Dear GCT
Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I am sorry to hear about your mom's death. It must have been a shocking thing to happen and I offer my sincere condolences.
What to do? It's such a tough place to be. Do you live with your dad? I am presuming this and that you have his support and love. What about brothers and sisters, do you have any? It helps when there are family member to talk to and share your pain. When my mom died I did a lot of talking about her with my family. It was hard to do but we all found things to chuckle about as we speak. I'm sure in your family you have family jokes, you remember when someone did or said such and such. It's good to get these memories out again and polish them up. You may not think so but it helps to get through this dreadful time.
You have many memories of her as a happy, loyal and funny person. Keep remembering these times. If they make you cry, then cry. It's OK to express your grief and is a big relief for you. I have cried buckets for my mom, my dad and my sister. Remember the last time you saw her, how she smiled and laughed, probably gave you a goodbye kiss, even if it was in front of your friends. Mothers do that. My sons used to get embarrassed when I dropped them off at school and kissed them. "Oh mom, don't do that. The others will laugh at me."
Are you still in high school? I am presuming you are. Does your school have a counsellor? It may be worthwhile going to have a chat with him/her. Perhaps you can have a quiet room to sit on occasions when you feel very upset. Talk about that to the counsellor or the teacher you get on best with. It will help you to know there is somewhere to go where others will not see you. Have a cry and sit quietly for a while before returning to class.
Sometimes other people don't really know how to speak to someone who has lost a dear family member or friend. We get embarrassed or awkward and become afraid we will make matters worse by talking about the person concerned. Try and let your mom enter the conversation naturally and if anyone starts to say something and stops because you may be upset, just say it's OK, I like talking about mom. This is giving them permission to talk and will help you.
Try and keep up with your school work. I know this will be difficult at times, but do it to honour your mom. Let us know how you are going.
Mary
