Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi. Peppy and all.

Thank you for your nice posts Just popped in to say im okay..and will talk tonight..Il

Love you Deebi..😋.

👫👫Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Ok gorgeous 🤗☺

Always in my 🗯 with 💜

Wishing you the best today. You're doing the right thing by yourself and them.

Good girl. Love you 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀

Oh in case I forget to tell you I've organised a treadmill next to yours for tomoz so we can pant 🤝 together then I think Maccas might need us don't you.

Hope everyones going well and have a lovely day. Keep good thoughts rolling and self belief.

🤗😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩,Peppy and all..

The boss and newbi girl not in today..I was out back all day on my own..I was relieved that he didn’t come in...I spoke to my Coordinator about how I felt and she will speak to my boss with me together next week....she told me she really wants me to learn it all, she said I will be good at that position....Idk...Coordinator said to me that I work hard and do more on my day then the other days when there’s 3 workers outback...

We moved up in water restrictions...and our water use age will be starting to be monitored next month...I’m okay I don’t use much..

Awe Deebi..Thank you so much asking my Cardiologist for another treadmill next to mine... your so beautiful to do that with me...Definitely Maccas needs us....I’ll buy you lunch...and a couple of double chocolate sundaes...Really don’t want to go...Too many outs last week and this week....We have to leave here early and it’s a full day...

Im doing okay....my hip is hurting me as well as down my leg...Tomorrow isn’t going to help it...My heart seems okay..I suppose I’ll find out on Thursday if it’s the same or getting thicker...I think the same..Hmm I’m a let down to me..harder to stop the smokes this time..I’ll try harder..

I hope everyone is doing better then okay...

Love and care for my bbff..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🤗🌜🕊🌱🌛..How are you feeling?..

Kind thoughts....Love ang hugs everyone..💖🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🐚😷🚖🚎👭🦋🌈💜

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all the lovelies here ☺

Good on you talking to the co ordinator thats a huge step in the right direction for you with your confidence and mh. So good Grandz 🤗. Wow thats such a compliment I knew you'd be a hard worker. Sweetyheart they think highly of you and you're very appreciated but sweety don't do anything you don't want to either, your happy with your crew stick to your guns huns.

Rotten your poor leg I think you do otc for it don't you. Aching is the pits of a pain.

Darlin thank you that you're going to shout me lunch oh and 2 of the yums mmm oop dribbling sorry 😶

I hope really hope it goes well tomorrow oh Grandy don't at all like you having heart probs which upsets me more wiwawyip 😢

Sweety I know you've not hassled or pressured me but hun you have heart probs. Darlin when you're strong again that shouldnt I hope be long cause you're picking up please try and get off the puffs you have enough struggles. I really love you and want you here as long as po. Many people would because you're pure Gold lady 💜

Maybe it might be easier thinking each out you have is closer to you healing and getting 💪. I'm saying all sorts of positives and good memories and backing myself these days much more. Hope you can habit it too.

Always thoughts of you and I was on balcony in the sun a wee while and as well as that was thinking as I do of your plants youre growing.

I'm good thanks lovey did a shop with mhw.

Lunching with a besty Thurs and Tues again with other. Going to be walking tomoz with you 💃

I'm glad ww will be with you and that cardiologist is a nice man which makes it so much easier esp with heart its a scary area.

Hope the weathers good lovey tomoz and I'll 🛴 oop wrong one .. 🚣‍♀️.. no... 🏍 ahh that's better..vrrooom...screech..hang on forgot to pack bbs.

Better not be gettin thicker else hands on hips foot tapping

Love need and so appreciate you and the beautifuls here.

Best of luck sweety. PubAok we're in this 🤝 all the way. We're getting there beautiful 🐻🤗

Sleep like an Angel precious friend. First thing waking say I'm ok and I'm going to be happy. I can and will have a good day.

Deep breaths now and first thing love thats it nice and deep come on everyone hold and release thinking relax and feel it. And again...

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝🕊💃👀💗🌱😚🏍💪😊

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone..🤗..

