Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

🤗😂 you're a classic Grandy 😂 love you SO much 💜

I'll see you tomoz if ok gorgeous.

Oh antibiotics thanks lovely for your concern you're so sweet kind funny and caring.

Love and care so very much beautiful ✨👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝🤗🗯🦄👼👨‍⚕️😍

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy.

I have to confess the rose bushes in my garden were established by the previous owner, I just get to enjoy the fruits of all her hard work.

Lass I don't know if this is at all helpful for you, but I thought I would share just in case it might be. I was waking during the night to scared to move thinking my ex was there. What I started doing was deliberately telling myself as I got into bed that "I am safe because my dog is here & will bark if there is anything bad". Also when I woke, as soon as I realise he isn't there, I remind myself that my dog is keeping me safe & he will warn me". I am finding after some years of trying it has helped, I now wake frightened less often, & on the few times it still happens the fear goes away so much more quickly & doesn't follow me through into the next day. I know your trauma happened over many more years than mine did & so you will need a number of strategies to help. I truly hope this might help a little bit, but I do get that it might not be what you need or what you would think helpful.

I would think Ebony & Kya would be very pleased you are going to try eating fried rice with chopsticks again, they must have had quite a yummy feast with what fell on the floor yesterday.

Love & hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 👋

You're such a character loven you eating your fried rice with chopsticks 😂 cool some variety and being a bit zany. You're magic Mrs

Thank you always lovey for your care no antibiotics wow these were really aggressive!

So glad hearing this cardiologist is thorough and caring. Grandy 😢 pubAok lysvm hun. You are so loved and needed 🤝. How do you feel with your heart does it feel different lovey? Poor darling 😚🗯 always

😆 new washing powder hey ... what about a fabric softener ...🤔...mmm ...might order a pallet 🙄

So so much pain your mind tales you back too. 50 yrs holding it back honey it's just rotten. Can't stand your life how it's been Grandy you're such a beautiful person you only deserve love and good. One day Grandy I hope 😢 love and care about you so very much 🤗

Always wanting good for you sunshine. Glad you're having some nice days precious friend. You have my respect love care eternally dear lady. Please look after yourself.

You da 💣 honeyheart.

Haven't forgotten your surprise sweetygirl either 🎁🎀✨

Thank you for you beautiful visits sooo appreciated.

We'll get there Grandz 🤝 we have to 🌜☀️🗯👩‍❤️‍👩💜🎁✨👨‍⚕️😍👼🌛

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

Hey darlinheart just popping in to tell you you're always in my thoughts with love care and hoping you're ok sweety.

Please look after you sweety Grandz you are so loved and needed.

Darl is it tomoz you see DV people? Sorry lovey I can't remember. If so know we're right here with you gorgeous always 🤝🗯👩‍❤️‍👩💜✨☀️👨‍⚕️😍👼🎀

Have a beautiful calm peaceful s

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paw 🐾, and everyone.....🤗..

Thank you Paws..I’ll give that a try..Oh yes they were happy about the chop sticks..I think if they find food on the floor, they feel like it’s Christmas....

Thank you Deebi..no heart feels the same...I think I’m needing to start exercising to strengthen it a little..Will do some each day..with little cycle pedals...The DV councilling isn’t until May..WW..supporter (S)..is in isolation for another 10 days..he hubby is a FIFO worker at W.A...Will wait until she is out of isolation to come with me...

I am okay..just so unmotivated....Maybe will pull some more weeds out today..it’s predicted to rain tonight and tomorrow..which means another lawn haircut...so over them...

Going to make a pot of tea and sit out front...

Hope your days are good...

Live you deeply Deebi..🦋💜🤗..big soul hugs precious bbff....one day..👭...Hoping so much..🦋🌱..

Love and care Paws..

My care, love and hugs to everyone...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱...🦄👼...

[demonblaster]

Hiya sweety bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all ☺

Not till May lovey thanks for saying.

It's awful isn't it not having motivation. I liked that about what our lovely Paws suggested I think about doing 5 minute tasks and as you said it often lasts longer. You were talking about weeding that's pretty good motivation sweetyheart. Those lawns are such a big job hun I wish someone could do it for you you've been doing them a lot lately.

Loven you wanting to exercise. Those pedals are a great idea. I can just imagine how it'll be so nice when we all sit and stargaze ✨ with you 🤝.

You have a lot of friends and love Mrs bbff. Whenever beasty wants to natter remind [IT]xx of love and security. It'll run with it's tail down.

I was just wondering while you're not at the shop how your bursitis is. I really hope it's eased off hun.

Grandy you're so precious dear friend sss pubAok honey lysvm yAdimh. Can't imagine not having my bbff close by. Oh me too 👭 hope we do have.

Hope everyones days got at least a few smiles and lighter moments ☺

See ya gorgeous friend

🌜🤝👭👨‍⚕️😍👩‍❤️‍👩💜😚👼☀️🌛

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Gorgeous Grandy (& a wave to all),

I hope your tea & sitting out front was relaxing, lovely one. You sound as though you’re feeling a little flat. I know sometimes it’s hard to find motivation...

I don’t know whether you were sitting out front under the bright day sky or night time stars yesterday. Either way, I love how you often find ways to brighten difficult days 🙂

It sounds like your home environment is perfect for you. Nearby paddock with cows (I think they haven’t returned though, right?) & peaceful with wide expanses.

