To force contact or not?

[AGrace]

Hi all,

I'd love some advice...

In 1995 my boyfriend committed suicide. I found out after the fact via a phone call from his father. I was only 15, and he had temporarily been living interstate (I was in SA & he was in VIC). Sadly,  I didn't get to go to the funeral, and because his death had such a huge impact on me I lost contact with his father.

About 6 weeks ago I found out where he was buried on the internet, I'd been searching unsuccessfully for 10 years. I decided to visit his grave, and left flowers and a letter. It was such a comforting yet surreal experience. 

To this day I still struggle with the grief from my loss. I eventually found contact details for his father, so a month ago I sent him a letter. I told him I'd like to meet up, but that I understood if this wasn't something he was willing to do. I haven't heard anything back from him, not a letter, phone call, or even a text. Because I know where he lives, it takes a great deal of effort every day not to jump in the car and drive to his house. The problem is I really want to speak with him, I think it might help me understand the circumstances leading up to my late boyfriend's death, and maybe bring me some closure.

I'm wondering what would you do in this situation? 

Many Thanks

AGrace

[SubduedBlues]

The hardest part for me, when speaking about suicide, is speaking about the death and near-death (vegetative state) of friends that I have lost during my journey in life. It is easier to speak about my own demons than to be reminded of those that have claimed their lives.

AGrace, I appreciate that you are seeking closure on the loss of your childhood boyfriend. And it would have been nice for you to obtain closure at the time of his passing, but alas that did not happen. 

I fear that when you wrote his father, the receipt of your letter re-opened a floodgate of painful memories at the premature loss of a child -- a loss that no parent should ever have to go through. When I envisage myself in his place, the thought of your coming by to visit is - well - difficult.. I don't know that I am ready for that. As such, a reply letter has not been forthcoming.

An intermediary might be the wiser choice of action. At least then you could get feedback on the probability or possibility of a future meeting.

D'