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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Aquarius2014 Greiving for my child
  • replies: 1

So at 14 years of age, and 14 years of doing it solo, my daughter no longer speaks to me. Is there any other condition with such an awful stigma?At the start of the year I had a 'nervous breakdown' or whatever you want to call it .... I was happy wit... View more

So at 14 years of age, and 14 years of doing it solo, my daughter no longer speaks to me. Is there any other condition with such an awful stigma?At the start of the year I had a 'nervous breakdown' or whatever you want to call it .... I was happy with status quo, however those around me decided I needed help, ie. locking up. During my 2 week voluntery "respite" my girl went to stay with her Dad, now 6 months later and I can no longer see her or even speak with her. I just don't have much hope left to go on. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Doolhof Needing a lift today
  • replies: 4

It seems this morning is one of those where I feel like I just don't want to do anything much more than go to bed and cry! It is one of those days that if my Doctor was here, he would ask me what has caused this to happen, and I would answer "It is b... View more

It seems this morning is one of those where I feel like I just don't want to do anything much more than go to bed and cry! It is one of those days that if my Doctor was here, he would ask me what has caused this to happen, and I would answer "It is because I woke up!" I am sure a lot of you have had days like this. To be honest, there are probably lots of thoughts and emotions that have added to this feeling of loneliness, sadness, depression and that life is too difficult sometimes. My husband and I are not getting on all that well at present. That is ongoing and something I need to deal with each day and accept the good times as they come along. August 19th is going to be the 21st Anniversary of our stillborn son's birth and death. I would love to be able to celebrate that day with my husband, but he has never mentioned our son's name and doesn't like to talk of his existence, or our other stillborn children. I have to accept that as well, just as he accepts how I feel about our children. A guy who I have loved for ever is married to someone else and I am often jealous of the posts his wife sends on Facebook. I am still great friends with this guy, I like his wife and try to think of my friend as a big brother, sometimes I just wish it was me married to him instead of her. I messed up and missed out on that opportunity. Or maybe if we had been in a relationship it might not have lasted and I would have missed out on his friendship over all these years. Sometimes I feel so very lonely and depressed living with a man who no longer desires any physical contact of any sort, who seems to enjoy the company of email friends and chats with his mates on the phone more than he does his wife. Even the cat gets to sit next to him on the couch. At least the chooks don't complain too much when I give them a cuddle! Sometimes they poop on me, but at least they are sharing! Ha. Ha. I feel a little better now. Thankfully I have some casual work today so that will get me out of the house and I have made a list of little jobs to do later when I get home, so if I manage to do a few of those things I will have achieved something today. Usually I do my crying on the inside, maybe today I will let the tears run free.

Samantha3142 Depressed (i think?) post stillbirth of my son
  • replies: 1

Hi, My name is Samantha. On Valentines Day this year I went to hospital when 5 months pregnant with my first baby.Things went terribly wrong whilst I was in the hospital..they didn't recognise that I was in labour and after 12 hours I delivered my so... View more

Hi, My name is Samantha. On Valentines Day this year I went to hospital when 5 months pregnant with my first baby.Things went terribly wrong whilst I was in the hospital..they didn't recognise that I was in labour and after 12 hours I delivered my son alone in the toilet (they had sent my partner home 30 mins earlier). After a couple of days I went home. I was very unwell and taken by ambulance to a different hospital where they discovered that placenta had been left behind which had caused me to become gravely ill. I had emergency surgery and spent over a week in ICU and further time in the ward. I spent about a month off work, recovering physically.My relationship with my partner was strained going into the pregnancy. Now, we are mess..we fight all time, he's moved out and back in a few times in the past few months alone. I have gained weight..I weigh more now than I ever have - even more than when I was pregnant and im generally unhappy.We've had no counselling as the original hospital were calling to offer their services (which I wouldn't take!) when I was in the other hospital fighting for my life.I met with the hospital once...they said lots of sorry..but couldn't explain anything further about why this had happened to me or what has been done to ensure this never happens again. They also agreed on some follow-up actions but never followed through.In the past few months I've contacted approx 15 lawyers to see if anyone will help me fight for my son? Everytime I hear the same story...what happened to me was tragic & terribly wrong, however under the eyes of the law the loss of my son does not count.I've lodged a complaint with the Office of the Health Commissioner. After almost 3 months, the Health Commissioner is still waiting to receive the report from the hospital. I cried a lot when they told me that last week.I guess you could say I have a lot of anger still. I am angry that I don't have my son. I am angry that noone seems to care apart from me. I am angry that I have to keep fighting for anything and that noone will listen! I am angry about the toll this has taken on me, my partner, may family. I don't sleep very well anymore and am tired as a result. I am very emotional all the time.Ive been to the gp and told him this. He gave me a referral to get some counselling. I lodged that with the hospital a month ago and recently followed up only to find that somehow the referral had gone missing so I've asked it to be resent again.

Hopeful83 Help
  • replies: 1

I am not coping ATM, I have just broke up with my boyfriend, I'm having severe financial difficulties and trying to get on top of everything in my life, I want to have my son back, I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm really strugglin... View more

I am not coping ATM, I have just broke up with my boyfriend, I'm having severe financial difficulties and trying to get on top of everything in my life, I want to have my son back, I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm really struggling. My bf and I were together for only 8 months but I love him, I know we are better off apart but I finding it so hard to cope, I'm trying to keep busy, but I can't stop crying.... Please can someone help me get through this????

beyoncebooty How to celebrate birthday/death day of a person who has committed suicide?
  • replies: 3

I lost my 19 year old brother in Feb this year, I'm notbsure how to celebrate his birthday/ death day. Does anyone have any ideas or struggled with a happy way to celebrate?

