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Today has been rough
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I am sorry you are hurting so much. This sounds really difficult and I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you to process and navigate through. It sounds like you care so much for your children.
Do you feel that the younger one may take some time to reconnect with you once she is a bit older? Do you feel any hope that the older one may reach out to you with a bit of time and space? I am so sorry that this has happened. Do you have anyone who you are close with that you feel you are able to talk to for support?
Take care.
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I am glad you have got people around you. I am sorry that I am not much help, but please know that I hear you, I understand that you are feeling really low. Your pain sounds really difficult to push through, but I hope that you are able to find some enjoyment in parts of your life, even if it is only small. I hope you are able to hold on to hope that maybe things may be different in the future, even though it feels all too much right now. Have you ever seen a counsellor or psychologist to talk through what you're struggling with? If not, would you consider it?
Sending you strength. Take care of yourself.