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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Doolhof My Dad just died!
  • replies: 26

I'm here home alone and my sister called to say Dad had collapsed in the city and the ambulance people were assisting him. I phoned some friends and asked if they could come and be with me, they were busy. My husband is on his way home, it will take ... View more

I'm here home alone and my sister called to say Dad had collapsed in the city and the ambulance people were assisting him. I phoned some friends and asked if they could come and be with me, they were busy. My husband is on his way home, it will take him a couple of hours. The police called into my sister's home and told her Dad has died. I phoned my Minister and he said "That will happen. People die." I told him I had to go. I don't know why I am sharing this here. I don't know what else to do right now. I don't even know if this post is suitable for the forums.

mjwa1984 Loss of my Mum
  • replies: 6

I lost my beautiful Mum 9 weeks ago...loosing a parent is something no one can ever prepare you for...this year has been such a tough year, first coronavirus, I lost my job, moved from Brisbane to Canberra in June to be with my partner, just before l... View more

I lost my beautiful Mum 9 weeks ago...loosing a parent is something no one can ever prepare you for...this year has been such a tough year, first coronavirus, I lost my job, moved from Brisbane to Canberra in June to be with my partner, just before loosing my Mum, now I’ve started a new full time job and I find myself struggling to deal with it all...one minute I’m OK, the next I feel completely overwhelmed, lost, lonely and sad

di_yo Lost my dad to suicide yesterday
  • replies: 4

Hi, I lost my dad to suicide yesterday morning. My mum found him in our backyard. It was unexpected and i woke up to my mums call, her voice was distraught and she was yelling "come home!". Since yesterday, I've felt like I'm in limbo. I go through p... View more

Hi, I lost my dad to suicide yesterday morning. My mum found him in our backyard. It was unexpected and i woke up to my mums call, her voice was distraught and she was yelling "come home!". Since yesterday, I've felt like I'm in limbo. I go through phases of having clear thoughts, (like listing out what needs to be done, making sure i look after myself so i can look after my mum, consciously acknowledging my own grieving process) and periods of just staring at nothing, with nothing and everything thoughts swimming in my head. It's only been just over a day since its happened so I think I'm still in somewhat shock, I let myself cry when i need to, and i try to verbalise my thoughts and feelings with mum, and she does the same with me. I'm concerned for my mum as she is the one who found the body, had to call the ambos, and had to perform cpr. I think she's still in shock too because when i ask her if she's having flashbacks or is that memory sort of haunting her, she says not really. I feel odd, almost like i want to spiral into the emotional rollercoaster that i know is coming, just so i can get it over and done with? But i also know I can't force these things. So i'm just left with these conflicting thoughts in my head. I'm not sure what I'm looking for by typing here, not so much condolences, more so people who have experienced something similar, and what their journey was? Maybe a story I can somewhat relate to or just some tips of how people got through their losses that are similar to mine. Thanks

Gloria66 In denial
  • replies: 2

My mum died on the 23rd May this year. I was caring for her. To cope with not having her around I am imaging she is but I just can’t see her. I avoid all places and people so I can keep it real. My anxiety is up through the roof. Mum would have been ... View more

My mum died on the 23rd May this year. I was caring for her. To cope with not having her around I am imaging she is but I just can’t see her. I avoid all places and people so I can keep it real. My anxiety is up through the roof. Mum would have been 85 in October and we would have had a big family party for her. I’ve withdrawn from some siblings. I’ve organised mum and dads plague for their grave (dad died May 2009) one of my siblings doesn’t like it at all and has a different interpretation of the design. I was told it didn’t give mum the respect she deserved and that she regretted marrying my dad. This is heartbreaking. They weren’t the perfect couple and they did have some whooping arguments we all witnessed as children but there were good time’s as well.

Autismgirl Grief of a grandmother in hard times
  • replies: 1

Hey, im new to this forum community. August 28 11:20pm my world changed forever. My Nan, my best friend passed away peacefully with pop and me by her side. She was 90 years old and was very sick near the end, she lasted 5 days of being unconscious un... View more

Hey, im new to this forum community. August 28 11:20pm my world changed forever. My Nan, my best friend passed away peacefully with pop and me by her side. She was 90 years old and was very sick near the end, she lasted 5 days of being unconscious until she passed away, those five days were tough sitting by her side watched her suffer and then watched her peacefully pass away which that moment was so special I will be forever grateful for. Nan and I had a very special bond. One like no other. We became even more close when Nan lost her daughter in January of 2016 after a short illness with brain cancer. My Aunty dying really hit nan hard which would to anyone. anyway, this past week without nan have been extremely hard, I have cried, got angry and just been miserable and hurting. I’m after some advice that has helped in the early stages of grieving. thanks K

rainey23 i tell everyone i am fine
  • replies: 2

i am so incredibly sad just getting up out of bed is hard. My mum passed away two months ago and i feel i just can not cope without her. i can not sleep and i keep picturing her face when she died. i try to zone out because i have to go to work but i... View more

i am so incredibly sad just getting up out of bed is hard. My mum passed away two months ago and i feel i just can not cope without her. i can not sleep and i keep picturing her face when she died. i try to zone out because i have to go to work but i feel so distant. my house is a mess my life seems a mess i don't know what to do anymore. I have to tell everyone i am fine but i am not my mum was my only true friend and i don't know if i can continue without her. I nursed her all year it was not suppose to end this way. i just feel so lost

