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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Pyjamas New baby. Passed away mother
  • replies: 2

Three months ago my mum lost her battle with cancer. All my mum did for the 18 months that she was diagnosed, was talk about the fact she was dying. Every conversation surrounded death to the point that I tuned out to it and then when she did actuall... View more

Three months ago my mum lost her battle with cancer. All my mum did for the 18 months that she was diagnosed, was talk about the fact she was dying. Every conversation surrounded death to the point that I tuned out to it and then when she did actually die, I couldn’t believe it. It’s like I became desensitised to her dying to the point where I didn’t actually believe she would. I coped ok for the first two months. Just did what I had to do. I was more angry than anything else. Then something inside me broke and now I have to take life hour by hour instead of day by day. I’m absolutely miserable. No energy. Showering feels like a massive task. have been to the gp and see a psychiatrist For medication. I’m currently trying a third medication but feel so so low so don’t think it’s helping. Psychiatrist wants me to stick it out another couple of weeks but surely it should have worked by now. I’ve been on it around 6 weeks. I’m miserable. So stuck in my own head with the circling thoughts of “what’s the point in life” “ why are we even here”. I wish there was an off switch. I have three kids, one being only 4 months old and I need to live and not be such a head case but I just can’t function. I barely leave the house these days. Maybe once or twice a week when I absolutely can’t avoid it. I’m so sick of feeling this way and I hate myself for it because I should have the power to turn it off and change but I just can’t.

Ez_22 Lost in grief
  • replies: 2

Hi all I'm new to this forum, and not really sure what to say. I'm just a bit lost and stuck and in a confused space of grief and loss. I lost my partner to suicide 18 months ago. It was a surprise to us. Although she did have some problems in the pa... View more

Hi all I'm new to this forum, and not really sure what to say. I'm just a bit lost and stuck and in a confused space of grief and loss. I lost my partner to suicide 18 months ago. It was a surprise to us. Although she did have some problems in the past and, as I've learned to process since her passing, was a functioning alcoholic. I've spent so much time making sense of things. Processing my sadness and guilt and trying to understand and forgive her... And now I feel like I've lost who she actually was before all this trauma. I'm not really sure how to extrapolate what I have been left with, while also appreciating our life that was. I don't recognise it any more. I am numb to my present. So am stuck. And sad. And sometimes really desperate. Sometimes I am happy. I do have lots of love around me. I feel like I have my head under water, and am content swimming beneath the surface because when I come up for air it's all too much and it makes my head spin. I'm not sure what anyone could possibly say, and I'm not sure that there is anything to be said. I guess I just needed a forum and space to put my feelings into words. It's comforting to read the honest stories and supportive responses. There are a lot of brave people in the world and on this forum. It's inspiring.

Nicc_01 Loss of new puppy
  • replies: 6

Hi guys, This is my first post on here so i am a little nervous and unsure. But yesterday i had a really bad accident and backed over my families new puppy. He was gone pretty much instantly. We had only had him less than 3 days and he basically stuc... View more

Hi guys, This is my first post on here so i am a little nervous and unsure. But yesterday i had a really bad accident and backed over my families new puppy. He was gone pretty much instantly. We had only had him less than 3 days and he basically stuck to my side every hour of the day. He was always following me around and would do everything i did. I had no idea he had gotten out of the house and followed me up to my car, and so when the accident happened i was just in complete shock and overwhelmed i had the worst panic attack i have ever experienced. I still feel so guilty and just in shock, i have no idea what to do or how to cope. I have suffered from anxiety for many years now, and have had a few depressive episodes but this feels like the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I know it was an accident and there was no way i could've known he was there. But i just, i don't know what to do and i don't know how to get past this pain. I know it is going to take time but i just feel so guilty and i cant stop seeing him just lying there. It hurts to know that he was only there because he wanted to be with me and next me. Please help me know how to process this and recover from this.

