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Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Ayla11 Loosing a father and a sister
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I just want to share my story of the people I had loss. When I was 9 years old I lost my dad to an illness, and since I was younger at that time, I did not know the full extent of grief and loss. Now and then I would be sad and miss him ... View more

Hi everyone, I just want to share my story of the people I had loss. When I was 9 years old I lost my dad to an illness, and since I was younger at that time, I did not know the full extent of grief and loss. Now and then I would be sad and miss him so much. But looking back at it now, I can't imagine what my mum was going through. Especially since we just arrived to Australia as refugees. Not only did my mum lose a husband but she had to adapt to a new country, learn a new language and look after her 3 kids as a widow. I am so grateful for everything she's done for us and how strong she is for looking after us as a widow with no husband or other immediate family members in Australia. Since mental health is a taboo topic in my cultural, I never really had a conversation with her on how she coped. Nonetheless, fast forward to 2019 my mum found a new partner, and told us she was pregnant. Since my mum was a bit older now, there is a high risk of carrying a baby. I was especially mad when I found out because I thought instead of retiring soon, she will have to restart with her life and start motherhood all over again. I know I was extremely selfish for saying that and feeling that way, which I REGRET the most till this day. Also, I did not have a good relationship with my step-dad (to me it felt like he was replacing my dad) which made the situation worst. Slowly, I started accepting the reality of my mum's pregnancy and having a sister, I was excited and planned out a life for her. However, suddenly my mum complained of stomach pain and i took her to the hospital. Unfortunately, during the ultrasound, the doctor could not find my sister's heart beat. I just started crying and felt so guilty for everything. What's worst is that my mum felt she had to act strong in front of me and till this day, she rarely shows her emotions to us. I honestly can't not imagine what she is going through right now. I feel so much pain and sadness for my mother. Everyday I would think of her and I would feel guilty and full of regrets. Even though she's not with us, she will be in our hearts and we miss her everyday. I just hope my mum and step-dad is coping well. Thanks for reading

Layne_Smith Losing My Dad
  • replies: 2

Hi, my name's Layne, last year I lost my dad a week before his birthday, he passed from pneumonia. He pretty much raised me, i was and still not close with my mum, I currently live in Sydney whilst he lived in New Zealand, so going home has been hard... View more

Hi, my name's Layne, last year I lost my dad a week before his birthday, he passed from pneumonia. He pretty much raised me, i was and still not close with my mum, I currently live in Sydney whilst he lived in New Zealand, so going home has been hard, I've only been home twice since he left, a day before his funeral and 1 year after, I feel like I'm the only one who's grieving, my family act as if his passing meant nothing, I tear up every time i see a photo of him, I avoid talking about him because i get emotional, i can't talk my family about how I feel because I feel like noone is listening, Is there anything I can do to get over it?

Trying_to_beat_it Lost my favourite
  • replies: 3

I’m not sure where to start and it might seem trivial to some- but I lost my best mate almost 3 years ago. He was my Dad and my heart ached today just like it did on the day I lost him. I’m trying to make sense of it. Why now? I honestly think I woul... View more

I’m not sure where to start and it might seem trivial to some- but I lost my best mate almost 3 years ago. He was my Dad and my heart ached today just like it did on the day I lost him. I’m trying to make sense of it. Why now? I honestly think I would like to join him

Generic_name Looking for support due to death of father
  • replies: 5

Hello to anyone reading this, I am looking for support, as my father committed suicide this morning, and I am having abit of trouble coping. My father was a good man, with no outward signs of suicidal thoughts. He is loved so much, by so many people.... View more

Hello to anyone reading this, I am looking for support, as my father committed suicide this morning, and I am having abit of trouble coping. My father was a good man, with no outward signs of suicidal thoughts. He is loved so much, by so many people. He has 10 times the amount of friends that I do. He always tried to make others happy, and was a great friend. Everyone in mine and my fathers family and friend circle are shocked, and absolutely devastated. Last week, my partner gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. They are currently overseas caught up in this virus bullshit, and my father never got to see him. I am just so hurt, upset, angry, confused and lost. If anyone can reccomend a place to start to help, that would be great. Fighting back tears, Generic User.

DM95 I miscarried my first child at 18.
  • replies: 5

I’d just turned 18 three months before I took the test that showed up with two pink lines. Looking back now, I wish I’d made more of an effort to keep it safe, it was the only thing connecting me to my baby and it was lost when we moved houses. I was... View more

I’d just turned 18 three months before I took the test that showed up with two pink lines. Looking back now, I wish I’d made more of an effort to keep it safe, it was the only thing connecting me to my baby and it was lost when we moved houses. I wasn’t in a relationship. I was barely an adult. But I knew for sure when my doctor asked me what I wanted to do, I couldn’t go through with an abortion. But two weeks later I got the news most pregnant people don’t want to hear. I was miscarrying. I never heard their heartbeat. I never got to see them. They were just gone. Two amazing weeks thinking I was going to be a mummy, taken from me just like that. I’m 24 now and I still really struggle with the loss of my baby. Thoughts keep running through my mind.. what could I have done differently? Is it my fault I lost my baby? Will I ever have a family? It feels like I’ll never get another chance at having a family and my heart hurts. My heart hurts thinking about the child I could’ve had. How they would’ve started school this year. I feel like I’ve missed so much because my chance at being a mother was taken from me and sometimes I just really can’t cope with that.

