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Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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CarlsC I am so lost at present...does time really help?
  • replies: 3

I lost my mum 2 weeks ago tonight. Since her passing, I don't feel like I am present at some points during the day (if that makes sense?) I am so very fortunate I have had an amazing amount of support from close friends and family, but I feel like I ... View more

I lost my mum 2 weeks ago tonight. Since her passing, I don't feel like I am present at some points during the day (if that makes sense?) I am so very fortunate I have had an amazing amount of support from close friends and family, but I feel like I am failing my family (husband & 3 young children) I am not sleeping well at all, my mind is constantly ticking and thinking of so many things, it just won't switch off. My husband has been more than incredible, but I feel so guilty that I am not helping him in the capacity that I usually do. I have this overwhelming sense that I have to be strong for my kids and that I must get on with life as the way it was vs then not having the time to adequately grieve the loss of my mother, who I loved so much. I am just so lost. I feel that I am overwhelmed with not being able to control my emotions the way in which I usually can. I am unsure as to what to do next? Should I seek medical advice re: not sleeping? Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

kannie Confused about my loss
  • replies: 1

My mum passed away 7 weeks ago now. Although not completely unexpected as she was unwell, it was a shock at the time. My reaction has been so strange to me. The funeral was a wonderful gathering of family and we all supported each other and there wer... View more

My mum passed away 7 weeks ago now. Although not completely unexpected as she was unwell, it was a shock at the time. My reaction has been so strange to me. The funeral was a wonderful gathering of family and we all supported each other and there were tears and lots of hugs and lots of love expressed. But now I cannot feel any emotions when I think of her loss. It is as if I am numb. I don't understand this as I had a loving (but sometimes complex) relationship with her. And when I lost my dad I had a completely different experience of grief which felt more immediate. Two things have happened recently....I seem to be getting snappy with people whom I am close to. It is as if little things are triggering my temper and I am short and cranky. I can only assume this is related to my grief. I have not experienced this before. Has anyone else experienced something similar? The other thing is that my grief associated with another loss in my life (an estrangement from a close family member) seems to be dominating my thoughts and feelings. I feel this grief often, but since my mum died it seems as if it is so much more intense. It is as if I cannot grieve my mum as my loss of another is so dominant. Does this make sense? Is this possible that my grief for my loss of my mum is being overshadowed by grief of another? I really don't know how to understand all this and I certainly don't know how to feel about it all. Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated.

Nomes6 Releasing my brothers ashes today ..
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, Today I release my brothers ashes into the sea over the cliffs where we released mum mums 2 years ago.. It seems so sad that my brother and I were there not long ago doing that together with my dad and now he won’t be there.. well not in rea... View more

Hi guys, Today I release my brothers ashes into the sea over the cliffs where we released mum mums 2 years ago.. It seems so sad that my brother and I were there not long ago doing that together with my dad and now he won’t be there.. well not in real life.. it’s so soon to return there and now to release him.. he didn’t get over my mums death.. today it will just be myself and my dads girlfriend which is sad and not what I wanted.. esp the gf part.. dad moved on when mum was dying.. I had to battle to stop her coming to my mums ashes release.. but I have no fight left and if it makes him happy then I have to stop trying to be my mums advocate just like today I have to just be and not be my brothers.. except for making sure he got laid to rest with mum.. he chose not to be here anymore and died on the anniversary of her death.. it will be a hard day but hopefully I can find some will to live again after this instead of going through the motions.. just a shame it had to be at Xmas time.. anyways thanks for giving me a place to share.. my life was so different before all this loss... thanks guys Nomes

grt123 Dying Ex Husband
  • replies: 2

I've been separated nearly two years from a man with PTSD and major depression. Despite every opportunity to recover he seemed determined to destroy himself and everything around him. He wouldn't cooperate with doctors or treatment, blamed me and oth... View more

I've been separated nearly two years from a man with PTSD and major depression. Despite every opportunity to recover he seemed determined to destroy himself and everything around him. He wouldn't cooperate with doctors or treatment, blamed me and others for all his troubles and doggedly pursued a destructive lifestyle. In the last year we were together I couldn't shake the feeling that someone, somehow was going to die. I thought it would be me or the kids - his behaviour was just so appalling and reckless - but as it turns out he simply killed himself; a few months ago he was diagnosed with end stage liver disease. He won't have more than a few months. Here's the rub: Obviously he's sober now, and that makes a difference, but he's also coming back back to the man I used to love. Kind, funny, sweet and caring. It's like a weight has lifted off him and he's dropped his anger and hate and is just living for the moment. I drove him back from a medical appointment recently and we laughed, told stories and talked about the kids. Compare that to a few months ago when I refused to take him anywhere in the car out of fear he'd run us into a tree or under a truck - he was that bad. I don't love him anymore but God I feel sorry for him. If only he could have learned this lesson earlier, opened his heart and mind to recovery, he could have spared us all so much heartache. Right now he could have had family and friends around him to hold his hand and tell him they love him but he's lost it all. It's just so sad.

fred2018 Double combo of Depressive Episode and Greif
  • replies: 7

Would be interested to hear of how others have navigated there experience of living through a depressive episode and also be dealing with greif from a loved one because mine so far has been interesting hah to put it lightly.