Abd Unable to truly move on
  • replies: 2

Two years ago on the 30/11/2017 I received the call that my beautiful 25 year old daughter had died by suicide. I have three children and my daughter was my middle child. The life of the party, my biggest supporter and never a day went past that she ... View more

Two years ago on the 30/11/2017 I received the call that my beautiful 25 year old daughter had died by suicide. I have three children and my daughter was my middle child. The life of the party, my biggest supporter and never a day went past that she didn’t tell me she loved me. I fought hard for justice for my child and was left to handle everything as my husband struggled to cope. As I fought for my child I also found out that my husband of 30 years was having an affair with a woman known to me. I overheard his drunken conversation to her as he was describing me as disgusting to look at and how wonderful she was. The next day I phoned him and he was with her on our new boat named after our daughter (they both laughed because she went on the boat before me). I spent over 8 hours that day begging him to come home. He agreed to counselling and trying to put our marriage back together. Nothing has changed, with him doing whatever he wants, relying heavily on alcohol and telling me to get over it. This is a man I loved. This is all too much and I struggle more and more to find reasons to go on. The woman I see in the mirror is disgusting. I went back to work, am studying and trying to like myself but I don’t know how much I can take. He refuses to sell the boat and when I go to my car it is the first thing I see. My other two children don’t want to talk about their sister and I continue to pretend I’m happy when I’m dying inside. My husband just things I’m a fool.

Rails Loss
  • replies: 3

Today I am dealing with a overwhelming sense of sadness and guilt. 7 years ago my sister and I had a falling out over some issues related to her relationship with my parents. It was after being the person stuck in the middle of this constant fighting... View more

Today I am dealing with a overwhelming sense of sadness and guilt. 7 years ago my sister and I had a falling out over some issues related to her relationship with my parents. It was after being the person stuck in the middle of this constant fighting between them, I cut all ties with both of them for 12 months and didn't allow my children contact with either of them. At the time I said some pretty nasty things to both and felt a massive sense of relief. 1 year on I was able to repair the relationship with my parent but remainded estranged from my sister and then nephew who was 7 years old at the time. I loved my nephew, however I didn't want to engage with my sister which mnt I couldn't engage with him. Over the 7 years of separation I have attempted to repair te relationship with my sister on 5-6 occasions but phone or text and she has choosen to not respond. I've respect this and not pushed after the initial text or call. 1 week ago my nephew was successful in ending his life. I have felt nothing but sadness and loss at this and reached out to both his parents, to express my sorrow for them and also myself. Today my sister made contact with me and and said that I would be happy that my nephew had passed away and that how dare I make this about myself and text her 3 times. I feel guilty that I've made her grief worse and I've clearly misread the situation. I feel helpless and so bad.

CarlsC I am so lost at present...does time really help?
  • replies: 3

I lost my mum 2 weeks ago tonight. Since her passing, I don't feel like I am present at some points during the day (if that makes sense?) I am so very fortunate I have had an amazing amount of support from close friends and family, but I feel like I ... View more

I lost my mum 2 weeks ago tonight. Since her passing, I don't feel like I am present at some points during the day (if that makes sense?) I am so very fortunate I have had an amazing amount of support from close friends and family, but I feel like I am failing my family (husband & 3 young children) I am not sleeping well at all, my mind is constantly ticking and thinking of so many things, it just won't switch off. My husband has been more than incredible, but I feel so guilty that I am not helping him in the capacity that I usually do. I have this overwhelming sense that I have to be strong for my kids and that I must get on with life as the way it was vs then not having the time to adequately grieve the loss of my mother, who I loved so much. I am just so lost. I feel that I am overwhelmed with not being able to control my emotions the way in which I usually can. I am unsure as to what to do next? Should I seek medical advice re: not sleeping? Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

kannie Confused about my loss
  • replies: 1

My mum passed away 7 weeks ago now. Although not completely unexpected as she was unwell, it was a shock at the time. My reaction has been so strange to me. The funeral was a wonderful gathering of family and we all supported each other and there wer... View more

