Dear Rach_den23_~
Welcome here ot the Forum. A good idea as you may find when looking around others have had to face similar things.
I think it is pretty obvious you loved your cat, getting him repeated medical attention, and later missing him so much.
While you might blame yourself thinking money was too much of an influence I would suggest you look at another way. As someone who has been in exactly the same position wiht my treasured pets over the years I'll admit expense does come into it, however on reflection that has not been the main influence.
I'd be overwhelmed at my actions in putting a friend down, and at the time prone ot blame myself, and use money as the reason.
In fact that was not really the important thing . You were faced wiht a series of operations, and would have not had them done unless your cat was limited or suffering - which is no real life, in fact life becomes a burden, something they are often not good at telling us. The actual operations too are dramatic and puzzling - even frightening - to an animal.
So you have lifted those burdens and taken grief and guilt on yourself, an act of mercy at personal emotional expense. I find the thought of taking that burden on my shoulders a sort of comfort, and I hope you can do so too
You are welcome to talk here anytime. Loss is very real.
Croix
