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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Mia_Frank The loss of my Dad
  • replies: 4

Hey everyone, I lost my father this last weekend after a 3 year battle with cancer. I am struggling a lot, I loved him dearly and he was such an important person in my life. My younger brother is struggling even more than I am, he doesn’t have the su... View more

Hey everyone, I lost my father this last weekend after a 3 year battle with cancer. I am struggling a lot, I loved him dearly and he was such an important person in my life. My younger brother is struggling even more than I am, he doesn’t have the support network that I do and is not open to receiving any help from me in this regard. He has threatened suicide just yesterday (not the first time) and I’m so lost as to how to help him and myself. Please can someone give me some advice or even just .. anything that may help

Skippa Andrew, my best mate
  • replies: 5

I was there on the Saturday afternoon you were born and then on the Saturday you left us. It has been the thirteen longest years of my life and I mourn your passing every day. It is said that time heals all wounds but that is just a fallacy, this is ... View more

I was there on the Saturday afternoon you were born and then on the Saturday you left us. It has been the thirteen longest years of my life and I mourn your passing every day. It is said that time heals all wounds but that is just a fallacy, this is one that wont heal until we meet again. I still feel an immense anger toward your treating Physician and his lack of concern on the day you passed. The death of my son brought great sorrow to all those who knew him. He was a very strong boy and had the nick name of 'Boof Head'. This he earned during a junior football game when he carried a number of the opposition on his back and scored a try. His greater passion though was baseball. He commenced playing tee-ball at age 5 and continued on through to senior level. While as a junior he represented the local area in the 'State Cup' competition. My boy's other passion was his own son. He passed away in February, 2006 after being in Hospital suffering from “Goodpasture Syndrome” in his lungs. For a month he was placed in an induced coma and was given chemo therapy, blood cleansing treatment, blood transfusions, treatment for this, that kind of treatment, nothing seemed to be fighting against this anti-body disease of unknown origin that had my son in it's grips. On January 30 that year while visiting him in Intensive Care, his mum, fiance and myself were taken aside, behind a curtain and I was to receive the worst birthday present any father could be given. The ICU Registrar advised us that because my eldest was so ill, he wasn't expected to make it through the night. A couple of weeks later they took him off the respirator and brought him out of the coma. The battle was over. My son had pulled through. As a celebration of his home coming, we all went for tea. It was a fantastic Friday night dinner. One I'll never forget. He passed away the following day. His funeral was held around 10 days after his parting. There were approximately 300 in attendance from all walks of life. School friends, baseball, work and even politics. I was amazed how many hearts he'd touched in some way in his short 23 years. Mate your death has affected me in a way that is just so hard to explain. I look forward to meeting and being with you in the after-life. Be it tomorrow or whenever.

they Dealing with traumatic news and death at the same time
  • replies: 1

So two weeks ago my mother shared that she has been diagnosed with terminal cancer (5 years tops), a few days after this my grandfather (who I was very close to) passed - its not like the movies with the shutter of the eyelids. He was in panic as he ... View more

So two weeks ago my mother shared that she has been diagnosed with terminal cancer (5 years tops), a few days after this my grandfather (who I was very close to) passed - its not like the movies with the shutter of the eyelids. He was in panic as he went. But to keep the rest of the family in happy oblivion I lied and said he passed peacefully in his sleep. Last week we buried him and it nearly broke me while I tried to keep it together for my family. I have put my studies on hold while I deal, reached out to the cancer council and have an appointment coming up. It was just, so much sadness. But it soon turned to anger. Before leaving to spend time with my family, I left detailed instructions for my boss to pass along to my team, so that the office could keep going in my absence. When I came back (today) I found out that the email had not been forwarded on, that no work had been done, and that stakeholders were angry with me for not contacting them for near a fortnight (the stakeholders anger quickly turned to the company and they apologised for their rude emails after a quick phone call explaining the situation). So now I have to deal with a fortnight backlog daily. I don't know what to do, I am just so angry with my work for being incapable of so much as forwarding on a message (it's diverting my emotional energy away from my real feelings I guess). At the same time, I am still grieving, I can't so much as make a cup of tea without breaking down in tears. But with no leave, sick days or savings all I can do is grudgingly go back into work. I feel so pathetic, I can't deal with my Pops recent death, let alone my Mums encroaching one. I don't want to be a sad sac, but I can't find joy in anything and dread waking up each morning. I don't know what to do and it makes me feel pathetic (that 'glorious' spiral, am I right?) I haven't been suicidal for a few years now, and I'm not, but this is some new low I didn't realise I could get to emotionally. Should I divert the energy into going for other jobs? Should I run away and take a job in another country again? What should I do while I wait for the cancer council to contact me? I just don't know...

