Advice for Seeking Professional Help (Trigger Warning- Sexual Abuse, Self-Harm, and Suicidal Feelings)

[Chloe_M]

Hey guys,

My life at the moment is really complicated, so I'll keep it brief:

• My parents are extremely strict- they don't let me do anything, when my boyfriend (who was also my best friend) broke up with me, they didn't know
• I was touched inappropriately last year by someone who I had known for years (not a family member, a peer)
• I suffered from depression(?) after the breakup for about 5 or so months (I don't have a diagnosis because my parents didn't know)
• I have stopped now, but I had been self-harming for around 2-3 of those months
• A couple of weeks ago, the depression and anxiety was so bad that I wanted to kill myself
• I am always anxious- I have a constant feeling of dread in my stomach
• I have panic attacks frequently that sometimes are for no reason- these involves sweating, shaking, hyperventilating and crying
• I really hate germs and am kind of obsessed with washing my hair and sanitising my hands
• A lot of my 'friends' judge me and some of them bitch behind my back
• I find that my anxiety is not at the front of my mind when I dance or when I am on this forum helping others
• My ex and I are friends again, but some weeks he ghosts me and flirts with random girls, and some weeks he acts like my boyfriend again
• I have only recently 'come out' to my parents about being anxious all the time
• I am going to see the school counsellor on Monday
• My parents are going to take me to a GP and get a referral to see a psychologist

I would like some advice on how to talk to a counsellor/psychologist and some general info about confidentiality and stuff like that.

Thanks guys xx

Chloe_M

[startingnew]

Hi Chloe

i hope you got the marks you were after!

[Chloe_M]

Hi

I was just angry and grumpy in general today, my ex was annoying me by being disrespectful and flirting with everyone and mouthing off at me. I have noticed that as I am getting over him finally I see what everyone else could see ages ago. He's changed drastically, and no one likes it. Him flirting with everyone had me already annoyed, but to make things worse, when we had to fill out a survey, he goes "hey Chloe, what's a gender?" (As though he was going to do 'other' instead of male) because we'd just recently had an argument about other genders. He believes that there are just male and female. I think that if you identify as something else or something in between then that's okay. He's allowed to have his own opinion, but when we continuously tells me I'm wrong...

Then he just continued to be rude, swearing at me and calling me rude names. He came up to me later (following a girl I know who is my 'friend', who just happened to be the one he flirted with all day) so I just walked away from him. If he's going to be like he has been for the past 2 weeks, then I don't want that in my life. Then he gave me and one of my closest guy friends a filthy look because all our friend group was walking in a long line with our arms around each other's shoulders, and my friend had his arm around my shoulder. He apparently doesn't like me anymore, so why the look?

Later though, he texted me and APOLOGISED for the gender comment. He was right to, it really offended me and was in no way funny. But he ruined any remorse I felt for being angry when he went off at me for being mean 🙄

I don't get him- he claims to be my best friend, and at some point he was, but all he tries to do is control what I do. He looks down on my music tastes, criticises my social media posts, judges me on what I eat, tries to push his beliefs and religion onto me and always brushes off my anxiety attacks and sadness. I think he just likes the label and what people see on the outside. Because let's face it, I'm done with the self hate talk. I'm a smart, kind, pretty, funny girl who has lots of friends, is a talented dancer, singer and actress and seems like she has her life sorted and her future planned out. Why wouldn't you want to be best friends with me? I wish he could just accept me for who I am, the flaws and faults and my bloody mental health issues. If he doesn't want the whole, package then goodbye.

sorry for the rant

i just needed to let it all out

[startingnew]

hi chloe

urgh some people you just shake yourhead and walk away huh. sometimes its just not worth it.

youve grown alot in your confidence esp which is great to see. rant away, helps sometimes doesnt it!

[Chloe_M]

😭

so basically, I've been friend-dumped. I have been grumpy and angry all week, I think finally the anger I should have felt previously at the things he has done to me has finally appeared as I am getting over him. Unfortunately, that has led to him deciding our friendship is 'not worth it' and that he's 'doing this for me because he cares about me'. I'm sorry but that's crap. Absolute crap. If he cared then he'd make more of an effort. If he cared none of this would have happened in the first place. If he cared, I wouldn't be on the forums, searching for someone to help put my broken pieces back together.

