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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Kat1234 Great stress in life and meds not working
  • replies: 4

I've suffered from depression/anxiety for several decades. I've mostly been able to manage this with medication, but now I feel overwhelmed. I separated from my husband 6 months ago, which has been very, very sad and difficult but I managed, more or ... View more

I've suffered from depression/anxiety for several decades. I've mostly been able to manage this with medication, but now I feel overwhelmed. I separated from my husband 6 months ago, which has been very, very sad and difficult but I managed, more or less. Now my elderly mother's recent illness has left me completely wrung out and I feel like I'm spiralling down. I have a grown-up daughter but no other family or friends. I have work colleagues who have been kind to me, but none of these relationships go beyond work. The free counselling sessions provided by my employer have almost run out. I feel cut off from everything and exhausted...just registering on Beyondblue and writing this has taken an enormous effort. I just can't see how I'm going to keep going.

Pax1960 My mother died last year and I was the strong one
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I feel like an interloper because your stories seem much worse than mine, but I still hate what my life has become lately. My mother died last year and I was the strong one, organising everything but as soon as it was all finished I collapsed... View more

Hi all. I feel like an interloper because your stories seem much worse than mine, but I still hate what my life has become lately. My mother died last year and I was the strong one, organising everything but as soon as it was all finished I collapsed into depression and was off work for months. I was given medication. I took these for 4 months but had side effects i.e. sudden spasms at night, nausea when I yawned, no sex drive, etc. I have been off tablets for 5 months. This is how I feel: I have no desires, I don't look forward to anything, I cant get motivated to do things I have always enjoyed. I cant enjoy a sunny day or a funny moment. I wake in the morning feeling tiny tremors in my head and as I am getting ready for work I start seriously analising how I am feeling and I get myself into a state of anxiety trying not to feel anxious. I have a tightness around my head like a vice, not painful but constant and I often get hot prickly sensations in the back of my head. My legs get uncomfortable behind the knees like poor circulation or something. My world seems to be shrinking. I don't know if I am getting dementia or Parkinsons or am suffering from anxiety or depression. And generally in the evenings I feel better but still have the tightness in my head. Just want my normal self back and erase the last 12 months.

Kels_ 2 years ago my older sister died in a car crash
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone im new to this but im lost and need some help or advice. so about 2 years ago my older sister died in a car crash she was only 18. It hit me very hard because we were so close. In high school I got support from friends and teachers so I w... View more

Hi everyone im new to this but im lost and need some help or advice. so about 2 years ago my older sister died in a car crash she was only 18. It hit me very hard because we were so close. In high school I got support from friends and teachers so I was able to get by but when I left everything suddenly became too much and I kind of stopped caring about everything important and instead spent most of my time going out getting drunk with friends. This year my behaviour is less destructive but instead i've almost withdrawn and struggle to find a reason to get out of bed. I honestly cant remember what it feels like to be happy for a whole day. Ive completely changed i used to always be so happy and full of energy. I've been to my GP and I had counselling for a while but it didn't seem to help and I feel I only said what I thought they wanted me to say. I'm not very big on sharing my feelings I hate the vulnerability. I cant even talk to my friends and family about it so at the moment I just feel so lonely and that nobody understands. I feel so pointless. Can anyone give me some hope for the future that things will get better? Thanks for taking the time to read, it means a lot.

geoff my little white dog
  • replies: 20

my beautiful little dog on the right has had an operation to remove cancer, but it came back aggressively and developed lumps so I had to put her down this morning with great sadness, and yes I was crying non stop and whether or not I will respond in... View more

my beautiful little dog on the right has had an operation to remove cancer, but it came back aggressively and developed lumps so I had to put her down this morning with great sadness, and yes I was crying non stop and whether or not I will respond in the next couple of days, only time will tell. Geoff.

skeeter Multiple Loss
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I'm new here and thought I would share some of my story with you, in case it helps anyone else. I am a 73 year old woman whose partner of 36 years died in July 2005. In May 2009 my eldest daughter died in a motorcycle accident. She was 48. In... View more

