Advice on picking up the pieces as I emerge from my depression and anxiety

[lavenderquartz]

Hi Friends,

This is my first time posting on the forum. In brief, I had a very traumatic nervous breakdown last spring/summer: during a period of extreme stress (work, financial, etc) I developed a severe panic disorder as well as depression. My anxiety revolved around being a hurtful person, and so I pushed away the people closest to me including my girlfriend at the time.

I am way better now - not dealing with active panic attacks or severe depression - but I still battling some feelings of sadness, despair, and doom from time to time. In the period since, I have tried valiantly to reconcile with my (now) ex-girlfriend. She is very distant, indifferent, and unresponsive to me. And, I found out this weekend via social media that she started seeing someone else.

My question is how other people have picked up the pieces after the storm. In other words, I feel much better and yet her utter rejection of me (and seeming lack of continued compassion towards me/refusal to engage in a conversation with me) makes me feel like a terrible, monsterous person. How do you recover from depression when the debris of your former life are cause enough to slide back into sad feelings? And, how do you make peace with yourself when those you once turned to for unquestioned love no longer seem to care about you?

I can't quite demonize her - she also went through a very traumatic time (I was confusing about boundaries - pulling her towards me, pushing her away from me, telling her not to call, etc). and is now putting her life back together, too. So neither explanation, "she wasn't right for you, she couldn't see you through this!" or, "you have to atone for what you did!" don't quite make sense to me. I think my actions weren't so severe that they merited such utter refusal, and this aftermath/shrapnel may re-trigger some negative feelings I was having.

How have folks picked up the pieces? Made peace with things that changed irreparably during your depression?

Thank you.

[Rosa-eve]

Hi Lavenderquartz,

I dont know.   That's not helpfull at all is it. But seeing no one else had got back to you yet I wanted you to know someone understands.   I also am trying to pick up the pieces and trying to figure out how to deal with letting go of someone who means the world to you  when they seem to have moved on without  feeling the same pain as you.

People move on and we cant make them care. And that doesnt make them a bad person. And it doesn't mean you're not worthy of being loved. And somehow if we can't fix it, we have to move on too.  And I dont know how just yet.  Time and all that, so people say.   Which is rather hard when keeping depression at bay. Do things to rebuild your life and be happy and believe that there are good things to come that you don't know about yet.  Im probally not helping much. But I do understand how you feel.   Hopefully someone else who has got to the other side can offer better words  Take care, from Rosa.

[SillySonia]

This has happened to me a couple of times and I am very bad at getting used to the idea that the other half has moved on. I tend to develop self destructive behaviour bordering on stalking and doing stupid things.

One way of getting over this sort of thing is to introduce different things / activities into your life. If you can take a holiday or go travelling for a few months then now is the time to do it. Change of scene to get a different perspective.

If you can't then try surrounding yourself with supportive people, and try new activities or hobbies. Reinvent yourself.

Easier said than done, I know. But it does work.

I spent too many years pining over a man who I couldn't have and had to continue seeing him in the office after our affair (where I didn't know I was the other woman) was over. I should have left there and then but I stupidly made myself stay and suffer because I am self destructive on an emotional level thinking I am not good enough for anyone else etc.

Well you know what? Its all utter crap!

Make some small changes now. Whether its your hairstyle, clothes or job or where you live. It might make you feel a bit different.

In the short term, medication and counselling can help. But also allow yourself time to grieve. Its normal. You are human after all. Don't be hard on yourself.