I lost my 19 year old brother in Feb this year, I'm notbsure how to celebrate his birthday/ death day. Does anyone have any ideas or struggled with a happy way to celebrate?

Missing_you_always Lost
  • replies: 1

My name is Mandy , I lost my mum to cancer 7 years ago, I lost my brother to suicide last year and a cousin to cancer last week! I can't deal with it, I suppress it , I don't know how long I can do this , grief is consuming me

My name is Mandy , I lost my mum to cancer 7 years ago, I lost my brother to suicide last year and a cousin to cancer last week! I can't deal with it, I suppress it , I don't know how long I can do this , grief is consuming me

JN2014 Not coping with a death
  • replies: 3

Hi My brother passed away - too early he was only 48 years old - and i am not coping. He passed away in March 2014 and I am still having trouble coping. I want him to be here, to answer the phone when I call, to talk to me, to tell me I am an idiot w... View more

Hi My brother passed away - too early he was only 48 years old - and i am not coping. He passed away in March 2014 and I am still having trouble coping. I want him to be here, to answer the phone when I call, to talk to me, to tell me I am an idiot with some of the things that I do. Our mum passes in july 2000 and we never quite got over it, now I can't see how to get over losing him. Have any of you gone through this, and if so how do you cope? Any help will be very much appreciated. Thanks JH2014

rah first reaction to death
  • replies: 2

I have lost a few people and each time ive laughed when I found out. this time I didn't laugh but ive been too happy its been a few hours and I havnt come down yet I just don't understand why this is my first response

I have lost a few people and each time ive laughed when I found out. this time I didn't laugh but ive been too happy its been a few hours and I havnt come down yet I just don't understand why this is my first response

lucy2 Estranged from daughter.
  • replies: 2

Hello friends I posted nearly 6 days ago. The answers I had helped me so much, I feel very much unchained from my problem, and now want to look forward. My only problem is now my son has been hurt by his sister, I spoke to him last night, he was stra... View more

Hello friends I posted nearly 6 days ago. The answers I had helped me so much, I feel very much unchained from my problem, and now want to look forward. My only problem is now my son has been hurt by his sister, I spoke to him last night, he was strangely quiet. He told his sister about how much I was hurting but he has discovered a huge brick wall from her. He said she's not the same anymore. I felt sad for him but at the same time I told him she is not going to change and be the person we once knew. He is 34 yrs old, and I know his father's death hurt him so much as he didn't say goodbye. I didn't realise how close he is with me until last week and his wife explained how very sad he was with what has happened to me. My son finds it very hand to show feelings but he gave me the biggest hugging crush I have ever had from him. Now I have to help him and I guess this is going to be very hard. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated. I told him last night life goes on and we love him so much and he is not to dwell on his sister, but as we all know it is easier said than done. I had a phone call from a girlfriend last night that I haven't spoken to in a year, I told her why and without crying. I have made arrangements to have coffee with her soon, not that I want to tell her the whole story, I can't, its gone, it is time to go forward and onward and stop eating like there is no tomorrow. Thank you again.

lost87 Which life path to take...
  • replies: 3

I'm lost, confused, lonely and indescribably hurt! Rewind 12 months and i was as content as they come. Life was great! This time last year i was 7 months pregnant with what i dubbed our final masterpiece. Number 3 was our honeymoon baby and i couldn'... View more

I'm lost, confused, lonely and indescribably hurt! Rewind 12 months and i was as content as they come. Life was great! This time last year i was 7 months pregnant with what i dubbed our final masterpiece. Number 3 was our honeymoon baby and i couldn't wait! I had been married to my high school sweetheart for 8 months, we'd been together for just over 9 years. There was no problem in my little spot in the world. Our little boy arrived in Sep, happy and healthy like his big sister and brother. Complete perfection. I was living the life i always dreamed i would - married to the man of my dreams, mummy to his 3 beautiful babies. Hubby never wanted a third, he said the stresses of two was enough and we were blessed with one of each anyway. I disagreed and convinced him i wouldn't be content with two. So number 3 came. Number 1 was far from planned at 18 and 19 but loved and wanted and number 3 was no different. In Oct hubby starting heading out and drinking ALOT, every weekend. I pulled away and for the first time felt things didn't look bright. Feb i received a letter in the post telling me hubby was cheating on me. My world fell to pieces in front on me. I sit here 5 months later still in shock, still unwilling to accept my reality. I've been to hell and back trying to save my marriage. The affair continued and still does today. I have been treated with the most repulsive lack of respect, it hurts. The lies I've been fed cut me more deeply than he'll ever know. Yet he says he loves me, he wants to be with me and that he doesn't want to be with her. She has told me he has said the same to her regarding me. So why is she still there? I'm being faced with two life paths - with and without him. We officially separated 15th June and I'm not coping. How can this possibly be my reality? How are we here after everything we worked so hard for? If a friend sat with me across a table and told me everything i've forgiven, i'd want to slap her in the head and tell her to wake up! Love is blind! I don't want to want my husband anymore - ouch, it hurts typing it! But its true. I want a new life, new love, one with trust and honesty, one that honours everything it vows it will. But i don't know how. I've never even broken up with a boyfriend before. Im incapable of even sleeping on my own! How do i move forward? Can anyone help with advice on firstly accepting everything and then moving past it? How do i stop the anxiety, the panic i feel when i see her? Please help.

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