I feel alone and I don't like the life I have

[mg24]

Hi, this is my second thread. I just have some other feelings I kind of wanna talk to someone about. (i'm 14)

I feel really alone. I don't have a best friend, but I don't have any other friends either. I hang out with this group but only because I've been with them since year seven and I don't want to look like a loner. There aren't really any people I can hang out with from my grade, I've definitely tried looking. It also feels like everyone thinks I'm a loser, people don't want to text me or talk to me at school. I'm part of two sport teams and I still can't find anyone. I know that friends will 'present themselves in time' and all these other things but I don't want to be alone for four years. I don't want to have to keep my feelings to myself all the time and never be invited anywhere.

I also went to England last year to visit my family and I miss it so much. My family can't really afford to go often but I feel like my family is missing me grow up and there are so many things and experiences and relationships I want to share with them. I can't go during two week breaks because we generally go for three weeks plus and I can't miss any school but my mum says that the six week holidays are too expensive and we won't like the weather. I tried to get there another way by going through a student exchange to just escape for a bit and experience something new and meet new people, but my mum shut that down. I've tried coming at this at every angle all my mum says is that I need to get over it and look at what I do have and stop being s negative but I don't know what there is to look at! I have no friends or social life, I personally hate Australia (no offence), and I'm going through some really hard feelings alone so I'm not sure what great things she's talking about. I don't want to do this life anymore, I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it. I also don't want to waste four years of my life, especially my teenage years. My parents say that if I'm going through something I should tell them or just someone except I don't have anyone to tell and they always ignore my feelings. I told my mum I wanted to move after high school and my mum said she would never forgive me if I did. I cry almost everyday because I want to go back so badly and she knows how much I miss it, and she's still saying this. I don't want to have to move away and never see her but I hate it here. I have no idea what to do or where to go.

[mg24]

I would just like to add I accidentally put this in the suicidal thoughts and self harm section, I'm in no way considering this

[Chloe_M]

Hello mg24,

First of all... You are not alone! No matter how much you believe that, you aren't. All of use here are willing to help you.

Have you gone to your school counsellor? They could help you and talk to you about how you feel and what your options are. They may also give you advice on talking with your mum...

Some other advice I will give is to be yourself. This way, people who are 'attracted' to your personality will see that and attempt at making contact, which could possibly lead to a friendship.

For now, try and talk to some of the girls/boys in your group, I feel like if you get to know them better, you will find you actually get along with at least 1 or 2 of them. Also you don't have to keep your feelings to yourself all the time- if you do find some friends that you trust enough, open up to them- you never know, it could make the bond stronger!

After I approached my school counsellor yesterday, I realised how easy it is to open up to people, especially if they know what they are talking about. You could always go and talk to her/him (if you have a school counsellor).

Continue to post on this thread if you need help (not urgent though) or if you just want to talk to someone about what you're going through 🙂

xx Chloe

P.s no offence taken- sometimes the heat here kills me 😉

[smallwolf]

Hi. I am glad that have come here and being honest in how you feel. Allows you get another's perspective on your situation.

School days can be tough - especially today! My son went through a rough patch last year losing most if not all his "friends" because of what one person was saying behind his back. On the friends department... what sports or hobbies do you like/play? I would have thought that most schools would most of the sub-cultures covered... skaters vs those who play chess vs the sporty types vs the kids that play computer games or D&D etc. The fact that "kids" probably spend most of their time spent on their phone might not help? Makes it harder to identify which group(s) we belong to?

The only advice I can think of at the moment is relates to school counseling services...Have you been able to speak to a counselling service at school? They might know someone with similar interests to you?

You also say " It also feels like everyone thinks I'm a loser". Is this your mind playing tricks on you? If so, just say thank you to your mind (and move on). This is more a distraction or coping mechanism I use.

On moving after highschool... Tough one. I guess your mother is being protective of you, which is understandable. Keep that thought in the back of your mind and have this conversation when you start grades 11 and 12, and you are really have consider life after high school. While I went to TAFE straight after high school (2 years) I then moved to the city to go to Uni. My brother worked for a year, and then moved to the city. At the end of the day, there will be a time (I think) when you leave home, either for study or work. Know that your parents intend the best for you however.

In summary... what things do you life? and can you speak with a counselor from school?

[mg24]

Hi, thanks for replying!

I play AFL and field hockey. To be honest, my school doesn't really have those groups vs other groups, there's a big popular group, some kids in between and some weird anime kids, so there aren't really any sub-cultures. I think American schools have more sub cultures and clubs.

My school has a guidance counselor but a girl I know went to see them about something and she said they weren't very good, they just asked questions so I don't really know...

I don't really think my mind is playing tricks on me. When I do things on social media like swip up or chats no one ever replies or people leave me on read, and at school people don't really say hi to me. I said to someone and they kept walking. I have a plan for after high school, it's just what I'm meant to do until then.

[mg24]

Hi Chloe. Thanks for saying I'm not alone. I know I have my family and people on this website, it just kinda sucks to not have anyone face to face talk to sometimes. I'm not sure about a school counselor a girl I know went and said he wasn't wasn't very helpful. I'm hoping me and mum are going to talk tonight though.

To be perfectly honest I'v always thought I've been being myself. I found it quite difficult to pretend to be someone I'm not, kind of like when people can't keep there mouth shut, so I mean maybe people don't like that. I've really tried making connections with the people in my group but I think sometimes you just have to know some things aren't going to be. Thanks for your reply x

[smallwolf]

Hi,

I cannot offer any real advice on starting conversations, so I cannot really help there. Also a bit hypocritical if I say to do something and I cannot do it myself.

But I noticed you said...

My school has a guidance counselor but a girl I know went to see them about something and she said they weren't very good, they just asked questions so I don't really know...

When I see my psych this is exactly what she does. That is, asks me questions about various things. But in asking questions they are acting as a guide to help you see through things. My psych will also give advice where required and gives me homework.

The very first session I had, I would have been talking for most of the time, answering her questions etc. At the end of the session she told me to get two apps for my phone and would talk more next time. Unfortunately, there are no quick fixes. And it is in these initial session in which a psych or counselor get to build a rapport with you so that in subsequent conversations is able to provide you with the required coping tools etc. So before discounting the ability of the counselor please consider the above.

Also the school counselor might be able to direct to other school activities that you like, and might be able to find friend there?

[mg24]

yeah maybe I'll go

[Chloe_M]

Hi mg24,

Just checking in to see how you're going. How are you enjoying your school holidays?

let me or anyone else here know if you want any support or advice 🙂

chloe x

[mg24]

Hey choe 🙂 I just went back to school my holidays were all right I guess, I didn’t really do much. Some advice would be good, because I’m really confused right now. I know that the people around me are just who they and my school is what it is bu I don’t want to spend the next three years of highschool with no friends and not going anywhere. I want to be optimistic but I just can’t see anyone to be friends with. I play two sports and I don’t really have close friends there either 😕 I try to make friends it just doesn’t happen. How were your holidays (if your in school) 🙂