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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Elaine26 Dad committed suicide 5 years ago.
  • replies: 7

I am 18 years old and I was 12 when my dad committed suicide. I am an older sibling to my younger brother who is now 16, and I feel that over the past 5 years I have been the older sister and supported him, along with my mum. By doing this I have for... View more

I am 18 years old and I was 12 when my dad committed suicide. I am an older sibling to my younger brother who is now 16, and I feel that over the past 5 years I have been the older sister and supported him, along with my mum. By doing this I have forgotten about myself and I feel like the grief is only just hitting me now. I hate talking about my dad and the way he died and I hate seeing therapists. I am afraid to cry in front of my family or even talk to my family about how I feel because we don’t really talk about it anymore. My mums boyfriend and his son have just moved in which makes bringing up the topic even worse as they are always around. I don’t know what to do.

Jackson_H Supporting my Aunt
  • replies: 3

Hi there, first time poster. I recently went through one of the worst experiences of my life during covid. My uncle was in hospital during stage 4 lockdown whose condition deteriorated immensely (non covid related) and with no visitors allowed to see... View more

Hi there, first time poster. I recently went through one of the worst experiences of my life during covid. My uncle was in hospital during stage 4 lockdown whose condition deteriorated immensely (non covid related) and with no visitors allowed to see him he receded into advanced dementia and passed away. This has been the worst thing to my aunt as she would not visit him and when she visited him when we got out of lockdown, she had to see her husband health rapidly deteriorating and him passing away. She has now removed herself from taking her usual tasks around house, cooking or anything. She still talks and acts well but is fearful of living by herself (they had no kids) I am visiting her during day and working from her home to keep company and also bring her at my place over weekends. I just don’t know what options exists in regards to support as she’s not keen to move to aged care this soon & suggestion of this at this time isn’t even suited. Keen to hear from anyone who probably have gone through this and what has worked best. I work fulltime, she has a niece who lives next door however not everyone is available full time for care, medication, home maintenance. Jackson

Tommyl my wife is dying lung cancer stage 4
  • replies: 7

hi there friend, I am sad to say my wife is on the way to die this morning. Shes in bed and comfortable and I am so sad for her. I am holding her hand. I am very sad and just need to talk to someone please.

hi there friend, I am sad to say my wife is on the way to die this morning. Shes in bed and comfortable and I am so sad for her. I am holding her hand. I am very sad and just need to talk to someone please.

Ruby2 1 Woke up to find husband dead
  • replies: 7

My husband had been ill with end stage empysema. He recently had a hospital admission for pnemonia. On discharge was told he had between 4mths and 4 years. I woke up early last Tuesday.He was not in bed.I got up,saw him sitting on lounge.Called his n... View more

My husband had been ill with end stage empysema. He recently had a hospital admission for pnemonia. On discharge was told he had between 4mths and 4 years. I woke up early last Tuesday.He was not in bed.I got up,saw him sitting on lounge.Called his name.No response. Could see no chest rising. Went over,he was so cold and still.Eyes open.No pulse.Rang 000.Told to commence CPR.I did until ambos arrived.But I knew he was dead. Funeral has been held.Adult kids seem to be holding up well.Eldest daughter getting married next month as planned. My question is how do I get rid of the final vision of me finding him and trying to resus him.It is all I see when I try to close my eyes

dangerousflower I've already lost one this year, I can't lose another...
  • replies: 2

(this is my first time doing this so apologies if it is long, I don't know where to begin). In July/August, my grandpa, who I am very close to and love dearly, was diagnosed with cancer, terminal cancer. Up until July, he was one of the healthiest pe... View more

(this is my first time doing this so apologies if it is long, I don't know where to begin). In July/August, my grandpa, who I am very close to and love dearly, was diagnosed with cancer, terminal cancer. Up until July, he was one of the healthiest people I know (for context, at 82yrs last Christmas, he was running around playing backyard cricket with us) and to witness him become... so vulnerable and ill, breaks my heart into a million pieces. While I'm trying to be positive and cherish every moment we have, I can't help but experience 'anticipatory grief'. If (sadly, when) I lose him, I don't know how I'll be able to cope. He truly lights up a room and is the heart of that side of my family. In addition, I'm an empath, so not only am I holding my own stress and fears, but I'm ending up feeling the pain of my family. On top of that, in May someone who I looked up to suddenly passed away by suicide. Though they were 'infamous' and thus I didn't know them personally, I really looked up to them and shared many similarities to them. Their death really hurt and impacted me for while after and while currently I'm more at peace with it, it still hurts to know I'll never see them again. The nature of their death and finding out about the pain they were going through, knowing that they should still be here, hurts. I'm not sure exactly what my intention is in posting this, but I think I just needed to tell someone that I'm scared. Scared of losing my Pa, scared of grieving again, scared of how I'll cope knowing I'm still carrying some level of grief from five months ago. I've somewhat spoken to my family about how I feel, but I don't want to dump everything on them right now with everything going on; additionally, all my closest friends live out of town or even overseas which isn't easy and I don't know how to tell them what I'm going through without feeling like I'm bothering them. I guess... any advice or tips, on how to... cope, (or even just encouragement) would be welcomed.

