Just lost a friend to suicide

[Izaura]

Hi, I am new here. Today I attended the funeral of a friend that committed suicide. He had been obviously depressed for a long time but refused help. Last week he took his life. Throughout the week I have been going through hell. I have been battling major depression and anxiety for many years and am happy with my progress. Nevertheless I can't stop being dragged down in a situation like this.

i have been angry with him but at the same time I understand he was sick. What I am struggling to understand is why he did not accept the help that was offered! I have been thinking that there needs to be a more clear approach to making people aware of what depression is and what it can do to people. I think we are all comfortable talking to a GP when we have Flu or fever or a headache that never goes away. But the community needs to be aware of the symptoms of depression and anxiety and, more so, that there is help out there and that there is no shame in looking for help! Mental illness is as normal as diabetes or kidney disease ! Isn't?

my history is very long but, as I said before, I am happy with my progress. 2 years ago I went through a very painful divorce. My psychiatrist put me on a very strong course of medication and I was seeing him every week. Thank god for that. I survived and today I only take one tablet a day. Never mind, if that keeps me heathy I am happy with that.

but today the pain was unbearable and I had to talk about it. Maybe I am losing the plot here but I am really set into getting into some sort of crusade to make the wide community aware of this killer disease. What can I do? Any ideas?

[Chris_B]

Hi Izaura,

Welcome to the forums and so sorry to hear about the death of your friend.  Losing anyone close to us is difficult but when it's a suicide a lot of different emotions get stirred up.  Please feel free to utilise our support service at any time if you want to talk through any of the feelings that you're experiencing right now. The number is 1300 22 4636.

You may also wish to check out some of the resources on the Support After Suicide website: http://www.supportaftersuicide.org.au/

In terms of getting involved with suicide prevention work, you would be most welcome to join beyondblue's blueVoices group. blueVoices is open to anyone in Australia with personal experience of depression, anxiety and related disorders and their carers, primary support people, family members and friends. Members draw on their personal experience to guide our work.

For further information and to download a registration form please visit: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-involved/bluevoices/bluevoices-registration

[giggles]

Hi Izaura

Yip it sucks one slipped past us.

the anger is part of grief and the need for answers is pretty strong but I could not help admiring your progress with the depression and there is a major difference between you and your friend.

If you can answer why you seeked help for yourself and how you made things more livable for yourself then your friend could not access this in him/herself.

I have every faith in you that if you can manage your condition they way you have you are going to learn something from this awful experience.

I am a diabetic I have been treated differently by others so I keep it to myself as a protection I got it at a very very young age.I am a surviver of depression as well so your comment about it being the same as Diabetes is something I will need to think on as I have never ever compared them in such a way.

Off course I can not speak for the public and would not attempt too.

As for what can you do for now be yourself and heal the grief something might come up for you to try if you believe in it strongly enough it will come to you I am sure. 

Again it sucks I know I said to my Dad once shortly after my mother died from cancer. 'You know dad, Mum got the easy bit I reckon I am struggling with why she had to go.' he agreed. My mum was such a happy person everyone loved her presence.

 I would not like to hear that you have fallen Izaura but if you do I reckon it will not be for long because of the resources you have in place.

these questions others have asked too thank you for your courage in speaking out today.

Love Giggles

gosh I am tempted to write my real name sometimes unconsciously not sure if it would make a big difference anyway.

[Izaura]

Hi Giggles,

sorry for taking so long to reply to your post.

no, you will not  hear that I have fallen. I am one strong woman and proud of it.

The pain caused by my friend's death is slowly going away but not the thought of it. I just had dinner with a friend, who has no idea what depression is, and I was elaborating on my concern about about the pain our friend went through prior to his death. I have been there, like all of us, and we all know what this pain feels like.  Horrible thing...

I am sorry to hear about your diabetes. The comparison between a diabetes and depression actually came from the psychiatrist that was treating me at the time I was diagnosed. I thought it was pretty good. Depression comes from a chemical imbalance in the brain. I was arguing with her that I should be able to control it and she made the comparison and then I understood that without the medication I would not be able to get better. Do you have problems taking your medication to keep your diabetes at bay? Probably not. So why do we think that depression is different? It is just lack of understanding that will make us think that we can control in just on good will. And that is what needs to be made public! People need to be aware that it is a common disease that can be treated!!! 

Recently I made a fool of myself because of my anxiety. I did not know it till the thing blew up in my face.  Can I avoid it next time? I don't know. Will I be able to read the signs next time? I don't know. Obviously every episode is a learning curve but... So what? After the water has gone under the bridge you can't change the results... And that scared the hell out of me. 

I have one only daughter, the pride of my life. Just the other day she made a public speech and she said the best lesson she had learned from her mother was: we never give up. Yes, that is my motto. I never give up. 

Giggles, I will win this battle and so are you. 

I am sorry if I have been too emotional but that is who I am. I would live to keep talking to you but if you think this is too much I will understand.

cheers. 

[Izaura]

Hi Christopher,

thank you so much for your reply. Can you tell me where to get more Info about this blueVoice groups? My idea at the moment is that we need to make the wide community aware of the signs of depression and, maybe as import, that depression is a a treatable illness, yes, a mental Heath problem, but not any different from diabetes! 

I read that men are less likely to seek help. How can we make the blokes understand it? I felt the pain, as all of us have and I am willing to help the general community to understand what that is. 

When I was first diagnosed I actually went to my GP and said I could not understand why I was feeling so said and crying so much... But I am a woman and women seek help. How can we help the guys??? We are all important! We all have family and friends and we can't let them down!

Well, I am still a bit overwhelmed by this whole thing. I hope you don't mind my pouring my heart. It actually feel good to be able to talk to someone else apart from my psychiatrist. Sometimes Try to talk to my partner but he cannot understand...

thanks for hearing me out...

[giggles]

Hey Izaura

I did not have a problem with anything you wrote to me because it is who you are.

thanks for explaining the insulin taking and the pills for depression being no different I had simply forgotten that one because I no longer need the pills because of what I have learnt over oh...14 years.lol so I kinda see everyone at different stages of growth it you like. It is their business always how they handle their health.

From what you wrote about what you have done for yourself for the depression I had quite alot of faith that you may not become fallen because of what you are or have learnt.

No worries about being emotional either go for it I say. I get emotional still and boy what an adventure that can turn into except now I use it occasionally to do something about it which I thought perhaps you may be looking for one day in helping people understand about depression.

we do not stop being human we still feel things and have opinions.

I do not know what you did that was bothering you alot?

Your kind saying sorry I have diabetes it has actually saved my life in alot of ways because it was my indicator that I did care enough never to miss taking my insulin otherwise I will die.that to me has always been the real me sticking with me (Ha no pun intended with the sticking of needles) all along.

I have had amble opportunity to end it at my fingertips and never did so rock on fear.

My personal sign that I will be ok.It is no one elses business to judge or comment on how this works for me or you for that matter they are not us.

I found my confidence after years and years of black stuff I call it so it is always possible to become well but it comes from the person to work it out for themselves. I am not off course advocating stopping medicines everything is there to help when you need it.But I can not predict when someone is going to become well anymore than I could predict when the world is going to end,

Hope you are traveling well Izaura with your bag packed with your goodies that you need for the day.

I said to my 3mth Grandchild other day, "Now make sure you learn something new everyday of your life so your mind will remain open for new stuff to get in." My daughter was laughing at the age of course but so was I.

By the way over that 14 years old very old habits and thinking had to go.

truckloads of information out there about this anyway.

I know what it is like for those left behind from suicide so I am hoping you are feeling at least a little better about it.

Giggles