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Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Emerald2020 Grieving for a partner
  • replies: 6

Hello everyone. Two weeks ago, my partner of 9 years died. He had been ill since last year and his death was not peaceful. Shortly before he died, I discovered some unpleasant things about my partner. I wonder if I really knew him and if he really lo... View more

Hello everyone. Two weeks ago, my partner of 9 years died. He had been ill since last year and his death was not peaceful. Shortly before he died, I discovered some unpleasant things about my partner. I wonder if I really knew him and if he really loved me. To make matters worse, there are several toxic adult children from his previous marriage who are making life difficult for me. I find it difficult to grieve properly for the loss of my partner because I'm very confused about the person he really was. Friends advise me to try to remember the happy times in our relationship but I feel betrayed and let down by my partner. Any advice?

Jarradh The loss of a loved one
  • replies: 5

New to this forum and not really sure where to start. Guess I'll start by sharing my story. Going back 9 weeks now my partner and love of my life took her own life. I won't go into details as it's still very raw and hard to talk about. There isn't a ... View more

New to this forum and not really sure where to start. Guess I'll start by sharing my story. Going back 9 weeks now my partner and love of my life took her own life. I won't go into details as it's still very raw and hard to talk about. There isn't a day that goes by where I'm not over come with grief. Tears are shed and I become sick with how my h I miss her. As most that have suffered something similar would know, I still struggle with guilt for not being able to help or be there. I all ways feel alone even when I'm around friends and family. I'm lucky that I have a good support group around me but they have never had to go through something like this, so they help me best they know how, which is great. But even then I can't talk about what I'm feeling or thinking as it's all new to them. So I guess that's why I decided to reach out on this forum. I know there is no time that will go past that will make it easier, but hopefully it does get some what more bearable to live with. Cause at the moment I'm not sure it ever will. Well thanks for reading.

Jasmine_R Felling loner and sad 😢all the time
  • replies: 6

I lost my only pet the day after his 1 birthday he would of been 5 years this April that’s just passed I fell so lonely and sad ever single day i made a memory wall of him up but looking at it makes me cry I hate living without him kills me inside Fe... View more

I lost my only pet the day after his 1 birthday he would of been 5 years this April that’s just passed I fell so lonely and sad ever single day i made a memory wall of him up but looking at it makes me cry I hate living without him kills me inside Felling upset ever day felling like I never want get up anymore

Til Grieving the loss of both my parents
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, When I was 13, my Mum had a severe stroke that left her paralysed on one side of her body and with some memory loss. My Mum was basically my Dad's carer at the time, as he had a genetic illness and his mental health declined over the yea... View more

Hi everyone, When I was 13, my Mum had a severe stroke that left her paralysed on one side of her body and with some memory loss. My Mum was basically my Dad's carer at the time, as he had a genetic illness and his mental health declined over the years. They both moved into nursing homes, as they needed extra care and considering I was young I couldn't look after them myself. Late 2018, my mum's health declined and in March 2019 she passed away. Fast forward 14 months later (last month) my Dad unfortunately passed away. My parent's Doctors both put them into palliative care. My mum was in it for 6 months, whereas my Dad passed away within 5 days. Mum lost so much weight and looked unrecognisable in the end and Dad was a shock as he went for a checkup for something else and the doctor said he had until the end of the week to live, due to fluid in his lungs. They seemed to be in a lot of pain in their final week. I'm 26 now and I've struggled a lot with depression and anxiety over the years, but I can't shake the regret, anger and sadness I have with myself. I feel like I was in a state of denial for so long about their declining health, that I didn't see them as much as I should've. I have so much regret about not spending their last day with them and not being there in their final hours. I really hope they knew how much I loved and appreciated them. I'm an only child aswell and even though I know I have a lot of supportive family members and friends, I still feel so alone during this time. I'm the only one in my friendship group that has lost a parent, let alone both. I will be returning to counselling at some point but can't physically speak about this face to face without breaking down. I find it hard to talk to my friends about this, because they haven't experienced something similar and I feel they have issues of their own and I don't want to burden them. I'm also stressed about their cemetery plaque, as I don't know what to write or do for it. Their funerals both seem like a blur to me, especially my Dad's which was only 3 weeks ago. I just wanted to know if there was a way to help manage feelings of regret and grief? If anyone reading this has attended a grief support group in person, was it helpful connecting with others compared to just a counsellor? Thank you!