JJJ103 Re:No goodbye
  • replies: 1

So last Thursday I received a message from someone outside the family saying my dad was in hospital. They later in the night told me he had 3-5 days left to live. So I decided to go in first thing in the morning with my son. Unfortunately the next mo... View more

So last Thursday I received a message from someone outside the family saying my dad was in hospital. They later in the night told me he had 3-5 days left to live. So I decided to go in first thing in the morning with my son. Unfortunately the next morning, I received a message from my dads aunt saying he had passed. I rang the hospital and asked for a viewing, was told the social worker would call me back. Fourty minutes later she did, and said I couldn't because of covid (my dad didn't die from covid). Anyhow I later found out that my mother and brothers had been in at around that time. I also found out that my father had carried a picture of my son and I in his wallet and had been begging the hospital to contact us, but because of my mother saying not to contact me he was denied that last wish. I should state that both my brothers are intellectually disabled. And that my mother and daughter teamed up about three years ago so that my daughter could get her own centrelink payment (just before her 17th birthday,) unfortunately I work full time so she couldn't get a full payment unless she had to move out of home. So as a family we were divided, I couldn't forgive them for the way if all went down. Then I had to get my mother's permission to have a viewing at the funeral home. I was granted a closed viewing. I was misled about there being a funeral/service and was sent photos afterwards. Unfortunately the coffin is completely different to the one we seen. I accept it was my dads time to go, but the lies have added extra unnecessary harm to my son and I.

PippiJanet Loss of family
  • replies: 2

Last year I lost my family. I ended an abusive marriage and my adult children now don't want me in their lives. My first grandchild was born in February nd I am facing Christmas without the joy of him being in my life. My ex has to be 'right and will... View more

Last year I lost my family. I ended an abusive marriage and my adult children now don't want me in their lives. My first grandchild was born in February nd I am facing Christmas without the joy of him being in my life. My ex has to be 'right and will say anything to discredit me. I don't understand this level of cruelty.

Teza68 Greif loss
  • replies: 10

Hi, just on 12 months ago I lost my wife who ive been with for 32 years. Still till today I am emotionally sensitive, She past in her sleep unexpectedly with me cuddling her when I woke in the morning she was dead in my arms. Ambulance came and tried... View more

Hi, just on 12 months ago I lost my wife who ive been with for 32 years. Still till today I am emotionally sensitive, She past in her sleep unexpectedly with me cuddling her when I woke in the morning she was dead in my arms. Ambulance came and tried to resuscitate her for 30 minutes to no avail. Because it was a unexpected death a police investigation was required and coronary report done, My wife was born with spina bifada and always had a difficult medical life and we were so close thru so many difficult times. I have very little motivation now always anxious, don't sleep much, I feel so empty inside that I have latch on to a old female freind for support only to be destroying that with overload her with texts doubting her support for me because of my own insecurity demanding constant reassurance of her friendship if I don't hear from her within hours, don't know how to stop this anxiety

mrob Advice needed
  • replies: 5

Hello all my name is Mark and I have posted here before but I have a question I have lost 4 family members in the last four years and I am still struggling so bad with dealing with the loss I have been seeing a Psychologist but I feel that I am just ... View more

Hello all my name is Mark and I have posted here before but I have a question I have lost 4 family members in the last four years and I am still struggling so bad with dealing with the loss I have been seeing a Psychologist but I feel that I am just going around in circles and I tend to feel worse off I have spoken to a friend and they have said a group environment where there are other people dealing with this may be a better option Any advice or help will be greatly and gladly accepted Thanking you Mark

Lloyd61 Sad news
  • replies: 2

Sorry to unload here, feel very disconnected from others that knew my friend. Had taken last week off to enjoy some time with my partner, but returned to work this week (Tuesday) to find a letter on my desk. Looking at the return address I had a bad ... View more

Sorry to unload here, feel very disconnected from others that knew my friend. Had taken last week off to enjoy some time with my partner, but returned to work this week (Tuesday) to find a letter on my desk. Looking at the return address I had a bad feeling about the contents. Sure enough, it was sent from the partner of a RAAF friend advising me that he had passed away from brain cancer last January 2019, had taken her this time to track me down. He was a very personal person, so felt very privileged that I was one of the few he kept in contact with since we both discharged back in the 90s, but he never indicated he was of ill health. His passing has impacted me more so than even my own mothers passing last year.Feeling rather lost.