So now he's not even my friend. And it was over text. That just makes it even worse. Even though I've stared to see what a jerk he is, I still love him. And that's what's making it worse. I'm having flashbacks to last year and extreme déjà vu (not sure if that's spelt correctly lol) and I'm being dragged backwards, back to the beginning.

I didn't want this

i didn't deserve this

I don't know what Im going to do without him

[Lici]

Hey Chloe,

I'm sorry that you feel the way you do right now and that your ex stopped being your friend.

What are you going to do without him? By the sounds of it, you're going to move on and be a lot happier without him in your life. Read over your previous posts about the way he's been treating you and ask yourself if that's really the sort of "best friend" that you want in your life?

I honestly think that you're as upset as you are right now because you still had the hope that maybe you would end up in a relationship with him again and now that he's said that there's no friendship there that hope is gone. But the friendship was a bit toxic from what I've read and he's done nothing to support you or to actually be a true friend.

Don't see this as a loss, see it as an opportunity to rid your life of a negative person.

Hugs

Lici

[Chloe_M]

Hi Lici,

thank you ☺️ your post was very insightful and I agree with everything you have said.

Funny thing is, we were talking today and it was a misunderstanding on both our parts. He worded the message poorly, and I took it the wrong way. So we are still good friends, but I'm keeping my eye on him. I agree that it was a toxic friendship, especially in these last few months, and I will not be as willing to be closer to him than I was before.

He has claimed he's tried to help but in reality all he's done is make me worse. He's not really a good friend. His ego is too big and its blinding him from seeing that he's hurting me every single day, whether it's criticising me or talking about his new gf.

(Yesh he got a new gf 3 weeks after the previous one dumped him 🙄)

He needs to stop and take a look at himself, his reputation gets worse everyday. It precedes him and its not a good thing. A lot of my friends think that it's stupid I'm still friends with him, after all he's done to me. He's done nothing for me. He never shuts up about himself. Like the other day I was at dance and he snapchats me "we made it into semis!!" (semi finals for soccer) and I was like "Yass way to go *ex's name*" and then I was like "hey I just did 4 pirouettes" and he just keeps talking about soccer and how great his team is. Like, hello I exist, I'm talking to you, I just did something that's actually pretty amazing and you ignored it!!

Chloe

[startingnew]

Hi chloe

im glad it was a misunderstanding but he doesnt sound like the best of friends, perhaps its best to hang with your proper friends, he can still be your friend but spend more time with those who do actually care etc.

hope today was ok for you xox

[Chloe_M]

Yeah I agree

Saturday was okay, I had dance. I also competed yesterday. We placed 3rd and Highly Commended, I feel like I danced really well but many others did not due to the unfamiliar stage (i have competed at that stage often).

I kind of have a crush on my friend (girl). I'm waiting to see where it leads, whether I really do like her or if i am slightly confused. I feel like she might like me though, I'm not sure because we only ever talk on text because she lives in SA and I live in NSW 😞

[startingnew]

hi chloe

how are you going?

[Chloe_M]

Hi

Not good I'm afraid.

False alarm, I don't like her.

Today is wear it purple day so, naturally, everyone at school makes even more gay jokes and offensive comments. But thats not my issue.

The majority of my group are dating each other now. Which makes me always someones plan B. Second choice. And after a week, I'm sick of it. everyone is paired off, and the other single ones pair off with other friends. I'm alone. And nobody cares.The other day I sat under the lab bench in science because i was feeling overwhelmed, and i was there for 5 minutes curled in a ball. the best bit is that nobody noticed i was gone. So i feel like im invisible.

I'm also really scared, there was a catfight between 2 girls the other day at the train station and me and my friends went past, one of my friends tried to break it up and my other friends were watching her. I was trying to convince them to leave, then left myself, then came back to pull them away. The issue is, CCTV has footage, and the deputy said that they will be handing out suspensions. i did nothing wrong but i was there, so i might be getting a suspension. I'm really scared, i would be in so much trouble.

thanks for checking up on me

chloe