Sunflower2020 Coping with Mother's Sudden Death
  • replies: 6

I don't like to label myself, but these are the keywords of my story - lost mum, an only child, Chinese, living remotely. I am seeking help. I have been chatting with a Psychologist since April this year, however, I still don't know how to cope with ... View more

I don't like to label myself, but these are the keywords of my story - lost mum, an only child, Chinese, living remotely. I am seeking help. I have been chatting with a Psychologist since April this year, however, I still don't know how to cope with my mum's death. She was my biggest supporter, she was always there, she was my bestie... My stomach is still in knots. I cannot even unfold any of her clothing. My tears are flowing any time I remember her face and the last picture haunting me in my mind was her body was full of tubes and her closed eyes. Exactly 4 months ago today, I lost my mum so suddenly. I was on my lunch break at work and was told by my auntie, my mum was in ICU and after 4 hours, she is gone, heart-attack. She was only 59! I was even talking to her on messenger the day before, everything was fine, no last words, she was gone. I was in Australia, she was in China. My husband and I flew immediately back to China the next day and attended the funeral, only days before China and Australia locked down both countries. Because of the Covid-19 situation, after 14 days of quarantine in China, many tasks were still outstanding. I have not yet chosen the tomb. Things are undone, unfinished. According to Chinese culture, I haven't completed/performed my duty to my mum yet. Her ashes were stored in a small box in a storeroom at a funeral house. I am the only carer of my mum (my Dad and Mum separated), I feel really guilty in the whole situation; if I don't live in Australia, if I can spend more time with her, these things may not happen. My husband, Australian and Chinese families, friends, work, boss, colleagues, have been providing great support to me. Coming back to Australia, we have been quarantined for another 14 days self -isolation and since then I have been working from home. Due to a career advancement decision, my husband and I moved to a remote regional country town, there are no family members and close friends here. I miss the face-to-face chat. I don't know how to deal with the whole situation, my best mentor - she left me, I don't know how to deal with life without her. Help me, as an extroverted person I think talking about this on an online forum might help.

aisha123 Is it normal to feel relieved
  • replies: 2

My cat liked to spend a lot of time playing outdoors. My biggest nightmare was always her getting lost out there, or getting hurt. It was the source of a lot of anxiety for me and there were multiple times where I cried thinking she was lost if she t... View more

My cat liked to spend a lot of time playing outdoors. My biggest nightmare was always her getting lost out there, or getting hurt. It was the source of a lot of anxiety for me and there were multiple times where I cried thinking she was lost if she took too long to come back inside. On top of that I tend to catastrophize and always had this impending fear of the pain it would cause me to lose her because she meant so much to me. My cat got hit by a car and passed away yesterday. Amongst all the pain I feel a weird sense of relief about not having to feel continuously anxious about her anymore. I can’t help but feel selfish or heartless for feeling relieved. I really hope I gave her the best life possible and would do anything to hold her again.

lights_will_guide_you_hom I need recources to deal with pandemic grief
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, one of my closest friend's immediate family member passed away several hours ago. He was a critical stage corona patient and suffered greatly. My friend, or anyone else, cannot attend the funeral because of the quarantine. I want to be a... View more

Hi everyone, one of my closest friend's immediate family member passed away several hours ago. He was a critical stage corona patient and suffered greatly. My friend, or anyone else, cannot attend the funeral because of the quarantine. I want to be a good friend and support her, but I don't know what to say. I am genuinely out of resources here. I would be very grateful if you guys can share some pointers on bedside manner or whatever. Thanks in advance.

