A rough 2020

[Dberry]

I don’t exactly know why I’m posting this, maybe I’m reaching out, maybe I just want to talk / vent and I’m unable to do that with anyone without feeling like a burden

at the start of the year (January) I lost my big brother at the young age of 31 due to unknown causes.

after my eldest brother had passed away my family had some good news that one of my other brothers wIfe was pregnant with twins, she miscarried one then birthed one very prematurely who passed away in their arms at 2 weeks old.

A few months later one of my friends from high school passed away from a suspected overdose.

the losses this year have been extremely hard to deal with and have even made me dissociate with life quite a lot.
I’ve had mental health issues since I can remember but I’ve never been able to really talk about it to anyone first of all because everyone sees me as strong and able to deal with these things which I thank has made me repress a lot of emotional baggage. I was brought up with the mentality that these things happen and that life is a struggle for everyone of which no doubt it is and I do not feel special in that aspect. But I’m really struggling within myself lately, I get drunk every night. I’m drinking writing this.
I feel I’ve always tried my best to be the best person I can. I care for others more than myself, I try to live a full life but everything feels so empty. I feel dead inside. I know I have a lot of shit to deal with but I’m so blocked off I can’t deal with any of it. It’s hard for me to even type this because it makes me feel weak at the idea but I actually feel like crying although I could never cry, I wish I could but I actually can’t.

I’m struggling to find a point. I have so many things that so many people would be envious of but yet I’m struggling so much every day to get out of bed

I have so many things that so many people would kill to have, my problems are so minor in the big picture and I know there are so many people with less, dealing with so much more than I am right now. I’m just trying to find the right way to deal with it all. To be somewhat mentally healthy to no longer feel dead inside.

I want to help people and be the rock I’m expected to be but its all really getting a bit much for me right now.

This post doesn’t even scratch the surface and yet I feel like I’m just complaining about the most first world problems possible. I’m not sure. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going like this. Thanks for reading. Happy new year.

[Sophie_M]

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums Dberry,

Thank-you for having the strength to share your story with us tonight. We acknowledge how painful it would have been to write these experiences down and we're grateful to have the opportunity to offer our support. We are so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother at such a young age. We can't imagine the impact this would have created in your and your families life. Please know that you've come to a safe space and our wonderful community is here to listen. 

If you'd prefer to reach out to a counsellor, we'd recommend getting in touch with Griefline on 1300 845 745. They are a Support Service that offers counselling free of charge to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way.

We’d also encourage you to get in in touch with us via our Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport and we can talk through some options to help you through your loss. You are welcome to call tonight, or anytime that you are feeling overwhelmed and need support. It can be very grounding to talk this through with someone.

You might also be interested in our page on “Grief and Loss” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/grief-and-loss

We're really grateful that you decided to reach out here tonight. Hopefully a few of our community members will come by to welcome you to our friendly online community. 
 
 

[Summer Rose]

Hi Dberry

Welcome to the bb forum. Reading your post made me want to cry, as life can be so hard and unfair at times.

I’m so very sorry for the losses you have experienced this year. Your brother, the twins and your friend—it’s unimaginable really.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, it’s a process that we all move through at our pace. I lost my mum this year and have found journaling and talking to her really helpful. (Yes, it’s okay to talk to the dead.)

While I can understand the desire to block your pain with alcohol, it’s not going to help you in the long run. And it’s a sign that it’s time to seek professional help.

For your own good, I encourage you to drop the facade and talk about how you are feeling with your GP. It would be good to book a double appointment, so you can have a good chat.

Your GP will be able to give you advice on the next steps to take and, if necessary, create a mental health care plan for you. This plan will provide you with access to Medicare subsidies for treatment.

It can get better. One step at a time.

Kind thoughts to you