Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Neeky85 4 weeks this week since my Nonna passed away from Cancer
  • replies: 4

It will be 4 weeks this week since my Nonna passed away from Cancer. A day/night that has changed my life forever. On her last day, so many family members came in and out to visit her and say their final goodbyes. It wasn't until dinner time that mos... View more

It will be 4 weeks this week since my Nonna passed away from Cancer. A day/night that has changed my life forever. On her last day, so many family members came in and out to visit her and say their final goodbyes. It wasn't until dinner time that most family members went home to get dinner, leaving only Me, My Mum and My Sister with my Nonna. All day I just wanted to sit by her side, hold her hand and just watch her and I finally got the chance. It was at this time that my Mum said some words to her mum(my Nonna). She also said to her that it was ok for her to let go and be at peace. Within 5 minutes of Mum saying that she passed away. I was holding my Nonna's hand when she passed away. I remember her breathing changing and knowing that she was going to pass away soon. I always thought that I would be so scared to be in a situation like that, but I felt so calm. The moment she stopped breathing everything went silent and I could feel this sensation through me. When the nurses came to fix her up before family came back I didn't want to leave her side. I knew she was gone but I just felt this need to protect her.. During the week after she passed away My sister and I helped mum with some funeral arrangements(Picking clothes out for Nonna to wear, Music, Photos, Eulogy). The day of the funeral came and my boyfriend and I were busy making sure the music was right, that the photo presentation went right and I'm not sure if it was because I was pre occupied that I didn't cry much on the day. We are now going on 4 weeks since she passed and I still haven't cried much. I don't know if that is normal or not. Some family members say that when she passed away she gave me the gift of her strength(which was that sensation I felt), some say it takes time and some say it could be because I haven't accepted it. I have moments where I feel like I am a terrible person because I am not grieving for her like others. Since she passed I feel like I have to be strong for Mum, My sister and other family members because they need the most support. I feel like when it's my time to mourn I will do so. Not a day goes by where I haven't thought about her, sometimes it still feels surreal that she has gone. My heart aches with so much sadness. I just don't know if it's normal to not cry over someone who You loved so much and had 28 wonderful years with. I don't know if I am in denial about it all, stronger then others at the moment, or am still trying to process it all and in time it will hit me. I would love to hear opinions or from other people who may feel the same way.

Catherine When I lost my Dad
  • replies: 2

In the moment that I found out he had died I was a 5 year old eating fruit with her Dad in the small orchard he had grown; I was 6 and writing my name in the concrete he had laid as a walk way to my cubby house; I was 8 and my Dad was cleaning my toe... View more

In the moment that I found out he had died I was a 5 year old eating fruit with her Dad in the small orchard he had grown; I was 6 and writing my name in the concrete he had laid as a walk way to my cubby house; I was 8 and my Dad was cleaning my toe that I had dropped a trailer on. I was 60 and looking back on my life. In reality, I was a 23 year old sitting out the front of the hospital where my sister had almost died, calling my older brothers to tell them our dad had committed suicide. Know that people love you. I love my Dad, I miss him everyday. But he just couldn't see that through his depression. I hope that you can.

Talan95 living with depression since the death of my brother
  • replies: 2

I'm not really sure how this sort of things works, and I haven't professionally been diagnosed with depression or anything but since loosing my mum 7 years ago and my brother at 22 two years ago my teachers and older sister have continuously been try... View more

I'm not really sure how this sort of things works, and I haven't professionally been diagnosed with depression or anything but since loosing my mum 7 years ago and my brother at 22 two years ago my teachers and older sister have continuously been trying to get me to speak to a psychologist , but I just don't feel comfortable doing it! I never believed I could be suffering from a mental health issue but after researching into depression more I feel it possible that I am infact living with depression and have been since the death of my brother , I'm not really sure what to do but I don't tell a lot of people about my life story because its very complicated but I'm in yr 12 this year and haven't been myself ..

Neeky85 my nonna has pancreatic cancer
  • replies: 1

Since January life has just seemed impossible.. First I made the decision to quit my job for many reasons, we then found out our cat has cancer and to top it off found out my Nonna has cancer. Trying to find a job and getting rejections for jobs that... View more

