alone and hated

[christacat]

I am 35 and possibly suffer undiagnosed depression and anxiety, possibly also autisim or asbergers (dont trust doctors or GPS so can't get an official diagnose). Have been told I need meds (too scared to take them), have anger issues, no social skills, am dumb and stupid, hard on myself,  obsessive as well. Have had conselling on and off, haven;t seen one since 2009 after I had a panic attack/meltdown.(she didn't help at all,just smirked at me)

I don't fit in or belong anywhere. All through out primary school and high school, I was bullied alot and got into trouble alot too. I had the odd friend here and there, but no one I could connect to. Would try different hobbies-as i got told by consellors I had back then- but got teased for them and never found anyone on the same wavelength....it is the same today. No matter which site I go to for people who share my interests, or a group in 'real life' I never fit in, am the butt of everyone's jokes, anyone I reach out to just rejects and uses me. Then comes the 'teasing' over my hobbies and interests, that I am obsessive, that my hobbies suck. I had to leave a web site I was at for nearly four years-was just sick of the constant rejection from others and never felt like I fitted in and used by everyone who i thought liked me.. Now yet again I have nowhere else to go and feel lost, losing interest in things, because what's the point? I had no one to share them with. I got slagged off for them all the time, I tried to take pride in them and liked myself, not caring what others think but I still don't have anyone to connect to,  I don't get along with my own age group either, especially with people I work with, they just go on about parties and drinking and barely notice I am around.

I am at a lost at what to do anymore. I worry so much over this, I barely leave the house sometimes (I dont see the point, i have no one to hang out with and i just get teased for being wierd) and feel suicidal on and off. , please don't suggest conselling or meetups.com (had a panic attack two years ago before I was meant to go to a meetup, now the group wants nothing to do with me) or meds.

[S_A_D_]

Do you watch TV? I like watching TV and talking about TV? Would you like to talk about TV?

I like shows written by writers that know what they're doing. Experienced writers that can plan ahead and work a plot cleverly.

Some of the shows I think do this well include Dr Who, Elementary, Under The Dome, Arrow, The Big Bang Theory, and The Mole. These shows are designed to get people talking about them. Do you watch any of these shows?

[luke_c]

Thanks, yeah I would like to be mates.

There were some hilarious parts, I reckon Johnny Depp is a funny guy, I'm a fan of him. In reality, I think he has had some issues with his mental health.

I'm an F&F fan, have watched all of them except this one. The line "I'll give you my ten second car" from the first one is a classic.

[luke_c]

I like Arrow, been watching almost every episode. Billionaire nightclub owner by day, hood-wearing assassin at night. I could keep going on about Arrow.

Other shows I like to watch: Family Guy (I know it can be politically incorrect, but I'm always rolling on the floor laughing at least once every episode), ABC News and Grand Designs.

I agree with the writers who know what they're doing part, I like films that have a good storyline behind them, ones that come to mind are Guy Ritchie films (Revolver and Snatch are probably my favourites), and the Dirty Harry collection. 

[luke_c]

Christacat, if you can write one positive thing (just one will do, can be anything), it might just help you a little bit. What about your profile picture with the cat yawning? Your profile picture looks anything but negative, maybe try saying something about that?

[luke_c]

Well Facetious, I don't have a lot of close friends myself (I only have one close friend, 1 other acquaintance and 5-6 family members that I'm close to and that's it), so I guess there are many people who are not wanting to be friends with me. Which is part of the reason why I go to depression groups and I'm looking at going to the local Men's Shed, to connect with like minded people who have depression/anxiety like myself.

People try to blame you because people do not want to be accountable for what they did themselves, so try and shift the blame on someone else. And of course they won't be gentle on you, they're too worried about themselves, so if shit goes their way then they take it personally and chuck a hissy fit, even though they can dish out all their crap on you. Don't spend your energy getting defensive and trying to win an argument with them, you won't get through to some of them. But of course, if they are bothering you, let them know how you feel by all means.

Well I've had my fair share of bullying as well, but nowadays I feel as if I can fight back easier as I have developed more courage as I've gotten older. But you're right, it's better fighting back as a group.

[christacat]

No I don't watch any of those shows.

I hate talking about stuff I like or about myself, remember? it scares people away

[Vegetarian Marshmallow]

Well you kind of have to share something of yourself with other people, in order to be friends with them.  You don't have to share everything, but you do have to share something.  You can't just talk about impersonal things, such as world issues, forever - that makes people walk away out of boredom.

[S_A_D_]

Christacat,

It's OK. You don't have to tell me what you watch. I just like telling people what I like to watch. Luke likes some of the shows that I like. I couldn't have known we shared that interest if I hadn't told everyone what I like.

I wasn't scared away when you told me you like the movies.

I wasn't scared away when you said you don't like pubs and bars.

I think people dislike me more when I don't tell people what I like and don't like, because I become aloof, distant, boring. They might think I don't want to be their friend.

You've told me that you would like to be my friend. I would like to be your friend too. In order for us to be friends, we need something to talk about. We can talk about anything you want to talk about.

What would you like to talk about?

[S_A_D_]

Gday Luke,

You seem like a very friendly fellow. We seem to have some similar interests.

Depp played Sparrow in Pirates and I thought he was the best Pirate character ever. Very quirky. Maybe in the film industry some degree of mental instability is a strength. Jim Carrey is also mentally ill, and one of the funniest comedian actors to have ever lived. You'd have to be ill to accept the lead role in Dumb and Dumber. LOL.

Do you remember seeing Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift? That's the best one so far in my opinion, partly because it was ahead of it's time in the plot. In proper order the films go:

Fast and Furious (1939) {A crime drama/detective mystery; no fast cars}

The Fast and The Furious (1955) {the first original fast & furious car film}

The Fast and The Furious (2001) {based loosely on the 1955 film, but the cop lets the bad guy go, and loses his job}

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) {the ex-cop goes deeper into street racing culture}

Fast and Furious (2009) {ex-cop teams up with ex-bad guy to bring down big bad guy}

Fast & Furious 5 (2011) {the team get bigger, and the mission harder}

Furious 6 (2013) {vehicular warfare, with teams against other teams}

The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006) {the dense populous takes street racing to a whole new level}

Fast and Furious 7 (2014) {The Transporter (1 & 2) gets involved in Tokyo to avenge his brother's death in Furious 6}

I find Family Guy a bit like South Park, tounge in cheek type aggressive humour. Not my taste.

I love Arrow. Here's a question for you ... If his father didn't write the list he's been following, then who did? And why?

Thanks for the advice on bullies. I have a club type thing I sometimes visit, but I don't have any close friends or family. The only person I talk openly with is my psychologist, and he's dying of cancer. I could soon be very alone (more than I already am). I spent most of my birthday (in May) in my bedroom.

Talking about my feelings is hard. People don't have the patience in this fast paced society to listen to me talking about feelings. I just want to feel supported and encouraged, but people don't have time for that either. I have to pay people to listen to me.

[christacat]

What's the point in sharing? it just causes problems anyway.