Dear Gelati~
I'm sorry for you loss, it is sad when someone young passes away.
I'm afraid I did not get all you were saying, am I right in saying it is your brother you have not spoken to since you split with your ex? I'm also assuming it is your brother's child.
The service is for most a good thing to have, and I've found it a comfort when someone I love has passed away. As a result I'd not suggest you do not attend.
What happens there will be partly your own experience of greif, and only possibly talking with others, which realy is mainly up to you, as you can arrive just in time, and leave quickly after. To stay longer will increase the likelihood of interactions or perhaps unpleasantness.
Feeling you brother and his wife need family support is very probably spot-on, however it does not have to be during a mix of all different people. I would imagine attempting to talk to him first, even if on the phone, or if that is inappropriate then a letter, maybe followed by a meeting later where you can share your grief.
When one is grieving the most surprising things can mean a lot, for example prepared food quickly given can be both practical and meaningful, as can be acting as a taxi to relive the pressure of their having to transport people.
Please let us know how you get on
Croix
