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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Jdalbj5 I’m drowning in my husbands depression
  • replies: 2

My husband lost his uncle, our family pet and his dad unexpectedly within a 3 month period to November 2020. As someone who has suffered from depression most of his adult life, these deaths have hit him hard, especially his dad. I am trying my best t... View more

My husband lost his uncle, our family pet and his dad unexpectedly within a 3 month period to November 2020. As someone who has suffered from depression most of his adult life, these deaths have hit him hard, especially his dad. I am trying my best to do and say the right things but I can’t bring him out. We are trying grief counselling in the coming days and he is talking with his brother and sister, however they have moved through their grief differently and have come out the other side. I am not a sufferer of mental health issues and I have trouble understanding what he is going through. In saying that, what I now recognise as anxiety has gotten a hold of me. Anxious about what I’m coming home to, anxious about his mood, anxious about the cruel words spoken to me and our children. If I am honest, mostly I’m angry. Angry that this has happened, angry at him, angry at his dad for dying on him and angry that he can’t overcome this. I feel like a shit person for it but I can’t help it. 28 years together and I’ve never once wanted to walk away, ever, but this is so hard. I want my husband back. How do I support him when I can’t understand his depression and don’t know what else to do?

Pet12 Loss of husband
  • replies: 5

I lost my husband to cancer 6 months ago and I just miss him so much my life’has been turned upside down and I am finding I just feel so empty inside I feel half of me died with him I also have an anxiety disorder and suffer from clinical depression ... View more

I lost my husband to cancer 6 months ago and I just miss him so much my life’has been turned upside down and I am finding I just feel so empty inside I feel half of me died with him I also have an anxiety disorder and suffer from clinical depression which makes it so much harder

QuietLily *TW* Miscarriage
  • replies: 1

Yesterday I had a miscarriage in hospital at 8 weeks. I am completely lost. I wasn't going to keep the pregnancy due to too many health risks. When I told a senior nurse what happened she asked "was it a wanted pregnancy". I didn't say yes or no I sa... View more

Yesterday I had a miscarriage in hospital at 8 weeks. I am completely lost. I wasn't going to keep the pregnancy due to too many health risks. When I told a senior nurse what happened she asked "was it a wanted pregnancy". I didn't say yes or no I said simply how I was booked in for surgery termination next week She responds with "oh! So you should be happy you had a miscarriage then!" I... I can't believe someone in her position would say that Happy? That i spent the night scared I was bleeding out? Doubled over in the worst pain ever? Thinking I was dying? How could ANYONE be happy going through that?!

Mummasgirl *Trigger Warning* My sister was found a week after she died and I can’t get over it
  • replies: 10

Hi All, I’m new here. I’m at an all time low and don’t know what to do so am reaching out. My sister passed away 5 years ago and my grief seems to be getting worse. I’ve spoken a lot to my therapist but nothing seems to help. It’s not so much her pas... View more

Hi All, I’m new here. I’m at an all time low and don’t know what to do so am reaching out. My sister passed away 5 years ago and my grief seems to be getting worse. I’ve spoken a lot to my therapist but nothing seems to help. It’s not so much her passing but that she was found after a week of being in her apartment all alone. She struggled with addiction and was unwell. Our relationship was up and down and I’m struggling so much with guilt. I can’t get the visual out of my head of what she looked like there after a week and how it must have been for the police who found her. I struggle with not being able to see her to stroke her hair and tell her how much I love her before she was cremated. I feel her whole journey was alone. I’ve tried to tell myself she was already dead and that our body goes through this decomposition phase so why does it matter where she was. I guess it’s the indignity she suffered from being found this way and then through having an autopsy etc. I don’t know why I can’t move on. I’m stuck in this visual nightmare and no reading about Buddhism etc has helped me find peace. my brother also died in his living room some years ago but he was found in the morning by his wife. For some reason this gave me a sense of peace, that he was with his wife and not all alone left in his apartment. Has anyone experienced anything similar? Have you found anything through your grief journey that has helped?

Guest_2350 Covid death in the family *trigger warning: previous suicide attempt*
  • replies: 4

Hi, a close family member has passed away after complications from covid. I’m far away from my kids and cannot be with them to help them through this difficult time, which makes me very sad. There are moments in time when I know they need me the most... View more

Hi, a close family member has passed away after complications from covid. I’m far away from my kids and cannot be with them to help them through this difficult time, which makes me very sad. There are moments in time when I know they need me the most and I can’t be there. Travelling to Europe is sadly not an option. I just want to hug them.

anon143 *Trigger Warning* Grief after having to put my dog down
  • replies: 7

I have found out this afternoon that my mum (our dogs owner) put our beautiful, caring, lovely family dog down due to him having cancer. We found out he had cancer just under 6 months ago & although we knew this day was coming, doesn’t make it any ea... View more

I have found out this afternoon that my mum (our dogs owner) put our beautiful, caring, lovely family dog down due to him having cancer. We found out he had cancer just under 6 months ago & although we knew this day was coming, doesn’t make it any easier. I feel he is in a better place but it still doesn’t fill the hole that is now in my chest. I hate cancer! It ruins everything! We had our beautiful boy for around 10 years and we got him when he was around 2-3 years old already. My emotions are all over the place with this heartache. I wish cancer never existed! I feel so angry that he had to have cancer, he was such a caring, nurturing dog who wouldn’t dare hurt a fly. I wish grief and loss didn’t hurt so much. I hope he is now running around up there with our family, being his regular happy, hungry for belly pats self. I feel upset I didn’t get to say goodbye especially since he was living around the corner from me but I’m more angry at the fact that we had to relieve his pain by putting him down.

