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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Jess-E Loss of a family member from suicide
  • replies: 3

This afternoon I received a phone call from my mum that my oldest cousin on my dad's side had taken her own life in the past 24 hours. This is the first suicide in my family and I don't know how to deal with it. All my other relatives who have passed... View more

This afternoon I received a phone call from my mum that my oldest cousin on my dad's side had taken her own life in the past 24 hours. This is the first suicide in my family and I don't know how to deal with it. All my other relatives who have passed away in my life time has been old age, and or cancer - so it was sad but sadly expected. I'm not sure how to deal with this...she had shown no signs from what I viewed (mainly online as we live in different states) I was told she even went to her doctor to talk about her developing depression, in the past few days. All I am feeling right now is numb and feeling guilty, guilty because I don't know if I could have done something, or sensed that something was going on, i hope you know what I mean. I have seen her family online and I have no idea of what to say to them. What could I say to make it better? I just wish I could go and comfort them but I am in Adelaide and they are in Melbourne. I just need some advice of how to deal with this.

wantedsiriusblack Struggling after losing my Dad
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone. I don’t usually post online and am new here. I lost my beloved Dad two weeks ago and am struggling. He had dementia and was deteriorating mentally and physically but everyone thought he had more time. They were wrong. I didn’t get the ch... View more

Hi everyone. I don’t usually post online and am new here. I lost my beloved Dad two weeks ago and am struggling. He had dementia and was deteriorating mentally and physically but everyone thought he had more time. They were wrong. I didn’t get the chance to sat a proper goodbye he was unconscious by the time I got to see him. It just hurts so much to know I’m never going to see him again. I feel so lost and raw. I can’t concentrate or focus and just want to hide away all the time. I would give absolutely anything for just a few minutes with him.

anmay I need support after sudden death of dad
  • replies: 8

My dad died last week without any warning. I spoke with him an hour beforehand & he was absolutely fine. Mum said one minute he was talking to her & the next minute he had collapsed & couldn’t be resuscitated. I don’t want to believe it’s real. I’m a... View more

My dad died last week without any warning. I spoke with him an hour beforehand & he was absolutely fine. Mum said one minute he was talking to her & the next minute he had collapsed & couldn’t be resuscitated. I don’t want to believe it’s real. I’m angry sick people live for ages and healthy people like dad can just drop dead. I’m worried about mum who is completely broken and now questions the point of her own life now dads not here. He was a very respected person but we couldn’t hold the funeral he deserved as only 10 people were allowed and we couldn’t hold a wake because of covid. Its not fair. He was here one minute and gone the next. We are unable to attend any grief support groups because of covid. I don’t know if they would help but it could be a start. Its a roller coaster of sadness, disbelief & anger. If he could die without any warning whatsoever that means I could too. What’s the point of living.

Angelus The Loss of a family member and a friend at the same time
  • replies: 1

So, on my birthday at the beginning of the year. i lost my poppy, now he was a very special man. he meant the absolute world to myself and my family. and his death was so so sudden. i felt so numb. then a few days later, i saw a post on Facebook that... View more

So, on my birthday at the beginning of the year. i lost my poppy, now he was a very special man. he meant the absolute world to myself and my family. and his death was so so sudden. i felt so numb. then a few days later, i saw a post on Facebook that a girl i used to dance with had passed away, and i immediately text the sister of the girl and say ' i am so sorry, she was so beautiful. i will see you in a few days,' Because i knew her and her family for most of my childhood. god she was only young, i felt so numb inside. then the hard part was who funeral do i go to, and i sat down and i looked up and i knew my poppy would understand why i wouldn't be saying goodbye to him with everyone else. when i got there, i found the sister and we cried in each others arms. for so long. they were my family too. and on top of all this, i was in a very toxic relationship. he just wasn't helping me. and i couldn't have the loss of these two amazing people in my life, piled on top of my toxic relationship. so during all of that, i was also going through quite a tough breakup. its been 7 months, and i thought i was getting better and better. but its all coming back. its just all in my head.

Guest_8790 Mothers Day 2020
  • replies: 7

Firstly I hope everyone who still have their mum really appreciated them not just for today but every day. Sadly I lost mine on 31st July 2015. I have good memories and a visit to the cemetery gave me some sense of peace. I had the opportunity to be ... View more

Firstly I hope everyone who still have their mum really appreciated them not just for today but every day. Sadly I lost mine on 31st July 2015. I have good memories and a visit to the cemetery gave me some sense of peace. I had the opportunity to be with her when she left. Sadly during this pandemic not all people got that opportunity. For Those people I feel so sad for you and hope you can think of them in better days. To all mums please have a safe and healthy day. A friend of mine said to me that every day is mothers day as they never take a day off. My mum said make Every day count as no use feeling regret once they have gone. This I managed to do before she left so this makes my loss a lot easier. Isolation may be hard but a loss is harder. Appreciate what you have now for this period will not last Forever. Rusty

Catz12 Bouncing Back From The Lows of Life and Being Resilient After A Setback
  • replies: 2

Hello, It is important that you learn to be resilient after a loss of a loved one. Sometimes, we just need to chill out by ourselves for a short time or spend time with happy people. Imagine a ball bouncing back up to you. Life should be just like th... View more

Hello, It is important that you learn to be resilient after a loss of a loved one. Sometimes, we just need to chill out by ourselves for a short time or spend time with happy people. Imagine a ball bouncing back up to you. Life should be just like that when a setback happens. Bounce back from negative events quickly.

