Grief and loss

Never done this before

replies: 77

Good morning all, My loving partner died 3 weeks ago and I've been different each day....managing to do all the essentials but at times in a confused "lost" sort of way that I hide well. I conduct conversations with others, some who know, some who do... View more

Good morning all, My loving partner died 3 weeks ago and I've been different each day....managing to do all the essentials but at times in a confused "lost" sort of way that I hide well. I conduct conversations with others, some who know, some who don't very easily...chatting and laughing and carrying out the essentials of daily life, paying bills, making appointments, car services, new appliances etc....as if nothing had happened. Most mornings though I want to lie in bed for the whole day,never seeing or speaking to anyone. Driving in the car when a piece of music plays that reminds me of "us" the tears come. I attended a small group meeting of member of a club I belong to (of course it's all been shut down and in limbo since Corona, so nothing happened to distract me from the loss)....just needed to see familiar faces. Strangely enough conversation seemed to shut down and become a bit stilted when I arrived..no one mentioned my loss at all. I was longing for a hug, so I could give way to my pent up emotions, but there were none. No touch,no comfort offered....nothing! Why was this? These are great people and I know they care and like me..........but they didn't offer any words of comfort. Perhaps I was wrong about them being my friends, perhaps they couldn't give a stuff about me after all...what an idiot I am! The loss is not just"him"...a person. It's the other things that have also gone. No one knows me, "gets"me, or thinks I am as beautiful as he did. No one will tell me how lovely I look (even when I don't ) any more. No one calls me "darling". No one has my crazy at times black, sense of humour. I don't know anyone else who laughs at the same things we did. It's all those things that have gone too. No one comes in the door and immediately enfolds me in a hug. Why didn't my friends comfort me?

Lost my Dad and Motivation

replies: 4

Last June I lost my Dad in England to natural causes, and I knew that he was ready to be with mum. I've 'apparently' been coping well since - except that I haven't been really and now it has caught up with me. It has been the physical loss of Dad tha... View more

Last June I lost my Dad in England to natural causes, and I knew that he was ready to be with mum. I've 'apparently' been coping well since - except that I haven't been really and now it has caught up with me. It has been the physical loss of Dad that I've found so hard to cope with. He is not on the end of my mobile phone - we used to speak to each other every day or two. He encouraged me to start my PhD two years ago and, although he never sent many texts he sent this one at the start: Yes I know your going to be working hard iwill be right along side of you all the way and dont worry about me i will be ok we are going to get through this together by for now love lots [smiling boy emoji]. After his death, I've found it incredibly difficult to keep working on my PhD. His text stopped being an encouragement - I feel abandoned. I'm still chipping away at it, but 'not achieving' my usual amount is (to me) failure. I kind of feel lost, but want to persevere. Time allocated to the PhD means that, even if I don't work on that, I'm 'not allowed' to use the time for anything else. Nothing is getting done. I'm now not sleeping properly, staying at home, not catching up with friends, and not touching base with my Supervisors. I can't even face going to work. I just wish that I could get back to my normal self and 'function'. The myriad of thoughts that constantly whirl around in my head gives me a headache and I am so tired of thinking and not getting anywhere with anything. I miss Dad so much - I know what he would say, and what I should do; I just can't seem to do it. I just need to know that I will get through this (even though I'm not sure how at the moment).

I CANT STOP CRYING!!

replies: 4

My grandpa died 2 tears ago. I can never seem to get over it. Last week it was his birthday. I can't stop crying.