Blue135 Loss of my first pet
  • replies: 6

We have to put my dog down due to health issues. I've had him for 8 years and it's really hard to face it. I feel physically sick and I feel so sad I feel like I'm at the point of dissociation. I've never had to deal with loss and I'm finding as hard... View more

We have to put my dog down due to health issues. I've had him for 8 years and it's really hard to face it. I feel physically sick and I feel so sad I feel like I'm at the point of dissociation. I've never had to deal with loss and I'm finding as hard as one could imagine. I tend to hide all of my emotions and weaknesses from friends and family. I try my best to change that and talk to people but every time I try I can never go through with it. I don't want to leave my room because I'll see my dog and I know it's just going to set me off. In my mind it's like if I don't perceive him it won't happen. I don't know what to do

Tradie_Lady I lost my dog to sudden illness, the grief is too strong
  • replies: 35

Hi there I lost my dog a week ago to sudden illness. He was only 3.5yrs old and he was my everything. He was my first dog that I rescued from a shelter. He provided me with such support and gave me a purpose to keep going. Last year I started IVF and... View more

Hi there I lost my dog a week ago to sudden illness. He was only 3.5yrs old and he was my everything. He was my first dog that I rescued from a shelter. He provided me with such support and gave me a purpose to keep going. Last year I started IVF and currently 2 rounds have failed and he was there to let me know I was loved and needed. Having him suddenly take ill and then dying has shocked me to my core. I can't be in my home alone as he is everywhere I look. I feel so guilty that I couldn't save him and miss him so terribly that I feel like the grief will swallow me whole. I don't know how to function or move forward knowing he is not by my side. My boy was everything and now I have lost purpose.

Descendinggal Deeply struggling after my fiancé took his own life - what helped you
  • replies: 3

I stumbled onto this forum after googling others that lost a fiance, so now I’m here and maybe there’s support and guidance here for me too. I’m struggling a lot with this loss and I really feel like no one truely understands the depth of loss I’m go... View more

I stumbled onto this forum after googling others that lost a fiance, so now I’m here and maybe there’s support and guidance here for me too. I’m struggling a lot with this loss and I really feel like no one truely understands the depth of loss I’m going through - nor do I think a counsellor will because how can u ever understand if ur not in it. Loosing someone in your 30s that you were about to marry and have children with is so complex. I’ve lost my soul mate, unborn children, our envisioned future, my best friend and confidant. The world feels dark and uncertain. While I know nothing is permanent to have him gone at this age in this way is so hard to accept. Even though we had our own hobbies etc we were so deeply connected and I don’t know who I am anymore, what my purpose is, what my identity is. People say things which I know are from a good place like that because I’m young I have so much light ahead of me. That I’ll meet someone else. That I could still be a mum and get married but they don’t understand that just because I’m young it doesn’t just give me hope on a platter. He was my soulmate and the idea of moving forward makes me feel sick. They wouldn’t say it to a older widow so why me? I wish he was here with me. Physically here. I imagine him in every empty chair next to me, in the empty space in my bed and I look around at those saying “we have to move forward now” and all I can think is... easy for you to say you have your partner with you to console you while you grieve, you get to go back home and be together. My heart aches so much, every day it aches even more. I don’t know how it’s possible. I stay awake as long as I can because the mornings I wake with incredible pain and I try to put that off as long as possible. I've lost my sense of purpose. I thought the next phase was being a wife and a mum and that got taken away. So even my work feels like why am I bothering because I started my business to prepare us for family life, that was my purpose not the work itself. I’m so so lost. they say it all takes time. I’m not sure when to ride the wave and when to push. Time hurts. It’s like a nightmare everyday, a dark Groundhog Day. what helped you?

Jas_ Not sure if this is the right place?
  • replies: 1

Hey, not sure if this is the right place to be posting this, but, i'm just so lost and confused and somewhat angry with my thoughts at the moment. I'm not an Australian resident or citizen, I chose to leave my family and move out here for a better li... View more

Hey, not sure if this is the right place to be posting this, but, i'm just so lost and confused and somewhat angry with my thoughts at the moment. I'm not an Australian resident or citizen, I chose to leave my family and move out here for a better life. I've been in Australia since 2018, it'll be three years in March. I'm a masters student, specialising in Education. A bit of background I guess, as sometimes backgrounds help paint a picture. My family wasn't and will never be easy to describe to anyone. As much as I love both my parents, I feel someone vacant sometimes when I think of my dad. He never reaches out, and he never really connected with me whatsoever. I found it rather odd that, over the last week, he'd been messaging me saying how much he loves me, and how he feels so proud to have such an accomplished daughter. Then, Sunday morning at 3am he text to say, he and mum are getting divorced. I'm confused. I'm lost, and numb. Overwhelmed is a great word to use too. Today, I actually woke up, feeling great, then came down for a nap and burst into tears. I have so much undealt trauma, the loss of my dear friend,my best friend unexpectedly passed away in 2020 and my dear granddad when I was younger, and I just can't deal with being sad. I hate the feeling, it's not me. But why am i feeling an inundated amount of pressure to pick myself up and get on with it?