Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

The mice seem to have eaten my post to you from yesterday.

Lass I so want to take that little Grandy in my arms & hold her tight & tell her she is safe. I love how you try to look for beauty in the world around you despite everything you have had to endure. You are such a lovely soul.

The stars are amazing in the country. I had forgotten how bright & close the night sky could be until I moved here. Being able to see the milky way stretching across the sky is wonderful, it wasn't visible where I previously lived.

How are your furs coping with the wintry blast. Woofa keeps going to the back door wanting to be let out, but when I open it he quickly changes his mind. He finally had to brave it last night as he had been holding on for over 24hrs & just couldn't hold any longer.

Ooooh home made vegetable soup..... yummmm..... just the thing for cold weather, I so wish I could make a decent one. I do an ok potato & leek home made soup, but can't seem to get the hang of a simple veg one.

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hiya gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

I love seeing birdies upside down it looks so natural doesn't it. I remember Doolsy loving that too.
Lovely you're having some nice things to enjoy.
Ohh those stars we'll have to get Paws with us and the other lovelies on one of our veranda ✨ nights 🤝🤗

Sounds like a good idea taking your pillow Grandy that' good thinking. I have that but undiagnosed. All the best with that you'll be ok huns 🤗 they'll look after you.

Thanks yes it might've been them doing maintenance.

So good the past few yrs you've felt a connection with nature. So much beauty and peace. The birdies singing trees water flowers animals insects rock formations it's all quite incredible.

Yes it's slowly starting to cool a bit here but yikes not to your degrees 🤤 that' such a good feeling the cool on your face I know you love that. We 🤝could go for a 🏃‍♀️ oop nah I mean 🚶🏼‍♀️actually mine would be more 🐢 😆

😅 funny you said about the magnifying glass 🔎 cause I found a tiny wee one from christmas crackers and have it on the table 😄 I must put one there a bit bigger.
Yip they're good to do and it is satisfying.

Good you're playing games I know darl how hard it is to get motivated, you'll get there try not to feel pressured. Maybe we could think oh I want to do that.

You beautiful love that'd be really nice popping over for tea we'll be there in 2.4 secs... vrooom...and you know you were here for Roast Pork the other day.
Thank you beautiful very much it was yum. Always we love your company gorgeous.
Good healthy food well done sweets.

Love you heaps to my gorgeous friend you're in my 🗯constantly with deep love security and eternal friendship
🌜💜👩‍❤️‍👩👼😍🐕🐶🐩🐆🌛our families beautiful honeyheart 🤗

Hope you have a really nice cruisy day Grandy love 😚and everyone 🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Paws, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone...🤗..

Thank you Paws..I would like that as well...I so much miss being hugged.....

Nature cannot hurt us...like people can...I believe it’s their to heal us.. to teach us...and to show us through her trees, flowers, creatures, clouds, sky, the stars and moon....that the natural world is a really beautiful place to spend time in and to embrace her beauty and serenity...

My furs don’t want to go outside, they are right now snuggled up under the blanket I have over me as I lay on the lounge...They are warmer then my hot water bottle..😂.

Deebi...The hospital pillows are covered with plastic, then a pillow slip...and it crackles with each time I moved my head last time I was their...I thought if I’m allowed I’ll take mine...

I want to do a few things, then I start..after a few minutes, I can’t continue, no matter how hard I try....What am I doing it for..and why?...just to use up time?..better off sleeping it’s the same thing..using up time...lYes motivation is so *****hard..I’m over even trying now..because I get no satisfaction from anything I do..

Don’t get me wrong..I’m okay..not down just meh..and that’s where my mh is most of the time...I really don’t think I know how to be any better then that...it’s been a long long time since I’ve genuinely felt happiness..Maybe I forget how it feels, or maybe I’ve never really felt it..idk..I can’t remember..

I wish I knew how people living alone can feel happy, how they do things and be satisfied with what they done..How they wake up alone and know what to do..instead of just sitting on the lounge and occasionally getting up to make a cuppa..How they enjoy cooking and then eating on their own..(sigh)..Just letting out my boredom sorry...

I hope your all okay...and today’s good to you all..

Love you Deebi...🦋💜🤗..🐻🤗..wiwawyip..pubaok...sss.

Love, care and hugs to you Paws and everyone..🦋💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi there Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all ☺

Hugs are soul food hun aren't they. Here's unlimited ones with warmth love and care sweetyheart 🤗

Very well said about nature Grandy it is spectacular. So much variety and beauty we're very lucky where we landed aren't we.

Ahh y/our gorgeous furs my/our little tiny's are so soft warm and cuddly too.

I know that noise with the pillows and they have no give. Good idea taking your own. Can't imagine it being an issue but I don't know.

🤗 darlin how sad you feel that way about doing things. It' like a vice or a massive wall isn't it.
I've found a feeling of satisfaction in the past when I've eventually done something I've wanted to for a decade. It is incredibly hard you dear sweet lady it's awful you feel that way 💜

Just meh 🤗 it's better than being down but not enough hun. I so want you to find happiness and to know the freedom of peace and feeling alive. I mean it you really do deserve that honey you're such a beautiful kind caring soul. Your turn for that back.