CaroW My beautiful girl took her own life- not coping
  • replies: 25

My beautiful daughter took her own life on Feb 11. I am struggling with overwhelming grief and having thoughts of not wanting to go on. We had no idea she was in such a dark place and keep asking why. Please help me!

My beautiful daughter took her own life on Feb 11. I am struggling with overwhelming grief and having thoughts of not wanting to go on. We had no idea she was in such a dark place and keep asking why. Please help me!

am_i_here When your parents were not so nice but you still grieve
  • replies: 1

I come under the heading of "dutiful child". Visited in Nursing home at least weekly. Prior to that rang and visited. I did the right thing for people who didnt do right by me.I sat by their bed day and night in those last few days. I held their hand... View more

I come under the heading of "dutiful child". Visited in Nursing home at least weekly. Prior to that rang and visited. I did the right thing for people who didnt do right by me.I sat by their bed day and night in those last few days. I held their hand as they passed. Such a "good" child. Am I grieving what should have been, what could have been. Some siblings arent that upset. Some are more nostalgic about the few decent things from our childhood. One cut them both off completely. Why do I cry? why do I grieve?

betterdaysahead01 Lost my beautiful mother - panic/depression
  • replies: 6

Hi all, new here but never posted, actually signed up about two months ago because i was feeling down and not long after my mum suddenly passed away. Currently having counselling but craving to talk to people and share stories and connect. Helping he... View more

Hi all, new here but never posted, actually signed up about two months ago because i was feeling down and not long after my mum suddenly passed away. Currently having counselling but craving to talk to people and share stories and connect. Helping helps, please tell me your story if you have lost your mum (she was 69). I'm coping, just. xx Best wishes to anyone going through loss, grief anxiety (i've started calling panic attacks "stress moments"), .I hate the words panic and attack! I know how horrible they are but lets at least make the words less scary. Hope I can help anyone in any possible way. Nicole.

joyous Anger and sadness since virus got my mother
  • replies: 3

My amazing Mum was in good health, no pain, paying $5000/month for [we thought] top-notch care and to be kept safe. Well, management dropped the ball, kicked it across town to another agency, who also dropped the ball, passed the buck - not telling u... View more

My amazing Mum was in good health, no pain, paying $5000/month for [we thought] top-notch care and to be kept safe. Well, management dropped the ball, kicked it across town to another agency, who also dropped the ball, passed the buck - not telling us anything or bullshitting us. For those $$ you'd think you'd get the best care and decent food. Not so. I honestly think she would've been safer next door in the hotel for $125/night max and still have $50/day for food; towels and bedding changed daily, bathroom cleaned daily. Instead, Mum was getting meals brought up on a tray and left at her door. The management kept slipping long and convoluted letters under the doors of ALL residents many - like Mum - with impaired vision, memory loss and cognitive difficulties. The morning they found Mum in a bad state - paramedics were called and they didn't take the envelope with all her instructions, phone numbers, etc. One person said they weren't allowed to touch or take anything; another said they hadn't heard of that rule. Then they said probable UTI (probable more BS), possible RSV and possible Covid19. She had a cough and no fever and they put her on oxygen and ran tests including Covid19 which, they say, came back negative. They then moved her either to or from the acute ward to Covid19 ward and she was now a bit more alert, not eating much, still on oxygen but with "gurgly" lungs. But, remember, they said negative to Covid19 yet they were going to do more tests. Didn't happen. Next thing, she is "gone". They say some kind of pneumonia likely one of the manifestations of Covid19. Mum didn't deserve to die like that. Criminal negligence! More lies about cause of death so they don't panic or scare the other residents, presumably, and protect their precious reputation. If this is a first-rate aged care home (in Canada) I shudder to think what the budget places are like. And - the icing on the bullshit mound - today I get an update email from the GM of the home (who knew Mum had died as she phoned my sister today to offer her condolences) - one of the "Happy Families/Aren't We All Wonderful" updates about how there are NO problems, they have lots to CELEBRATE and happy-everyone photos and stories but no mention of my mother. Nothing. Not even a lie that she had died of pneumonia not Covid19 related. This is why I don't trust anyone and I am devastated. Like in all wars, truth is the first casualty. Insensitivity is the next.

Ajkeats My Daughter
  • replies: 6

I lost my beautiful girl on Tuesday and not coping at all. She was 20 years old I can not handle the feelings I am going through, I hate what has happened in the world and we can’t even have a send off for her. I don’t know what to do and getting so ... View more

I lost my beautiful girl on Tuesday and not coping at all. She was 20 years old I can not handle the feelings I am going through, I hate what has happened in the world and we can’t even have a send off for her. I don’t know what to do and getting so angry and then breaking down crying