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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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tj81 So sad
  • replies: 2

My grandma is dying. Diagnosed in 2019 with lung cancer, 2 weeks ago dementia and had to stop her chemo meds, 1 week ago delirium, 5 days ago the cancer has spread to her brain. They have given her a few weeks. She turns 86 on Dec 6. It’s her 66th we... View more

My grandma is dying. Diagnosed in 2019 with lung cancer, 2 weeks ago dementia and had to stop her chemo meds, 1 week ago delirium, 5 days ago the cancer has spread to her brain. They have given her a few weeks. She turns 86 on Dec 6. It’s her 66th wedding anniversary on Dec 18. We don’t know if she’ll make it. Im so so sad. My grandparents are my world. They raised me. Gave me everything they could. Taught me things. I’m sad I never learnt how to make her pavlova, but why did I have to when she was going to be around forever right? She is a shadow of her former self. There’s no sparkle left in her eyes. My 9year old daughter cries because “if great grandma doesn’t remember who you are mummy, then how will she remember who I am because I haven’t been born for as long as you?” My husband doesn’t understand my grief. Everyone dies so why be sad because you know it’s going to happen? My grandpa is heart broken. The love of his life is dying in front of him and there isn’t anything he can do to stop it. He lays awake at night waiting for her to fall asleep but praying she will wake in the morning. I am dying in the inside, trying to hold my shit together. There is nothing I can do and I hate it!

Sweesoft 2020: A Painful Year
  • replies: 4

Many of us have lost loved ones during this pandemic. This will surely leave a permanent scar and will be seen throughout history. This has been a stressful year as a lot of the people I know have also lost their jobs and all. How about you guys? Do ... View more

Many of us have lost loved ones during this pandemic. This will surely leave a permanent scar and will be seen throughout history. This has been a stressful year as a lot of the people I know have also lost their jobs and all. How about you guys? Do you know people who have been affected by the virus?

Sadmum29 Alone and grieving my daughter
  • replies: 3

My 29 yo daughter passed away 4 mths ago. I have lost my only comfort,my friend,my sweet girl. She was given an overdose of an illicit drug. This is now under investigation by Police. It's hard enough coming to terms with her death The extra stress a... View more

My 29 yo daughter passed away 4 mths ago. I have lost my only comfort,my friend,my sweet girl. She was given an overdose of an illicit drug. This is now under investigation by Police. It's hard enough coming to terms with her death The extra stress and heartache of the investigation, Is a lot to cope with. I have no support ,no family near,or friends, the only Person that would be helping is gone. This is a hard road to be on, I don't want it !

Dented Multiple Grief Feelings
  • replies: 1

I am looking for someone i can relate to as i feel alone, Oct 9 my Fiance of 10 years her remaining parent her mother died of cancer, She is in Jakarta and for obvious reasons i cant see her, Oct 14 my 84 year old father was admitted to Hospital with... View more

I am looking for someone i can relate to as i feel alone, Oct 9 my Fiance of 10 years her remaining parent her mother died of cancer, She is in Jakarta and for obvious reasons i cant see her, Oct 14 my 84 year old father was admitted to Hospital with stage 4 heart and kidney failure, all medications have seized and his defib was turned off on the 17th of Nov, his prognosis is possible 2 to 4 months to live and he is at home now soon to receive care, My 80 yr old mother has terminal cancer she was given 1 year to live 2 years ago, and now her cancer has returned and we are awaiting what we can do for treatment, which i understand is highly unlikely. Even though i know there are many people that understand and have many worse issues than myself i do not know how to deal with so much sadness in such a short space of time. I am 47 a father and live with my adult son and have regular visits with my teenage son. I do my best to morally support my mum and dad and attend appointments, so what i am asking, how do i find a way to deal with, learn and possibly grow through watching 2 people you love slowly die in front of you at the same time. I do have many mental health services currently helping me but Any more advice would be greatly appreciated.

Riri77 Lost my husband
  • replies: 5

I recently lost my husband who was in his 40s and after his passing a lot of uncovered secrets hit me in the face ontop of having to deal with all his family memebers attacking me for trying to fulfill his last wish I’m left in a state of so much con... View more

I recently lost my husband who was in his 40s and after his passing a lot of uncovered secrets hit me in the face ontop of having to deal with all his family memebers attacking me for trying to fulfill his last wish I’m left in a state of so much confusion. I don’t know how to feel, I’m lost confused angry hurt hateful alone and torn because his not here anymore and there’s no1 who understands to turn too.

