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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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grt123 Dying Ex Husband
  • replies: 2

I've been separated nearly two years from a man with PTSD and major depression. Despite every opportunity to recover he seemed determined to destroy himself and everything around him. He wouldn't cooperate with doctors or treatment, blamed me and oth... View more

I've been separated nearly two years from a man with PTSD and major depression. Despite every opportunity to recover he seemed determined to destroy himself and everything around him. He wouldn't cooperate with doctors or treatment, blamed me and others for all his troubles and doggedly pursued a destructive lifestyle. In the last year we were together I couldn't shake the feeling that someone, somehow was going to die. I thought it would be me or the kids - his behaviour was just so appalling and reckless - but as it turns out he simply killed himself; a few months ago he was diagnosed with end stage liver disease. He won't have more than a few months. Here's the rub: Obviously he's sober now, and that makes a difference, but he's also coming back back to the man I used to love. Kind, funny, sweet and caring. It's like a weight has lifted off him and he's dropped his anger and hate and is just living for the moment. I drove him back from a medical appointment recently and we laughed, told stories and talked about the kids. Compare that to a few months ago when I refused to take him anywhere in the car out of fear he'd run us into a tree or under a truck - he was that bad. I don't love him anymore but God I feel sorry for him. If only he could have learned this lesson earlier, opened his heart and mind to recovery, he could have spared us all so much heartache. Right now he could have had family and friends around him to hold his hand and tell him they love him but he's lost it all. It's just so sad.

fred2018 Double combo of Depressive Episode and Greif
  • replies: 7

Would be interested to hear of how others have navigated there experience of living through a depressive episode and also be dealing with greif from a loved one because mine so far has been interesting hah to put it lightly.

Would be interested to hear of how others have navigated there experience of living through a depressive episode and also be dealing with greif from a loved one because mine so far has been interesting hah to put it lightly.

Biddy3 2 years on and still a mess
  • replies: 2

Hi this is my first post here. It was 2 years ago in September I lost my mum suddenly to lung cancer. She died 2 weeks after diagnosis. She was my best friend and the only person that really understood me. 2 years on and I still don’t cope at all not... View more

Hi this is my first post here. It was 2 years ago in September I lost my mum suddenly to lung cancer. She died 2 weeks after diagnosis. She was my best friend and the only person that really understood me. 2 years on and I still don’t cope at all not a week goes by I don’t breakdown crying. I have 2 young girls the youngest was 3 months old when she passed. I’ve really struggled with my kids since she’s gone my mother gave us so much help and now that’s it’s gone I don’t know what to do she was our only help we don’t have much other support. I want to be a good mother but find it hard when I feel depressed alot. since she has been gone we have had family rifts I don’t speak to my brothers anymore and I have now lost some close friends. I feel at times I have no one left me and my husband barely talk anymore he was helpful in the beginning but now I feel my cry’s for help just go unnoticed. Feels like everyone thinks I should be over it by now but life is just getting worse not better. I know I need to seek some help but find it hard to ask I’ve always just managed on my own.

Lelowe Lonely
  • replies: 4

I lost my mum to cancer 5 years ago. Xmas is the hardest time for me. It's the time she started to decline and died 5th January the day before my daughter's 16th birthday. I think it gets harder for me every year without her

I lost my mum to cancer 5 years ago. Xmas is the hardest time for me. It's the time she started to decline and died 5th January the day before my daughter's 16th birthday. I think it gets harder for me every year without her

fred2018 Tough day
  • replies: 1

Today I found the loss of my mum quite shit to say the least. I am in the process of getting treatment for depression which has been delayed due to insurance (hopefully approved next week!) but its been a hard slog and my mum passed in 2017, so the g... View more

Today I found the loss of my mum quite shit to say the least. I am in the process of getting treatment for depression which has been delayed due to insurance (hopefully approved next week!) but its been a hard slog and my mum passed in 2017, so the grief is still pretty raw. She was with me through past episodes of depression and just life in general and now that shes not is bloody hard. My psychologist doesn't think we should talk about my mum's death just yet until I try sort out my own stuff, I agree but maybe its time in the next few weeks.

Violinlady Feeling shattered after a suicide of a loved family member
  • replies: 2

Recently our much loved son, nephew, grandson, husband and father committed suicide. It has been devastating and incomprehensible. My family has been ripped apart and are attributing blame to each other at a time that we should all be comforting each... View more

Recently our much loved son, nephew, grandson, husband and father committed suicide. It has been devastating and incomprehensible. My family has been ripped apart and are attributing blame to each other at a time that we should all be comforting each other. I sit at home every night and cry and drink. Has anyone else suffered a lose like this and how did your family cope and help each other. I am feeling so miserable and helpless - it's been three months and nothing is getting better. I never thought my family would behave like this during such a sad time.

RebeccaLeaa Losing a father
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I've had depression since I was 16 (25 now), my dad was my rock, the person I turned to after a horrible day and was my biggest cheerleader always. Sadly 4 months ago he had a trail bike accident and passed away. I remeber the day like it was... View more

Hi all, I've had depression since I was 16 (25 now), my dad was my rock, the person I turned to after a horrible day and was my biggest cheerleader always. Sadly 4 months ago he had a trail bike accident and passed away. I remeber the day like it was yesturday, getting the call saying he had an accident thinking yep that my dare evil dad just being himself, waiting for the call to hear where the helicopter was taking him, laughing with my sister about how dad won't even wait to the cast is off before getting back on a bike. Almost an hour went by of me freaking out waiting to hear, then my partners phone rang it was one of the guys at the track with dad, he face said it all, I know my dad didn't make it. My dad had a brain aneurysm pop and died within mins. It was the biggest shock of my life, I regret not going to the track and seeing what was taking soo long, for so long I thought dad would come around the corner and say hehe just kidding like one of this horrible jokes that have gone to far. 2 weeks after my dad passed away my boyfriend asked me to marry him, he told how the last time he talked to dad he asked for my hand in marriage. I'm really struggling trying to understand why?? Why did he have to go soo young?(aged 50) He will never meet my kids or be at my wedding. I love my H2B but every time i get upset he tells me that he understand that he knows how it feels. Some time I want to yell at him and ask him how he knows what it feels like when you still have your dad. My depression is worse then ever and it's really effect my relationship.

