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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Tradie_Lady I lost my dog to sudden illness, the grief is too strong
  • replies: 35

Hi there I lost my dog a week ago to sudden illness. He was only 3.5yrs old and he was my everything. He was my first dog that I rescued from a shelter. He provided me with such support and gave me a purpose to keep going. Last year I started IVF and... View more

Hi there I lost my dog a week ago to sudden illness. He was only 3.5yrs old and he was my everything. He was my first dog that I rescued from a shelter. He provided me with such support and gave me a purpose to keep going. Last year I started IVF and currently 2 rounds have failed and he was there to let me know I was loved and needed. Having him suddenly take ill and then dying has shocked me to my core. I can't be in my home alone as he is everywhere I look. I feel so guilty that I couldn't save him and miss him so terribly that I feel like the grief will swallow me whole. I don't know how to function or move forward knowing he is not by my side. My boy was everything and now I have lost purpose.

Descendinggal Deeply struggling after my fiancé took his own life - what helped you
  • replies: 3

I stumbled onto this forum after googling others that lost a fiance, so now I’m here and maybe there’s support and guidance here for me too. I’m struggling a lot with this loss and I really feel like no one truely understands the depth of loss I’m go... View more

I stumbled onto this forum after googling others that lost a fiance, so now I’m here and maybe there’s support and guidance here for me too. I’m struggling a lot with this loss and I really feel like no one truely understands the depth of loss I’m going through - nor do I think a counsellor will because how can u ever understand if ur not in it. Loosing someone in your 30s that you were about to marry and have children with is so complex. I’ve lost my soul mate, unborn children, our envisioned future, my best friend and confidant. The world feels dark and uncertain. While I know nothing is permanent to have him gone at this age in this way is so hard to accept. Even though we had our own hobbies etc we were so deeply connected and I don’t know who I am anymore, what my purpose is, what my identity is. People say things which I know are from a good place like that because I’m young I have so much light ahead of me. That I’ll meet someone else. That I could still be a mum and get married but they don’t understand that just because I’m young it doesn’t just give me hope on a platter. He was my soulmate and the idea of moving forward makes me feel sick. They wouldn’t say it to a older widow so why me? I wish he was here with me. Physically here. I imagine him in every empty chair next to me, in the empty space in my bed and I look around at those saying “we have to move forward now” and all I can think is... easy for you to say you have your partner with you to console you while you grieve, you get to go back home and be together. My heart aches so much, every day it aches even more. I don’t know how it’s possible. I stay awake as long as I can because the mornings I wake with incredible pain and I try to put that off as long as possible. I've lost my sense of purpose. I thought the next phase was being a wife and a mum and that got taken away. So even my work feels like why am I bothering because I started my business to prepare us for family life, that was my purpose not the work itself. I’m so so lost. they say it all takes time. I’m not sure when to ride the wave and when to push. Time hurts. It’s like a nightmare everyday, a dark Groundhog Day. what helped you?

Jas_ Not sure if this is the right place?
  • replies: 1

Hey, not sure if this is the right place to be posting this, but, i'm just so lost and confused and somewhat angry with my thoughts at the moment. I'm not an Australian resident or citizen, I chose to leave my family and move out here for a better li... View more

Hey, not sure if this is the right place to be posting this, but, i'm just so lost and confused and somewhat angry with my thoughts at the moment. I'm not an Australian resident or citizen, I chose to leave my family and move out here for a better life. I've been in Australia since 2018, it'll be three years in March. I'm a masters student, specialising in Education. A bit of background I guess, as sometimes backgrounds help paint a picture. My family wasn't and will never be easy to describe to anyone. As much as I love both my parents, I feel someone vacant sometimes when I think of my dad. He never reaches out, and he never really connected with me whatsoever. I found it rather odd that, over the last week, he'd been messaging me saying how much he loves me, and how he feels so proud to have such an accomplished daughter. Then, Sunday morning at 3am he text to say, he and mum are getting divorced. I'm confused. I'm lost, and numb. Overwhelmed is a great word to use too. Today, I actually woke up, feeling great, then came down for a nap and burst into tears. I have so much undealt trauma, the loss of my dear friend,my best friend unexpectedly passed away in 2020 and my dear granddad when I was younger, and I just can't deal with being sad. I hate the feeling, it's not me. But why am i feeling an inundated amount of pressure to pick myself up and get on with it?

