Grief and loss

I can’t cope with the loss of my mum, mother and father in law during pandemic

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum. I’m 42 years old and have had the worst year of my life. On January 15th my father in law was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, multiple organs. He died on March 15th. My mother in law had battled ovarian cancer whic... View more

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum. I’m 42 years old and have had the worst year of my life. On January 15th my father in law was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, multiple organs. He died on March 15th. My mother in law had battled ovarian cancer which also spread to other organs for 2 years. She died in May 3rd. My beautiful mum had fought cancer for over a year and lost her battle 3 weeks after my mother in law on May 23rd. We lost 3 dear family members in 10 weeks. I didn’t see my mum on her last Mother’s Day because of Victoria’s lockdown rules. I can’t get that time back...I’m also an essential worker and have had to work through most of the pandemic. I don’t feel like I have been able to grieve properly and now my mums birthday is approach on 26th October. I haven’t even been able to go to her grave since she was buried on June 1st due to lockdown rules. I am getting really emotional again and feeling angry, frustrated and devastated. I’ve lost my best friend in my mum and my next dearest in my mother in law. It’s been impossible to deal with. I’ve lost mum. Hubby has lost both his parents. Nothing seems to make me feel happy anymore. We are just trying to get through each day and hopefully things will get easier with time.

Today has been rough

replies: 3

Hi Everyone. Two days ago was the birthday of someone I used to be married to. She died in 2006 when our kids were 9 and 11. At the time, she and i had been divorced for about 8 years and we had been sharing custody of our kids. I found out through a... View more

Hi Everyone. Two days ago was the birthday of someone I used to be married to. She died in 2006 when our kids were 9 and 11. At the time, she and i had been divorced for about 8 years and we had been sharing custody of our kids. I found out through a grandparent that, for the first time, my daughter went to the grave site. I am so pleased that she is acknowledging her grief. This post, though, is selfishly about me. The eldest of the two has not spoken to me in four years and the youngest, although living with me, puts a very clear wall between me and her grief. I have to tell you that I'm trans. I understand how that must complicate things but, there is no doubt in my mind about the love I have for my children and the depth of my desire to reach out and connect. That connection does not occur. I went down the street this morning to get a coffee and I saw a lovely mum playing with her toddler after probably dropping some of her other kids at school. The beautiful little kid was reaching out to their parent and it reminded me of how much things used to be like that with my kids. I am so sad. I don't know what to do with this sadness. Maybe it's mine forever.

guidance how to talk to your primary school child who's good friend's dad has committed suicide

replies: 2

Hello, First time posting.... Whilst getting ready this morning, in general conversation, my daughter randomly dropped a bombshell that her teacher would be away today as they are going to a funeral of the father of a child in class... I have since m... View more

Hello, First time posting.... Whilst getting ready this morning, in general conversation, my daughter randomly dropped a bombshell that her teacher would be away today as they are going to a funeral of the father of a child in class... I have since messaged the teacher to find out what the class know and or have been told. I know the father, not well, but somewhat, as their child is a very good friend of mine so have seen him at drop off / pick up, play dates, birthdays etc. I am shocked as the child is similar age to mine, who is now experiencing this tragedy. I tried talking to my daughter this morning about what she knew about the situation and her awareness of death but not sure of her actual understanding, hence why I messaged the teacher for some clarification... Apologies for the confusing, long post... My question is how do you talk to a primary school child who's good friend's dad has committed suicide and how to care for their friend?

i lost three brothers

replies: 6

i'm quite young, in anyone's terms. i had three older brothers, and an older sister as well. all of my brothers enlisted in the army, and were deployed when I was 10. i just remember my teacher telling me that there'd been an emergency and I had to g... View more

i'm quite young, in anyone's terms. i had three older brothers, and an older sister as well. all of my brothers enlisted in the army, and were deployed when I was 10. i just remember my teacher telling me that there'd been an emergency and I had to go to my sister's school. we were taken to a quiet office and told that our two eldest brothers (who were twins) had died serving overseas. it sounds terrible, but I don't think I really felt it. i didn't really care until years later when I realised that I wasn't going to get them back, ever. just 2 years after that, our last brother died. he'd been shot, and died in intensive care later the same day. i felt his loss a lot more, and I don't know if it was because I was older, or if it was because I was closer with him than our other brothers. but I've had this sort of empty feeling in me whenever I see people with their siblings, or my friends talk about their brothers. I've never told anyone outside my family about it. it's too painful. once one of my friends told me I should get a brother, and I burst out crying at school. i keep getting flashbacks of all of us together, doing piggyback rides or stealing icecream or go kart rides. i just don't feel like anyone would understand. losing one sibling, maybe, but three? my sister has seemed to be fine, as bad as it sounds. she's never cried about it to my knowledge, and doesn't seem to be affected when anyone talks about their brothers or the army or war. i can barely hold in tears when that happens. we learnt about world war II in history and all I could think about was the hundreds of thousands of families who would never get their son or father or brother back. my four male cousins, who I am very close with, are all active members of different armies and I'm so terrified that I'm going to get a phone call one day telling me that they've passed away. I'm so scared I've begged them to quit the army but they don't seem to share the same fear. they were all devastated when my brothers died but they don't seem to ever consider that it could happen to them, and what it would do to our family. it's so painful writing this out, it just feels like there's a big hole in my chest that gets heavier every day. i miss them all endlessly.

