2 years on and still a mess

[Biddy3]

Hi this is my first post here. It was 2 years ago in September I lost my mum suddenly to lung cancer. She died 2 weeks after diagnosis. She was my best friend and the only person that really understood me. 2 years on and I still don’t cope at all not a week goes by I don’t breakdown crying.
I have 2 young girls the youngest was 3 months old when she passed. I’ve really struggled with my kids since she’s gone my mother gave us so much help and now that’s it’s gone I don’t know what to do she was our only help we don’t have much other support. I want to be a good mother but find it hard when I feel depressed alot.
since she has been gone we have had family rifts I don’t speak to my brothers anymore and I have now lost some close friends. I feel at times I have no one left me and my husband barely talk anymore he was helpful in the beginning but now I feel my cry’s for help just go unnoticed. Feels like everyone thinks I should be over it by now but life is just getting worse not better. I know I need to seek some help but find it hard to ask I’ve always just managed on my own.

[white knight]

Hi Buddy, welcome

I’m very sorry for your loss and estrangement from your brothers.

Everyone grieves differently be it in time or intensity. Others find it hard to endure that and move on quicker. Yes you need assistance starting with your GP. Have a hat and be proactive

Things you can do in the meantime-

writing or poetry about your mum eg

BIDDYS MUM

I loved her as much as my own breath

such an untimely death

my kids in life at the start

have a big piece of her enormous heart

I’ll teach them how to care for others

and be like my mum the best of mothers

no wonder she used a broom to sweep

to hide her footstep stencilled feet..

I’ll find the strength to carry on

little tackers to ponder in

To be as good as my mum was to me

My kids will grow to love for eternity

distraction

hobbies

group therapy

respite

go on picnics

camping (change of environment)

by all means repost

TonyWK

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Biddy3,

Welcome to the forums and thanks so much for reaching out to us. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Not only did she die which is terrible on it's own, but you had no notice whatsoever - that must have been so hard to go through.

There's not a lot of things that I hate, but one thing I do hate is "get over it". How can we possibly 'get over' the loss of someone that we love so dearly? Grief is so hard on its own, let alone any pressure to 'grieve quickly' or 'get back to normal' (whatever that is!).

While I see that you've managed so much on your own, it's okay to get some help too. There is no shame in having someone there or talking to a therapist about it. Even having someone just to talk to can be so helpful - or having someone be able to see and validate all of those cries for help. It's so hard, but so worth it to talk to someone.

rt