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Separation from Husband

Community Member

We had been married for almost 12 years until he left me 3 weeks ago. 

I have had depression for a number of years, he left me 6 months ago which prompted me to seek help. He was back in 1 week.

This time he is saying that even after my obvious progression, he feels that he has fallen out of love with me and that he can not see us working. He is willing to give it 6 months to see if things change for him, he has moved in with his brother at this time.

He has never seen a counsellor and feels that he doesnt need help. During the last few years, I have been damaging to his self esteem and all of the other things that generally damage a relationship due to depression and anxiety.

I openly admit these problems and have started working with a psychologist to help me past this. 

Every time we have seen each other it turns into me pushing him to see where things are at, I see now how bad this is and am trying to old contact him regarding our two kids 8 & 4. He has asked me to only contact him for these reasons to give him some space.

It's so hard.

1 Reply 1

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hello Amanda, how devastating for you. Our mental health can really test relationships, it has for me in the past, and I am sorry this has happened to you. Are the children with you or with him?

I think you have to respect his boundaries and only contact him on the conditions he has asked, but by the same token this is a pause for reflection for you as well. You have been together 12 years, that is a big chunk of life, not to mention having children as well.  He has said he want to do a 6 month 'trial period', what do you want?  It is good that you are talking to a psychologist, perhaps it would be good to discuss this too.  Despite what has happened in the past, you both need to move forward in the future, whether that's together or separately, and the decision is not all his.  I just am concerned that you will left hanging by a thread for six months waiting for his decision when the future of your relationship is something that both of you have to decide.