My Dad just died!

replies: 26

I'm here home alone and my sister called to say Dad had collapsed in the city and the ambulance people were assisting him. I phoned some friends and asked if they could come and be with me, they were busy. My husband is on his way home, it will take ... View more

I'm here home alone and my sister called to say Dad had collapsed in the city and the ambulance people were assisting him. I phoned some friends and asked if they could come and be with me, they were busy. My husband is on his way home, it will take him a couple of hours. The police called into my sister's home and told her Dad has died. I phoned my Minister and he said "That will happen. People die." I told him I had to go. I don't know why I am sharing this here. I don't know what else to do right now. I don't even know if this post is suitable for the forums.

Loss of my Mum

replies: 6

I lost my beautiful Mum 9 weeks ago...loosing a parent is something no one can ever prepare you for...this year has been such a tough year, first coronavirus, I lost my job, moved from Brisbane to Canberra in June to be with my partner, just before l... View more

I lost my beautiful Mum 9 weeks ago...loosing a parent is something no one can ever prepare you for...this year has been such a tough year, first coronavirus, I lost my job, moved from Brisbane to Canberra in June to be with my partner, just before loosing my Mum, now I’ve started a new full time job and I find myself struggling to deal with it all...one minute I’m OK, the next I feel completely overwhelmed, lost, lonely and sad

Lost my dad to suicide yesterday

replies: 4

Hi, I lost my dad to suicide yesterday morning. My mum found him in our backyard. It was unexpected and i woke up to my mums call, her voice was distraught and she was yelling "come home!". Since yesterday, I've felt like I'm in limbo. I go through p... View more

Hi, I lost my dad to suicide yesterday morning. My mum found him in our backyard. It was unexpected and i woke up to my mums call, her voice was distraught and she was yelling "come home!". Since yesterday, I've felt like I'm in limbo. I go through phases of having clear thoughts, (like listing out what needs to be done, making sure i look after myself so i can look after my mum, consciously acknowledging my own grieving process) and periods of just staring at nothing, with nothing and everything thoughts swimming in my head. It's only been just over a day since its happened so I think I'm still in somewhat shock, I let myself cry when i need to, and i try to verbalise my thoughts and feelings with mum, and she does the same with me. I'm concerned for my mum as she is the one who found the body, had to call the ambos, and had to perform cpr. I think she's still in shock too because when i ask her if she's having flashbacks or is that memory sort of haunting her, she says not really. I feel odd, almost like i want to spiral into the emotional rollercoaster that i know is coming, just so i can get it over and done with? But i also know I can't force these things. So i'm just left with these conflicting thoughts in my head. I'm not sure what I'm looking for by typing here, not so much condolences, more so people who have experienced something similar, and what their journey was? Maybe a story I can somewhat relate to or just some tips of how people got through their losses that are similar to mine. Thanks

In denial

replies: 2

My mum died on the 23rd May this year. I was caring for her. To cope with not having her around I am imaging she is but I just can’t see her. I avoid all places and people so I can keep it real. My anxiety is up through the roof. Mum would have been ... View more

My mum died on the 23rd May this year. I was caring for her. To cope with not having her around I am imaging she is but I just can’t see her. I avoid all places and people so I can keep it real. My anxiety is up through the roof. Mum would have been 85 in October and we would have had a big family party for her. I’ve withdrawn from some siblings. I’ve organised mum and dads plague for their grave (dad died May 2009) one of my siblings doesn’t like it at all and has a different interpretation of the design. I was told it didn’t give mum the respect she deserved and that she regretted marrying my dad. This is heartbreaking. They weren’t the perfect couple and they did have some whooping arguments we all witnessed as children but there were good time’s as well.

Grief of a grandmother in hard times

replies: 1

Hey, im new to this forum community. August 28 11:20pm my world changed forever. My Nan, my best friend passed away peacefully with pop and me by her side. She was 90 years old and was very sick near the end, she lasted 5 days of being unconscious un... View more

Hey, im new to this forum community. August 28 11:20pm my world changed forever. My Nan, my best friend passed away peacefully with pop and me by her side. She was 90 years old and was very sick near the end, she lasted 5 days of being unconscious until she passed away, those five days were tough sitting by her side watched her suffer and then watched her peacefully pass away which that moment was so special I will be forever grateful for. Nan and I had a very special bond. One like no other. We became even more close when Nan lost her daughter in January of 2016 after a short illness with brain cancer. My Aunty dying really hit nan hard which would to anyone. anyway, this past week without nan have been extremely hard, I have cried, got angry and just been miserable and hurting. I’m after some advice that has helped in the early stages of grieving. thanks K

i tell everyone i am fine

replies: 2

i am so incredibly sad just getting up out of bed is hard. My mum passed away two months ago and i feel i just can not cope without her. i can not sleep and i keep picturing her face when she died. i try to zone out because i have to go to work but i... View more

i am so incredibly sad just getting up out of bed is hard. My mum passed away two months ago and i feel i just can not cope without her. i can not sleep and i keep picturing her face when she died. i try to zone out because i have to go to work but i feel so distant. my house is a mess my life seems a mess i don't know what to do anymore. I have to tell everyone i am fine but i am not my mum was my only true friend and i don't know if i can continue without her. I nursed her all year it was not suppose to end this way. i just feel so lost

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Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

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