alone and hated

[christacat]

I am 35 and possibly suffer undiagnosed depression and anxiety, possibly also autisim or asbergers (dont trust doctors or GPS so can't get an official diagnose). Have been told I need meds (too scared to take them), have anger issues, no social skills, am dumb and stupid, hard on myself,  obsessive as well. Have had conselling on and off, haven;t seen one since 2009 after I had a panic attack/meltdown.(she didn't help at all,just smirked at me)

I don't fit in or belong anywhere. All through out primary school and high school, I was bullied alot and got into trouble alot too. I had the odd friend here and there, but no one I could connect to. Would try different hobbies-as i got told by consellors I had back then- but got teased for them and never found anyone on the same wavelength....it is the same today. No matter which site I go to for people who share my interests, or a group in 'real life' I never fit in, am the butt of everyone's jokes, anyone I reach out to just rejects and uses me. Then comes the 'teasing' over my hobbies and interests, that I am obsessive, that my hobbies suck. I had to leave a web site I was at for nearly four years-was just sick of the constant rejection from others and never felt like I fitted in and used by everyone who i thought liked me.. Now yet again I have nowhere else to go and feel lost, losing interest in things, because what's the point? I had no one to share them with. I got slagged off for them all the time, I tried to take pride in them and liked myself, not caring what others think but I still don't have anyone to connect to,  I don't get along with my own age group either, especially with people I work with, they just go on about parties and drinking and barely notice I am around.

I am at a lost at what to do anymore. I worry so much over this, I barely leave the house sometimes (I dont see the point, i have no one to hang out with and i just get teased for being wierd) and feel suicidal on and off. , please don't suggest conselling or meetups.com (had a panic attack two years ago before I was meant to go to a meetup, now the group wants nothing to do with me) or meds.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear christacat,

Good to see you still responding and exchanging thoughts.     I was gonna ask more about you - what movies do you like, favourite colour, worst ever thing that happened to you at school, whether you have any goals ?

I worked as a computer programmer once and it was very sterile.  The only time people talked to each other was when the tea trolley lady came in with spicy buns (on the trolley, not hers), scones, croissants, snacks, drinks and fruit.  Then I would be able to exchange ONE sentence with a co-worker.  And then that was it till lunch time.    We were all married to our machines.

Adios, David.

PS  So, what is the most important thing for you ?

[S_A_D_]

Is it possible you're looking for someone too much like you. Likeminded people are hard to find if you're looking for an impractical percentage of common interests. It's practically impossible to find someone exactly like you, with the same interests. Identical twins are an obvious exception. You could ask your parents if you were born as a twin and separated at birth, but it's a long shot.

Most people talk to each other to determine if they share interests, and focus on those interests to develop a relationship. If you focus on the differences between you and them, you are more likely to receive the responses you've described above.

[christacat]

Fave movie-can't tell you, too scared

fave colour-can't tell you too scared

worst thing that happened at school-all of primary and high school being bullied and outcasted

goals-none.

ps. Nothing is important to me

[christacat]

I try to focus on differences, but it just makes it worse. I just want someone to connect to

[S_A_D_]

Focusing on the differences will almost always make it worse.

Connecting to other people usually requires asking people what they like.

Connecting to other people usually requires telling people what you like.

When one of the things you like is the same as one of the things they like, and you start to communicate about the thing you both like, you are connected.

If you're able to reconnect with the same person regularly they are your friend.

[Belle]

Hi Christacat,

I understand how you feel, as I too struggled with this in high school, when everyone else was into partying, boys, fashion etc I was immersing myself in fantasy and period fiction and dreaming of being whisked away to some other time period. I also didn't like pop music that every else did, instead I loved (and still do) Celtic music, African music, other world music, old music, classical and alternative music. I was really into new age stuff and really into the paranormal. As a result I never really "fitted" at high school. I find it hard to believe that there is not one other soul in the whole world that shares at least one of your interests or hobbies that isn't a jerk who will tease you. I have many many interests and am always keen to discover more, no matter how strange and I would never tease or judge anyone, as I feel distressed when someone else is upset. I did an art class at my local community house where everyone was mostly over the age of 60 and even though the girl next to me had never drawn in her life and was just learning so she still didn't have quite the skill of everyone else, the rest of the class were kind and supportive and complimented her on her drawing. Not everyone is an A-hole.