Felix101 Abortion at the age of 20
  • replies: 3

Hey, I am a 20 year old girl in uni and in 2020 I had to have a surgical abortion. It was really emotionally tough on me, the procedure went well though and my health was okay but a lot changed after that day and I don't really have anyone to talk to... View more

Hey, I am a 20 year old girl in uni and in 2020 I had to have a surgical abortion. It was really emotionally tough on me, the procedure went well though and my health was okay but a lot changed after that day and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. My ex drove me to the centre though I had to pay $400 of my savings from tutoring to pay, I did not ask him for money because of his family situation, though later on I saw him gamble his money that he 'didn't have' profusely.The next day I had 2 assessments due and I did them whilst I was crying and feeling really guilty about the abortion. I felt really bad that because of my stupidity it had gotten to that stage. I also had to hide it from my south-Asian parents and I was in a lot of pain both emotionally and physically. I still think back to it and feel completely worthless. I felt like it totally shattered my dreams and hopes of being pregnant, I thought I would be happy the first time I got pregnant. I was really really broken but still got along with my life because I did not want to show anyone I was hurting inside. I went to work every day too yet I feel really numb now. I talked about it with 2 of my friends and they consoled me a lot and I felt really light after telling them, though bad as well because I do not know if they will tell anyone else about it, I downplayed my emotions a lot because I just was not sure how to express myself. This was also during a party unfortunately and after hearing about this they did not talk about this with me, or check up on me again. A part of me really blames my ex for this abortion and I am never able to confront him about it or express my feelings to him about it, I was just glad that he had driven me there and asked me if I was okay throughout. I am not sure if it is okay to partly blame him... I had asked him to use protection so many times yet he declined and said he didn't have it, he also told me that the pull out method will work and it didn't. I believed him this when he told me (IK STUPID), I understand it is 50% my fault, but just the way he treated the situation eats at me and keeps me up at night... I really want to confront him about this but like I said he has his own family problems and I am not sure if this will be okay to do considering our status. Regarding the abortion currently, I feel better but still really guilty and ashamed of myself because if my parents knew they would be so ashamed of me. and I really hate myself for it.

Gravity Death of an estranged parent
  • replies: 3

Hi all, My father passed away nearly 4 weeks ago, we had been estranged for well over 15 years, with the last time we actually spoke being a negative experience for us both. I was told by a family member 2 days before he passed away that he was not d... View more

Hi all, My father passed away nearly 4 weeks ago, we had been estranged for well over 15 years, with the last time we actually spoke being a negative experience for us both. I was told by a family member 2 days before he passed away that he was not doing well and had been moved to palliative care. It was at this point that I decided to go see him before he passed on, as he had no other family around him (he wasn't known for maintaining relationships) and I didn't want him to pass on without saying my goodbyes. I drove the 3 hours from my home to where has was, the drive seemed like an eternity with a million things rushing through my head, as well as emotions I didn't expect to feel given the time that had passed and the relationship we had. I stayed with him at the hospital until he passed away from lung and heart failure. Witnessing a man who was also so strong struggle to breathe, was definitely the most confronting and overwhelming thing I have ever done in my life. Even now I'm still feelings overwhelmed but still somewhat numb by seeing that.The numbness finally gave way to sadness, further complicated by the fact he had to will, no funeral plan etc. I am the youngest of 4 children, 3 (including myself) are still alive, I was left to handle everything from trying to sort out his financial and legal obligations to making the funeral arrangements and paying for them also. I have received nothing but abuse from one of my older siblings for doing all of the above, meanwhile no one else was doing anything. So needless to say, the death of my father has caused a lot of grief, sadness and massive feelings of being overwhelmed. Just when I think I am going okay with everything, I often feel this crushing weight of emotions that I can't even begin to describe. I know it is very early days but please someone tell me if gets easier. I feel broken on a daily basis.

Dberry A rough 2020
  • replies: 2

I don’t exactly know why I’m posting this, maybe I’m reaching out, maybe I just want to talk / vent and I’m unable to do that with anyone without feeling like a burden at the start of the year (January) I lost my big brother at the young age of 31 du... View more