Monique29 My Mum Nan & Niece passed away without 8months. How do i do life
  • replies: 2

I'm having a hard time dealing with all my grief i think of got depression. My whole life changed i can't seem to be happy ever. I'm 29. I watch my nan pass away with dementia in August 2018 she was a very big part of my life. Then in March 2019 i wa... View more

I'm having a hard time dealing with all my grief i think of got depression. My whole life changed i can't seem to be happy ever. I'm 29. I watch my nan pass away with dementia in August 2018 she was a very big part of my life. Then in March 2019 i watched my sister give birth to my neice with passed away right there in the delivery room. Then in May 2019 my beautiful mother aged 57 passed away from cancer. I've lost people before but living without my mum is really painful. Since mums passed ive started to use drinking & drugs to numb my pain. My realatship with my bf of 14 years is starting to change my everyday living has i dont seem to care about anything anymore. I dont know how to handly all this loss in 8months of eachother. I dont feel ready to talk to a dr its to painful to say out loud to a stranger. I'm really lost atm ive been griefing alot to i dont talk to my silbing about our I cant put that sadness on tthem or worry..

Seacat Grieving for people vs Grieving for pets
  • replies: 2

I'm curious as to what you all might perceive as the main differences between grieving for a human vs grieving for a pet.

I'm curious as to what you all might perceive as the main differences between grieving for a human vs grieving for a pet.

Jules292 Overwhelming sadness
  • replies: 15

For the last few months I’ve had a new psychologist, who has really helped me and gave me hope for the future, and she got me, and made me feel accepted and understood. Last week she told me she had resigned from her current position and is leaving. ... View more

For the last few months I’ve had a new psychologist, who has really helped me and gave me hope for the future, and she got me, and made me feel accepted and understood. Last week she told me she had resigned from her current position and is leaving. I am devastated from this loss and feeling overwhelmed with sadness. I’ve still got one more private session with her and two group sessions before she leaves, is it inappropriate to ask her if when she’s settled in her new job, to be able to see her again in that setting? I don’t want to come over as desperate but just need some feedback on this subject, ‘Loss of your Psychologist’. Thanks in advance for your advice and for reading!! Jules292

Kim89 My dog being PTS tomorrow
  • replies: 8

Hi all, I am new here and thought i'd seek some support My dog suddenly took a turn for the worst Friday just gone, she has had joint issues most of her life in which we were managing quiet well with medication. I went away for 3 weeks and left her w... View more

