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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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fred2018 Finding ways to deal with absence
  • replies: 2

My mum's absence is massive and it really gets to me. To deal with it now I'm gonna start making some of her home cooked meals , I think that will make me feel like we have a connection and she made delicious stuff hah aswell and food is helpful for ... View more

My mum's absence is massive and it really gets to me. To deal with it now I'm gonna start making some of her home cooked meals , I think that will make me feel like we have a connection and she made delicious stuff hah aswell and food is helpful for everything isn't it ?

Quercus Grieving in isolation
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, This is a statement I never thought I'd make. I can finally understand why we have funerals. Yesterday hubby told me our friend had died in an accident. The last time I saw him was fleeting (work colleague of his needed help) so we didn'... View more

Hi everyone, This is a statement I never thought I'd make. I can finally understand why we have funerals. Yesterday hubby told me our friend had died in an accident. The last time I saw him was fleeting (work colleague of his needed help) so we didn't get to chat. I told him next time I wanted to hear all about his last skiing holiday. Now gatherings are banned due to Coronavirus. No funeral. No gathering of his and hubby's volunteer group to celebrate him. Can't visit his partner to help with cleaning or cooking... Nothing. I've never understood the point of public funerals until today. Other funerals I've been to have been for family. I've been involved and included and it made me feel more upset having to grieving publicly. Now as someone who isn't family I think I'm starting to understand. I feel like the point of gathering is to introduce his family to other people who loved him too. People they can ask for support. People they can talk to when they're ready to talk about him. Maybe even to share stories. It helped us to focus on what we can do right now rather than what we can't. Maybe someone might feel able to share what has helped you to grieve within the current restrictions? Our ideas... Hubby and I put a movie on for our kids and sat outside in the sun on the swing together. Just allowed ourselves time to sit together and think. I told hubby the two memories that always came to mind when I thought of our friend. When I feel sad I remind myself of those memories. We chose to focus on the fact there is no time limit on grieving. When the restrictions end we'll ask his partner if she'd like to have a celebration and help organise it. If not that is ok too. Same with his volunteer group. We'll ask if they want to do something to celebrate our friend. I wrapped up a box of shelf stable food and supplies. Nice things like coffee, tea, bikkies and chocolate but also basics like loo paper, UHT milk and tissues. Hubby went to the store and got what he could. I figured his partner might not feel up to shopping. We left it at her front door. Hubby put a little money in the card. I felt weird about it at first but he explained the last thing he'd want on top of grief is financial worry. Makes sense. We put our contact numbers in the card too in case she didn't have them. In a week or two I'm going to leave another box. I'll print some adult colouring in pages and put textas and pencils in this one. Some seeds if I can find some. ❤ Nat

DogLover666 I have to rehome my dogs and have never felt more guilt
  • replies: 5

Hi, theres a bunch of reasons why I have to re home my two beautiful dogs. I’m moving interstate for work and can’t take them (they’re old and wouldn’t travel well plus inner city apartment living wouldn’t be fair for them). I’ve had them for 9 and 8... View more

Hi, theres a bunch of reasons why I have to re home my two beautiful dogs. I’m moving interstate for work and can’t take them (they’re old and wouldn’t travel well plus inner city apartment living wouldn’t be fair for them). I’ve had them for 9 and 8 years and even though I know logically the decision I’ve made is in their best interests, I can’t help but feel overwhelming guilty. A rescue group has helped me to find a suitable new home for them (so they could do all of the proper checks etc that I probably wouldn’t be able to do as well) and they’ve found an amazing family for them. I have to meet at a park next weekend to hand them over. i feel like I’m letting them down. I feel like a terrible human - they have loved me so much and the last thing I’m doing is giving them up. Not really sure how to get through this pain.

Butterfly_Kylie Financial Support after Suicide
  • replies: 2

I have a relative who suicided recently and the family are struggling to pay for the funeral as they are all on income support payments. They have just been told they have seven days to pay the account. Is there any financial assistance available? Th... View more

I have a relative who suicided recently and the family are struggling to pay for the funeral as they are all on income support payments. They have just been told they have seven days to pay the account. Is there any financial assistance available? The person who left is a brother and son and was aged 30. We have looked at the Human Services site but can't find anything that applies.

beckboo29 6 Months On
  • replies: 1

6 months since my dad passed away from a sudden heart attack, things just seem so raw at the moment. It’s hard not having that one person that meant the world to me, the man with all the reason and the person that could see the funny side in any situ... View more

