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10months since my mother passed away... still feeling lost

Miss_Tess
Community Member

Hi im new to this site/forum and seeking people to talk to about my depression and anxiety. 

My name is Tess and im 26yrs old.

10months ago my mother passed away from bowel cancer. I was her carer for 2yrs. I stopped my life to care for her, quit my job, moved from Victoria where i had set up my life and was living with my now ex partner and moved back home to Sydney. 

I have suffered from panic attacks/ anxiety/depression on and off for the last 5yrs but it has gotten worse since mums death. 

I am on medication and seeking help with doctors etc... 

im finding it hard to be happy lately, i have recently met a new man and he makes me happy and treats me right. 

i have also recently moved in with him and his parents. I got a job in october as a respite carer, i pushed myself to get this job so i could get everyone off my back about getting a job. well i am struggling and not wanting to go to work i stress about it so bad that i lose alot of sleep over it. Im also so paranoid that my boyfriend will leave me because i am depressed all the time even though he lets me talk about my feelings and tries to help me and says he will be here for me no matter what. 

I looking for some support or someone who has or is going through sort of the same thing as me and what plans you have made to get better. 

 

Thank you so much for your help.

3 Replies 3

JessF
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Miss Tess, I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum. I may sound like Miss Obvious here, but do you think part of your depression mighrt be to do with your choice of work? Being a respite carer is a fine job, but I'm wondering whether it would be a constant reminder of your mum while she was ill. 10 months is also not a very long time at all since losing her, it is understandable that you are still feeling the grief and pain. What to do to get better? I don't have a magic answer, but I can say that as you wrote you put your life on hold for 2 years while your mum was ill. Everything came to a stand still, your mum was the focus of your life and now she is no longer here. You're left with a clean slate, to rebuild your life how you want it to be now. It sounds to me like you are so worried about pleasing others that maybe you aren't thinking about yourself. I hope this makes sense.

cobber44
Community Member
Hi Miss Tess, I just lost my father a week ago of lung cancer, i too gave up my life and moved in to care for him and help my mother as she does not drive, I was only his carer for 4 1/2 month as his cancer was so advanced already when discovered, i was a daddys girl and although when he went it was a relief it was also the most devastating pain i have ever felt. i know i have a long way to go but after apparently getting so drunk and verbally abusing all my loved ones to the point that they now wont speak to me even though i have no recollection of this event. i am really depressed about this. i accept that what ever i did was wrong (ill never know if they dont tell me) i cant believe they wont cut me a little slack. they must have seen how drunk i was and grieving. i feel like everything i did has gone unappreciated and now its over im on  my own again, I need to be needed and now my mother who went straight from home to marriage understandably wants to be on her own for the first till in her 68 years. i am now going to move away from everyone and take some time out for me, i am moving away to a place I think is spirtiual and although i know i will get lonely at times i need to get my head into a good place on my own without everyone butting in and where i wont deliberately push them away.

Neil_1
Community Member

Hi Tess  

Welcome to Beyond Blue and can I say that you have posted a wonderful post and congrats to you for doing that, because it does take a lot of strength to be able to do this.  

Wow, you’ve got so much going on and it’s so good that you’ve made this step to come here for advice/guidance and you’ll also receive so much support as well.  

I can so understand that your anxiety, depression and panic attacks have become worse since the death of your mum … and even though it’s nearly a year, you know, 10 months in the scheme of things is nothing at all. 

I am heaps pleased to hear that you’re on medication and seeking help from your GP.  Has your doc referred you to a psychologist at all?  Because with what you’ve got going on, it sounds like being able to talk about this to a professional is something really needed.  

I am concerned for you regarding the job that you’ve taken on … being a respite carer would be extremely mentally challenging for anyone, let alone someone who has only recently lost their mum and suffers mental illness.  Stressing about this is also a worry.  I’m no way a professional, so I would be talking to someone experienced with this issue, but I’ve been in a similar boat before and I just had to get out of that job.  It was too much for me;  this was along time ago, but yeah, I moved mountains and the like to get out of it.  Work is a stressor and when you’re in a job for however many hours a day it is, it IS a long time, and if you’re not happy in it, it’s time to move on.  That’s just my opinion though … and heavens don’t be doing something like this without seeking proper advice from a trained professional.  

That is so good to hear that your boyfriend is supportive … maybe, he might be able to come along on one of your GP visits … so he might be able to help understand better this awful illness that is affecting you  and the GP may be able to give him some useful tips or coping strategies that he might be able to put in place to help assist you.  This man makes you happy and treats you right.  I like the sound of that.  He knows you’re struggling, I think he’ll be a massive support for you during this upcoming phase for you.  

Tess, I hope some of the above has made sense, and I hope that you can come back to us, whenever you feel able to.  

Kind regards  

Neil