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Struggling with split from wife

Kirk1980
Community Member

Hello

my name is kirk, just over a year ago my wife of six years and partner of 12 deciced she was not in love with me anymore. I still to this  day don't understand where it went wrong as I spoilt her, constantly told her how much I loved her and allowed her to live her dreams of being a lawyer whilst I stayed home and looked after our son.  

I constantly think of her and miss her a lot which I have told her on numerous occasions but  she does not wish to reconcile.

do you ever get over the hurt? 

3 Replies 3

Neil_1
Community Member

Hi Kirk  

I’m so sorry to hear of the break-up of your marriage – and it’s sad how things can turn sour for one partner and not the other.   A year of this kind of suffering for you is now getting to be quite a while, would you agree?  

What is your current situation?  Ie:  still living approximately in the same location (ie:  city/town) as your ex?   Do you have custody or visitation access to your son?  

 From what I’ve been able to make out, it appears that you’re on your own with perhaps no other means of support for you?  If you haven’t already, Kirk, I would be making an appointment with your GP and to see what advice they might be able to offer you – especially as you’re still clearly hurting from this situation.  

Are you working and do you have even a small network of friends/mates?  Some people who you might occasionally be able to go out with?  

 I would really like to hear back from you Kirk, when and if you feel able to do so.  

Kind regards  

Neil

guest75
Community Member

Hi Kirk

I have recently separted from my partner of 12 years (with 3 kids).  I know the feeling of not knowing what you did wrong, what happened to make them stop loving you.  I was an absolute mess (you can ask all the people on here), having suicidal thoughts, didnt want to do anything, inconsolable most of the time.  its a horrible place to be in so i feel for you

The best thing i ever did for myself was to stop pining over her, sorry if this sounds harsh but once someone decides they dont love you anymore, chances are its done.  I know you dont want to think about it now, but moving on with someone new (even if its only a casual thing - doesnt have to be serious) will help you immensely, at least it did for me

Have you got access to your son? as that was another thing that helped me was being around my kids

I hope you choose to stick around so we can help you through this difficult time in your life

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Kirk

It's so sad to hear of a marriage break up , especially when one partner is so hurt by it all. I expect you have puzzled until your head is spinning about why she left and still have no answers.  Sometimes there are no answers, or at least none that the other person can express.

I doubt very much that it was your fault (just in case this is what you are thinking).  I'm not being very comforting about this Kirk but someones it just happens.  Can you make yourself love someone or make them love you? Probably not.

There comes a time to try and accept your loss. Neil has suggested you speak to your doctor.  A great suggestion.  Good doctors are amazing people I have found and talking face to face with someone helps enormously.

You don't say if you are working or not. A job is great for giving you a different perspective.  If not, what about volunteering?  The pain of your loss will fade, that's a promise.  It will take place more easily if you are able to have something else in your life such as work, an absorbing hobby or other activity, being away from your home, particularly if it is still your marital home, and being with other people.

There is no need to discuss your situation with others if you would rather not.  Just be part of the crowd.  Grief of this sort will take time to heal, but it will heal.

Hang in my friend.  Just a thought.  How do you feel now compared with a year ago? Better, worse, the same?  Think back!  I suspect you are not in such a bad place as you were originally and this should give you hope and a bit of sunshine.

Write in often, many people here want to help you.

White Rose