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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Flowerchild07 Grief in a complicated situation
  • replies: 26

I'm grieving the death of a man I loved. He loved me too. The difficulty is that I met him while I was volunteering at an aged care facility. Of course there are rules about not allowing oneself to get too close or too involved with residents. Someti... View more

I'm grieving the death of a man I loved. He loved me too. The difficulty is that I met him while I was volunteering at an aged care facility. Of course there are rules about not allowing oneself to get too close or too involved with residents. Sometimes, despite the rules, these things happen. We formed a very special bond over a 5 month period. Unfortunately, he told his family about his relationship with me and they, understandably, were concerned. They brought the situation up with management, and of course I was reprimanded for my behavior. They didn't know the extent of our relationship.........nobody did except for the two of us. It wasn't something that we could share with others. No matter how hard we tried, we would never have been able to make people understand. The age difference for one, not to mention the fact that he had multiple medical issues etc. I was forced to leave and told not to contact him or his family. I didn't get to say goodbye. I don't know if anyone explained to him why I had to leave. I've been so depressed and worried about him. He passed away three days ago. The grief I feel is making me sick. I don't think it's just the grief. It's all the things that happened, the way they happened and the fact that I have no one to help me work through my grief, because no one really knows how much we meant to each other. My family know that I formed a friendship with him, but that's as far as it goes. They feel for me in that respect, but must be wondering why my grief is so debilitating. I have to cry in private, I have no one to talk to about the true relationship I had with him. The last time I saw him was Boxing Day 2019. Even though he was in his late eighties, very unwell and is no doubt in a much better place now, I still can't stop crying. I can't seem to accept that he's gone. My grief is making me sick. Everything seems 'unreal'. Because I'm not a family member, I don't have anywhere to express my grief and sorrow at his passing. I can't attend his funeral. I just feel lost and helpless.

H-c What should i do I’m so lost...
  • replies: 1

I don’t even know how to start... I’ll just ramble on I’m sorry so these days or these two weeks you could say(?) I’ve been having dreams or nightmares about the same person that passed away in 2017. She was really special to me and basically took ca... View more

I don’t even know how to start... I’ll just ramble on I’m sorry so these days or these two weeks you could say(?) I’ve been having dreams or nightmares about the same person that passed away in 2017. She was really special to me and basically took care of me my whole life and taught me so many things on life and all those stuff. They end the same way and whenever i wake up from my dreams my eyes would hurt and there’s be tears Falling down my face. I want those kind of dreams to stop because it’s been affecting me and all. I can clearly remember the dream Like its real life and i really hate it. The thing is I didn’t get to say goodbye to her so maybe that’s the reason I’m having these dreams? But why after 2 years? the dreams would go like this:(this is all like a vivid dream) I’m with her and other people and it’s a normal day and the place I’m at is really beautiful for some reason i actually don’t know the place I’m not sure if it even exists in real life..anyways it’s like a normal day she’d be sitting in her chair watching tv and I’d be using my phone and going to her or sitting beside her annoying her and telling her about everything and anything that has been happening to me in real life and she’d give advice and stuff and the next thing I know, I’m crying telling her to not go and like trying to hold on to her and while begging her to stay and she’d just smile and the next thing i know it goes blank and other people are trying to calm me down but i was screaming that it’s not fair and that i never got to say goodbye to her but others did i never got to say I’m sorry and i hope you’re proud of me or i love you one last time my chest starts hurting and it goes blank That’s when I wake up. I don’t know what to do anymore. I really want to talk to her just for an hour even in my dreams i never got the chance to tell her that I’ve done this and that and I’ve never got the chance to make her proud. All the things I’ve achieved or done seems pointless to me now

Neeks92 Reaching out to those who have lost their Mum
  • replies: 5

Hi, I lost my beautiful Mother 2 months ago to Cancer.. she was only 56 and I 26. I have been in the grips of an emotional black hole since. I am heartbroken, lost and trying to find meaning in life to continue. The hardest thing is, the loss of conn... View more

Hi, I lost my beautiful Mother 2 months ago to Cancer.. she was only 56 and I 26. I have been in the grips of an emotional black hole since. I am heartbroken, lost and trying to find meaning in life to continue. The hardest thing is, the loss of connection and inability to connect to others who have been fortunate enough to not experience this pain. I am hoping to find others who have lost their mothers. I hope once we have found each other we can offer support, share stories and get through this together!

STAR91 I don't how to feel
  • replies: 2

Lost 3 important people this year 3 months apart from each other. Living in a small aboriginal community it's hard to find someone who's not a family member to just chat to. It's hard to chat with family because they grieving too. I don't know how fe... View more

Lost 3 important people this year 3 months apart from each other. Living in a small aboriginal community it's hard to find someone who's not a family member to just chat to. It's hard to chat with family because they grieving too. I don't know how feel better anymore and I think it is starting to affect my home life and my work. I just wanted to be heard.