My beautiful Wilby

replies: 21

Hi every one, my first post I will try to keep it short. I miss my grandson so much . It’s killing me inside.i was at his very short birth. My daughter rang me 3am when William was 24 days old. She was so tired, had a sick 3yo and hubby with the flue... View more

Hi every one, my first post I will try to keep it short. I miss my grandson so much . It’s killing me inside.i was at his very short birth. My daughter rang me 3am when William was 24 days old. She was so tired, had a sick 3yo and hubby with the flue. William who we called Wilby had a cough. So I got over there , sent her to bed for some sleep and looked after Wilby, in the 4 hours I cuddled that sweet bub he wouldn’t drink his bottle. Well his little family woke and I told my daughter to give him some breast milk as he wouldn’t drink any bottle, then I said he was lethargic let’s take him to hospital he is dehydrated. As I put Wilby in the car he gave a little grin. 25 minutes later we get to hospital, my daughter gets his bag and it’s my job to put my grandsons in and out of the cars. As I got him out I thought he was asleep, as I wrapped him in his blankie he made a terrible sound, as I looked at him, he was gone , I screamed to my daughter as I have her Wilby and yelled to her run. After what seen like hours they got a pulse. Well really 3 hospitals and 4 days later he took his last breath. That dear sweet Wilby was dying in my arms and I didn’t know. What kind of granma am I? I am not coping and still see his mum’s pain in her eyes and the heart break as she held him for hours . Then to drive 2 hours home without him in his car seat. I breath him, think about him Every moment of the day and really want to be with him . I just can’t get over the thought if I’d only woke her and said let’s go now , Wilby would still be here. Sad granma

I’m drowning in my husbands depression

replies: 2

My husband lost his uncle, our family pet and his dad unexpectedly within a 3 month period to November 2020. As someone who has suffered from depression most of his adult life, these deaths have hit him hard, especially his dad. I am trying my best t... View more

My husband lost his uncle, our family pet and his dad unexpectedly within a 3 month period to November 2020. As someone who has suffered from depression most of his adult life, these deaths have hit him hard, especially his dad. I am trying my best to do and say the right things but I can’t bring him out. We are trying grief counselling in the coming days and he is talking with his brother and sister, however they have moved through their grief differently and have come out the other side. I am not a sufferer of mental health issues and I have trouble understanding what he is going through. In saying that, what I now recognise as anxiety has gotten a hold of me. Anxious about what I’m coming home to, anxious about his mood, anxious about the cruel words spoken to me and our children. If I am honest, mostly I’m angry. Angry that this has happened, angry at him, angry at his dad for dying on him and angry that he can’t overcome this. I feel like a shit person for it but I can’t help it. 28 years together and I’ve never once wanted to walk away, ever, but this is so hard. I want my husband back. How do I support him when I can’t understand his depression and don’t know what else to do?

Loss of husband

replies: 5

I lost my husband to cancer 6 months ago and I just miss him so much my life’has been turned upside down and I am finding I just feel so empty inside I feel half of me died with him I also have an anxiety disorder and suffer from clinical depression ... View more

I lost my husband to cancer 6 months ago and I just miss him so much my life’has been turned upside down and I am finding I just feel so empty inside I feel half of me died with him I also have an anxiety disorder and suffer from clinical depression which makes it so much harder

TW Miscarriage

replies: 1

Yesterday I had a miscarriage in hospital at 8 weeks. I am completely lost. I wasn't going to keep the pregnancy due to too many health risks. When I told a senior nurse what happened she asked "was it a wanted pregnancy". I didn't say yes or no I sa... View more

Yesterday I had a miscarriage in hospital at 8 weeks. I am completely lost. I wasn't going to keep the pregnancy due to too many health risks. When I told a senior nurse what happened she asked "was it a wanted pregnancy". I didn't say yes or no I said simply how I was booked in for surgery termination next week She responds with "oh! So you should be happy you had a miscarriage then!" I... I can't believe someone in her position would say that Happy? That i spent the night scared I was bleeding out? Doubled over in the worst pain ever? Thinking I was dying? How could ANYONE be happy going through that?!

