Crushed

[kthraa]

Hi all,

My name is Lynden, just as an introduction i'm a 24 yr old male, i was in a committed 4+ (just over 4 yrs) relationship, we were engaged, and things looking amazing, to give you an idea of what happened i need to expand my story a little, so bear with me please.

My parter had been asking me to fix her laptop for a little while, and after much research and troubleshooting i finally figured out how to fix it, when i finally logged into the computer so i could start repairing the damage, the first thing that popped up was the internet with the last open tabs, one of which happened to be Facebook. There were a lot of message notifications, and the message screen was right in front of me, now i trusted my partner, so it didn't bother me that there were a few guys names in there, but one of them seemed odd as the messages were only an hour or so old, and i didn't recognise the name.

To cut a long story short i opened the message and found that she had been cheating on me for the last almost 5 months, what makes it then worse is that according to her we (her and i) were on a break so this guy had no clue, or so i thought when i started reading the messages.

as i progressed further with the reading i found more and more that the last 5 months had been a massive lie from her, after checking the timestamps there were messages in there from the day before at the exact time when were out for a meal setting the dates for our upcoming marriage.

This may seem like a rather calm thought out response, but I don't know what to do, and how i will handle it when i see her again, we also have the issue of, animals and housing to consider, i have very few friends, and no family to speak of, and i can see myself slowly sinking into a state that is not going to end well for me or someone else if it triggers.

I need some help and advice, please?

[JessF]

Hello Lynden, this is a very difficult stuation and a sad one, there is nothing that compares with the feeling of betrayal by someone you love. I think at this stage that it would be best to try and keep hold of the calm, thought out tone that you have expressed in your post and calmly present her with the evidence. Maybe write out how you feel first. Tell her what you've discovered, how it has made you feel, and give her a chance to explain it. Try try try not to get caught up in an argument about other grievances and pulled off track, stay on the topic.

When she has given you an explanation, give yourself some time. Hopefully you have a spare room in your house, if not, perhaps say that you need a day to think about what has happened and what she's said.  You can come back here and talk to us anytime.

Four and a half years and an engagement,it's a lot to throw away. I'm not saying you should stay in a relationship with someone you don't/can't trust, but because this ahs been such a shock just that you take it one step at a time and not worrying about dividing up the assets before you've even had the conversation about what has happened.

It may not turn out well, but give yourself the time you need to prepare, stay as calm as you can, and try and be the dignified one, you are the wronged party so it is up to her to explain what she has done and what she was thinking. How she responds wuill help you decide whether you want to give her another chance or not.