I got home about half hour ago...I was holding your hand while I was on the treadmill...You helped to hold me up...after the treadmill and camera on heart to see how it was pumping...He said he want to see what’s going on in a 24 hour period..yep another halter monitor has been fitted..Already hard to sleep with out being all wired up and caring a little tape around with me....I feel like an electronic robot 🤖....😁..It comes off tomorrow and I will get my results at tomorrow’s appointment...

My hip and leg are really headachy..I can rest it for a few days after tomorrow...WW wanted to walk on Friday..but I’m just too sore..we will leave until next Thursday...

I won’t buy any more smokes after this packet..which is nearly finished...Well I’m telling myself that and I don’t want to but so hard this time around...

I had an anxiety attack on my way in...WW could see what was happening..She stopped the car and we breathed together..as well as pointing out different things in the paddocks opposite...and she kept me talking..I wanted her to stop talking to me, so I could try to focus on my breathing and try to ground me...I was so clammy and shaking a lot...with pains around my chest and neck...It took ages but slowly we got me relaxed...I ended up with a biggy headache...it’s still feels like beasty is playing the drums..🥁 inside and outside my head 🤕...Damn anxiety needs to choof off....I’ve had enough of it...really enough....I get so clumsy when I’m in high anxiety and spilled some water over me and the carpet in the waiting room..The receptionist wasn’t at all happy with me..she made me feel little and stupid..by the way she looked at me...WW told me to not worry about it...I’m trying to...but I’m back there tomorrow...

I’m okay mentally...just a lot tired and sore..I’ll be better after I’m home again tomorrow...and can start trying to relax...

I hope everyone’s day was a great day...

Love and Care for you Deebi...and I really felt your presence with me..Thank you lovely bbff..💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤝..

Please take good care of yourselves everyone..your so important to so many people...

Kind thoughts...Love and Hugs..💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....🌜🕊🌱👭🐻🤗🦋🌛

[demonblaster]

Hi our lovely Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 & all lovelies 🖐

You dear lady that's half out the way sweety. You did really well on the treadmill put me to shame. How embarrassing 😶 that I forgot to walk and fell off when it started moving. Did you notice how quickly I got back up even tho I climbed it like a monkey bar.

I've been 🗯 all day how you're going.

Ahh darlin how awful the anxiety attack 🤗 it was a biggy you poor love.
Sweets do you remember what thoughts were going through your mind at the time which might help even now its over to challenge them and firm self talk.

I'm so sorry she gave you that look the moo. Good on her pfttt. Any chance although I know some people just lack civil decency that she didnt mean the face...wind maybe..yip facetious but she griefed my bbff 😠 Nah probs not eh.
Hey she's the one with the wrong attitude honey. Please try very hard and focus on telling beasty where to go & to not latch on to her lack of good will and care.
She's one yuk of many goods around you atm. Focus on the good people that matter honey.

Good they're being thorough & results tomoz.
I'll continue to follow your awesome style I think and smile about often and be having a word with the doctor first. Might even wear my nurses hat 👑

Ouch your poor hip and leg. I imagine you've tried massage and different positions for your leg. Wish I could take your pain away.

Here we go honeyheart I've put a few extra special healing bubbles in your nice warm bath and of course a bubble for each of your beautiful furs noses.
Then I'll give you your tea. Rissolles and veg.

And a 🤕 wow you're sure in the wars. Do you carry otc with you? I'm learning to.
Keep remembering you can rest up soon honey that's a good positive to calm you.

Good idea with the walk and something to look forward to.

Wonder if you spoke to mhn about wanting her to allow you to focus on breathing she might tactfully unknown to WW teach her how to see you through. Geez I feel for you.

Excellent you're ok mentally.

I'm so happy you're going to stop the smokes. Best to talk to GP there might be something that can help you with cravings that wont interact with meds.

I'm so pleased you felt my presence with you. Know Grandz I'm always by your side. You mean the world to me I'm so grateful for our beautiful friendship and the amazing love you are.