Romaine Not Feeling Any Grief
  • replies: 1

I lost my mum three days ago. She was my best friend and my only parent, and I loved her very much. She got her diagnosis three weeks before she passed away and was in hospital that whole time. It took me about two weeks to come to terms with her dia... View more

I lost my mum three days ago. She was my best friend and my only parent, and I loved her very much. She got her diagnosis three weeks before she passed away and was in hospital that whole time. It took me about two weeks to come to terms with her diagnosis and I did occasionally feel heavy and a bit sad (but nowhere near as sad as I thought I should’ve felt) but after a certain point I made peace with the fact that she was going to die, and I feel like that peace came way too quickly and easily. On the day she passed away I felt an initial shock, and I cried a bit while getting dressed and taking a taxi to the hospital, but then I felt fine. I was apprehensive to see her corpse, but when I did, I was shocked at how okay I was. It felt normal. What I’m feeling is not an emotional numbness but a normalcy. Not having her around the house even feels normal, which is bizarre. It’s been three days and I’m not thinking about her a lot. When I do I feel fine. I can even think about her corpse and feel fine. I know people say this can happen with grief, but this just feels different. It’s not a numbness, I’m feeling other emotions, I can even have fun when I do things like play games. I’m not dissociated at all either. It might be worth noting that I’ve never lost someone before, I’ve had a lot of cats die though, cats that I loved very much, and I also never grieved them. So yeah. Any advice? Does anyone relate? I feel terrible about this, like I’m disrespecting her.

Polly1965 Dad passed away suddenly
  • replies: 1

Hi, this is my first time ever posting on a forum but I just needed to get my emotions out. My dad passed away very suddenly a month ago and I am really struggling to make it through every day without breaking down. I have moved back in with my mum (... View more

Hi, this is my first time ever posting on a forum but I just needed to get my emotions out. My dad passed away very suddenly a month ago and I am really struggling to make it through every day without breaking down. I have moved back in with my mum (I'm only 19 by the way) as I was living away for university so I have her, my brother, and my boyfriend as support but I am so upset. As soon as I am alone I just start crying and I am terrified to fall asleep because anytime I try I just can't stop the emotions coming out. My parents were divorced so I have lived with my mum since I was 11 and so I didn't see my dad as much as I should've because we all think they'll be there forever so I was always too busy to see him, but when I did see him it was great and he always gave me the best hugs. I just have no idea how I'm supposed to keep going on, I was in the middle of final exams for uni and I have deferred for a few more weeks but I'm struggling to study and that is stressing me out as well so I am just completely lost at the moment and I have an appointment with a psysohologsist in the next couple of weeks but I'm struggling every day to get by. we cleaned out his room a few days ago and it was so hard. I just keep waiting for him to walk in a room and tell me it'll be okay and give me a big hug and even though I have the support I feel so alone and like no one can understand what I'm going through. and I just feel so angry at the world because he's supposed to be there to watch me grow up and graduate uni and have a family and help me move into my first house and lecture about not cleaning my car enough and he's not going to be there and I don't know how I'm ever going to be okay with that. He was struggling with health recently which is what he died from but it was still so sudden because it only started a few months ago, because of this he had to leave work and one of the last messages he sent to me was how at least now he wasn't working he would be around to watch me graduate. He was so scared and I kept telling him it would be okay because I thought it would be because he was only 54 and I thought that it would be okay, and I really can't stop thinking about if he knew he was dying and if he in pain because that makes me so sad.

monsie He's still in the hospital bed
  • replies: 4

Day in and day out. He's here, sedated, with a ventilator, screens, tubes beeps. Uncertainty: will he ever come back home? 3 days before my husband went to hospital, he was diagnosed with autism. 28 years of a difficult life with him, with some good ... View more

Day in and day out. He's here, sedated, with a ventilator, screens, tubes beeps. Uncertainty: will he ever come back home? 3 days before my husband went to hospital, he was diagnosed with autism. 28 years of a difficult life with him, with some good times in between. Was it dementia? or was it depression? what was it?. Now, we had a few years ahead of us with some counselling, I'd be able to endure his lack of understanding, his aloofness . We'd get closer and enjoy the last years of our life. But no, it was not meant to be, I had to call an ambulance, we are apart.Everytime the phone rings, I think 'This is the hospital, he's gone'. Living like this is absolute hell, I can't bear it.