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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Romaine Not Feeling Any Grief
  • replies: 1

I lost my mum three days ago. She was my best friend and my only parent, and I loved her very much. She got her diagnosis three weeks before she passed away and was in hospital that whole time. It took me about two weeks to come to terms with her dia... View more

I lost my mum three days ago. She was my best friend and my only parent, and I loved her very much. She got her diagnosis three weeks before she passed away and was in hospital that whole time. It took me about two weeks to come to terms with her diagnosis and I did occasionally feel heavy and a bit sad (but nowhere near as sad as I thought I should’ve felt) but after a certain point I made peace with the fact that she was going to die, and I feel like that peace came way too quickly and easily. On the day she passed away I felt an initial shock, and I cried a bit while getting dressed and taking a taxi to the hospital, but then I felt fine. I was apprehensive to see her corpse, but when I did, I was shocked at how okay I was. It felt normal. What I’m feeling is not an emotional numbness but a normalcy. Not having her around the house even feels normal, which is bizarre. It’s been three days and I’m not thinking about her a lot. When I do I feel fine. I can even think about her corpse and feel fine. I know people say this can happen with grief, but this just feels different. It’s not a numbness, I’m feeling other emotions, I can even have fun when I do things like play games. I’m not dissociated at all either. It might be worth noting that I’ve never lost someone before, I’ve had a lot of cats die though, cats that I loved very much, and I also never grieved them. So yeah. Any advice? Does anyone relate? I feel terrible about this, like I’m disrespecting her.

Polly1965 Dad passed away suddenly
  • replies: 1

Hi, this is my first time ever posting on a forum but I just needed to get my emotions out. My dad passed away very suddenly a month ago and I am really struggling to make it through every day without breaking down. I have moved back in with my mum (... View more

Hi, this is my first time ever posting on a forum but I just needed to get my emotions out. My dad passed away very suddenly a month ago and I am really struggling to make it through every day without breaking down. I have moved back in with my mum (I'm only 19 by the way) as I was living away for university so I have her, my brother, and my boyfriend as support but I am so upset. As soon as I am alone I just start crying and I am terrified to fall asleep because anytime I try I just can't stop the emotions coming out. My parents were divorced so I have lived with my mum since I was 11 and so I didn't see my dad as much as I should've because we all think they'll be there forever so I was always too busy to see him, but when I did see him it was great and he always gave me the best hugs. I just have no idea how I'm supposed to keep going on, I was in the middle of final exams for uni and I have deferred for a few more weeks but I'm struggling to study and that is stressing me out as well so I am just completely lost at the moment and I have an appointment with a psysohologsist in the next couple of weeks but I'm struggling every day to get by. we cleaned out his room a few days ago and it was so hard. I just keep waiting for him to walk in a room and tell me it'll be okay and give me a big hug and even though I have the support I feel so alone and like no one can understand what I'm going through. and I just feel so angry at the world because he's supposed to be there to watch me grow up and graduate uni and have a family and help me move into my first house and lecture about not cleaning my car enough and he's not going to be there and I don't know how I'm ever going to be okay with that. He was struggling with health recently which is what he died from but it was still so sudden because it only started a few months ago, because of this he had to leave work and one of the last messages he sent to me was how at least now he wasn't working he would be around to watch me graduate. He was so scared and I kept telling him it would be okay because I thought it would be because he was only 54 and I thought that it would be okay, and I really can't stop thinking about if he knew he was dying and if he in pain because that makes me so sad.

monsie He's still in the hospital bed
  • replies: 4

Day in and day out. He's here, sedated, with a ventilator, screens, tubes beeps. Uncertainty: will he ever come back home? 3 days before my husband went to hospital, he was diagnosed with autism. 28 years of a difficult life with him, with some good ... View more

Day in and day out. He's here, sedated, with a ventilator, screens, tubes beeps. Uncertainty: will he ever come back home? 3 days before my husband went to hospital, he was diagnosed with autism. 28 years of a difficult life with him, with some good times in between. Was it dementia? or was it depression? what was it?. Now, we had a few years ahead of us with some counselling, I'd be able to endure his lack of understanding, his aloofness . We'd get closer and enjoy the last years of our life. But no, it was not meant to be, I had to call an ambulance, we are apart.Everytime the phone rings, I think 'This is the hospital, he's gone'. Living like this is absolute hell, I can't bear it.

Ayla11 Loosing a father and a sister
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I just want to share my story of the people I had loss. When I was 9 years old I lost my dad to an illness, and since I was younger at that time, I did not know the full extent of grief and loss. Now and then I would be sad and miss him ... View more