6 months since my dad passed away from a sudden heart attack, things just seem so raw at the moment. It’s hard not having that one person that meant the world to me, the man with all the reason and the person that could see the funny side in any situation. I worry for my baby boy I try to be strong but now been two he can see my emotions. I can’t hide that melt down moment anymore. with all this crazy in the world at the moment, I wish he was here.

destiny Best Friend of 21 years passed away
  • replies: 2

I recently lost my best friend of 21 years after a long battle with cancer. My friendship with her had plenty of ups and downs but we always found our way back to each other. I have bipolar disorder and for awhile I pushed everyone away including her... View more

I recently lost my best friend of 21 years after a long battle with cancer. My friendship with her had plenty of ups and downs but we always found our way back to each other. I have bipolar disorder and for awhile I pushed everyone away including her. After about 2 years I finally reach out to her again and our friendship picked straight back up like we never spent any time apart. I spent her final year speaking every single day and I was last friend around when her final weeks came. I spent her last day out of hospital with her and was her final text message. Now she's gone and I feel so alone. I might sound crazy, but I always thought I'd get some sort of sign from her after she passed, but nothing. I'm so glad she's finally cancer free and pain free. I feel like I'm never going to have a close friend again. How am I supposed to make new friends without comparing to what I had. I keep thinking I'm going to get a text or a call from her any day now. I don't know how to move on from crying every night.

fred2018 In family house of mother who has passed
  • replies: 4

Love to hear from others who have lived or are living through the experience of being in a house with the memories of a passed loved one. I've been in the same house as where my mother passed and just expecting her to be here is difficult. I plan to ... View more

Love to hear from others who have lived or are living through the experience of being in a house with the memories of a passed loved one. I've been in the same house as where my mother passed and just expecting her to be here is difficult. I plan to move in a year from now.

Perpetual1234Indecision Coping with Post Abortion Doubt
  • replies: 1

Hi, My partner recently had an abortion. We were in a long term relationship, she had consistent doubts about our compatibility and future. I guess the anxiety of becoming parents brought out even more doubts etc and ultimately a decision was made to... View more

Hi, My partner recently had an abortion. We were in a long term relationship, she had consistent doubts about our compatibility and future. I guess the anxiety of becoming parents brought out even more doubts etc and ultimately a decision was made to terminate the pregnancy. We have since broken up and I just can't seem to think of anything else and feel completely paralyzed.

LiquidRegret Man Down
  • replies: 7

I have nobody left that cares about me. In the last year I have lost my wife due to a car accident. My daughter who was only three died of cancer fifteen days ago. I have had a military career where I have been in Timor, Iraq and Afghanistan. I have ... View more

I have nobody left that cares about me. In the last year I have lost my wife due to a car accident. My daughter who was only three died of cancer fifteen days ago. I have had a military career where I have been in Timor, Iraq and Afghanistan. I have a very different perspective of life from most people and can't really relate to most people.

Jamzies Two friends, one lost
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I would desperately like to express my deepest feelings I had when I heard the news, if I could. Yet my mind fails to come up with a reasonable response like I didn't care. I DO care. I'm stuttering to write meaningful sentences, but these se... View more

Hi all, I would desperately like to express my deepest feelings I had when I heard the news, if I could. Yet my mind fails to come up with a reasonable response like I didn't care. I DO care. I'm stuttering to write meaningful sentences, but these sentences honestly feel dull and bland. One might say I sound neutral, but I'm not trying to be. I really do care about such a friend. It's almost as if my body feels painless despite being stabbed, and that pain can't even register. I had expected a simple conversation, the usual chats from my mother after tennis training. But the sudden gloomy sentence of "terrible news" had sent me into confusion. "H passed away in his sleep this morning. If you want to say the last goodbye, I'll let you know when the funeral is." (I've abbreviated his name as I do not feel like disclosing it now.) It was over. It could not be. He was such a great friend from primary school, and we stayed together until secondary school where I left to seek the prestigious schools. To see him gone and never be capable of returning just feels like being stabbed in the back, yet not notice any pain."This fate just wants to take everything I love and slowly destroy it!" I would think. Am I feeling insensitive, or is something wrong with me? I wish I could have wrung out some of my spare time, perhaps to see him again, enjoy lunch together, to at least cherish our friendship once more. But as much as I beg, it simply won't come back. Sorry if I can't think of a better way to describe this event. Perhaps I'll return with more info when I make up my mind. JZ