alone and hated

[christacat]

I am 35 and possibly suffer undiagnosed depression and anxiety, possibly also autisim or asbergers (dont trust doctors or GPS so can't get an official diagnose). Have been told I need meds (too scared to take them), have anger issues, no social skills, am dumb and stupid, hard on myself,  obsessive as well. Have had conselling on and off, haven;t seen one since 2009 after I had a panic attack/meltdown.(she didn't help at all,just smirked at me)

I don't fit in or belong anywhere. All through out primary school and high school, I was bullied alot and got into trouble alot too. I had the odd friend here and there, but no one I could connect to. Would try different hobbies-as i got told by consellors I had back then- but got teased for them and never found anyone on the same wavelength....it is the same today. No matter which site I go to for people who share my interests, or a group in 'real life' I never fit in, am the butt of everyone's jokes, anyone I reach out to just rejects and uses me. Then comes the 'teasing' over my hobbies and interests, that I am obsessive, that my hobbies suck. I had to leave a web site I was at for nearly four years-was just sick of the constant rejection from others and never felt like I fitted in and used by everyone who i thought liked me.. Now yet again I have nowhere else to go and feel lost, losing interest in things, because what's the point? I had no one to share them with. I got slagged off for them all the time, I tried to take pride in them and liked myself, not caring what others think but I still don't have anyone to connect to,  I don't get along with my own age group either, especially with people I work with, they just go on about parties and drinking and barely notice I am around.

I am at a lost at what to do anymore. I worry so much over this, I barely leave the house sometimes (I dont see the point, i have no one to hang out with and i just get teased for being wierd) and feel suicidal on and off. , please don't suggest conselling or meetups.com (had a panic attack two years ago before I was meant to go to a meetup, now the group wants nothing to do with me) or meds.

[christacat]

can't think of anything positive to say, sorry.

[christacat]

I don't know what to talk about

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Luke,

Couldn't find your post on U2 (with Facetious contributing) so have to post here.   If you want to get into the classical / symphonic world (as you suggested you might "look into it" later on in life) try Bill Bailey's "Remarkable Guide to the Orchestra" filmed at the Royal Albert Hall, London, with the BBC Concert Orchestra. Bailey has a certain genius in both comedy and music and tends to appear as a regular guest on the BBC's "QI" show presented by Stephen Fry.

Looking at the interest on this thread for cinema there is plenty of orchestra work on major blockbusters from Star Wars, James Bond, Lord of the Rings if you desire a break from the octane high of the suggested list above.  I think the only time John Williams didn't win an Oscar for his film score was when "Amadeus" won.   The voting cartel deemed Mozart, whose life and times were probably the first "Fast and Furious" so to speak, superior on that occasion.

Have fun making friends - I hope christacat doesn't feel too crowded out.

Adios, David.

PS   Dear Facetious, your comments on "nasty" and "hypocritical" seem out of sync with wanting to make friends.  Just saying.   Also, Duane Johnson (lead in many F & F) seems to keep up his wrestling superstardom on wwe despite his Hollywood Success.   You'd think he would protect his good looks.  Lol.

[luke_c]

Anything, even walking outside in the fresh air can count. I can name at least 5-6 positive things about you just going off this thread alone, you're smart, creative and kind. Others include (yes more good things about you): your spelling and grammar is great, your written communication is brilliant, your profile picture with the cat yawning is cute, you're obviously proficient at using the internet and a computer (something that many people struggle to know how to use, you'll be surprised), you have a lot of experience in life (you're in your mid 30s right? we'll you're at least 5 years ahead of me) and I could name even more. Well you probably would be better at a lot of things than me, such as art (I can't even paint, and I'm not a great drawer), literature (ask me about Shakespeare and I'd fall over, I only know "to be or not to be" and have heard of Macbeth and that's it) and probably writing, well you come across as being more creative than me, and chances are more than the majority of those 1000 other people who get on the train in the morning in city and head to work doing office work.

Is this encouraging you? A little light of hope?

[S_A_D_]

Christacat,

Please ask me a question. Anything you want to know about anything. 

Any questions?

[christacat]

No it hasn't

[christacat]

Can't think of anything to ask, sorry.

[S_A_D_]

What do you want Christacat?

Are you here looking for help and/or advice?

[luke_c]

Hi Stan,

try Bill Bailey's "Remarkable Guide to the Orchestra" filmed at the Royal Albert Hall, London, with the BBC Concert Orchestra

Yep will do a search on YouTube (well something like that has to be on YouTube), track it down and have a listen. This may get me into orchestra/classical earlier than anticipated.

Looking at the interest on this thread for cinema there is plenty of orchestra work on major blockbusters from Star Wars, James Bond, Lord of the Rings if you desire a break from the octane high of the suggested list above.

The orchestra in the Bond films are played by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra from what I've observed.

When people say they want to be friends on this site it is a great feeling.

Luke

[S_A_D_]

Great point David and Luke. It's been so long since I've seen any of those titles I had forgotten they include orchestral scores. I stand corrected without rising from my chair.

I have noticed David, that you still seem very snippy at me. I expect my most recent posts on the parenting thread are not helping this attitude subside, but then resistance to change often surfaces as anger.