Hi all, I'm new here and thought I would share some of my story with you, in case it helps anyone else. I am a 73 year old woman whose partner of 36 years died in July 2005. In May 2009 my eldest daughter died in a motorcycle accident. She was 48. In February 2011 my other daughter died from a blood clot, she was also 48 at the time. Somewhere in there I also lost my burmese cat of 18 years, I adored him. I never felt like I was suffering from depression, and am still not sure if I am now, but because I am having health issues and have lost friends to cancer and the like I feel like the pain is never ending. Losses are only to be expected at my age I guess but life does seem very unfair at times. Thanks for listening.

Neeky85 4 weeks this week since my Nonna passed away from Cancer
  • replies: 4

It will be 4 weeks this week since my Nonna passed away from Cancer. A day/night that has changed my life forever. On her last day, so many family members came in and out to visit her and say their final goodbyes. It wasn't until dinner time that mos... View more

It will be 4 weeks this week since my Nonna passed away from Cancer. A day/night that has changed my life forever. On her last day, so many family members came in and out to visit her and say their final goodbyes. It wasn't until dinner time that most family members went home to get dinner, leaving only Me, My Mum and My Sister with my Nonna. All day I just wanted to sit by her side, hold her hand and just watch her and I finally got the chance. It was at this time that my Mum said some words to her mum(my Nonna). She also said to her that it was ok for her to let go and be at peace. Within 5 minutes of Mum saying that she passed away. I was holding my Nonna's hand when she passed away. I remember her breathing changing and knowing that she was going to pass away soon. I always thought that I would be so scared to be in a situation like that, but I felt so calm. The moment she stopped breathing everything went silent and I could feel this sensation through me. When the nurses came to fix her up before family came back I didn't want to leave her side. I knew she was gone but I just felt this need to protect her.. During the week after she passed away My sister and I helped mum with some funeral arrangements(Picking clothes out for Nonna to wear, Music, Photos, Eulogy). The day of the funeral came and my boyfriend and I were busy making sure the music was right, that the photo presentation went right and I'm not sure if it was because I was pre occupied that I didn't cry much on the day. We are now going on 4 weeks since she passed and I still haven't cried much. I don't know if that is normal or not. Some family members say that when she passed away she gave me the gift of her strength(which was that sensation I felt), some say it takes time and some say it could be because I haven't accepted it. I have moments where I feel like I am a terrible person because I am not grieving for her like others. Since she passed I feel like I have to be strong for Mum, My sister and other family members because they need the most support. I feel like when it's my time to mourn I will do so. Not a day goes by where I haven't thought about her, sometimes it still feels surreal that she has gone. My heart aches with so much sadness. I just don't know if it's normal to not cry over someone who You loved so much and had 28 wonderful years with. I don't know if I am in denial about it all, stronger then others at the moment, or am still trying to process it all and in time it will hit me. I would love to hear opinions or from other people who may feel the same way.

Catherine When I lost my Dad
  • replies: 2

In the moment that I found out he had died I was a 5 year old eating fruit with her Dad in the small orchard he had grown; I was 6 and writing my name in the concrete he had laid as a walk way to my cubby house; I was 8 and my Dad was cleaning my toe... View more

In the moment that I found out he had died I was a 5 year old eating fruit with her Dad in the small orchard he had grown; I was 6 and writing my name in the concrete he had laid as a walk way to my cubby house; I was 8 and my Dad was cleaning my toe that I had dropped a trailer on. I was 60 and looking back on my life. In reality, I was a 23 year old sitting out the front of the hospital where my sister had almost died, calling my older brothers to tell them our dad had committed suicide. Know that people love you. I love my Dad, I miss him everyday. But he just couldn't see that through his depression. I hope that you can.