Truly Grandy love don't ever feel sorry for saying how you feel.
We're here for you darlin.
To listen and be the best kind of friend we can for you like you are for us.
I really do understand what you're saying 🤗😚
I was there too.
It's not much of an existance is it honeyheart.
I think until we start to accept and like ourselves even a bit it continues to be hard because we're with ourselves all of our lives, every second.
If you saw in yourself what we do you'd be so much better I reckon sweet 💗

I too sweetyheart wish 👭. Hope is a small glimmer of light.

Love and care very much Grandy darling lady you mean so much. PubAok lysvm yAdimh 🗯✨
🌜👩‍❤️‍👩💜👨‍⚕️😍🐕🐩🐆🐶🏠🌛

[demonblaster]

Goodnight sweety Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩

Really love and care so much about you 💜

Hope you've had a lovely day outside nice and cool ❄ all rugged up 🔥 and cosy darlin.

Always with you Grandy and always in my 🗯

Please look after yourself sweet friend

You mean the world 😚🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯👼👭👨‍⚕️😍

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗....and everyone......🤗..

Thank you for your support, love and care...

Sleep ap. test has been cancelled for now due to the restrictions not been lifted...Hospital will contact me a re-appointment at a later date...Which is okay by me..I wasn’t looking forward to spending the night their....

Our waters not safe to drink again!....Have to boil it first...I was out in the rain a few nights ago filling my 3 x 14 litre water bottles with fresh rain water..I need to buy a tank but too much $$$...

I hope tomorrow is cold, I have to mow the lawn again...The grass is okay it’s these new weeds I got growing in the yard..they grow so quickly...since last week...nearly 30cm high.....I tried weed spray but not working...They are in everyone’s yard...😡...

I hope everyone is doing good...taking care of yourselves..keeping warm...and getting good sleep...

Love and care for you as well bbff...💜🦋🌹🐻🕊🌱..

My Care, kindness, love and hugs everyone.🦋🌹💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🦄👼..

[demonblaster]

Hey there gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗 and everyone 🖐

Good seeing you sweet I worry but understand sometimes a breaks needed. Thanks for keeping in touch. You're in my 🗯 always beautiful.

Oh that'll be a relief for a while with the sleep studies.

Yukko your water no good ick. Good on you filling your bottles wow must be good seeing the rain after so long. Hope you got your bottles filled.

Geesh those weeds sound like hard work huns. Take it easy darlin look after that beautiful heart please dear friend 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

Love you Grandy lysvm yAdimh wiwawyip pubAok.

Grandy love are you ok? No hurry I'm just a bit concerned.

👩‍❤️‍👩👼💜🗯🤗🦋🌹🏠😚

[Speak Your Truth]

Hi Grandy

Apart from saying I hope you are well and keeping warm, I just have a very quick thought - do you know that using 50-50 vinegar (double strength if you can get it) and dishwashing detergent is very good for spraying weeds ! Although you do need to do it more often, the best part is that it’s non-toxic.

hugs to you Grandy, Cala

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and Cala.🌹....🤗..

Cala🌹.....Thank you so very much..I’ll try those ideas, as I have dogs that love to play on the grass, I have just been mowing them...I will give both a try..the front I’ll use the dishwashing detergent as my front yard is a lot smaller then the back...I’ll use the vinegar outback.....I’m tied of mowing..

Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...I’m pleased they have postponed the sleep study for a while😁...until the restrictions are lifted..

The water needs boiling again...I don’t drink my town water..I usually go to the next town with 3 large water bottles and fill them their for cooking and hot drinks...I buy water for drinking...I was lucky because of the heavy rain collected rain water in the bottles...I felt pleased with myself for doing that....

I need to go to town today...to get something...I get annoyed when I go into town now..my WW supporter sees me as I have to pass her house, which is high up on a hill...She might sit on her veranda and count cars...I don’t know why it annoys me but it does...I have only been 2 times since isolation started..this will be my 3rd...

I hope you all have a good day today...and I hope you are all doing good...

Love you deeply Deebi...sss yadimh always 💭...🦋💜🐻🤗..

Much love, care, and hugs everyone..💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱...👼🦄

[demonblaster]

Hiya bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 🖐☺

Always wondering how you are Grandy hun so nice hearing from you.

Yip I imagine it's a pretty big relief the sleep clinic 😴 when the time comes it'll be over before you know it.

Geez a lot of mucking around for water lovey but glad you're safe doing what you do.

Ahh that's a shame it annoys you about ww seeing you. I wonder if it makes you feel restricted in a way or your privacy's a bit encroached on. I felt that way with a neighbour yrs ago everytime we'd go somewhere he was there. Good bloke though it was annoying.

Hope your day was good huns and you got what you needed. Sometimes a change of scenery can be uplifting too. Something different in your day.

😆 I'm always happy thinking about things we've laughed about & done here. Never fails to make me smile when I was thinking again about your gorgeous furs looking at you and you putting a bubble on their noses and they take off running around the house.

Ok my beautiful sss bbff you're always in my 🗯 sweetyheart with so much love and care. You're a beautiful loving caring friend gorgeous lady please take really good care. You mean so much. A very special place in my heart bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👼

🌜🍫🏠👨‍⚕️😍✨🦋🖐🌛