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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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betterdaysahead01 Lost my beautiful mother - panic/depression
  • replies: 6

Hi all, new here but never posted, actually signed up about two months ago because i was feeling down and not long after my mum suddenly passed away. Currently having counselling but craving to talk to people and share stories and connect. Helping he... View more

Hi all, new here but never posted, actually signed up about two months ago because i was feeling down and not long after my mum suddenly passed away. Currently having counselling but craving to talk to people and share stories and connect. Helping helps, please tell me your story if you have lost your mum (she was 69). I'm coping, just. xx Best wishes to anyone going through loss, grief anxiety (i've started calling panic attacks "stress moments"), .I hate the words panic and attack! I know how horrible they are but lets at least make the words less scary. Hope I can help anyone in any possible way. Nicole.

joyous Anger and sadness since virus got my mother
  • replies: 3

My amazing Mum was in good health, no pain, paying $5000/month for [we thought] top-notch care and to be kept safe. Well, management dropped the ball, kicked it across town to another agency, who also dropped the ball, passed the buck - not telling u... View more

My amazing Mum was in good health, no pain, paying $5000/month for [we thought] top-notch care and to be kept safe. Well, management dropped the ball, kicked it across town to another agency, who also dropped the ball, passed the buck - not telling us anything or bullshitting us. For those $$ you'd think you'd get the best care and decent food. Not so. I honestly think she would've been safer next door in the hotel for $125/night max and still have $50/day for food; towels and bedding changed daily, bathroom cleaned daily. Instead, Mum was getting meals brought up on a tray and left at her door. The management kept slipping long and convoluted letters under the doors of ALL residents many - like Mum - with impaired vision, memory loss and cognitive difficulties. The morning they found Mum in a bad state - paramedics were called and they didn't take the envelope with all her instructions, phone numbers, etc. One person said they weren't allowed to touch or take anything; another said they hadn't heard of that rule. Then they said probable UTI (probable more BS), possible RSV and possible Covid19. She had a cough and no fever and they put her on oxygen and ran tests including Covid19 which, they say, came back negative. They then moved her either to or from the acute ward to Covid19 ward and she was now a bit more alert, not eating much, still on oxygen but with "gurgly" lungs. But, remember, they said negative to Covid19 yet they were going to do more tests. Didn't happen. Next thing, she is "gone". They say some kind of pneumonia likely one of the manifestations of Covid19. Mum didn't deserve to die like that. Criminal negligence! More lies about cause of death so they don't panic or scare the other residents, presumably, and protect their precious reputation. If this is a first-rate aged care home (in Canada) I shudder to think what the budget places are like. And - the icing on the bullshit mound - today I get an update email from the GM of the home (who knew Mum had died as she phoned my sister today to offer her condolences) - one of the "Happy Families/Aren't We All Wonderful" updates about how there are NO problems, they have lots to CELEBRATE and happy-everyone photos and stories but no mention of my mother. Nothing. Not even a lie that she had died of pneumonia not Covid19 related. This is why I don't trust anyone and I am devastated. Like in all wars, truth is the first casualty. Insensitivity is the next.

Ajkeats My Daughter
  • replies: 6

I lost my beautiful girl on Tuesday and not coping at all. She was 20 years old I can not handle the feelings I am going through, I hate what has happened in the world and we can’t even have a send off for her. I don’t know what to do and getting so ... View more

I lost my beautiful girl on Tuesday and not coping at all. She was 20 years old I can not handle the feelings I am going through, I hate what has happened in the world and we can’t even have a send off for her. I don’t know what to do and getting so angry and then breaking down crying

MareeBH I feel I have cried almost every day at some stage for 2 years
  • replies: 1

Hi. Ive come on here as my back story is I lost my soul mate , the love of my life in a work place truck accident March2018 on his birthday , 8 months prior my bff girlfriend of 35 years passed away and Feb 10th this year my mum passed away . The thr... View more

