Dad passed away suddenly

[Polly1965]

Hi, this is my first time ever posting on a forum but I just needed to get my emotions out. My dad passed away very suddenly a month ago and I am really struggling to make it through every day without breaking down. I have moved back in with my mum (I'm only 19 by the way) as I was living away for university so I have her, my brother, and my boyfriend as support but I am so upset. As soon as I am alone I just start crying and I am terrified to fall asleep because anytime I try I just can't stop the emotions coming out. My parents were divorced so I have lived with my mum since I was 11 and so I didn't see my dad as much as I should've because we all think they'll be there forever so I was always too busy to see him, but when I did see him it was great and he always gave me the best hugs. I just have no idea how I'm supposed to keep going on, I was in the middle of final exams for uni and I have deferred for a few more weeks but I'm struggling to study and that is stressing me out as well so I am just completely lost at the moment and I have an appointment with a psysohologsist in the next couple of weeks but I'm struggling every day to get by. we cleaned out his room a few days ago and it was so hard. I just keep waiting for him to walk in a room and tell me it'll be okay and give me a big hug and even though I have the support I feel so alone and like no one can understand what I'm going through. and I just feel so angry at the world because he's supposed to be there to watch me grow up and graduate uni and have a family and help me move into my first house and lecture about not cleaning my car enough and he's not going to be there and I don't know how I'm ever going to be okay with that. He was struggling with health recently which is what he died from but it was still so sudden because it only started a few months ago, because of this he had to leave work and one of the last messages he sent to me was how at least now he wasn't working he would be around to watch me graduate. He was so scared and I kept telling him it would be okay because I thought it would be because he was only 54 and I thought that it would be okay, and I really can't stop thinking about if he knew he was dying and if he in pain because that makes me so sad.

[white knight]

Hi Polly, welcome

Anyone with empathy would feel very sad reading your post.

Im 64yo and lost my dad in 1992, he was 64 then.
With grief there isn’t much room to move with relieving the sorrow. But there is some ideas that can help, sometimes.

Writing- be it poetry or a short story that documents your memories. It doesn’t have to be professional. Eg this is one poem of many that I’ve written

DADS PRINT (to dad)

Dad knew I’d try to follow
where ever he went – in his footsteps
through his pride and boyish whim
I always tried to follow him

And on Sundays a few hours spare
I be his shadow for the day to care
Boy behind his dad so tall
He never minded, not at all

Then as life cut so short
I wish to follow as my last resort
No wonder he used a broom to sweep
To hide his stencilled footstep feet

But now and then I see a print
Where he’s been in the misty tint
Like a ghostly outline of a soul
I place my foot inside the hole

Sadness follows in my inept
It just something I must accept
But I be eager the day my feet will greet
My father’s footstep stencilled feet….

Distraction- keep busy

Special times- put aside an hour every weekend so you can just think about him

Talk- friends, family, group therapy, forum

Dedication- set aside a small garden bed and plant roses or other plants in memory of your dad.

I hope I’ve helped. Please feel free to reply

TonyWK