I don’t exactly know why I’m posting this, maybe I’m reaching out, maybe I just want to talk / vent and I’m unable to do that with anyone without feeling like a burden at the start of the year (January) I lost my big brother at the young age of 31 due to unknown causes. after my eldest brother had passed away my family had some good news that one of my other brothers wIfe was pregnant with twins, she miscarried one then birthed one very prematurely who passed away in their arms at 2 weeks old. A few months later one of my friends from high school passed away from a suspected overdose. the losses this year have been extremely hard to deal with and have even made me dissociate with life quite a lot. I’ve had mental health issues since I can remember but I’ve never been able to really talk about it to anyone first of all because everyone sees me as strong and able to deal with these things which I thank has made me repress a lot of emotional baggage. I was brought up with the mentality that these things happen and that life is a struggle for everyone of which no doubt it is and I do not feel special in that aspect. But I’m really struggling within myself lately, I get drunk every night. I’m drinking writing this. I feel I’ve always tried my best to be the best person I can. I care for others more than myself, I try to live a full life but everything feels so empty. I feel dead inside. I know I have a lot of shit to deal with but I’m so blocked off I can’t deal with any of it. It’s hard for me to even type this because it makes me feel weak at the idea but I actually feel like crying although I could never cry, I wish I could but I actually can’t. I’m struggling to find a point. I have so many things that so many people would be envious of but yet I’m struggling so much every day to get out of bed I have so many things that so many people would kill to have, my problems are so minor in the big picture and I know there are so many people with less, dealing with so much more than I am right now. I’m just trying to find the right way to deal with it all. To be somewhat mentally healthy to no longer feel dead inside. I want to help people and be the rock I’m expected to be but its all really getting a bit much for me right now. This post doesn’t even scratch the surface and yet I feel like I’m just complaining about the most first world problems possible. I’m not sure. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going like this. Thanks for reading. Happy new year.

Georgia_P My Dad passed away
  • replies: 2

My Dad passed away from cancer 4 months ago and I have fallen into a depression. I have so much emotion that I don't know how to process it

My Dad passed away from cancer 4 months ago and I have fallen into a depression. I have so much emotion that I don't know how to process it

Adamnsw Am I losing my mind?
  • replies: 1

Hi,my dad was killed in a car accident 24 yrs ago and my mum was seriously injured she died from suicide 6 months later I was 18yo now 42,I also lost my grandmother 6months ago and all I think about is the 3 of them 100s of times a day everyday.its g... View more

Hi,my dad was killed in a car accident 24 yrs ago and my mum was seriously injured she died from suicide 6 months later I was 18yo now 42,I also lost my grandmother 6months ago and all I think about is the 3 of them 100s of times a day everyday.its getting that bad I feel like I'm losing my mind as I get sick feeling in stomach and anxiety through the roof.is this normal? Thank in advance.

Witty_Moniker In a deep hole
  • replies: 9

Hi. First time posting and I'm not really sure why I am. I've been in deep holes before but this time is different, it's like I hit rock bottom then found a way to keep digging. Now my life is a real mess. I didn't realise it could get this bad. So h... View more

Hi. First time posting and I'm not really sure why I am. I've been in deep holes before but this time is different, it's like I hit rock bottom then found a way to keep digging. Now my life is a real mess. I didn't realise it could get this bad. So how did I get here. Well I had something akin to a breakdown a little over a year ago, so I quit my job so I could get myself back on track. I had savings in the bank so I wasn't worried. It's something I've done before a couple of times but this time covid hit. Things started spiraling out of control. At this point I can't handle talking to people in person and don't answer the phone. The only time I leave the house is to go food shopping, which I do early hours of the morning when no one is around. I can't seem to be able to get myself to do anything. Housework, gardening, putting the bins out, even getting the mail from the letter box seems impossible. My house is a sty. I'm rapidly running out of money. I tried signing up for centerlink online but I can't. It won't accept my ID. I just can't get myself to go there to talk to someone. Bills are piling up and I assume the phone call from a private number that I didn't answer today was a debt collector. My car is now unlicensed as I didn't pay the rego. I don't have the money to pay it anyway. My family live out in the country so now I can't go to see them for xmas. I still have to come up with a plausible excuse for that. I haven't told them yet. I don't know why I'm writing all this, or what difference it could possibly make. I just don't know what to do. TLDR - I broke down, royally messed things up and am now lost without a map.

FaithHopeLove I’ve lost two friends to suicide this year
  • replies: 12

Hi everyone. I lost a good friend to suicide in April. I recently found out he took his life on my birthday. Then I found out on Friday night, another old friend has taken her life. This has been a tough year. It has been hard also as I live alone wi... View more

Hi everyone. I lost a good friend to suicide in April. I recently found out he took his life on my birthday. Then I found out on Friday night, another old friend has taken her life. This has been a tough year. It has been hard also as I live alone with no pets. My solace has come from staying busy with my online courses and staying in touch with Church people. But it has still been hard. Finding out about my friend on Friday night was a real shock as her life seemed so good and successful.