Today, I would like to drop off a fresh bouquet of flowers and a breakfast treat of homemade blueberry pancakes. I’ll also leave some tasty treats for your fur babies as well.

I hope you get to spend some time outside again today. Good luck with the weeding!

Hugs, comfort & love,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Peppy....🤗..

My bursitis isn’t too bad since I’ve not worked..I can walk a bit without ouchy..it’s at night when it wakes with with horrible pain in my groin😡....I was thinking maybe an extra blanket at the bottom half of my bed may help....my hip/groin might be feeling the cold more then me..

Wanting to use the pedals is one thing and doing them another thing😁...My heart says to do the exercise but my body and mind says nah..Not looking at me in the mirror anymore..

Peppy..Yes I live in a nice area..well sort of..across from me is paddocks and in the not to far distance is mountains ranges... on my side of the street are neighbours next to neighbours but on double and some triple blocks of land..so their are houses around me but not where as close as the city areas...I love sitting outside and having my morning cuppa..and again in the afternoon for relaxation...I make sure I do it each day as it’s healing for my soul...Nights I do sit outside as well..the stars look like I can reach up and touch them on a clear night..their are zillions...no street lights around here and the moon is so beautiful and big when it’s full..and gives off soft light to make the night much lighter...

When I needed to escape the wrath of my parents , I would hide outside, behind the bbq when I was little...and later on when I was older anywhere I felt safe outside...it gives me a little feeling of safety and helps to calm my soul...Nature is their for our souls to be nourished by her beauty and creations...

I love blueberry pancakes...something I’m not good at cooking...thank you from my furs and I...

I hope everyone’s day is a good day..and your all keeping yourselves as safe as possible...

Much love and care Deebi...yadimh...pubaok??..sss 🐻🤗.💜🦋🕊🌱🌹🐅🐆🐩🐕🍭.

Sending My Care, kind thoughts, love $ hugs to all.🦋💜🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼 🌜🕊🌱🌛

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗 hi all ☺

Good I thought maybe it might be easing off. Terrible pain you go through.

Yes I know what you mean about exercising it's a tug of war between mind and bod. I think easier if we have the want which you do.

Sweet that was such a lovely story in creative writing good on you. Was so nice reading it.

Oh Grandz it sounds so beautiful where you live I hope the time comes so much that we can for real sit on the veranda 🤝 watching the stars.

I bet you can't wait till the moos come back. I'm looking forward to hearing about them, love your animal and nature descriptions. So pleased hun. They're cruisy I reckon. They don't seem to have stroppys very often they just cohabitate in peace for the most it seems.

"Nature is their for our souls to be nourished by her beauty and creations"...

That's really beautiful darl I love nature too.

Outside is so spacious I think has a special lure to it and so much to see. I as a kid but for different reasons dear sweetyheart 🤗 spent a lot of time outside playing it was really nice.

I couldn't get back here last night but this was nearly out of juice may be was why not sure.

I'm good sweets still sleeping a lot though we didnt nanny nap the past 2 days. We're doing a thousand piece now hun I'm liking jigsawing. Absolutely adore Mr Deebi he's such a precious 😍

Dear bbff Grandy please ubAok hun love you so much.

You sound like you're in an ok place atm I hope so you really do deserve darling precious friend 🌜👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗🌛

🎁👭🎀🎁☀️🐴🤝👼👨‍⚕️

Have a beautiful day everyone 💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and all.....🤗..

Thank you Deebi...I started writing while I was sitting outside yesterday what I was seeing..after the upside down cockatoos..I kinda fell asleep on the veranda 😂..then I woke up...cold....So I thought I would add a bit of fun 😂 to the story...

I’m doing okay, playing internet games mostly...not much else I can motivate myself to do...I have a night in hospital on Tuesday next week..for sleep apnea....Not looking forward to it very much..maybe I’ll take my own pillow...

I had problems last night as well..page wouldn’t load...Not sure I think BB we’re doing site maintenance...or it might be tonight...not sure..

Yes it’s beautiful here...I lived most of my life in the suburbs, until hubby wanted a tree change 8 years ago....Swapping the cars for trees has only over the past few years connected with me a lot...It’s peaceful, fresh air, quiet....but also very lonely, with no family living close...Moving closer to my children isn’t an option because of house values and affordability etc... even if I did I know they still wouldn’t visit me much anyway...

Its been cold, windy and raining.yesterday and today, although it’s stopped now..My area is going to be in single figures degrees for the next few days, with snow ⛄️ forecasted 70 kilometres from me today/night and tomorrow....Brrrrr. 🥶...Looking forward to the icy breeze on my face...Time for my hot water bottle soon...

I’m pleased you like jigsawing, wow 1,000 pieces will give you a feeling of achievement when completed...I can just imagine you like Mrs Sherlock Homes 🕵️‍♀️..with your magnifying glass looking for the tiny pieces to fit in properly...If you can’t find the right piece...here is something 🔨 that might help them fit ..😂. Good job bbff, doing them with Mr Deebi..

I made a nice vegetable soup yesterday... if you want to pop over for dinner...I found food taste better eating with someone else..everyone is welcome to come....Don’t enjoy food eating on my own...

I am in an okay place Deebi...thank you for saying I deserve to be....Love you really heaps bbff...💜yadimh 🤗awyis 🦋.

My care, love and hugs everyone..🦋💜🤗..with my best wishes for you all..🕊🌱.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🦄👼