Hi everyone, I just want to share my story of the people I had loss. When I was 9 years old I lost my dad to an illness, and since I was younger at that time, I did not know the full extent of grief and loss. Now and then I would be sad and miss him so much. But looking back at it now, I can't imagine what my mum was going through. Especially since we just arrived to Australia as refugees. Not only did my mum lose a husband but she had to adapt to a new country, learn a new language and look after her 3 kids as a widow. I am so grateful for everything she's done for us and how strong she is for looking after us as a widow with no husband or other immediate family members in Australia. Since mental health is a taboo topic in my cultural, I never really had a conversation with her on how she coped. Nonetheless, fast forward to 2019 my mum found a new partner, and told us she was pregnant. Since my mum was a bit older now, there is a high risk of carrying a baby. I was especially mad when I found out because I thought instead of retiring soon, she will have to restart with her life and start motherhood all over again. I know I was extremely selfish for saying that and feeling that way, which I REGRET the most till this day. Also, I did not have a good relationship with my step-dad (to me it felt like he was replacing my dad) which made the situation worst. Slowly, I started accepting the reality of my mum's pregnancy and having a sister, I was excited and planned out a life for her. However, suddenly my mum complained of stomach pain and i took her to the hospital. Unfortunately, during the ultrasound, the doctor could not find my sister's heart beat. I just started crying and felt so guilty for everything. What's worst is that my mum felt she had to act strong in front of me and till this day, she rarely shows her emotions to us. I honestly can't not imagine what she is going through right now. I feel so much pain and sadness for my mother. Everyday I would think of her and I would feel guilty and full of regrets. Even though she's not with us, she will be in our hearts and we miss her everyday. I just hope my mum and step-dad is coping well. Thanks for reading

Layne_Smith Losing My Dad
  • replies: 2

Hi, my name's Layne, last year I lost my dad a week before his birthday, he passed from pneumonia. He pretty much raised me, i was and still not close with my mum, I currently live in Sydney whilst he lived in New Zealand, so going home has been hard... View more

Hi, my name's Layne, last year I lost my dad a week before his birthday, he passed from pneumonia. He pretty much raised me, i was and still not close with my mum, I currently live in Sydney whilst he lived in New Zealand, so going home has been hard, I've only been home twice since he left, a day before his funeral and 1 year after, I feel like I'm the only one who's grieving, my family act as if his passing meant nothing, I tear up every time i see a photo of him, I avoid talking about him because i get emotional, i can't talk my family about how I feel because I feel like noone is listening, Is there anything I can do to get over it?

Trying_to_beat_it Lost my favourite
  • replies: 3

I’m not sure where to start and it might seem trivial to some- but I lost my best mate almost 3 years ago. He was my Dad and my heart ached today just like it did on the day I lost him. I’m trying to make sense of it. Why now? I honestly think I woul... View more

I’m not sure where to start and it might seem trivial to some- but I lost my best mate almost 3 years ago. He was my Dad and my heart ached today just like it did on the day I lost him. I’m trying to make sense of it. Why now? I honestly think I would like to join him

Generic_name Looking for support due to death of father
  • replies: 5

Hello to anyone reading this, I am looking for support, as my father committed suicide this morning, and I am having abit of trouble coping. My father was a good man, with no outward signs of suicidal thoughts. He is loved so much, by so many people.... View more

Hello to anyone reading this, I am looking for support, as my father committed suicide this morning, and I am having abit of trouble coping. My father was a good man, with no outward signs of suicidal thoughts. He is loved so much, by so many people. He has 10 times the amount of friends that I do. He always tried to make others happy, and was a great friend. Everyone in mine and my fathers family and friend circle are shocked, and absolutely devastated. Last week, my partner gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. They are currently overseas caught up in this virus bullshit, and my father never got to see him. I am just so hurt, upset, angry, confused and lost. If anyone can reccomend a place to start to help, that would be great. Fighting back tears, Generic User.

DM95 I miscarried my first child at 18.
  • replies: 5

I’d just turned 18 three months before I took the test that showed up with two pink lines. Looking back now, I wish I’d made more of an effort to keep it safe, it was the only thing connecting me to my baby and it was lost when we moved houses. I was... View more

I’d just turned 18 three months before I took the test that showed up with two pink lines. Looking back now, I wish I’d made more of an effort to keep it safe, it was the only thing connecting me to my baby and it was lost when we moved houses. I wasn’t in a relationship. I was barely an adult. But I knew for sure when my doctor asked me what I wanted to do, I couldn’t go through with an abortion. But two weeks later I got the news most pregnant people don’t want to hear. I was miscarrying. I never heard their heartbeat. I never got to see them. They were just gone. Two amazing weeks thinking I was going to be a mummy, taken from me just like that. I’m 24 now and I still really struggle with the loss of my baby. Thoughts keep running through my mind.. what could I have done differently? Is it my fault I lost my baby? Will I ever have a family? It feels like I’ll never get another chance at having a family and my heart hurts. My heart hurts thinking about the child I could’ve had. How they would’ve started school this year. I feel like I’ve missed so much because my chance at being a mother was taken from me and sometimes I just really can’t cope with that.

CaroW My beautiful girl took her own life- not coping
  • replies: 25

My beautiful daughter took her own life on Feb 11. I am struggling with overwhelming grief and having thoughts of not wanting to go on. We had no idea she was in such a dark place and keep asking why. Please help me!

My beautiful daughter took her own life on Feb 11. I am struggling with overwhelming grief and having thoughts of not wanting to go on. We had no idea she was in such a dark place and keep asking why. Please help me!

am_i_here When your parents were not so nice but you still grieve
  • replies: 1

I come under the heading of "dutiful child". Visited in Nursing home at least weekly. Prior to that rang and visited. I did the right thing for people who didnt do right by me.I sat by their bed day and night in those last few days. I held their hand... View more

I come under the heading of "dutiful child". Visited in Nursing home at least weekly. Prior to that rang and visited. I did the right thing for people who didnt do right by me.I sat by their bed day and night in those last few days. I held their hand as they passed. Such a "good" child. Am I grieving what should have been, what could have been. Some siblings arent that upset. Some are more nostalgic about the few decent things from our childhood. One cut them both off completely. Why do I cry? why do I grieve?