Would be interested to hear of how others have navigated there experience of living through a depressive episode and also be dealing with greif from a loved one because mine so far has been interesting hah to put it lightly.

Biddy3 2 years on and still a mess
  • replies: 2

Hi this is my first post here. It was 2 years ago in September I lost my mum suddenly to lung cancer. She died 2 weeks after diagnosis. She was my best friend and the only person that really understood me. 2 years on and I still don’t cope at all not... View more

Hi this is my first post here. It was 2 years ago in September I lost my mum suddenly to lung cancer. She died 2 weeks after diagnosis. She was my best friend and the only person that really understood me. 2 years on and I still don’t cope at all not a week goes by I don’t breakdown crying. I have 2 young girls the youngest was 3 months old when she passed. I’ve really struggled with my kids since she’s gone my mother gave us so much help and now that’s it’s gone I don’t know what to do she was our only help we don’t have much other support. I want to be a good mother but find it hard when I feel depressed alot. since she has been gone we have had family rifts I don’t speak to my brothers anymore and I have now lost some close friends. I feel at times I have no one left me and my husband barely talk anymore he was helpful in the beginning but now I feel my cry’s for help just go unnoticed. Feels like everyone thinks I should be over it by now but life is just getting worse not better. I know I need to seek some help but find it hard to ask I’ve always just managed on my own.

Lelowe Lonely
  • replies: 4

I lost my mum to cancer 5 years ago. Xmas is the hardest time for me. It's the time she started to decline and died 5th January the day before my daughter's 16th birthday. I think it gets harder for me every year without her

I lost my mum to cancer 5 years ago. Xmas is the hardest time for me. It's the time she started to decline and died 5th January the day before my daughter's 16th birthday. I think it gets harder for me every year without her

fred2018 Tough day
  • replies: 1

Today I found the loss of my mum quite shit to say the least. I am in the process of getting treatment for depression which has been delayed due to insurance (hopefully approved next week!) but its been a hard slog and my mum passed in 2017, so the g... View more

Today I found the loss of my mum quite shit to say the least. I am in the process of getting treatment for depression which has been delayed due to insurance (hopefully approved next week!) but its been a hard slog and my mum passed in 2017, so the grief is still pretty raw. She was with me through past episodes of depression and just life in general and now that shes not is bloody hard. My psychologist doesn't think we should talk about my mum's death just yet until I try sort out my own stuff, I agree but maybe its time in the next few weeks.

Violinlady Feeling shattered after a suicide of a loved family member
  • replies: 2

Recently our much loved son, nephew, grandson, husband and father committed suicide. It has been devastating and incomprehensible. My family has been ripped apart and are attributing blame to each other at a time that we should all be comforting each... View more

Recently our much loved son, nephew, grandson, husband and father committed suicide. It has been devastating and incomprehensible. My family has been ripped apart and are attributing blame to each other at a time that we should all be comforting each other. I sit at home every night and cry and drink. Has anyone else suffered a lose like this and how did your family cope and help each other. I am feeling so miserable and helpless - it's been three months and nothing is getting better. I never thought my family would behave like this during such a sad time.

RebeccaLeaa Losing a father
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I've had depression since I was 16 (25 now), my dad was my rock, the person I turned to after a horrible day and was my biggest cheerleader always. Sadly 4 months ago he had a trail bike accident and passed away. I remeber the day like it was... View more

Hi all, I've had depression since I was 16 (25 now), my dad was my rock, the person I turned to after a horrible day and was my biggest cheerleader always. Sadly 4 months ago he had a trail bike accident and passed away. I remeber the day like it was yesturday, getting the call saying he had an accident thinking yep that my dare evil dad just being himself, waiting for the call to hear where the helicopter was taking him, laughing with my sister about how dad won't even wait to the cast is off before getting back on a bike. Almost an hour went by of me freaking out waiting to hear, then my partners phone rang it was one of the guys at the track with dad, he face said it all, I know my dad didn't make it. My dad had a brain aneurysm pop and died within mins. It was the biggest shock of my life, I regret not going to the track and seeing what was taking soo long, for so long I thought dad would come around the corner and say hehe just kidding like one of this horrible jokes that have gone to far. 2 weeks after my dad passed away my boyfriend asked me to marry him, he told how the last time he talked to dad he asked for my hand in marriage. I'm really struggling trying to understand why?? Why did he have to go soo young?(aged 50) He will never meet my kids or be at my wedding. I love my H2B but every time i get upset he tells me that he understand that he knows how it feels. Some time I want to yell at him and ask him how he knows what it feels like when you still have your dad. My depression is worse then ever and it's really effect my relationship.