Trigger Warning My sister was found a week after she died and I can’t get over it

replies: 10

Hi All, I’m new here. I’m at an all time low and don’t know what to do so am reaching out. My sister passed away 5 years ago and my grief seems to be getting worse. I’ve spoken a lot to my therapist but nothing seems to help. It’s not so much her pas... View more

Hi All, I’m new here. I’m at an all time low and don’t know what to do so am reaching out. My sister passed away 5 years ago and my grief seems to be getting worse. I’ve spoken a lot to my therapist but nothing seems to help. It’s not so much her passing but that she was found after a week of being in her apartment all alone. She struggled with addiction and was unwell. Our relationship was up and down and I’m struggling so much with guilt. I can’t get the visual out of my head of what she looked like there after a week and how it must have been for the police who found her. I struggle with not being able to see her to stroke her hair and tell her how much I love her before she was cremated. I feel her whole journey was alone. I’ve tried to tell myself she was already dead and that our body goes through this decomposition phase so why does it matter where she was. I guess it’s the indignity she suffered from being found this way and then through having an autopsy etc. I don’t know why I can’t move on. I’m stuck in this visual nightmare and no reading about Buddhism etc has helped me find peace. my brother also died in his living room some years ago but he was found in the morning by his wife. For some reason this gave me a sense of peace, that he was with his wife and not all alone left in his apartment. Has anyone experienced anything similar? Have you found anything through your grief journey that has helped?

Covid death in the family trigger warning: previous suicide attempt

replies: 4

Hi, a close family member has passed away after complications from covid. I’m far away from my kids and cannot be with them to help them through this difficult time, which makes me very sad. There are moments in time when I know they need me the most... View more

Hi, a close family member has passed away after complications from covid. I’m far away from my kids and cannot be with them to help them through this difficult time, which makes me very sad. There are moments in time when I know they need me the most and I can’t be there. Travelling to Europe is sadly not an option. I just want to hug them.

Trigger Warning Grief after having to put my dog down

replies: 7

I have found out this afternoon that my mum (our dogs owner) put our beautiful, caring, lovely family dog down due to him having cancer. We found out he had cancer just under 6 months ago & although we knew this day was coming, doesn’t make it any ea... View more

I have found out this afternoon that my mum (our dogs owner) put our beautiful, caring, lovely family dog down due to him having cancer. We found out he had cancer just under 6 months ago & although we knew this day was coming, doesn’t make it any easier. I feel he is in a better place but it still doesn’t fill the hole that is now in my chest. I hate cancer! It ruins everything! We had our beautiful boy for around 10 years and we got him when he was around 2-3 years old already. My emotions are all over the place with this heartache. I wish cancer never existed! I feel so angry that he had to have cancer, he was such a caring, nurturing dog who wouldn’t dare hurt a fly. I wish grief and loss didn’t hurt so much. I hope he is now running around up there with our family, being his regular happy, hungry for belly pats self. I feel upset I didn’t get to say goodbye especially since he was living around the corner from me but I’m more angry at the fact that we had to relieve his pain by putting him down.

Pinned discussions

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

All discussions

Never done this before

replies: 77

Lost my Dad and Motivation

replies: 4

I CANT STOP CRYING!!

replies: 4

My beautiful Wilby

replies: 21

I’m drowning in my husbands depression

replies: 2

Loss of husband

replies: 5

TW Miscarriage

replies: 1

Trigger Warning My sister was found a week after she died and I can’t get over it

replies: 10

Covid death in the family trigger warning: previous suicide attempt

replies: 4

Trigger Warning Grief after having to put my dog down

replies: 7

Grief and loss

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section replies: 0

Never done this before replies: 77

Lost my Dad and Motivation replies: 4

I CANT STOP CRYING!! replies: 4

My beautiful Wilby replies: 21

I’m drowning in my husbands depression replies: 2

Loss of husband replies: 5

*TW* Miscarriage replies: 1

*Trigger Warning* My sister was found a week after she died and I can’t get over it replies: 10

Covid death in the family *trigger warning: previous suicide attempt* replies: 4

*Trigger Warning* Grief after having to put my dog down replies: 7

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

Never done this before

replies: 77

Lost my Dad and Motivation

replies: 4

I CANT STOP CRYING!!

replies: 4

My beautiful Wilby

replies: 21

I’m drowning in my husbands depression

replies: 2

Loss of husband

replies: 5

TW Miscarriage

replies: 1

Trigger Warning My sister was found a week after she died and I can’t get over it

replies: 10

Covid death in the family trigger warning: previous suicide attempt

replies: 4

Trigger Warning Grief after having to put my dog down

replies: 7