Hi all, I am new here and thought i'd seek some support My dog suddenly took a turn for the worst Friday just gone, she has had joint issues most of her life in which we were managing quiet well with medication. I went away for 3 weeks and left her with my friend she had a great time - 1 week in being back with me she was still doing great being her old self. She is 12 years old we have been to the after hours vet twice over the weekend and her regular vet twice due to her distressed, being uncomfortable, in pain and crying. She was given more pain relief and we thought after the first visit she would bounce back to herself..(normally she would) but she didn't - My regular vet opted to try laser therapy Saturday to see if that helped (of course i was eager to try anything to help ease the pain) and also to visit the pain clinic to look at Nerve Blocking (I did not want to put her through this due to having to redo the procedure every 3-6months if it actually worked) i weighed the pros/cons and came to the decision its not fair to put her through that, and the laser therapy would take time but it wasnt time that my doggy had but we still tried to atleast give a little comfort. On Sunday we went back to the vet (4th visit) and i was a complete mess crying. The vet agreed with me when i meantioned to put my girl to sleep and that was hard to get the words out (my head tells me dont do it! but my heart tells me its the right thing) i cant have her suffer anymore, its not fair shes not getting better. all i can do now is try to keep her comfortable - today we went for another laser therapy session and i asked to book to put her to sleep tomorrow (Tuesday) that was really hard as all my emotion came out. Today i also took my girl to the beach one last time, gave her a plain sundae, potato and gravy (all her favourites!) but now, im just trying to comfort her and i just get emotional, im scared & im scared for tomorrow i dont know how i will cope - i have never experienced this before. i have my partner and hes been great, hes been in my girls life for 10years now so he's feeling the pain aswell. i know soon she will be at peace

Sunsersky My mum has passed away and my dad is in palliative care
  • replies: 1

Hi all, My parents were both diagnosed with terminal cancer, we lost mum a month ago and now dad is back in palliative care. im struggling so much with the loss of my beautiful mum and also having to revisit the hospital/ward she passed away on every... View more

Hi all, My parents were both diagnosed with terminal cancer, we lost mum a month ago and now dad is back in palliative care. im struggling so much with the loss of my beautiful mum and also having to revisit the hospital/ward she passed away on every day to see dad, as well as dads drastic decline in the last few months. im not sure what I’m wanting from this, maybe hope that I can make it through and support to keep being strong. Every day is a struggle and I haven’t had time to process what has happened with mum in between caring for dad.

Rosiegirl93 Lost my best friend my mum
  • replies: 3

Hello im trying to grief for my mum who passed away June 2019 I have to girls aged 4 & 2 and I have my supportive husband I really wanted to connected with anyone that is going through the same thing and help me through my dark days

Hello im trying to grief for my mum who passed away June 2019 I have to girls aged 4 & 2 and I have my supportive husband I really wanted to connected with anyone that is going through the same thing and help me through my dark days

marie93 How long and how much do you support a grieving parent?
  • replies: 1

So my stepdad died two and half years ago at aged 42 due to a cardiac arrest. He was a dad to me for 20 years and also a father to my two teenage brothers that are now aged 15 and 16. When he died I was 23 and I moved back home to support my mum and ... View more

So my stepdad died two and half years ago at aged 42 due to a cardiac arrest. He was a dad to me for 20 years and also a father to my two teenage brothers that are now aged 15 and 16. When he died I was 23 and I moved back home to support my mum and brothers and I did so for 9 months. I struggled coping with my own grief while supporting everyone else’s so I eventually moved to Canada (my mum is Canadian and all of her family is in Canada). My mum was very supportive of this decision and said that she just wants me to be happy. I met a Canadian man and we’ve since moved home to Perth - we’ve been back for almost a year now. My mum is still majorly depressed, not eating properly, barely sleeps, and feels very lonely and like she doesn’t have a support system. I have dealt with anxiety and depression for years, and had a very complicated relationship with my stepdad for a very long time (however I still loved him with all my heart and his absence from my life still takes the breath out of me. I often have dreams about him and wake up hyperventilating and crying). My heart aches and I want to help my mum, but I also want to live my own life and it takes so much effort just to keep my own head above water. So my question is what should I be doing to help her? How much responsibility do I take on for her happiness and wellbeing? I have suggested psychologists many times and she refuses. She says she has too many issues that have been repressed for decades and she wouldn’t survive talking to someone about it. She did start seeing my kinesiologist after my stepdads death and it helps but only does so much. She also isn’t a very social person and because of this has very few friends. She’s also just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes so she can’t eat so many of the things she loves which I know hasn’t helped. I hold so much guilt over not doing more for her but I’m constantly told by other loved ones in my life that it’s not my responsibility. That at some point she needs to pull herself out. I just don’t know.