Lonely

[Lelowe]

I lost my mum to cancer 5 years ago. Xmas is the hardest time for me. It's the time she started to decline and died 5th January the day before my daughter's 16th birthday. I think it gets harder for me every year without her

[CRW1985]

So sorry to hear this. I haven't had to endure the pain of losing a parent so I can't say I understand, but I hope it can be an enjoyable Christmas for you all the same.

[smallwolf]

Hi Lelowe,

welcome to beyond blue. Sorry to hear about your loss. Grieving or overcoming a loss can be difficult - everyone is different in how they cope. For some the feeling of loss may come much later on. I have only two suggestions for you - Is there anyone in your family or circle of friends you could talk to? The other possibility might sound a bit odd (?) but whether you can have some sort of ritual where you can remember her? A friend if mine whose mother died speaks of her in the present tense - her spirit is with him.

If you want to talk about this, how it feels, please feel free to come and write it here.

Tim

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Lelowe,

I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I really feel for your pain and heartbreak...Christmas must remind you of so many memories of her decline...

Sadly, I feel loss is generally hard. I think we often never stop missing loved ones...I’ve personally learnt that, as the famous saying goes, grief is sadly the price that we pay for love...I think that’s true for most of us...

I have no wisdom to impart, but I’m thinking of you. We are all here to support you...while there’s absolutely no pressure to share, if there are any feelings that you want to get out, fond memories that you wish to share, etc, please feel free to use this space...

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[White_Rose]

Dear Lelowe

Hello and welcome. Christmas can be a hard time for many people. My mom died on Christmas Day 20 years ago. I still miss her. A friend of mine made a comment about loss and the pain it gives. 'You will never forget but the times between remembering will get longer." Doesn't mean you will forget mom, just that the pain will ease.

I have suggested to others that they have a remembrance ceremony of some kind. It's not morbid or anything like that. Gather friends and family who were part of her life and invite them to a/tea or similar. Get out the photo albums, ask everyone to bring theirs, talk about mom and the family jokes. Talk about why you love her. Perhaps you can plant a tree or bush in her memory. Remembering is a way of honouring mom.

I think it helps to know others care. Be kind to yourself. Grief is hard and the more you love someone the harder it is to part. I cannot tell you when it gets easier because it's different for everyone, but I can say it will get easier. When we have our down days the world seems black without mom around. Can you think what she would do and say in a particular circumstance and try to do that. We need to comfort ourselves as grief is so exhausting. Not that I am suggesting you should not grieve. I would be surprised if that happened. Remind yourself of her love and care and try to care for yourself in that way.

Writing here can help so please feel free to talk about anything.

Mary