Whatever1 My mum is gone
  • replies: 3

I’m 18 years old and at the start of this year my mum died so very unexpectedly. It’s been 9 months without her and I can’t explain how much I miss her she was my best friend she always had a solution to every problem of mine and for some insane reas... View more

I’m 18 years old and at the start of this year my mum died so very unexpectedly. It’s been 9 months without her and I can’t explain how much I miss her she was my best friend she always had a solution to every problem of mine and for some insane reason I keep thinking that she is going to come back and everything will go back to normal but it won’t. It hurts my heart physically hurts and I don’t know what to do to stop it, all I want is to just see her face and hear her voice and just hug her so tight. Just mum and I lived in a small house together, mum had been sick for few weeks prior but doctors just kept sending her home with different pills to take so she went to the hospital one night from still feeling unwell, I was happy because I thought that she would get the medical advice and treatment she needed and be home in a few days, that night I got a phone call asking if it was me and was told to come up to the hospital so I did. I got there and all the doctors kept saying to me was “Hannah your mum is really sick and it looks like she might die” as I waited for the rest of my family to travel down to the hospital I sat by her bed side in the ICU unit and watched my mum die then had to tell the rest of my family when they got there. I keep reliving this day over and over in my head and I have dreams at night about it, it makes me feel sick and makes me feel so sad I just couldn’t do anything to help her. I don’t want to live my life with out my mum, I feel that I will never be properly happy again. I want her here with me it’s just so totally unfair. I don’t understand what I did to deserve this kind of pain. The last thing I thought that would happen this year was I wouldn’t be finishing it with my mumma, this year by far has been the worst year of my life and I cannot wait until it is over.

Ekoi Does the grief and guilt ever go away?
  • replies: 3

Late in 2018 I lost two family members very close to me. First, at the end of August someone who is like a second father, who has cared for me since I was 6 months old finally passed away after a long hard battle with cancer. I had received messages ... View more

Late in 2018 I lost two family members very close to me. First, at the end of August someone who is like a second father, who has cared for me since I was 6 months old finally passed away after a long hard battle with cancer. I had received messages from my 'sister' days earlier telling me that his health was rapidly declining and that I should come visit him as they didn't know how long he had left. I was so busy with work shifts all over the place that it took a bit before I could organise a time, and I finally planned a day I would go and visit. A couple of nights before the day I had planned to visit, I get a phone call from my niece saying I should come urgently as he was getting even worse. I was prepared to head over there and then, but because it was late at night, we both agreed I would come early the next day. The next day, as I'm getting ready to head out there I get a phone call from my niece again... in tears telling me he was gone. I'd never experienced the death of someone so close, so I didn't know how to react and my instinct was to be the strong one, and I held it together, suppressing my emotions through everything so that everyone else had someone to lean on. Fast forward a couple of weeks, I had a holiday I had booked for months to go to Japan. But I don't look at that holiday as a good holiday. As the day after I returned home, my grandfather passed away. A little over a month after my 'Dad' had passed away. I had so much suppressed emotion from his passing that when I found out about my Poppy I broke. I was an emotional shell for months afterward, and I could not sleep. I didn't catch up with my Poppy (grandfather) right before we left for Japan, even though he wanted to catch up for dinner the night before we went away. He rang me, but I was so busy packing and when I checked the message I had already eaten dinner. So I didn't ring him back even though I had spare time for going out with him, and told myself I would contact him when I get back. I never could. I still have the messages on my phone, saved, so that I could hear his voice. It's now been a little over a year since they both passed away and I still have dreams and nightmares. I still have so much grief and guilt about losing them both, I feel so guilty about all the times I didn't catch up with them and how distant I was. I don't know what I can do, but I've been so lost since. I have never experienced this, I don't know what I can do.

Rose511 Loss of father from Cancer
  • replies: 2

It’s been 2years since the passing of my dad from terminal cancer , my poor dad had to suffer in such a horrible devastating traumatic way. My dad finally got diagnosed after years of dealing with pain and sickness he was so stubborn and obviously sc... View more

It’s been 2years since the passing of my dad from terminal cancer , my poor dad had to suffer in such a horrible devastating traumatic way. My dad finally got diagnosed after years of dealing with pain and sickness he was so stubborn and obviously scared to go to a doctor till it was way to late and they gave dad 6-18 months to live if the chemo works dad lasted 4 months and they were the most horrific months of all our lives to watch someone I idolised love cherish and was my all round everything fall and deteriorate to nothing was so terribly painful I haven’t grieved as you should I just keep putting it past can’t visit his grave which I haven’t for 2years now can’t talk about him can’t listen to his songs without falling apart and it’s not causing issues that I need to deal with his loss any help I would really appreciate especially the talking and listening to songs part I’ve know how to be able to get pass this issue I have it’s going to be hard enough on my wedding day that I have coming up and need to be able to handle it in some way it’s going to be very hard cause the part he dosent even know I got engaged to the love of my life we had a baby now the wedding I’ve never asked for help but iam now thankyou for reading