Very best for tomoz honey. Thanks for the update very appreciated darlin ☺😚

Huge love care & always 🗯.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and all you other beautiful people🤗..

Thank you for your very helpful post Deebi...

Today I was feeling better then yesterday...

WW went to the reception for me today..I couldn’t, although the receptionist looked happier then yesterday and even smiled at my WW worker...I stayed away from her, I still felt intimidated by her..The Cardiologist was running around an hour late..It was very busy today..I asked WW if I could sit outside and wait as their were too many people, and the constant chatter was causing me anxiety....she said yes and told the receptionist that we will wait outside..The receptionist gave me that look again and said she will send someone out when it’s my turn...Not a very understanding person...

The halter monitor came off, and went to my Cardiologist while I had another ECG...before being taken to his office with WW worker....My heart rhythm is not as bad as last time..the increase is meds are working their..but my heart still has spurts of very high beats at time and fluttering...Maybe later on I will need a pace maker..the good news is..it’s okay for now..Yay...I have another appointment in January for once again the same..stress test and halter monitor...he said I need to do every 3 months to keep and eye on it..and if it feels like it’s increasing in ectopic beats or the very fast beats get any worse to ring me...If I get chest pains to call the ambulance...I’m not stressing over it...I’m pleased I don’t have health anxiety..I feel so sad for those that do struggle with health anxiety...

We had some lunch in the bigger town..at an out of the way cafe..which was quiet..Then yay WW drove me home..🏠💜.

Awe Deebi..I can’t see the Dr..she doesn’t know I restarted and she will be so upset with me...I haven’t lied to her..she just hasn’t asked me since I stopped before....I did it before cold turkey..I’ll try to do again the same..

I hope everyone is okay and enjoyed your day today...

Im going to use your bubbles tonight Deebi...I wasn’t allowed to shower or bath last night with the halter monitor attached to me...I’m heading into a nice bath now..then I’ll call into yours and have a chat with you honey....love and care so much Deebi..💜🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..🌜🐻🤗👭🌛..

Kind thoughts...Love and Hugs everyone 💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.🌱🕊🦋🌈🌹👭

[demonblaster]

Hey precious Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and lovely people 😊

Ah lovey thats some good news. Don't at all like you having a naughty heart and I can't be sure of course but often wonder if the immense stress you've endured in your lifes had an affect on that Golden beat 🤗 Thanks keeping us in the loop sweets.

Good or what hearing you were feeling better about going today. Not long ago you would have been tied in knots. It's happening honey. What a soldier you are.

Yeah well not liking Ms Moo there one bit. Honestly I have very little time for heartless closed minded oop steady Deebi not allowed to say those other naughty words and less time with her upsetting my bbff 😤 oowh I get mad. Plenty of others can do your job LUV with a heart... excuse the pun! Roight where is she. Hands on hips...My heart sank when she did it again and intimidated you like that. Lucky I wasnt there seriously. Well I was in spirit.

I know Grandy it's so hard. Gp would understand but thats ok you'll get there. I don't want anything else aggravating your health and heart huns.

😂Halarious .. Nurse Deebi forgot momentarily about the monitor...oops. Would have been a shock getting in that bath 😁 sorry gorgeous lucky you know I love you 🤣 wow if that's love you wouldnt want to see dislike 👼

With the peoples voices.. the talking did it make you feel closed in and too surrounded lovey? You dear lady you're so incredibly brave. Patting you on the back gently, better cause the bath was a fail 😄 bet you enjoyed it. I have washes now till the day she comes to do my dressing.

Those water restrictions must be hard and unsettling I'd think too.
Maybe we could get the Grandeebis doing a rain dance song. Maybe the audience would cry from our jungle noise and voila problem solved 🎓

Nice having lunch and a quiet place she seems to understand some of your situation which is good and that you like her. Seems like they're more committed now with you I'm so pleased.

Please do call ambo if chest pains Grandz. Don't hesitate... I know.. says me. But you have heart probs.

Ahhh nice you can rest up now gorgeous. Relax on the cloud couch there beautiful oh look your furs and our little adorabubble kittens all jumped on your lap, here we go nice hot cuppa and scones with Jam cream and Rasberry Yummm jam.

