Hi, welcome
I'm so sorry.
This period now, for many days will be a blur and then the grief will remain until- yes, it will drift away slowly depending on the person. Allow it to flow, embrace it as a healing mechanism, a process you cant and should try to- avoid, for it can be a beautiful experience in some ways as you realise the depth of love you both have had for each other.
My father was wonderful. When he passed in 1992 at 64yo I was devastated and I mourn him today. I do cherish recalling those memories of running races and his laughter but above all his empathy which I'm proud today I have applied to this forum. So, I've lived through his eyes, tried to do what he would have wanted me to do... eventually this carrying on of his legacy is what I highly recommend you do- whatever your mum did that was memorable, her kindness, her deeds, carry them on, visit her grave and tell her- "this I'm doing for you mum".
Writing is one way of grieving, planting a garden for her honour is another. I have a poem that I want to share with you. It's one of my very special poems that I wrote many years ago but it allowed my emotions to flow.
TO KISS HIS TEMPLE
There were some things I knew as taboo
to express my love but to question who?
to touch the pale face of my dad back then
when touching taboo...when "men were men"
For boys were male and "you cant do that"
jealous of my sister and that is that
that man couldnt hug his son for how he was seen
nowadays if you hugged your son- well, you'd be relieved.
And so my dad the salt of the land
wouldnt touch me even by hand
he knew he loved me and I him
with a wink of an eye from under his brim
Then that day we all regret came along
where watery eyes was met by song
and there he lie with an eerie smile
I be alone with him for just a while.
As I stroked his forehead cool to touch
I raised my head automatically as such
to kiss his temple of which I dare
I knew his mind was well aware.
Of all the kisses I missed
they gathered together in just one kiss
finally as his spirit rose and went
he left his love and hugs were spent
I never craved again heart be blessed
that tradition of males their love expressed
a kiss on his forehead way back then
ended an era when "men were men"....
And one for you just now-
IN TOW
As a boy you be her shadow in tow
You'd follow her where ever she go
Hide behind her dress so scared
What you did know is she really cared
Try to release your anger at those that mend
For they are under pressure of the job they contend
Instead fill your mind of all thats blessed
and that includes the nurturing your mum expressed
For the days of hearts broken will be finite
even though you'll grieve every day and night
Gather your future when you are ready and fine
To live in her shadow till the end of time
For every step you take she follows you there
You open your arms in the sun she's there
For her shadow is hugging where ever you go
Where ever you walk, your mother in tow....
TonyWK
I'm here most days, repost as often as you want and there will be replies. Take care.
TonyWK
