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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Sunsersky My mum has passed away and my dad is in palliative care
  • replies: 1

Hi all, My parents were both diagnosed with terminal cancer, we lost mum a month ago and now dad is back in palliative care. im struggling so much with the loss of my beautiful mum and also having to revisit the hospital/ward she passed away on every... View more

Hi all, My parents were both diagnosed with terminal cancer, we lost mum a month ago and now dad is back in palliative care. im struggling so much with the loss of my beautiful mum and also having to revisit the hospital/ward she passed away on every day to see dad, as well as dads drastic decline in the last few months. im not sure what I’m wanting from this, maybe hope that I can make it through and support to keep being strong. Every day is a struggle and I haven’t had time to process what has happened with mum in between caring for dad.

Rosiegirl93 Lost my best friend my mum
  • replies: 3

Hello im trying to grief for my mum who passed away June 2019 I have to girls aged 4 & 2 and I have my supportive husband I really wanted to connected with anyone that is going through the same thing and help me through my dark days

Hello im trying to grief for my mum who passed away June 2019 I have to girls aged 4 & 2 and I have my supportive husband I really wanted to connected with anyone that is going through the same thing and help me through my dark days

marie93 How long and how much do you support a grieving parent?
  • replies: 1

So my stepdad died two and half years ago at aged 42 due to a cardiac arrest. He was a dad to me for 20 years and also a father to my two teenage brothers that are now aged 15 and 16. When he died I was 23 and I moved back home to support my mum and ... View more

So my stepdad died two and half years ago at aged 42 due to a cardiac arrest. He was a dad to me for 20 years and also a father to my two teenage brothers that are now aged 15 and 16. When he died I was 23 and I moved back home to support my mum and brothers and I did so for 9 months. I struggled coping with my own grief while supporting everyone else’s so I eventually moved to Canada (my mum is Canadian and all of her family is in Canada). My mum was very supportive of this decision and said that she just wants me to be happy. I met a Canadian man and we’ve since moved home to Perth - we’ve been back for almost a year now. My mum is still majorly depressed, not eating properly, barely sleeps, and feels very lonely and like she doesn’t have a support system. I have dealt with anxiety and depression for years, and had a very complicated relationship with my stepdad for a very long time (however I still loved him with all my heart and his absence from my life still takes the breath out of me. I often have dreams about him and wake up hyperventilating and crying). My heart aches and I want to help my mum, but I also want to live my own life and it takes so much effort just to keep my own head above water. So my question is what should I be doing to help her? How much responsibility do I take on for her happiness and wellbeing? I have suggested psychologists many times and she refuses. She says she has too many issues that have been repressed for decades and she wouldn’t survive talking to someone about it. She did start seeing my kinesiologist after my stepdads death and it helps but only does so much. She also isn’t a very social person and because of this has very few friends. She’s also just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes so she can’t eat so many of the things she loves which I know hasn’t helped. I hold so much guilt over not doing more for her but I’m constantly told by other loved ones in my life that it’s not my responsibility. That at some point she needs to pull herself out. I just don’t know.

Bambi81 Bereaved by suicide
  • replies: 3

Hi there does anyone know of any support groups for people who have lost a family member to suicide? I had two family member die within a few days of each other and looking for a group to join. thank you!

Hi there does anyone know of any support groups for people who have lost a family member to suicide? I had two family member die within a few days of each other and looking for a group to join. thank you!

MyMum My Mum, My Best Friend
  • replies: 4

Hi there I lost my Mum to lung cancer Nov 19. She had been told in September 19 following surgery Jul 18 that she had 5 years. The surgery she had was for a different type of lung cancer. During the operation they cut her Main artery and she lost 3 l... View more

Hi there I lost my Mum to lung cancer Nov 19. She had been told in September 19 following surgery Jul 18 that she had 5 years. The surgery she had was for a different type of lung cancer. During the operation they cut her Main artery and she lost 3 litres of blood and was lucky to survive. Her recovery was slow and she developed a cough. She was put on antibiotics but unbeknown she had developed small cell carcinoma which has a low survival rate. She went in to hospital for a bronchoscopy to determine the cough and development Of atrial fibrillation. I stayed with her for a test (3 day stay in hospital) and she died 9 days later. Iam struggling as she was told in September she had 5 years as the op in July 19 was successful. I was holding her hand when she died. She was my best friend and was 75 and full of life. I have no close friends (ai moved to Vic almost 3 years ago) so feel alone. I'm not sleeping and I focus on things I did wrong over the years rather than the Good times. I beat myself up. I kept a small urn with some of Mum's ashes as she is interred in another state. I hold and kiss the urn daily. I feel I am in denial/shock. I MISS HER.

Pyjamas New baby. Passed away mother
  • replies: 2

Three months ago my mum lost her battle with cancer. All my mum did for the 18 months that she was diagnosed, was talk about the fact she was dying. Every conversation surrounded death to the point that I tuned out to it and then when she did actuall... View more

Three months ago my mum lost her battle with cancer. All my mum did for the 18 months that she was diagnosed, was talk about the fact she was dying. Every conversation surrounded death to the point that I tuned out to it and then when she did actually die, I couldn’t believe it. It’s like I became desensitised to her dying to the point where I didn’t actually believe she would. I coped ok for the first two months. Just did what I had to do. I was more angry than anything else. Then something inside me broke and now I have to take life hour by hour instead of day by day. I’m absolutely miserable. No energy. Showering feels like a massive task. have been to the gp and see a psychiatrist For medication. I’m currently trying a third medication but feel so so low so don’t think it’s helping. Psychiatrist wants me to stick it out another couple of weeks but surely it should have worked by now. I’ve been on it around 6 weeks. I’m miserable. So stuck in my own head with the circling thoughts of “what’s the point in life” “ why are we even here”. I wish there was an off switch. I have three kids, one being only 4 months old and I need to live and not be such a head case but I just can’t function. I barely leave the house these days. Maybe once or twice a week when I absolutely can’t avoid it. I’m so sick of feeling this way and I hate myself for it because I should have the power to turn it off and change but I just can’t.