Flowerchild07 Grief in a complicated situation
  • replies: 26

I'm grieving the death of a man I loved. He loved me too. The difficulty is that I met him while I was volunteering at an aged care facility. Of course there are rules about not allowing oneself to get too close or too involved with residents. Someti... View more

I'm grieving the death of a man I loved. He loved me too. The difficulty is that I met him while I was volunteering at an aged care facility. Of course there are rules about not allowing oneself to get too close or too involved with residents. Sometimes, despite the rules, these things happen. We formed a very special bond over a 5 month period. Unfortunately, he told his family about his relationship with me and they, understandably, were concerned. They brought the situation up with management, and of course I was reprimanded for my behavior. They didn't know the extent of our relationship.........nobody did except for the two of us. It wasn't something that we could share with others. No matter how hard we tried, we would never have been able to make people understand. The age difference for one, not to mention the fact that he had multiple medical issues etc. I was forced to leave and told not to contact him or his family. I didn't get to say goodbye. I don't know if anyone explained to him why I had to leave. I've been so depressed and worried about him. He passed away three days ago. The grief I feel is making me sick. I don't think it's just the grief. It's all the things that happened, the way they happened and the fact that I have no one to help me work through my grief, because no one really knows how much we meant to each other. My family know that I formed a friendship with him, but that's as far as it goes. They feel for me in that respect, but must be wondering why my grief is so debilitating. I have to cry in private, I have no one to talk to about the true relationship I had with him. The last time I saw him was Boxing Day 2019. Even though he was in his late eighties, very unwell and is no doubt in a much better place now, I still can't stop crying. I can't seem to accept that he's gone. My grief is making me sick. Everything seems 'unreal'. Because I'm not a family member, I don't have anywhere to express my grief and sorrow at his passing. I can't attend his funeral. I just feel lost and helpless.

H-c What should i do I’m so lost...
  • replies: 1

I don’t even know how to start... I’ll just ramble on I’m sorry so these days or these two weeks you could say(?) I’ve been having dreams or nightmares about the same person that passed away in 2017. She was really special to me and basically took ca... View more

I don’t even know how to start... I’ll just ramble on I’m sorry so these days or these two weeks you could say(?) I’ve been having dreams or nightmares about the same person that passed away in 2017. She was really special to me and basically took care of me my whole life and taught me so many things on life and all those stuff. They end the same way and whenever i wake up from my dreams my eyes would hurt and there’s be tears Falling down my face. I want those kind of dreams to stop because it’s been affecting me and all. I can clearly remember the dream Like its real life and i really hate it. The thing is I didn’t get to say goodbye to her so maybe that’s the reason I’m having these dreams? But why after 2 years? the dreams would go like this:(this is all like a vivid dream) I’m with her and other people and it’s a normal day and the place I’m at is really beautiful for some reason i actually don’t know the place I’m not sure if it even exists in real life..anyways it’s like a normal day she’d be sitting in her chair watching tv and I’d be using my phone and going to her or sitting beside her annoying her and telling her about everything and anything that has been happening to me in real life and she’d give advice and stuff and the next thing I know, I’m crying telling her to not go and like trying to hold on to her and while begging her to stay and she’d just smile and the next thing i know it goes blank and other people are trying to calm me down but i was screaming that it’s not fair and that i never got to say goodbye to her but others did i never got to say I’m sorry and i hope you’re proud of me or i love you one last time my chest starts hurting and it goes blank That’s when I wake up. I don’t know what to do anymore. I really want to talk to her just for an hour even in my dreams i never got the chance to tell her that I’ve done this and that and I’ve never got the chance to make her proud. All the things I’ve achieved or done seems pointless to me now

Neeks92 Reaching out to those who have lost their Mum
  • replies: 5

Hi, I lost my beautiful Mother 2 months ago to Cancer.. she was only 56 and I 26. I have been in the grips of an emotional black hole since. I am heartbroken, lost and trying to find meaning in life to continue. The hardest thing is, the loss of conn... View more

Hi, I lost my beautiful Mother 2 months ago to Cancer.. she was only 56 and I 26. I have been in the grips of an emotional black hole since. I am heartbroken, lost and trying to find meaning in life to continue. The hardest thing is, the loss of connection and inability to connect to others who have been fortunate enough to not experience this pain. I am hoping to find others who have lost their mothers. I hope once we have found each other we can offer support, share stories and get through this together!

STAR91 I don't how to feel
  • replies: 2

Lost 3 important people this year 3 months apart from each other. Living in a small aboriginal community it's hard to find someone who's not a family member to just chat to. It's hard to chat with family because they grieving too. I don't know how fe... View more

Lost 3 important people this year 3 months apart from each other. Living in a small aboriginal community it's hard to find someone who's not a family member to just chat to. It's hard to chat with family because they grieving too. I don't know how feel better anymore and I think it is starting to affect my home life and my work. I just wanted to be heard.