Anyway, lets say that you have the misfortune of continuing to have negative experiences when you try a hobby, have you instead thought about volunteering in the community? You can volunteer doing so much these days, and people are very unlikely to judge you as they are just so grateful for your help. Maybe you can read to the elderly who are stuck in nursing homes and often feel very alone, or in an animal shelter so you have the company of animals and less contact with humans, or maybe planting trees etc. There are so many volunteer opportunities these days in all different areas. And as well as having something to do in an environment where you're unlikely to be judged, you have that good feeling of having helped someone out. Just an idea, sorry if it's unsuitable to you.

Either way, I think here you have just found an online group who are unlikely to judge you or tease you as many of us have or have had similar feelings and we all want to just offer whatever help we can to you, to help you not feel this way anymore. Depression is sometimes difficult for other people to understand (even doctors/professionals) but here you have found a community who understand it completely because we live it everyday. Please don't give up just yet and keep posting 🙂

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Belle,

Fantastic post and, if I may say, a well needed breath of fresh air to this long running post.  Sometimes a bit of encouragement goes a long way.

Adios, David.

[christacat]

I tell people what I like and they tease me, make snide comments about what I like...happens all the time

And if I find someone who likes the same things as me, and I try to get to know them. they reject me

Always happens.

[christacat]

I already volunteer-but still feel lonely. Don't have alot in common with the people I work with. They are grateful for my help and everything, but I just can't connect to them on a friendly level. As always like everywhere else I go. I just wish i had likeminded people.

[hedi]

Hello Christacat,

Hope you will find passion again for hobbies and stand for them.

Being supressed can take make you not do your hobbies or be so brillinat at something you once were brilliant at.

Such as art. You may loose your flow and all becomes stagnated and retarded.

Atleast you have a job which means you may have some kind of economic flow to maybe plan a holiday?

By yourself can still be nice and maybe meet some one.

You could plan snowboarding, or something else and enjoy your own charming company and  miracles do happen so you may meet some one you can connect with.

I recognised so much of myself in your post.

I have always been bullied and as a adult it just gets more educated , political, organised and clever the way its gone about.

I do not have any friends on face book but still have a profile.

tried finding facebook chatsite but foundnothing and only one found had exclusive hateful vibe to it.

Am 35 yrs old as yourself.

Am in court about my finances have not assessed (yet) and some other things.

Am isolated and alone and bullied and hated and have never belonged or fit in or been a part of anywhere really.

Actually have no friends socialise with and when try to connect , nada.

Come across as wierd swell.

I do not feel i dont deserve connect with people.

On contrary i feel i deserve connect, belong, have a love life, social life , a sense of inclusion.

 stand up for your love rights 🙂 .

You have contacts on Facebook and maybe family.

Maybe make goals and things to look 4ward to such as holiday.

I had cancer and still isolated , bullied and hated and was working so hard and not assessed my money for it yet.

But not giving up.

Dont give up.

Beleive in miracles that theres people out there for you, your people.

A people you can belong with and to and that are good for and to you.

Maybe your computer hacked and thats why you cant have real connection online in forums.

KeeRI agree with you about counselling. I have seen so many and not one of them did any good.On contrary.Medication made me worse. "ive seen seven drs and they cant help me they say im in trouble and its love i need" (marvin gaye)

Wishing you the best 

Maybe you can keep up with your hobbies, find new hobbies and get passion back for the hobbies you gave up and meet a good people for you.

Find forums online to connect and find support from this forum.

Take care of yourself.

Good you dont drink as that can be very destruktive , specially when you depressed and isolated.

Do things that are good for you instead.

Maybe go for a massage if you trust anyone with your body that is finding a professional therapist.

A swim or playing in water can do wonders and you dont have to play wit friends you can play alone.

(i do) 

an

Best wishes for you 

🙂