Talan95 living with depression since the death of my brother
  • replies: 2

I'm not really sure how this sort of things works, and I haven't professionally been diagnosed with depression or anything but since loosing my mum 7 years ago and my brother at 22 two years ago my teachers and older sister have continuously been try... View more

I'm not really sure how this sort of things works, and I haven't professionally been diagnosed with depression or anything but since loosing my mum 7 years ago and my brother at 22 two years ago my teachers and older sister have continuously been trying to get me to speak to a psychologist , but I just don't feel comfortable doing it! I never believed I could be suffering from a mental health issue but after researching into depression more I feel it possible that I am infact living with depression and have been since the death of my brother , I'm not really sure what to do but I don't tell a lot of people about my life story because its very complicated but I'm in yr 12 this year and haven't been myself ..

Neeky85 my nonna has pancreatic cancer
  • replies: 1

Since January life has just seemed impossible.. First I made the decision to quit my job for many reasons, we then found out our cat has cancer and to top it off found out my Nonna has cancer. Trying to find a job and getting rejections for jobs that... View more

Since January life has just seemed impossible.. First I made the decision to quit my job for many reasons, we then found out our cat has cancer and to top it off found out my Nonna has cancer. Trying to find a job and getting rejections for jobs that I know I am fully qualified for is testing my patience and makes me feel like I am not good enough for these jobs. When we found out our cat had cancer I felt like my world was going to end.. Our cats are our kids.. It was a roller coaster ride for us.. At one point we thought we were going to have to put him down.. thankfully we got a third opinion and they gave us the option to do chemotherapy(which we were not going to say not to).. We know the risks that come with doing that to him but we aren't ready to lose him.. Even when he goes into remission he will only have 8-10 months, but to us that is a blessing to have him with us for that time. Not long after we found out about our cat, my life was again shattered with the news that my nonna has pancreatic cancer.. I struggle to make sense as to why this is happening to her. Recently we found out she only has 6 weeks left. To watch a family member or anyone for that matter suffer is heart breaking, but for me to watch a woman who is to me the strongest person I know is shattering. Everyday I wonder how am I going to live without her.. I don't want to go to sleep at night because it means the next day will come sooner and that will be one day closer to us losing her.. I find myself crying at the drop of a hat because I feel this overwhelming sense of sadness, I don't feel happy anymore. I feel so angry that this is happening to her and wonder why this can't be happening to a horrible person(criminal, murderer).. I was never a big drinker but now I like to have a few drinks because it makes me feel some what better, even if just for a short time.. I wish I could just wake up and feel happy even for just one day.. I know that there are people who are going through worse, but I just needed to talk to someone about this, because I don't want to burden my family or boyfriend as they have other things to worry about..

denver When I was 22 my mother passed away from bone cancer
  • replies: 3

I am 30 and have always been a worrying person even when I was little. When I was 22 my mother who was fantastic passed away from bone cancer after battling years of bouts of cancer, I think this has caused my depression that im still battling with. ... View more

I am 30 and have always been a worrying person even when I was little. When I was 22 my mother who was fantastic passed away from bone cancer after battling years of bouts of cancer, I think this has caused my depression that im still battling with. Sometimes I feel like Im taking a step forward and then I feel like I take about 10 back. When she was in hospital I was also in hospital from a staph infection and it was horrible not being there with her in hospital. and my poor dad couldnt be in two places at once as the hospitals were 2 hours from each other, so i felt very alone. My mother passed away in our house which we built not long before her passing. and this year, our house was taken by bush fires. and then the same week, my mothers mum (my nan) died also. Its all too much and hard to see the joy in life when everything gets taken away. I have been battling this depression, stress and panic attacks for a long time and have finally decided to do something about it as i know i need help now. I feel more alone than ever , even though i know im not. its actually me pushing people away even though i dont want to. its just hard to talk when nobody understands.I have a great family, friends and partner and I really feel guilty for not being normal. They want to help but they do not know how. And i put on a front most of the time. I just want to find somebody I can talk to that can help. I am determined to feel like the happy girl I used to be. I feel like im getting old before my time and my 20s have just been a blur. This is my first step to at least tell my story and reach out to others that know how this can feel.