Advice for Seeking Professional Help (Trigger Warning- Sexual Abuse, Self-Harm, and Suicidal Feelings)

[Chloe_M]

Hey guys,

My life at the moment is really complicated, so I'll keep it brief:

• My parents are extremely strict- they don't let me do anything, when my boyfriend (who was also my best friend) broke up with me, they didn't know
• I was touched inappropriately last year by someone who I had known for years (not a family member, a peer)
• I suffered from depression(?) after the breakup for about 5 or so months (I don't have a diagnosis because my parents didn't know)
• I have stopped now, but I had been self-harming for around 2-3 of those months
• A couple of weeks ago, the depression and anxiety was so bad that I wanted to kill myself
• I am always anxious- I have a constant feeling of dread in my stomach
• I have panic attacks frequently that sometimes are for no reason- these involves sweating, shaking, hyperventilating and crying
• I really hate germs and am kind of obsessed with washing my hair and sanitising my hands
• A lot of my 'friends' judge me and some of them bitch behind my back
• I find that my anxiety is not at the front of my mind when I dance or when I am on this forum helping others
• My ex and I are friends again, but some weeks he ghosts me and flirts with random girls, and some weeks he acts like my boyfriend again
• I have only recently 'come out' to my parents about being anxious all the time
• I am going to see the school counsellor on Monday
• My parents are going to take me to a GP and get a referral to see a psychologist

I would like some advice on how to talk to a counsellor/psychologist and some general info about confidentiality and stuff like that.

Thanks guys xx

Chloe_M

[startingnew]

Hi Chloe

Im sorry your not going so well. It sounds like a tough situation with your friends. I hope that situation dies down though ince the hype of the dating scene is over. Can you hang out with some of your outsidr school friends?

Ah dear about the catfight. They may ask what happened but usually those who arent involved in the fight themselves just get questioned about what happened.

Are you still talking to your psychologist? It might be a good idea to see about bringing your appointment forward so you can get some things off your chest

Hugs xoxo

[Chloe_M]

Hi

Yeah if anything its getting worse. My ex told me he still loves me and then he broke up with his girlfriend. Then he told me he likes an ex friend of mine that i really dislike. honestly he needs to make up his mind, im getting worse and he says he tries to help but he just makes things worse. sometimes when hes hanging out with this ex friend of mine i go and hang out in the same vicinity e.g the school library, and it hurts so much its as if i like the pain...

my psychologist is away, but i don't want to see the school counsellor, i'm much closer to my psych and she understands all the background info concerning my ex...

its not just outside of school, its in school too. in class often i am forced to sit alone because the couples 'have to sit together' and the other singles pair up with each other and im alone. im always someones 2nd choice, and now that my ex likes this girl, im his second choice now too even though im his best friend and shes just a crush.

its as if no one cares, they say they do but actions speak louder than words...

[startingnew]

Hi Chloe

Teenage yrs are so tough arent they. so many dramas and hormones. If you go through headspace then perhaps talking on the phone or through webchat to eheadspace would be beneficial for you?

would it be worth having a chat to the group and letting them know your feeling left out?

[Chloe_M]

Hi Starts 🙂

Yeah being a teenager sucks. Its gotten a little better, I have talked to some of the girls and boys I trust and they assured me I wasn't being purposefully excluded. They also told me that the majority of the group doesn't really understand, and that some think I act the way I do for attention (this is not true; I don't want attention, any attention-seeking behaviour was accidental).

I contemplated webchat but decided against it. I am feeling a little better and have realised, whilst the others need to try and be there for me, its not a one-sided thing. I need to try too, try to include myself instead of subconsciously excluding myself as I often jump to the conclusion that I'm not wanted anyway.

Thankfully, my psychologist is back now and I'm seeing her on Saturday. I will alert her to all that has happened in her absence and we can have further discussions about it.

Re the sexuality questioning- I'm still not entirely sure, and that's okay with me.

