff...🧸🤗🕊🌱🌹🦋..

Much love to you lovely Peppy..🧸🤗🦋🌹... Oh and a few freshly grown ☁️ marshmallows..straight of my marshmallow tree 🌲....

sending my care, love and hugs to everyone..🦋💜🤗..You’re all perfect beautiful people..just the way you are..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱🦄👼💭🍫..