Emerald2020 Grieving for a partner
  • replies: 6

Hello everyone. Two weeks ago, my partner of 9 years died. He had been ill since last year and his death was not peaceful. Shortly before he died, I discovered some unpleasant things about my partner. I wonder if I really knew him and if he really lo... View more

Hello everyone. Two weeks ago, my partner of 9 years died. He had been ill since last year and his death was not peaceful. Shortly before he died, I discovered some unpleasant things about my partner. I wonder if I really knew him and if he really loved me. To make matters worse, there are several toxic adult children from his previous marriage who are making life difficult for me. I find it difficult to grieve properly for the loss of my partner because I'm very confused about the person he really was. Friends advise me to try to remember the happy times in our relationship but I feel betrayed and let down by my partner. Any advice?

Jarradh The loss of a loved one
  • replies: 5

New to this forum and not really sure where to start. Guess I'll start by sharing my story. Going back 9 weeks now my partner and love of my life took her own life. I won't go into details as it's still very raw and hard to talk about. There isn't a ... View more

New to this forum and not really sure where to start. Guess I'll start by sharing my story. Going back 9 weeks now my partner and love of my life took her own life. I won't go into details as it's still very raw and hard to talk about. There isn't a day that goes by where I'm not over come with grief. Tears are shed and I become sick with how my h I miss her. As most that have suffered something similar would know, I still struggle with guilt for not being able to help or be there. I all ways feel alone even when I'm around friends and family. I'm lucky that I have a good support group around me but they have never had to go through something like this, so they help me best they know how, which is great. But even then I can't talk about what I'm feeling or thinking as it's all new to them. So I guess that's why I decided to reach out on this forum. I know there is no time that will go past that will make it easier, but hopefully it does get some what more bearable to live with. Cause at the moment I'm not sure it ever will. Well thanks for reading.

Jasmine_R Felling loner and sad 😢all the time
  • replies: 6

I lost my only pet the day after his 1 birthday he would of been 5 years this April that’s just passed I fell so lonely and sad ever single day i made a memory wall of him up but looking at it makes me cry I hate living without him kills me inside Fe... View more

I lost my only pet the day after his 1 birthday he would of been 5 years this April that’s just passed I fell so lonely and sad ever single day i made a memory wall of him up but looking at it makes me cry I hate living without him kills me inside Felling upset ever day felling like I never want get up anymore

Til Grieving the loss of both my parents
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, When I was 13, my Mum had a severe stroke that left her paralysed on one side of her body and with some memory loss. My Mum was basically my Dad's carer at the time, as he had a genetic illness and his mental health declined over the yea... View more

Hi everyone, When I was 13, my Mum had a severe stroke that left her paralysed on one side of her body and with some memory loss. My Mum was basically my Dad's carer at the time, as he had a genetic illness and his mental health declined over the years. They both moved into nursing homes, as they needed extra care and considering I was young I couldn't look after them myself. Late 2018, my mum's health declined and in March 2019 she passed away. Fast forward 14 months later (last month) my Dad unfortunately passed away. My parent's Doctors both put them into palliative care. My mum was in it for 6 months, whereas my Dad passed away within 5 days. Mum lost so much weight and looked unrecognisable in the end and Dad was a shock as he went for a checkup for something else and the doctor said he had until the end of the week to live, due to fluid in his lungs. They seemed to be in a lot of pain in their final week. I'm 26 now and I've struggled a lot with depression and anxiety over the years, but I can't shake the regret, anger and sadness I have with myself. I feel like I was in a state of denial for so long about their declining health, that I didn't see them as much as I should've. I have so much regret about not spending their last day with them and not being there in their final hours. I really hope they knew how much I loved and appreciated them. I'm an only child aswell and even though I know I have a lot of supportive family members and friends, I still feel so alone during this time. I'm the only one in my friendship group that has lost a parent, let alone both. I will be returning to counselling at some point but can't physically speak about this face to face without breaking down. I find it hard to talk to my friends about this, because they haven't experienced something similar and I feel they have issues of their own and I don't want to burden them. I'm also stressed about their cemetery plaque, as I don't know what to write or do for it. Their funerals both seem like a blur to me, especially my Dad's which was only 3 weeks ago. I just wanted to know if there was a way to help manage feelings of regret and grief? If anyone reading this has attended a grief support group in person, was it helpful connecting with others compared to just a counsellor? Thank you!