Never felt grief like this before

[Mum001]

Hi everyone, I am struggling right now. My mum passed away 5 weeks ago and I have become the carer for my Autistic sister. She is in respite care but I have a long list of things to do with the house and my sister. My dad passed away 12 years ago so I am it!! I thought I was coping ok till this week. My doc says that I am mentally paralysed, my mind is racing at a thousand miles an hour but I can't do anything or make a decision.

Yesterday I was getting my two kids ready for school and my heart started racing and I started panicking. The last two days I can't seem to calm my heart down. It feels like I am running a race. I imagine I am having a panic attack but I dont know as I have never had one before. I am so scared of doing anything and making decisions. My husband is wonderful but I can also see he is getting frustrated at me. I am lost and don't know where to turn. I wake up crying in the middle of the night and all I want to do is hide away. I know this is not normal but right now I have to hide, hiding feels normal. I know I am in a hole but everyone is telling me to move ahead slowly. I just want to stay here..not move and cry. I am hoping people on here have felt the same.

[white knight]

Hi mum001, welcome.

You have some challenres ahead if you and hubby. Lets see what we can come up with to help you.

You seem like a great sister. Your mum and dad would be very grateful for your efforts.

The answer in my experienced mind with anxiety and sickness in mjy family is a multi pronged one.

See your GP. With mental illness believe me, prevention is better than cure.

If the GP prescribes any medication take it. Keep close appointments for monitoring as dosages are crutial for effect.

Relaxation. It works!. My favourite was muscle tensioning exercises. Lying in bed before sleep they took 20 minutes and I'd sleep like a baby. Deep breathing. And time out, walks...even 10 minutes at a time. Diet, eat healthy. Sounds minor but these things add up.

People. Anyone that is around you, say a friend ir family member, that is hindering your care of your sister and not helping...think hard about reducing how iften you see them.

Environment. If your house isnt big enough, the district isnt ideal or facilities are not up to scratch consider moving. A semi country location? (I'm biased towards country living for relaxation reasons)

Care. Please dont persevere with caring for your sister if you are unable to do so. Its a mammoth task. Dont feel guilty mum001. Do your best and your best, in reality might not be enough considering you have children to care for. There is alternative supervised accomodation and a few days a fortnight at your home. Make enquiries.

Confidence. This period will be a test for your marriage. Have meetings and support each other.Working together you can move mountains, work againgst each other it will be an avalanche.

Ok, thats about all. Be kind to yourself. Do your best and have fallout plans.

There should be some govt assistance for you. Make enquiries.

Best of luck. I have a sister like you. Simply wonderful.

Tony WK

[Mum001]

Thanks Tony, your words are wonderful to read. We just moved interstate in December to be closer to Mum and my sister so we are not going anywhere.

I am trying to breathe and relax everytime I feel anxious.

I am going to make an appointment on Monday with the GP and try and sort out what is going on. I have been refered to a psych doc through my work EAP but I have only had one appointment and that was really me just talking for an hour about everything that has happened. I walked out of there all worked up and not really sure what to do next. She did give me answers and helped me understand that I am trapped but I am still left wondering.

Thanks for the reply. It has helped.

[rustee_nails]

please don't feel trapped. you have an opportunity that most don't,even if right now it feels like a burden.

bring happiness where you can. i spent most of my marriage alone watching a suicidal person who'd let

herself die from dehydration if you didn't make her drink. and i still kind of look back at those days as

being the best of my life because they made me who i am today. i know it might sound hollow because

i could barely even keep a plant alive, let alone 2 children.

i just wanted to reply mainly because i totally know how it feels to have a million thoughts & a million tasks

and you just freeze (burnout) ,

and the more you think about panicking ,the more flight or fight chemicals & hormones

are being released continuing this cycle that sure as heck feels like a panic attack.

but i'm really not sure ,personally. because even large doses of anxiety meds don't stop mine.

unless i accidently see an extra zero after my dosage and take too many and then i'm just

knocking myself out wether i'm panicking or not.

what's already been said is excellent and all i would add is meditation.

you can do it anywhere ,anytime and the more you do the better you get at it & the better you get.

visualization has been proven as the best / easiest form of neuroplastiscity which has been helping

alot of very pained people according to research papers and a couple of books in the last 5 years.

when ish gets too much ,close your eyes while in a comfortable posture and just visualize anything.

i like to visualize the feelings (smells, emotions ,sounds and sights) of a Salvador Dali art show i saw.

the studies done have focused on almost immobile pain victims doing it for 3-4 hours a day. deep!

i've never managed that even once but i do like to think about the brush strokes that he put there 🙂

and i always feel better.

peace