Elaine26 Dad committed suicide 5 years ago.
  • replies: 7

I am 18 years old and I was 12 when my dad committed suicide. I am an older sibling to my younger brother who is now 16, and I feel that over the past 5 years I have been the older sister and supported him, along with my mum. By doing this I have for... View more

I am 18 years old and I was 12 when my dad committed suicide. I am an older sibling to my younger brother who is now 16, and I feel that over the past 5 years I have been the older sister and supported him, along with my mum. By doing this I have forgotten about myself and I feel like the grief is only just hitting me now. I hate talking about my dad and the way he died and I hate seeing therapists. I am afraid to cry in front of my family or even talk to my family about how I feel because we don’t really talk about it anymore. My mums boyfriend and his son have just moved in which makes bringing up the topic even worse as they are always around. I don’t know what to do.

Jackson_H Supporting my Aunt
  • replies: 3

Hi there, first time poster. I recently went through one of the worst experiences of my life during covid. My uncle was in hospital during stage 4 lockdown whose condition deteriorated immensely (non covid related) and with no visitors allowed to see... View more

Hi there, first time poster. I recently went through one of the worst experiences of my life during covid. My uncle was in hospital during stage 4 lockdown whose condition deteriorated immensely (non covid related) and with no visitors allowed to see him he receded into advanced dementia and passed away. This has been the worst thing to my aunt as she would not visit him and when she visited him when we got out of lockdown, she had to see her husband health rapidly deteriorating and him passing away. She has now removed herself from taking her usual tasks around house, cooking or anything. She still talks and acts well but is fearful of living by herself (they had no kids) I am visiting her during day and working from her home to keep company and also bring her at my place over weekends. I just don’t know what options exists in regards to support as she’s not keen to move to aged care this soon & suggestion of this at this time isn’t even suited. Keen to hear from anyone who probably have gone through this and what has worked best. I work fulltime, she has a niece who lives next door however not everyone is available full time for care, medication, home maintenance. Jackson

Tommyl my wife is dying lung cancer stage 4
  • replies: 7

hi there friend, I am sad to say my wife is on the way to die this morning. Shes in bed and comfortable and I am so sad for her. I am holding her hand. I am very sad and just need to talk to someone please.

hi there friend, I am sad to say my wife is on the way to die this morning. Shes in bed and comfortable and I am so sad for her. I am holding her hand. I am very sad and just need to talk to someone please.

Ruby2 1 Woke up to find husband dead
  • replies: 7

My husband had been ill with end stage empysema. He recently had a hospital admission for pnemonia. On discharge was told he had between 4mths and 4 years. I woke up early last Tuesday.He was not in bed.I got up,saw him sitting on lounge.Called his n... View more

My husband had been ill with end stage empysema. He recently had a hospital admission for pnemonia. On discharge was told he had between 4mths and 4 years. I woke up early last Tuesday.He was not in bed.I got up,saw him sitting on lounge.Called his name.No response. Could see no chest rising. Went over,he was so cold and still.Eyes open.No pulse.Rang 000.Told to commence CPR.I did until ambos arrived.But I knew he was dead. Funeral has been held.Adult kids seem to be holding up well.Eldest daughter getting married next month as planned. My question is how do I get rid of the final vision of me finding him and trying to resus him.It is all I see when I try to close my eyes

dangerousflower I've already lost one this year, I can't lose another...
  • replies: 2

(this is my first time doing this so apologies if it is long, I don't know where to begin). In July/August, my grandpa, who I am very close to and love dearly, was diagnosed with cancer, terminal cancer. Up until July, he was one of the healthiest pe... View more

(this is my first time doing this so apologies if it is long, I don't know where to begin). In July/August, my grandpa, who I am very close to and love dearly, was diagnosed with cancer, terminal cancer. Up until July, he was one of the healthiest people I know (for context, at 82yrs last Christmas, he was running around playing backyard cricket with us) and to witness him become... so vulnerable and ill, breaks my heart into a million pieces. While I'm trying to be positive and cherish every moment we have, I can't help but experience 'anticipatory grief'. If (sadly, when) I lose him, I don't know how I'll be able to cope. He truly lights up a room and is the heart of that side of my family. In addition, I'm an empath, so not only am I holding my own stress and fears, but I'm ending up feeling the pain of my family. On top of that, in May someone who I looked up to suddenly passed away by suicide. Though they were 'infamous' and thus I didn't know them personally, I really looked up to them and shared many similarities to them. Their death really hurt and impacted me for while after and while currently I'm more at peace with it, it still hurts to know I'll never see them again. The nature of their death and finding out about the pain they were going through, knowing that they should still be here, hurts. I'm not sure exactly what my intention is in posting this, but I think I just needed to tell someone that I'm scared. Scared of losing my Pa, scared of grieving again, scared of how I'll cope knowing I'm still carrying some level of grief from five months ago. I've somewhat spoken to my family about how I feel, but I don't want to dump everything on them right now with everything going on; additionally, all my closest friends live out of town or even overseas which isn't easy and I don't know how to tell them what I'm going through without feeling like I'm bothering them. I guess... any advice or tips, on how to... cope, (or even just encouragement) would be welcomed.