Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy and all ☺

Sounding great your cakes. I considered cake decorating as a job yrs ago. Good on you. Re markets from what I've heard this way anyway as long as all ingredients are clearly marked. Spoken to a few but safer to check with council. Another stall might encourage others and you'd be around people but not too many atm & be doing something you enjoy & make a buck. I've considered that too, might suss them again too but think there's a few already this way.

Big job your lawns, perhaps you could do it over 2/3 days if its too much in one go. Crikey 🚒 dropping off some water for you it doubles as a ride on lawn mower 🎀

Think of you when I do dishes. Remembered the warm water on the hands. I usually use those nifty brushes with detergent in them as I go but in BP they stay till I get there. I like washing detest drying, drip dry mostly.

Tatting also known as Shuttle lace. Back in the 1800 or 1600's it was the in thing. The knots are hard to learn. I got it nearly straight away. Very pretty. Maybe you might like to do that I could guide you to learn how to do the knots if you like or You tube maybe

If he comes he might be lovely 🤗

Yin/yang the mania and lows. Wow Grandy maybe too early to call but this is best ever so far. Including what I've been doing mentally & other maybe no new meds 🤞but will get them in case when Skype happens

Hard for introvert, can be for extrovert too but I think worse for you. Look at your amazing progress

I don't either with hot milk alone but with 🍫 could be bearable..just 😁

I've heard of kids 😲 & adults with a shot to sleep. Did it work? I'm assuming maybe wrongly you had sleep probs young too.

Thanks hun day improved no end, bussing, briefly saw friend, psych, chats with people and biggy was a good sleep. Hope you're doing ok today you were emotional last night.

Really hope you're able to sleep soon in bed. If you have another room maybe you could bunk in to reduce triggers.

Biggly love you too ☺🤗😚💜

logging off now, starting to earlier more. Thanks Grandy for being you and you're beautiful friendship and support. 🤗, Everyone 🤗 sleep well

🦄 🕊 🌹

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

I don't think I could do markets, to many people around and looking at cakes and asking questions, and I don't have a big oven so hard to cook to enough for stall..I am fairly certain the rotary club has a cake and biscuit stall..

Oh the lawns, Deebi, I hate mowing, I done a couple of times over two days, 😂 the second day, didn't come until a week later. it took me a week to get out and finish my lawn, now I try to do in one day😰...

Im so proud of how your doing in this cycle, your doing a really good job.. just keep doing what your doing honey.☺️.

Um the rum in the milk was Yeah..... to put me to sleep, get me out of the way, ...I used to sleep sometimes 10-12 hours.....wrong Deebi.😠 very wrong..

Im pleased your day pick up. Bussing I haven't been in a bus now since I moved here,,over 8 years now, I think....Yesterday yes a little emotional....

Deebi, I wasn't going to tell you, but , I got sad news on Sunday, My fur buddies dad and grandad passed away..(Gizmo)...He was my youngest sons first puppy, He was 14yrs old when he fell asleep forever on Sunday......I put a little rememberance for Gizmo on my pet thread..."""Pets gotta love them"..I'm a little sad 😔 but okay...

I go to bed now nightly but if I wake up, I get straight up and then go to the lounge to sleep 😴..I'm okay Deebi, I'll just start going later so I can sleep longer...

I have my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow Morning, he want a meds review...so just checking meds etc..

Good Night Deebi and all..{{{🤗🤗🤗}}}..Sleep well..

🕊..Love you biggly also Deebi..🌹👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹, Grandy....xx...

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Grandy,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your fur babies’ dad/grandad. That is very sad news...it’s always hard to lose our animal friends and family members. You must have so many cherished memories with him...

It sounds like you’re figuring out a sleeping routine that works for you. I like how you change rooms to help you sleep more.

Good luck with your appointment today. Sending you my blessings.

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy and all 🌿

Hun 🤗 sorry for your sad news of Gizmo, what a great name. I'm sure you have many beautiful memories of him which will always be with you and especially in your fur buddies. I'll be over if you want or you might like time alone for a while. Understand 🤗😚 Thanks for your thoughfulness, you can tell me anything, I don't want you in pain but want to know where you're at. If I'm struggling I can sit with you 🤝 hug and listen if no words 💜

Yip thought might be too much at this stage with people re markets but worth putting it out there 🍃 I doubt it'd be winning friends with rotary doing it. Defeat the purpose 🙄 Sounds good what you're doing. A thought. Maybe practice your icing patterns on a piece of paper with the little bits, they're lovely aren't they, so many types and colours. Oh oh ☺..💡idea, what about making little bows flowers & shapes out of icing and freeze them. Oh oh oh 😆 to save $ maybe try with plastiscene (phonetic) or the stuff they have now like that. Kids play with it or similar. Creatings very satisfying isn't it.

Very wrong the milk drinks! Not sure but for some it could plant seeds towards alcoholism. To my knowledge you don't have a drinking problem. Pat yourself on your back with the life you've had 😟 Not judging, I think it's very sad that some peoples lives are so hard that they turn to a vice to cover the pain.

Sleep. Maybe when walks are too much you could ease into some excercises at home for stress release and help with sleep. Good idea bed later. Glad you're ok ☺

Best with psychiatrist hun glad it's come around for you.