Huge love hugs and 🗯 beautiful.
PubAok need you 😢 wiwAwyip. Bpaly gorgeous 😚

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👁💗🤝🐩🐶🦄

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗..

I was pleased with my heart results..Dr has mentioned a few times “pace maker”...not wanting it...and hoping so much it won’t be needed if the meds can control what’s going on...

When I’m in a busy waiting room..I feel people’s eyes on me..and their voices just echo in my brain, going round and round...it’s hard to explain..all I want to do is to get out of there and be at home where there are no people and no one looking at me and no voices around...It’s a horrible feeling of being in a cage with no escape...and people glaring at me and judging me...I have a stress ball with me always and am constantly squeezing it..if I don’t have that with me..I scratch my arms...I have sores on them from last Thursday’s walk..and it was too hot to wear long sleeves..which I usually do when I’m out...

I sneaky hose my veggies late at night..only takes a few minutes....to try to get them growing, I don’t use much water so it will still be under our limit..Rain dance here I come...We have been notified of a big dust storm that will reach us by mid afternoon,,,My nice clean veranda will be dusty again...😢..

I will call ambos if I need them...same with you Deebi...don’t hesitate...please..

Today is so hot, with extra strong hot winds...and a rest day for me...unfortunately no sitting outside because the air is dusty and not fresh at all...I think I’ll just try to find something inside to do..if I can motivate myself...The wind is really strong and scarey...The poor birds are flying backwards 😁...

I hope your day is a good day Deebi and everyone...

Love you dearest bbff...🌜🐻🤗👭🌛.. 💭 of you always..awyis but wiwawyip ...yadimh...lysvm...

Kind thoughts...love and hugs to those that want/need..💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy👭🕊🌱👭🌹🦋🐅🐆🎀🤝

[demonblaster]

Our gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 & lovelies hiyaz 😊

What I like about pace makers is they just keep on beating.
I too tho hope the meds keep doing there job.

I'm glad they're looking after you and just while I remember I agree health anxiety would really be the pits. I too feel sorry for people with that and glad you don't have. It worries me they need to see you so often but then on a good note if theres anything at least they can be on it.

What awful feelings to go through sweetyheart 🤗 Heavy duty.
I was thinking at some point maybe not quite yet and I know this would be hard to begin with but I also know you're brave and determined truth and you could rise to the challenge is even just do it once to start then rest for a bit till another time later.
When you feel they're looking just casually look around at them just glancing. That's all for now.

A lot of people do look.. out of curiosity (human nature) and if there's movement that attracts their attention are a couple of reasons.
I think you'd be pleasantly surprised that not many if any are looking.
I'd wait till you've sat a while.

Then later down the track you could if someones looking smile. Majority smile back I assure you, I do this all the time.

Then much further down the track you might say hi or converse.
Baby steps honey.

This all could help ease your self consciousness which is horrid.I was extremely when younger.

It can be overcome. I think a great deal of mh can be.

Something to consider beautiful and if the thought churns you up bring on no nonsense Grandy and remind yourself of why. To help you reach a goal of security and freedom towards the ultimate.. happiness and blasting 💣beasty.

Always keep in mind huns you have ww with you.

It sads me so much seeing such beautiful people suffer so deeply. Those mutts really did a job on you but now you have a lot of amazeballs (love that tweety) that are opposite to them.

Good hope you get some out of your little crops. I might try that too esp capsicum.

Yukky weather there Grandz ☀️ or ❄ 🌬⛄ or if you're lucky 🌨 5 drops

Oh no not the veranda again geez louise.

Yip pwomish hun. I will and good you too 🚑

Yip the poor birdies have all types of weather to contend with.
Be hard travelling it's a wonder they don't have muscles on their little arms 😆 and a set of pecs to put Swartzy to shame.
I like the shape of average type birdies.

Ok lovey

Love you heaps. Always 🗯 🤗😚👼👩‍❤️‍👩💜😊