Jess-E Loss of a family member from suicide
  • replies: 3

This afternoon I received a phone call from my mum that my oldest cousin on my dad's side had taken her own life in the past 24 hours. This is the first suicide in my family and I don't know how to deal with it. All my other relatives who have passed... View more

This afternoon I received a phone call from my mum that my oldest cousin on my dad's side had taken her own life in the past 24 hours. This is the first suicide in my family and I don't know how to deal with it. All my other relatives who have passed away in my life time has been old age, and or cancer - so it was sad but sadly expected. I'm not sure how to deal with this...she had shown no signs from what I viewed (mainly online as we live in different states) I was told she even went to her doctor to talk about her developing depression, in the past few days. All I am feeling right now is numb and feeling guilty, guilty because I don't know if I could have done something, or sensed that something was going on, i hope you know what I mean. I have seen her family online and I have no idea of what to say to them. What could I say to make it better? I just wish I could go and comfort them but I am in Adelaide and they are in Melbourne. I just need some advice of how to deal with this.

wantedsiriusblack Struggling after losing my Dad
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone. I don’t usually post online and am new here. I lost my beloved Dad two weeks ago and am struggling. He had dementia and was deteriorating mentally and physically but everyone thought he had more time. They were wrong. I didn’t get the ch... View more

Hi everyone. I don’t usually post online and am new here. I lost my beloved Dad two weeks ago and am struggling. He had dementia and was deteriorating mentally and physically but everyone thought he had more time. They were wrong. I didn’t get the chance to sat a proper goodbye he was unconscious by the time I got to see him. It just hurts so much to know I’m never going to see him again. I feel so lost and raw. I can’t concentrate or focus and just want to hide away all the time. I would give absolutely anything for just a few minutes with him.

anmay I need support after sudden death of dad
  • replies: 8

My dad died last week without any warning. I spoke with him an hour beforehand & he was absolutely fine. Mum said one minute he was talking to her & the next minute he had collapsed & couldn’t be resuscitated. I don’t want to believe it’s real. I’m a... View more

My dad died last week without any warning. I spoke with him an hour beforehand & he was absolutely fine. Mum said one minute he was talking to her & the next minute he had collapsed & couldn’t be resuscitated. I don’t want to believe it’s real. I’m angry sick people live for ages and healthy people like dad can just drop dead. I’m worried about mum who is completely broken and now questions the point of her own life now dads not here. He was a very respected person but we couldn’t hold the funeral he deserved as only 10 people were allowed and we couldn’t hold a wake because of covid. Its not fair. He was here one minute and gone the next. We are unable to attend any grief support groups because of covid. I don’t know if they would help but it could be a start. Its a roller coaster of sadness, disbelief & anger. If he could die without any warning whatsoever that means I could too. What’s the point of living.

Angelus The Loss of a family member and a friend at the same time
  • replies: 1

So, on my birthday at the beginning of the year. i lost my poppy, now he was a very special man. he meant the absolute world to myself and my family. and his death was so so sudden. i felt so numb. then a few days later, i saw a post on Facebook that... View more

So, on my birthday at the beginning of the year. i lost my poppy, now he was a very special man. he meant the absolute world to myself and my family. and his death was so so sudden. i felt so numb. then a few days later, i saw a post on Facebook that a girl i used to dance with had passed away, and i immediately text the sister of the girl and say ' i am so sorry, she was so beautiful. i will see you in a few days,' Because i knew her and her family for most of my childhood. god she was only young, i felt so numb inside. then the hard part was who funeral do i go to, and i sat down and i looked up and i knew my poppy would understand why i wouldn't be saying goodbye to him with everyone else. when i got there, i found the sister and we cried in each others arms. for so long. they were my family too. and on top of all this, i was in a very toxic relationship. he just wasn't helping me. and i couldn't have the loss of these two amazing people in my life, piled on top of my toxic relationship. so during all of that, i was also going through quite a tough breakup. its been 7 months, and i thought i was getting better and better. but its all coming back. its just all in my head.

Guest_8790 Mothers Day 2020
  • replies: 7

Firstly I hope everyone who still have their mum really appreciated them not just for today but every day. Sadly I lost mine on 31st July 2015. I have good memories and a visit to the cemetery gave me some sense of peace. I had the opportunity to be ... View more

Firstly I hope everyone who still have their mum really appreciated them not just for today but every day. Sadly I lost mine on 31st July 2015. I have good memories and a visit to the cemetery gave me some sense of peace. I had the opportunity to be with her when she left. Sadly during this pandemic not all people got that opportunity. For Those people I feel so sad for you and hope you can think of them in better days. To all mums please have a safe and healthy day. A friend of mine said to me that every day is mothers day as they never take a day off. My mum said make Every day count as no use feeling regret once they have gone. This I managed to do before she left so this makes my loss a lot easier. Isolation may be hard but a loss is harder. Appreciate what you have now for this period will not last Forever. Rusty

Catz12 Bouncing Back From The Lows of Life and Being Resilient After A Setback
  • replies: 2

Hello, It is important that you learn to be resilient after a loss of a loved one. Sometimes, we just need to chill out by ourselves for a short time or spend time with happy people. Imagine a ball bouncing back up to you. Life should be just like th... View more

Hello, It is important that you learn to be resilient after a loss of a loved one. Sometimes, we just need to chill out by ourselves for a short time or spend time with happy people. Imagine a ball bouncing back up to you. Life should be just like that when a setback happens. Bounce back from negative events quickly.