Hope your days not too hard lovey. Will be as I do often thinking of you 🤗

Much love dear friend 💜🌹💑

Good or better days all

🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi and everyone,

Sad about Gizmo, he had a really great life very much loved and played with so much...

The only markets here are the rotary markets, not much of a market day, I don't go, because they are always the same stalls,

I used to enjoy making cakes, icing them etc..Everything I do seems like a chore, just flat, no happies anymore, however I am still trying to do things regardless of happiest or not...


My psychiatrist visit was because the meds I'm on is putting weight on me so fast and not working, I told my mhn a few months ago I want to go of them, she didn't listen so last visit I told her that I have started cutting down....She organised a emergency appointment...Anyway.. psychiatrist told that if I go off them I will be back were I was before I started them...SI..no sleep, no motivation at all...crying all the time.....and I will be responsible for my own actions if I decide to go off the meds.....I thought he was going to get me to sign a paper stating that I'm responsible if I carry out my SI, thoughts...ha ha ha These thoughts and feelings never left me, the meds never worked I kept telling them now for nearly 6 months, they never listened before. They are starting to listen now...He has told me how to come off them, he wants me med free, so he.."can see what's left of me"...how caring is he...so he can try new meds again next month...

My psychiatrist then told me that he contacted my psychologist and she has agreed to finish the health care plan, The reason she dumped me..I have to much trauma locked up inside, and she's afraid of me going home alone after my visit to her...she recommended and still does 1 week a month at the mh hostile in the larger town...I can't do that...1st it's over 100klm from mine...I have 2 fur buddies to care for..3rd, having people watching me 24/7 would make me feel trapped, and worse...

I believe I'm making good progress on my own, and with all you special people talking to me and suggestions, guiding me etc...I'm eating, drinking, going out to darts and work on Tuesday...

I don't know anymore,

Grandy..

[Guest8901]

🌹 💑 🤗

Amanda 💜

[demonblaster]

I think you're doing amazingly well too hun. We all do because you are.

Sorry lovey I would reply but really need to sleep and few more things to do first so catch you tomoz sometime hun.

Love you and with you Grandy always 🌹 Try not to get upset, a good is they're listening & trying to help. I can see some goods in the rest

Yes you have so much care love and support here, you're a beautiful deserving lady

💜 🤝 💑 sleep in 🕊

Hey there lovely Mandy 🌹 Hope you're ok darlin 🤗😚 I'll be back to yours soon. Know I care so much hun. Love ⚘

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Grandy and all,

Again, I’m so sorry about Gizmo. Losing your animal friend and family member is devastating...fur babies are the best and show so much unconditional love. I’m deeply sorry...

I’m glad your psychiatrist has started to listen. I feel it’s important that you have input in your own MH recovery/treatment. Hopefully slowly going off your current meds and trying new meds works well for you.

About your psychologist’s recommendation, I feel it’s your call when it comes down to it. As your friend, I will support whatever decision you make. So if you feel it’s not right for you at this point in time, I will respect and support your decision...because that’s what friends are for ❤️

Sending courage, many hugs, love and care

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Peppy, Mandy..

Mandy.....thank you for calling in to mine yesterday, it means a lot to me, especially knowing your in a really hard spot at the moment,❤️🌹..

Peppy .....Thank you Peppy for your lovely caring post...I was really upset about Gizmo, I can't stop thinking about if it was one of my 2..i have to stop thinking like this..geez our minds don't let us rest ....My psychiatrist wasn't angry at me but I felt his frustration at with me and that hurts, frustration comes before anger...They should have listened back in January..Now I feel guilty about it all and am thinking should I just shut up and continue on these meds and not worry about the weight gain..

Deebi.....Its oaky honey if your to tired to reply..I understand you had a big day out yesterday and a bigger one today, so please take care of yourself and get as much sleep as you need....

I have a problem that I need help with..well maybe not a problem more like a decision, I want yours and others suggestions on what they would do if that's okay and you want to. If you prefer not to that's okay as well....I am useless at knowing what to do and how to decide what to do..I know what my mhc crew wants me to do but I'm finding it very hard to do so...

The psychologist that decided I was to much hard work for her to work through my traumas has been told to complete my mhcp..I feel she has been forced to finish it, because it has taken 3 months of constant emails from my gp, mhn and yesterday my psychiatrist to get her to agree to it....I feel guilty because she has been told to and I feel I cannot walk into her office without feeling so much guilt about it all that I will either clam up, breakdown or have a panick attack...I know you cannot decide for me, but I don't know what to do...I really don't want to go, because she has hurt me, but if I don't go, my psychiatrist, mhn, gp will be very upset with me... Which will again give me so much guilt..

Maybe I can just run a way for a couple of months ..then hopefully they will all forget about me ...I really don't know.. I'm just 💩 at making decisions..I wish I was smarter at living...

Please don't feel you have to help me..You've all given me so much help all ready. I just don't have anyone else to turn to except here and you lovely people...I feel stuck no matter which way I go..

Kind thoughts and caring hugs..🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..👼🕊.

[Speak Your Truth]

Hi Grandy

In reply to your last post where you were asking for advice ... you didn’t ask me but can I suggest that you talk with your psychiatrist and/or mhn and/or GP about your feelings going to see the psychologist. I’m sure one or all of them would be able to offer you support about making this decision, and possibly even have contact with the psychologist on your behalf in advance of an appointment.

I hope this helps, love Cala 🤗❤️⭕️❌