Ez_22 Lost in grief
  • replies: 2

Hi all I'm new to this forum, and not really sure what to say. I'm just a bit lost and stuck and in a confused space of grief and loss. I lost my partner to suicide 18 months ago. It was a surprise to us. Although she did have some problems in the pa... View more

Hi all I'm new to this forum, and not really sure what to say. I'm just a bit lost and stuck and in a confused space of grief and loss. I lost my partner to suicide 18 months ago. It was a surprise to us. Although she did have some problems in the past and, as I've learned to process since her passing, was a functioning alcoholic. I've spent so much time making sense of things. Processing my sadness and guilt and trying to understand and forgive her... And now I feel like I've lost who she actually was before all this trauma. I'm not really sure how to extrapolate what I have been left with, while also appreciating our life that was. I don't recognise it any more. I am numb to my present. So am stuck. And sad. And sometimes really desperate. Sometimes I am happy. I do have lots of love around me. I feel like I have my head under water, and am content swimming beneath the surface because when I come up for air it's all too much and it makes my head spin. I'm not sure what anyone could possibly say, and I'm not sure that there is anything to be said. I guess I just needed a forum and space to put my feelings into words. It's comforting to read the honest stories and supportive responses. There are a lot of brave people in the world and on this forum. It's inspiring.

Nicc_01 Loss of new puppy
  • replies: 6

Hi guys, This is my first post on here so i am a little nervous and unsure. But yesterday i had a really bad accident and backed over my families new puppy. He was gone pretty much instantly. We had only had him less than 3 days and he basically stuc... View more

Hi guys, This is my first post on here so i am a little nervous and unsure. But yesterday i had a really bad accident and backed over my families new puppy. He was gone pretty much instantly. We had only had him less than 3 days and he basically stuck to my side every hour of the day. He was always following me around and would do everything i did. I had no idea he had gotten out of the house and followed me up to my car, and so when the accident happened i was just in complete shock and overwhelmed i had the worst panic attack i have ever experienced. I still feel so guilty and just in shock, i have no idea what to do or how to cope. I have suffered from anxiety for many years now, and have had a few depressive episodes but this feels like the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I know it was an accident and there was no way i could've known he was there. But i just, i don't know what to do and i don't know how to get past this pain. I know it is going to take time but i just feel so guilty and i cant stop seeing him just lying there. It hurts to know that he was only there because he wanted to be with me and next me. Please help me know how to process this and recover from this.

Abd Unable to truly move on
  • replies: 2

Two years ago on the 30/11/2017 I received the call that my beautiful 25 year old daughter had died by suicide. I have three children and my daughter was my middle child. The life of the party, my biggest supporter and never a day went past that she ... View more

Two years ago on the 30/11/2017 I received the call that my beautiful 25 year old daughter had died by suicide. I have three children and my daughter was my middle child. The life of the party, my biggest supporter and never a day went past that she didn’t tell me she loved me. I fought hard for justice for my child and was left to handle everything as my husband struggled to cope. As I fought for my child I also found out that my husband of 30 years was having an affair with a woman known to me. I overheard his drunken conversation to her as he was describing me as disgusting to look at and how wonderful she was. The next day I phoned him and he was with her on our new boat named after our daughter (they both laughed because she went on the boat before me). I spent over 8 hours that day begging him to come home. He agreed to counselling and trying to put our marriage back together. Nothing has changed, with him doing whatever he wants, relying heavily on alcohol and telling me to get over it. This is a man I loved. This is all too much and I struggle more and more to find reasons to go on. The woman I see in the mirror is disgusting. I went back to work, am studying and trying to like myself but I don’t know how much I can take. He refuses to sell the boat and when I go to my car it is the first thing I see. My other two children don’t want to talk about their sister and I continue to pretend I’m happy when I’m dying inside. My husband just things I’m a fool.

Rails Loss
  • replies: 3

Today I am dealing with a overwhelming sense of sadness and guilt. 7 years ago my sister and I had a falling out over some issues related to her relationship with my parents. It was after being the person stuck in the middle of this constant fighting... View more

Today I am dealing with a overwhelming sense of sadness and guilt. 7 years ago my sister and I had a falling out over some issues related to her relationship with my parents. It was after being the person stuck in the middle of this constant fighting between them, I cut all ties with both of them for 12 months and didn't allow my children contact with either of them. At the time I said some pretty nasty things to both and felt a massive sense of relief. 1 year on I was able to repair the relationship with my parent but remainded estranged from my sister and then nephew who was 7 years old at the time. I loved my nephew, however I didn't want to engage with my sister which mnt I couldn't engage with him. Over the 7 years of separation I have attempted to repair te relationship with my sister on 5-6 occasions but phone or text and she has choosen to not respond. I've respect this and not pushed after the initial text or call. 1 week ago my nephew was successful in ending his life. I have felt nothing but sadness and loss at this and reached out to both his parents, to express my sorrow for them and also myself. Today my sister made contact with me and and said that I would be happy that my nephew had passed away and that how dare I make this about myself and text her 3 times. I feel guilty that I've made her grief worse and I've clearly misread the situation. I feel helpless and so bad.