Loosing a father and a sister

[Ayla11]

Hi everyone,

I just want to share my story of the people I had loss. When I was 9 years old I lost my dad to an illness, and since I was younger at that time, I did not know the full extent of grief and loss. Now and then I would be sad and miss him so much. But looking back at it now, I can't imagine what my mum was going through. Especially since we just arrived to Australia as refugees. Not only did my mum lose a husband but she had to adapt to a new country, learn a new language and look after her 3 kids as a widow.

I am so grateful for everything she's done for us and how strong she is for looking after us as a widow with no husband or other immediate family members in Australia. Since mental health is a taboo topic in my cultural, I never really had a conversation with her on how she coped.

Nonetheless, fast forward to 2019 my mum found a new partner, and told us she was pregnant. Since my mum was a bit older now, there is a high risk of carrying a baby. I was especially mad when I found out because I thought instead of retiring soon, she will have to restart with her life and start motherhood all over again. I know I was extremely selfish for saying that and feeling that way, which I REGRET the most till this day. Also, I did not have a good relationship with my step-dad (to me it felt like he was replacing my dad) which made the situation worst.

Slowly, I started accepting the reality of my mum's pregnancy and having a sister, I was excited and planned out a life for her. However, suddenly my mum complained of stomach pain and i took her to the hospital. Unfortunately, during the ultrasound, the doctor could not find my sister's heart beat. I just started crying and felt so guilty for everything. What's worst is that my mum felt she had to act strong in front of me and till this day, she rarely shows her emotions to us. I honestly can't not imagine what she is going through right now. I feel so much pain and sadness for my mother. Everyday I would think of her and I would feel guilty and full of regrets.

Even though she's not with us, she will be in our hearts and we miss her everyday. I just hope my mum and step-dad is coping well.

Thanks for reading

[geoff]

Hello Ayla, and a warm welcome to the forums.

Living in a different country is something I haven't done, except for holidays, and I'm sure it must have been very difficult.

I'm terribly sorry about the passing of your dad and understand that at times accepting a step parent isn't as easy as it does when reading about it, new ideas and behaviours are brought into the family which may or may not be tolerated.

Sometimes a single parent moving to another country refrains from disclosing how they actually feel to their children, simply because the kids could be finding life difficult meeting new friends, a new school and different customs where a taboo is not discussed back in their home country but freely spoken about where they move to.

I am deeply sorry about the sister you don't have and I'm positive you would have been a loving and caring sister for her.

Can I also suggest as well as talking with us is that can contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 either by phone, webchat or online and the only difference is the latter may not be answered straight away, this depends on their rules and funding?

Really hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.