Since January life has just seemed impossible.. First I made the decision to quit my job for many reasons, we then found out our cat has cancer and to top it off found out my Nonna has cancer. Trying to find a job and getting rejections for jobs that I know I am fully qualified for is testing my patience and makes me feel like I am not good enough for these jobs. When we found out our cat had cancer I felt like my world was going to end.. Our cats are our kids.. It was a roller coaster ride for us.. At one point we thought we were going to have to put him down.. thankfully we got a third opinion and they gave us the option to do chemotherapy(which we were not going to say not to).. We know the risks that come with doing that to him but we aren't ready to lose him.. Even when he goes into remission he will only have 8-10 months, but to us that is a blessing to have him with us for that time. Not long after we found out about our cat, my life was again shattered with the news that my nonna has pancreatic cancer.. I struggle to make sense as to why this is happening to her. Recently we found out she only has 6 weeks left. To watch a family member or anyone for that matter suffer is heart breaking, but for me to watch a woman who is to me the strongest person I know is shattering. Everyday I wonder how am I going to live without her.. I don't want to go to sleep at night because it means the next day will come sooner and that will be one day closer to us losing her.. I find myself crying at the drop of a hat because I feel this overwhelming sense of sadness, I don't feel happy anymore. I feel so angry that this is happening to her and wonder why this can't be happening to a horrible person(criminal, murderer).. I was never a big drinker but now I like to have a few drinks because it makes me feel some what better, even if just for a short time.. I wish I could just wake up and feel happy even for just one day.. I know that there are people who are going through worse, but I just needed to talk to someone about this, because I don't want to burden my family or boyfriend as they have other things to worry about..

denver When I was 22 my mother passed away from bone cancer
  • replies: 3

I am 30 and have always been a worrying person even when I was little. When I was 22 my mother who was fantastic passed away from bone cancer after battling years of bouts of cancer, I think this has caused my depression that im still battling with. ... View more

I am 30 and have always been a worrying person even when I was little. When I was 22 my mother who was fantastic passed away from bone cancer after battling years of bouts of cancer, I think this has caused my depression that im still battling with. Sometimes I feel like Im taking a step forward and then I feel like I take about 10 back. When she was in hospital I was also in hospital from a staph infection and it was horrible not being there with her in hospital. and my poor dad couldnt be in two places at once as the hospitals were 2 hours from each other, so i felt very alone. My mother passed away in our house which we built not long before her passing. and this year, our house was taken by bush fires. and then the same week, my mothers mum (my nan) died also. Its all too much and hard to see the joy in life when everything gets taken away. I have been battling this depression, stress and panic attacks for a long time and have finally decided to do something about it as i know i need help now. I feel more alone than ever , even though i know im not. its actually me pushing people away even though i dont want to. its just hard to talk when nobody understands.I have a great family, friends and partner and I really feel guilty for not being normal. They want to help but they do not know how. And i put on a front most of the time. I just want to find somebody I can talk to that can help. I am determined to feel like the happy girl I used to be. I feel like im getting old before my time and my 20s have just been a blur. This is my first step to at least tell my story and reach out to others that know how this can feel.

Russ i watched my Dad pass away 2 years ago from cancer and simply cant recover from it
  • replies: 4

i have been like this for the last 2 years and have only just been to see a professional this week. does it get better in time. i am taking medication but every day is a struggle to do things. lack of drive not wanting to get out of bed feeling tired... View more

i have been like this for the last 2 years and have only just been to see a professional this week. does it get better in time. i am taking medication but every day is a struggle to do things. lack of drive not wanting to get out of bed feeling tired but cant sleep at night or daytime. this is simply awfull. any advice? i am a 56 year old male i watched my Dad pass away 2 years ago from cancer and simply cant recover from it

WolfGirl After a lengthy battle with Borderline Personality Disorder, my partner passed away earlier this year
  • replies: 2

After a lengthy battle with Borderline Personality Disorder, my partner passed away earlier this year. I'm finding it so hard to cope with his loss. Although at the time of his passing we were not in a good place romantically, I always had hope that ... View more

After a lengthy battle with Borderline Personality Disorder, my partner passed away earlier this year. I'm finding it so hard to cope with his loss. Although at the time of his passing we were not in a good place romantically, I always had hope that he would seek the treatment he needed and that we would be able to resume our romantic relationship. When he was in a good headspace, he was the most wonderful young man. I am lost without him. I am 23, and was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and a panic disorder at 16. I generally try to cope without medication, but am now feeling as though staying functional is incredibly draining. I have lost all interest in work; in my hobbies; in most of my friends and family. I don't know what to do. All I can think about is how much I loved him; how much I wanted to help him and how badly I failed him.

Cindy24 I feel incredibly alone since the loss of my Dad nearly 6 months ago
  • replies: 1

I feel incredibly alone since the loss of my Dad nearly 6 months ago. I have brothers and a male partner who is very blunt. My Dad used to give me incredible support and I feel my brothers or my partner don't make me feel special or make me feel like... View more

I feel incredibly alone since the loss of my Dad nearly 6 months ago. I have brothers and a male partner who is very blunt. My Dad used to give me incredible support and I feel my brothers or my partner don't make me feel special or make me feel like they understand what I am going. This also extends to me trying to support and make my mum feel special. I really miss my Dad, he could comfort me when times were crappy. He made me and Mum a priority and I'm struggling to find people to do that right now.