My mum passed away 7 weeks ago now. Although not completely unexpected as she was unwell, it was a shock at the time. My reaction has been so strange to me. The funeral was a wonderful gathering of family and we all supported each other and there were tears and lots of hugs and lots of love expressed. But now I cannot feel any emotions when I think of her loss. It is as if I am numb. I don't understand this as I had a loving (but sometimes complex) relationship with her. And when I lost my dad I had a completely different experience of grief which felt more immediate. Two things have happened recently....I seem to be getting snappy with people whom I am close to. It is as if little things are triggering my temper and I am short and cranky. I can only assume this is related to my grief. I have not experienced this before. Has anyone else experienced something similar? The other thing is that my grief associated with another loss in my life (an estrangement from a close family member) seems to be dominating my thoughts and feelings. I feel this grief often, but since my mum died it seems as if it is so much more intense. It is as if I cannot grieve my mum as my loss of another is so dominant. Does this make sense? Is this possible that my grief for my loss of my mum is being overshadowed by grief of another? I really don't know how to understand all this and I certainly don't know how to feel about it all. Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated.

Nomes6 Releasing my brothers ashes today ..
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, Today I release my brothers ashes into the sea over the cliffs where we released mum mums 2 years ago.. It seems so sad that my brother and I were there not long ago doing that together with my dad and now he won’t be there.. well not in rea... View more

Hi guys, Today I release my brothers ashes into the sea over the cliffs where we released mum mums 2 years ago.. It seems so sad that my brother and I were there not long ago doing that together with my dad and now he won’t be there.. well not in real life.. it’s so soon to return there and now to release him.. he didn’t get over my mums death.. today it will just be myself and my dads girlfriend which is sad and not what I wanted.. esp the gf part.. dad moved on when mum was dying.. I had to battle to stop her coming to my mums ashes release.. but I have no fight left and if it makes him happy then I have to stop trying to be my mums advocate just like today I have to just be and not be my brothers.. except for making sure he got laid to rest with mum.. he chose not to be here anymore and died on the anniversary of her death.. it will be a hard day but hopefully I can find some will to live again after this instead of going through the motions.. just a shame it had to be at Xmas time.. anyways thanks for giving me a place to share.. my life was so different before all this loss... thanks guys Nomes

grt123 Dying Ex Husband
  • replies: 2

I've been separated nearly two years from a man with PTSD and major depression. Despite every opportunity to recover he seemed determined to destroy himself and everything around him. He wouldn't cooperate with doctors or treatment, blamed me and oth... View more

I've been separated nearly two years from a man with PTSD and major depression. Despite every opportunity to recover he seemed determined to destroy himself and everything around him. He wouldn't cooperate with doctors or treatment, blamed me and others for all his troubles and doggedly pursued a destructive lifestyle. In the last year we were together I couldn't shake the feeling that someone, somehow was going to die. I thought it would be me or the kids - his behaviour was just so appalling and reckless - but as it turns out he simply killed himself; a few months ago he was diagnosed with end stage liver disease. He won't have more than a few months. Here's the rub: Obviously he's sober now, and that makes a difference, but he's also coming back back to the man I used to love. Kind, funny, sweet and caring. It's like a weight has lifted off him and he's dropped his anger and hate and is just living for the moment. I drove him back from a medical appointment recently and we laughed, told stories and talked about the kids. Compare that to a few months ago when I refused to take him anywhere in the car out of fear he'd run us into a tree or under a truck - he was that bad. I don't love him anymore but God I feel sorry for him. If only he could have learned this lesson earlier, opened his heart and mind to recovery, he could have spared us all so much heartache. Right now he could have had family and friends around him to hold his hand and tell him they love him but he's lost it all. It's just so sad.

fred2018 Double combo of Depressive Episode and Greif
  • replies: 7

Would be interested to hear of how others have navigated there experience of living through a depressive episode and also be dealing with greif from a loved one because mine so far has been interesting hah to put it lightly.

Would be interested to hear of how others have navigated there experience of living through a depressive episode and also be dealing with greif from a loved one because mine so far has been interesting hah to put it lightly.