Hi. Ive come on here as my back story is I lost my soul mate , the love of my life in a work place truck accident March2018 on his birthday , 8 months prior my bff girlfriend of 35 years passed away and Feb 10th this year my mum passed away . The three closest people to me who loved me unconditionally . I have 3 daughters but the relationship is not like that of with my mum. . They think support is inviting to a grand child's soccer game . . I lost my fathers at 9 years old, identical to Daniel trucks and logs . Daniels death is still going with lawyers , Work safe etc . I am going to lawyer today to sign to be administrator of Mums will. For over 30 years my brother was Executor, he's a multi millionaire so when Mum passed he would’ve just brought his people in and had them clean her unit out etc . Nope 3 weeks before she passed he threw the paper work at me and washed his hands . I was the last person to be dealing with this . It just gets worse . So Im going to cut to now . I thought there had to be a group of some sort as when you live on own your beyond isolated . I do take meds for depression and anxiety , its genetic so with the death and trauma , it was a no brainer . Everyone in family on medication . As that first loss at 9 years didn't stop there . The death has gone on till Mum this years . Im 55 years . Prior to Daniel I had run a successful Family Day Care business for 17 years . My Service had been accredited by the National Quality Framework Exceeding . I re opened my Service 22 months after Daniel passed . Mum passed 3 weeks into reopening but I was pretty good, kept it running with experienced help, my daughter . I am so unmotivated , its stepped up since Covid I know I am hard on myself and feel you have to be actively doing something or be productive in someway otherwise its wrong . For me-that is. I was diagnosed with Adult Adhd at 48 year. My Support group now who I am truly grateful for are all paid people but without them not being on my level or not understanding me , I don't know how I would've kept going .... Tears. I feel I have cried almost everyday at same stage during day for 2 years . Thank you ...Maree

Sparky55 Can grief make you ill?
  • replies: 1

My mum passed away on Easter morning in Canada during the COVID19 outbreak - but not from the virus. Australia and Canada closed their borders to international travel before I could get on a plane to be with her and my Canadian family. The world was ... View more

My mum passed away on Easter morning in Canada during the COVID19 outbreak - but not from the virus. Australia and Canada closed their borders to international travel before I could get on a plane to be with her and my Canadian family. The world was in lockdown. Since then I’ve gone from being an optimistic and calm person to being paralysed with grief and anxiety. I can’t seem to function in any normal way, have cancelled virtual meetings and now have severe gastro and convinced I have COVID.. My husband is being supportive and we’re using virtual platforms but nothing seems to help. What else should I be doing to move through this?

white knight Coping with grief
  • replies: 4

In my experience with my own grieving and observing others, there is an initial period where others input has virtually no effect. During this period, which varies in length depending on the person, we can be there and listen, reassure with comfortin... View more

In my experience with my own grieving and observing others, there is an initial period where others input has virtually no effect. During this period, which varies in length depending on the person, we can be there and listen, reassure with comforting words etc. However it can be counter productive telling someone "you'll get over it" or "its for the best". That's because pure 100% grief hasn't room for logic nor room for reason nor explanation. What if you are the person in grief?. After this initial period, there will be a time when you'll return to your pre grief life, work, shopping etc. But you'll still be in grief. This is the point at which I encourage some strategies. Eg Im dedicating next year to my father. He'll want me to be as happy as I could be. Im going to create a corner of my garden to my sister. A place with a garden seat and climbing roses, her favourite flower My brother did not enjoy good health. I will in his honour, care for myself because he never had that opportunity. And so on. The art of channelling, which is what I referred to above is infinite in its realm of creativity and its an individual thing. It can make us extend ourselves beyond our projected capacity. Ever seen Olympians dedicate their journey of competition to a loved one? But IMO the greatest motivating factor is children. Those of us that have walked that dark path of suicidal thoughts and/or plans know that thinking of how we will leave our loved ones in trauma and grief can be a huge motivating factor for us to sever the idea and dedicate our lives to our children or loved ones. When I lost my wonderful dad I decided to ensure I would one day leave the world of my children with a similar memory... In summary- To assist yourself in coping with grief, allow yourself a period of time that you alone feel is the right length of time to just grieve....and not much else except comforting others. Then put in place ways of honouring your loved one and living your life as they would want you to. Finally, not to make their passing in vain. Grab hold of their legacy they've left and in their name ...never let it go. For that memory is priceless. Use that gift to leave a similar memory for other loved ones you will one day leave behind. Thats how I make sense of the passing of loved ones. Do you have strategies in coping with the passing of a loved one you'd like to share? Your ideas could help someone else Tony WK

