alone and hated

christacat · ‎02-05-2013

I am 35 and possibly suffer undiagnosed depression and anxiety, possibly also autisim or asbergers (dont trust doctors or GPS so can't get an official diagnose). Have been told I need meds (too scared to take them), have anger issues, no social skills, am dumb and stupid, hard on myself, obsessive as well. Have had conselling on and off, haven;t seen one since 2009 after I had a panic attack/meltdown.(she didn't help at all,just smirked at me)

I don't fit in or belong anywhere. All through out primary school and high school, I was bullied alot and got into trouble alot too. I had the odd friend here and there, but no one I could connect to. Would try different hobbies-as i got told by consellors I had back then- but got teased for them and never found anyone on the same wavelength....it is the same today. No matter which site I go to for people who share my interests, or a group in 'real life' I never fit in, am the butt of everyone's jokes, anyone I reach out to just rejects and uses me. Then comes the 'teasing' over my hobbies and interests, that I am obsessive, that my hobbies suck. I had to leave a web site I was at for nearly four years-was just sick of the constant rejection from others and never felt like I fitted in and used by everyone who i thought liked me.. Now yet again I have nowhere else to go and feel lost, losing interest in things, because what's the point? I had no one to share them with. I got slagged off for them all the time, I tried to take pride in them and liked myself, not caring what others think but I still don't have anyone to connect to, I don't get along with my own age group either, especially with people I work with, they just go on about parties and drinking and barely notice I am around.

I am at a lost at what to do anymore. I worry so much over this, I barely leave the house sometimes (I dont see the point, i have no one to hang out with and i just get teased for being wierd) and feel suicidal on and off. , please don't suggest conselling or meetups.com (had a panic attack two years ago before I was meant to go to a meetup, now the group wants nothing to do with me) or meds.

Vegetarian Marshmallow · ‎02-06-2013

Why get down on yourself because of something that I (or anyone else) thinks?

Why are you giving me the power to change how you feel about yourself? It should be up to YOU how you feel about you.

christacat · ‎03-06-2013

if it's makes you happy,

Vegetarian Marshmallow · ‎04-06-2013

What do you mean?

christacat · ‎04-06-2013

sorry that was a typo 😞

I don't think i should post here anymore then. guess i am just pissing people off. sorry

geoff · ‎05-06-2013

dear Christacat, point 1: BB wouldn't let any teasing to go through the filter, why, because if it did then this would only increase the person's anxiety,

point 2: sometimes I wear different coloured socks, one green and the other orange, people say do you know that you have different coloured socks on, 'gee I didn't realise', now the would be stupid saying that, I put them on, didn't I or was I asleep and somebody else put them on, or maybe Tessie did it ! I gets a giggle out of those that find it sort of funny, or they say 'that's Geoff for you'.

point 3: I quite often say that I have an icky toe, the one that is missing from a car accident, and what do they say 'but you haven't got one on that foot', gee I didn't realise that.

We don't tease on this site, so please give us a little clue, it might make you feel a bit of freedom, Geoff.

christacat · ‎08-06-2013

have been really upset this week.

one of the 'friends' from the site i had to leave (that I mentioned earlier in the post) asked me 'oh are you coming back to the site, i have had 20 people ask me where you went, you are missed'. I just scoffed at the idea, how can they 'miss' me when all anyone did was use me and cause drama for me?

I found a group on Facebook via the 'friend' who asked me, I thought I can't go back to the site, I may as well join..it was a closed group and I sent my request four days ago, they have not let me into the group. so my worrying has been really bad all week Like 'oh they know about my 'drama' on that site, they hate me'. See this is it. People harp and harp at me to join that group or this group.,..you will meet likeminded people...but all I come across is rejection, drama, bullying for no reason over and over again. I just can't stand it anymore. Maybe it is me, maybe I just don't deserve people who share my interests as friends and i deserve all the ones who stand around picking on me all day for everything. I know I said earlier I wasn't going to post here anymore but I have been upset over this all week and have no one to turn to over it.

And please please stop asking me what my interests are ok. for the last time. i am not going to tell you

The_Real_David_Charles · ‎08-06-2013

Dear Christacat,

I can't think of many embarasing hobbies. It's you choice. Even if you were a trainspotter, which I must admit has it's on rush and interest that is beyond most of our ken, this interest would be YOURS to enjoy. You would be the boss.

Adios, David.

Vegetarian Marshmallow · ‎12-06-2013

You don't have to leave this site. I don't think you pissed anyone off.

How did they use you and cause drama for you?

Is this a Facebook group containing the same people from the site you left, or just an unrelated Facebook group that your friend suggested? Maybe the person who manages the Facebook group isn't someone who knows you from the other site. Or maybe they were busy. Ask your friend about it.

christacat · ‎14-06-2013

They used me like...one day they would talk to me, the next they would remove me or not talk to me. They only talked to me if they wanted something. and most of them were younger than me. it's a long story with how they caused drama for me, so I rather not go into it.

And I am still not in the group! the 'friend' didn't suggest it to me, i just saw the link somewhere on her profile. I don't think anyone from the site is on the group. 'busy'...yeah right, they just don't want me...

Vegetarian Marshmallow · ‎14-06-2013

So this Facebook group isn't populated by people who know you? Well, then they would have a valid reason not to let you in - they don't know you. Some Facebook groups let anyone in, but some only let in certain people that the members (or group managers) already know. They're not trying to keep just *you* out, they're trying to keep *everyone* out.