My ex, (who is sitting behind me, hopefully not reading this haha) has a new girlfriend. A 'friend' of mine, who I dislike due to past drama she has dragged me into. The good news is, I don't really care. In fact, I think I am finally getting over him. And its all down to me 🙂 Basically, every time I miss him, or imagine a scenario with him, or think about something good about him, I replace it with an alternative thought. I am pretty good at replacing thoughts, it is actually part of my anxiety CBT therapy. For example, when his new gf was practically lying on him in the bus (that's a bit much I know), I thought for a second 'I wish I was me', then caught myself thinking that and changing it to 'I feel sorry for her- he probably has BO and she's getting a face full'.

It seems to be working 😄

Thanks for checking in.

Chloe 🙂

[Chloe_M]

Just wanted to share this with everyone... some messages from a conversation with one of my best friends the other day:

(discussing me being excluded etc), *** = friends' names, ....... means messages not relevant

Friend: Look Chloe you're beautiful and kind and great and they might not see it but I do

Me: Thanks *** 🙂

Friend: And maybe if they don't see it they shouldn't be your friends

.......

Friend: Turn to me, **** and ***

People who understand

You know I'd take a bullet for you

And I'm not gonna let you become a plan B

........

Friend: Truth is Chloe is if they cannot recognise how special you are then they don't deserve to have you as a friend

Me: Yeah

Friend: I'm sure they'll regret not helping you in the future anyway

Me: Probably

Friend: If they don't want to sit with you sit with me

If they don't want to help you I will.

Me: Thanks ***

Friend: Really its no problem

*end of conversation*

I just wanted to share this with everyone. This conversation made my day and it reminded me that I am special, that everyone is special. If you're feeling low, remember these messages. Someone, somewhere, is thinking the same things about you ❤️

Chloe

[Lici]

Hi Chloe,

I'm really glad to read that you're starting to get over your ex and that you're using cbt techniques. It's hard to recognise our thoughts as being part of the problem so good on you for working on that. I'm proud of you.

I'm also glad to read that you reached out to your friends and found out that they weren't excluding you on purpose. I think that was a really brave thing to do and I was happy to see you say it's a two way street. Mental illness is a real pain when it comes to thoughts. We'll tend to internalize them and just think that they must be true. You've proven that they're not and that's a really huge thing.

Hugs xx

Lici

[Chloe_M]

🙂

I am so proud of myself Lici. Things are falling into place, the summer air is back and I feel great. I feel happy for the first time in a long time.

So my dance school announced that our concert at the end of the year will be a production of Alice in Wonderland.

And.

I.

Have.

Been.

Selected to be Alice!!!!!!!!!!!

My hard work has paid off and according to teachers and parents and my mum, my natural talent is making my abilities rapidly increase. I am so grateful and honoured to perform as a soloist, as THE SOLOIST 🙂

hugs xoxoxoxoxoxox thank you for all the support over the months ❤️

[Ggrand]

Hello Chloe,

Im so very excited for you, being selected as the lead dancer doing a solo, that is something to be really proud of...Well done Chloe...

Loved what you friend said about you, that your beautiful,kind and great...your friend knows you as we know you...and your friend wants to be there for you, that’s gold Chloe....

I just wanted to congratulate you on your dancing achievements as well as you being selected for Alice..Keep up the good work Chloe..Very well done....🌹💜🤗..

You have come a long way since you joined these forums, Its a real pleasure getting to know you and following your journey...

Love and hugs...🤗💜..and a beautiful 🌹 rose for a beautiful person....

Grandy...

[Lici]

Hi Chloe (hi grandy and all who are reading),

That's fantastic Chloe! You must be super excited! I'm excited for you! 🤗

I'm glad you're starting to feel happy and that things are falling into place for you.

Hugs

Lici

[demonblaster]

Chloe hi darlin & all ☺

How beautiful to see great things happen especially when they're going through hard times.

That's one of the amazing things about our journey in time it never stops and new things happen

So very happy for you chooky congratulations.

Nice you have someone batting for you.

Really liking how your handling the ex besty.

As I've said before you have a good head on your shoulders and a maturity that'll both help you through life.

Pleasure following you

Must be so exciting, something to work towards and look forward to.

Have a lovely day everyone 🌱