John1232 Family death
  • replies: 4

Hi All, My mum died on Monday and I need some support

Hi All, My mum died on Monday and I need some support

l_h teen suicide grief *trigger warning - suicide*
  • replies: 1

it’s been 6 week since i’ve lost my best friend to suicide and i’m so lost. she was only 18 and we had so many plans together. she was my soul mate i swear. we never fought, we were so similar, yet so different. she was so beautiful and the most cari... View more

it’s been 6 week since i’ve lost my best friend to suicide and i’m so lost. she was only 18 and we had so many plans together. she was my soul mate i swear. we never fought, we were so similar, yet so different. she was so beautiful and the most caring and giving person i have and will ever meet in my life. i’m so blank without her. i only turned 17 a couple of months ago and with this isolation, loss of friends and social contact and the ability to come and go as i please to the outside i don’t know how i’m going to continue to do this. it’s so hard. we continuously talked about all the stuff we were finally going to do when i finally turned 18 and now she’s gone and left me and i’m so lost, so lifeless. i just want her next to me, to just hear her sweet laugh one more time, or her beautiful smile. i’m just so empty, i have no care for anything anymore. and i wouldn’t per say i was suicidal as i could never even think to wish the pain of losing a loved one to my family and friends, but i just have no care anymore. i got in a really bad car accident 2 weeks ago where I could have died but i just didn’t/don’t care. this isolation is killing me even more slowly cause i have no way to grieve other than crying in my bed or just laying there with no emotion. i just wanna know if there’s any tips or things i can do to fix me. it hurts so much

Defencewife 26 years of marriage abandoned
  • replies: 7

Hi all, So a week ago my husband of 26 years mentioned that friends of ours had emailed him with a family update for Christmas (my husband and he had worked together some years ago). So in a spare moment I picked up his iPad and looked for the friend... View more

Hi all, So a week ago my husband of 26 years mentioned that friends of ours had emailed him with a family update for Christmas (my husband and he had worked together some years ago). So in a spare moment I picked up his iPad and looked for the friends email. Next to their email is another, and I could see the first line as you do in Outlook. It ready, “it worked honey, I love you”. Of course I opened it and it went downhill from there. I requested an explanation... I was lied to..I persisted...more detail was given with reassurances that now I knew everything. More lies came out. Only thing is, after 26 years, I know when he is avoiding talking about something. Fast forward to today. It is now one week later. I can’t eat, I feel sick. I feel so alone it is overwhelming. I am in so much pain I actually howled! As a military wife, I have always been the strong one, raising kids while he was deployed, dealing with career losses of my own because of postings, supporting my family and his family - including supporting his Dad through a terminal illness and ultimately burying him while my husband was deployed. Everyone leans on me, and I don’t know how to deal with the pain, the loss, the sick feeling. How do I even begin to deal with this? And the harsh realization that I don’t have a support network. My friends are work colleagues from over the years or joint couple friends. I don’t feel I can turn to them. Defence Wife (or rather Defence Ex-wife)

H-c It’s been three years
  • replies: 1

So, I was really close with my grandmother and because of that when she passed away i couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t accept the fact of her passing away. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to her I couldn’t even hug her one last time. I feel really gui... View more

So, I was really close with my grandmother and because of that when she passed away i couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t accept the fact of her passing away. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to her I couldn’t even hug her one last time. I feel really guilty for some reason. I kept on blaming myself for not realising that she’s ill sooner. I blame myself for not paying attention to her I blame myself for not making her go to the doctors sooner. I blame myself for not being the grandchild she deserves. It’s been three years and whenever I think about her I Can’t stop crying. I feel mad at myself and mad at the doctors for not taking good care of her. I try to get over it and be happy that she’s in a better place now but I can’t help it. I tear up whenever someone mentions her. There’s this sharp pain that I feel in my chest whenever I think about her and I can’t stop blaming myself. I really miss her hugs and her lectures, I really want to apologise to her and say goodbye properly one last time Hug her for one last time, tell her that I love her for one last time but I can’t because she’s not here anymore. i don’t know what to do and it’s killing me